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Bluebell dear please elaborate on how you actually fainted due to a pretty girl. I mean, it's a mood, but still

okay so, to be completely fair to myself, i am incredibly prone to fainting already. it’s still embarrassing, because the thing that causes the fainting is my heart rate being too high

it was winter and she straight up looked like she’d stepped off a hallmark card okay - she was wearing these dark purple leggings and a matching peacoat, and she had the longest, most perfectly straight black hair i’ve ever seen in my life. It was like a skein of silk down her back, i am not remote exaggerating. honey brown eyes. smiled like a hallmark card too, all crinkle-corner eyes and cheeks like roses

look at me this was like three years ago and im still waxing poetic about this woman who’s name i never even learned, jeezy creezy

anyway, i was at work, and i guess i’d missed her when she first came in, so i didnt see her until she came up to the register, and i have a lot of trouble with eye contact so i didn’t usually look at the customers right away, just their purchases. 

so i looked up getting ready to tell her her total, and English? Human Language??? fucking EVAPORATED okay, i have NO clue what words i said but they were definitely not coherent and they were probably not even transcribable

i was also bright red, im sure, my face was on fire (already danger zone for my fainting spells) and she must have noticed, because she gave me this adorable little frown/concerned look combo and said “Hey, are you alright?” and put her hand on my arm

and down i went. one-hit KO. hit the floor like a sack of fucking rocks. it was without contest the most mortifying moment of my life.

so i wake up on the floor, Pretty Girl has finished checking out at the other register and as she walks out she comes around the register and bends down with the same little worried frown and says “i hope you feel better, sweetie”

it was real good thing i was already on the floor, lets just say. i seriously thought i was going to actually die of embarrassment. My boss (and then the EMT’s, while im sticking there internally screeching “fucking kill me”) kept trying to ask me what happened and i kept having to talk around the fact that i was LITERALLY so “too gay to function” that i lost fucking consciousness

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The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named “Prometheus.” It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source

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Somebody who has more social medias, let the GIGGS team that's going to San Diego for twitchcon know that they should visit the Whaley House Museum. It's commonly listed as one of the most haunted houses in the US, the first floor and the grounds are wheelchair friendly, and it's not too far from the convention center that Twitchcon is at (Google Maps says it's about a 15 minute drive)

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NO WAY

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my favourite olympics subplot is this norwegian swimmer’s public love affair with chocolate muffins and his increasingly manic tiktoks about them... romance of the summer

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Another silent communication moment between them because I am just fascinated with them

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the thing about adulthood is when someone says something extremely rude to you, you can either turn the other cheek or calmly & firmly correct them. The third option is to tell them “say that again, I’ll bite you” & everyone sort of nervously laughs and tries to move on from your little joke. Which is why I think it’s very important that when they do say it again you follow through. Nobody actually expects you to bite them. We should be biting more. Also if you’re with the county health department do not read thi s post

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He sits on my lap while I spin, he does the little jiggle

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bungus

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bungus

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I started volunteering at this farm share program a couple years ago, where I help pass out boxes of veggies in exchange for some veggies for myself, which is great for a broke grad student but it led to me creating truly the most visually ABHORRENT meal I have ever made in my life.

I got some purple carrots, right? And I was excited because they're (A) free carrots and (B) they're purple, which is not something you see often. They taste just like regular carrots, so after devouring one to test the flavor, I decided that I'd use the rest in an upcoming batch of chicken soup.

MISTAKE. THAT WAS A MISTAKE.

You see. The thing about purple carrots is that their purpleness does not stay in the carrot when you leave it in a crockpot for like, six hours. The purpleness goes into the soup. It goes into the soup, where it turns the chicken purple. And the onions purple. And the celery, and the garlic, and the noodles, and any other thing you could possibly have put in that soup, varying shades of Very Purple.

I made a GIGANTIC pot of this soup that turned out toxic purple-brown, with individual components stained various ludicrous colors of purple (the noodles were a bafflingly nice shade of lilac) and it was the most dubious thing I've ever eaten. I took this soup to work. My coworkers were so confused and repulsed and I had explain that no, this is actually just soup, just regular chicken soup, but accidentally tie-dyed by the addition of two (2) purple carrots.

And you wanna know the real kicker as I explained all this? The carrots? The formerly purple carrots?

They ended up green.

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Arts not mine it belongs to the wonderful kitsuneisi(doody) please go follow them there art is so pretty

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HAVE you considered What If I Bit You

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I was watching Skizz' vod from a few days ago, and Joe started talking about his favorite christmas movie, and just casually dropped that his dad GREW UP WITH MOB GUYS?????

Is this new lore about irl!Joe Hills, or did I just miss this?! I know I haven't watched Joe in a minute, but still!

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IG : @emperorofmischief