beyondblackmesa

[beyondblackmesa]

also since my finals are coming up all my ask blogs will probably need to take a small hiatus bc they require drawing and writing something i don’t have the free time to do rn

[beyondblackmesa]

(until next time......oooooo)

[beyondblackmesa]

Time for an 80's training monolouge!

Scott: On three. One, two,  three, SCIENCE TEAM!

[The team does not say ‘science team’ with him. There’s some people going ‘KILL!’, someone goes ‘Will We Are!’, and someone else goes ‘allez!’]

[beyondblackmesa]

Do you think bunnyhopping counts as cheating? I mean it is part of the base game

Scott: Well, Benrey? Is it, Mr. I-know-the-code?

Benrey: ... oh, i get it now.

Benrey: no! it’s not cheating.

[beyondblackmesa]

I think the question is... how do we influence the race without it being technically cheating?

Darnold: FORZEN! You’re a solider, right? Your military training would come in handy for gettin’ Scott to go faster.

Forzen: we’re trained in speed, strength, and stamina, but not turret dog contraptions or moving conveyors.

Scott: Yeah... Yeah, I get it! And Tommy! Weren’t you the first one to finish when WE did the segment? You can help me with the directions!

Tommy: Directions! I’m great with those!

Scott: Bubby, you had a friend near there with the rocket launcher, so you probably know the timing of his attacks, and Coomer, you know everything about everything, so you could tell me some of the ghost’s strategies!

And Benrey...

Benrey: huh?

Scott: You can teach me those speedrun strats.

[beyondblackmesa]

How on Earth is Scott gonna be able to beat Staff Ghost?! ~darkanon

Darnold: ...You guys! Giving up this easily is exactly how you got stuck worshipping a sacrificial clock in the first place! 

When I was too scared to go with you, knowing you beat the game gave me the courage to keep going... where’s that courage now?

Bubby: It’s rigged to hell and back... we can’t help Scott at all! And all he’s got are his stupid legs!

Darnold: That’s not true.

We can train him.

Darnold: WE’RE TUTORIAL NPCS, AREN’T WE?

Benrey: woah! yeah, i mean, you guys are!

Scott: ...Go on.

[beyondblackmesa]

Oh god oh god oh god oh god. This fucking SUCKS, man.

Benrey: i know.... makin’ me wish i just stayed a deadrey. then scott wouldn’t be in this baaaaad mess.

...maybe i’m still the bad guy after all.

[Everyone is silent.]

[beyondblackmesa]

Hey, uh, Dr. Coomer, do you happen to know what time the Staff Ghost got in On A Rail?

Dr. Coomer: Five minutes, I believe.

[beyondblackmesa]

Oh Jesus Christ. Those are some seriously high stakes. Like, literally life and death.

Scott: I can’t make it through Black Mesa alone, I’ll- fucking DIE! 

G-man: In that scenario, however, we would supposedly still be around... somewhere. You would not truly be alone.

However... If we tried to cheat... fully resetting the game may wipe all of our... quirks away entirely. 

Scott: Quirks... Oh, so all the stuff that wasn’t in the original game. So, like, everyone being self-aware, Benrey... NOT being Nihilanth, the Cybernetics department, and... 

Mr. Coolatta, you and your son would be...

G-man: Do NOT attempt to cheat.

Scott: One father to another... I won’t.

[beyondblackmesa]

LETS GET THIS GOLD HEV SUIT GUYS

Benrey: ...ok gang you can come in now.

Tommy: D-Dad! Mr. Rana! This is... bad, isn’t it...?

Bubby: It’s less than ideal, that’s for sure.

[beyondblackmesa]

Oh FUCK.

G-man: ...

Staff Ghost: I WILL GIVE YOU TIME TO PREPARE YOUR INEXPERIENCED LEGS FOR THE RACE. IN THE MEANTIME, I WILL BE WAITING AT ON A RAIL.

[The Staff Ghost sputters out of sight, taking the DS with it.]

[beyondblackmesa]

(Wrestling announcer voice) IN THIS CORNER: THE SPECTRAL STUNNER, THE NEWCOMER FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, STAFF GHOST! IN THIS CORNER: THE BIG G AND THE FINAL BOSS, THE UNLIKELY DUO, G-MAN AND BENREY! LLLLET’S GET READY TO RRRRUMMBLLLEEEEEEE!!!!

STAFF GHOST: ...A RACE. YOU WISH TO RACE. FAIRLY?

G-man: That is... correct. Just Scott, and you... on the race track. Fair... and square. 

Staff Ghost: ...I ACCEPT.

IF YOU WIN, I WILL GIVE YOU THIS VIDEO GAMES DEVICE, AND LET YOU CONTINUE. 

IF I WIN, THE PLAYER MUST FINISH THE GAME. NO TEAMMATES. 

AND IF I  DO CATCH YOU CHEATING...

I WILL HIT THE FACTORY RESET.

[beyondblackmesa]

Hows everyone outside Black Mesa holding up?

Forzen: DARNOOOOOOOOOOLD HE’S HOLDING OUR DOG HOSTAAAAAAGE

Darnold: Hang in there, Scott...

[beyondblackmesa]

I mean hey as long as SG doesnt get any desperate ideas LETS GET IT GAMERS

Staff Ghost: CHEATING IS- IS- C̵̺͛H̷̬̍É̷̥Ä̶͉̹T̷̘̗͠Ị̶͠N̵̹̘̽̑G̶̮̯̕ ̴͔̏Į̷͂͘S̴͉̀͘ ̴̞̫̔P̷̭̉R̵̲̃͒O̴̭̓B̵̩͝I̸͎͋T̵̲̓I̶̩̙͝T̵̳̱͝E̵̳̪̅̓D̴͇̽͋.̴̀ͅ RETIRE THESE NPCS IMMEDIATELY.

Scott: No. They’re not JUST NPCs. 

Scott: They’re my boys.

G-man: Benrey, Scott... we can protect the player, but attacking the game’s... last measure of defense would be... ill-advised, if we do not have a surefire route of escape first.

Scott: So? What do we do?

G-man: Just win the race.

[beyondblackmesa]

Sorry, Scott. This game is gonna be unplayable after this

Scott: It’s fine, I preferred Blue Shift anyways...

[beyondblackmesa]

LLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLEEEEEEEEEE [insert funky music]

Staff Ghost: THE ADMINISTRATOR... AND THE DEPLORABLE GLITCH.

STEP ASIDE. THIS IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN.

Benrey: ummmm it is very much our concern actually.

Scott: Heh. We’ve got you outnumbered, guy. And there’s a couple more where that came from waiting JUST outside!

[beyondblackmesa]

GMAN GETTIN’ SOME ACTION! ~darkanon

[Benrey and G-man teleport in front of Scott.]

G-man: Your fight ends here... false Gordon.

Benrey: OOGA BOOGA