billiejeanenthusiast

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Louis on the Ferrari Team box at the Italy Grand Prix in Monza - 31.08

[billiejeanenthusiast]

this was my olympics

[billiejeanenthusiast]

this isn’t a new or hot take or anything but the current trend of people just recording strangers in public is so fucking annoying and low key terrifying. the fact that someone can decide that i’m moving weird at the grocery store and record a video of me and get it reposted by barstool sports or whatever on tiktok makes me want to maul someone

[billiejeanenthusiast]

This is an appreciation post for the fanfic authors who aren’t included on rec lists

For the fanfic authors who don’t get art of their fics

For the fanfic authors who can’t get to 1000/500/100 hits

For the fanfic authors who don’t get comments/reviews

For the fanfic authors who write for small fandoms

For the fanfic authors who write rarepairs or gen fics

For the fanfic authors who get hate for the ships/characters/fandoms they write

For the fanfic authors who write in English despite it not being their first language

For the fanfic authors who don’t write in English

For the fanfic authors who don’t think anyone reads or likes their work

For the fanfic authors who aren’t big name fans

For the fanfic authors who don’t get requests in their inboxes

For the fanfic authors who can’t write stories that are more than a thousand words

For the fanfic authors who only write one ship

For the fanfic authors who are just starting

For the fanfic authors who have been writing fic for years

For the fanfic authors who use fanfic to practice writing

For the fanfic authors who write self-insert fics

For the fanfic authors who write about their OCs

For the fanfic authors who write to vent or cope

For the fanfic authors who are just waiting for their big break

Keep creating, I love you ❤️

[billiejeanenthusiast]

List of random thoughts 5/7/23

I’m now kind of an adult in the workforce and I have yet to need to transition my make up or clothes “from day to night”. Magazines really lied to me.

I honestly need a Taylor code. Not just bc I really want to see her live. I do. I really do. But bc I just need one good thing to happen to me in life. Lately it’s been rough.

I’m surprised the White House didn’t have a cocine scandal before. It’s literally called White House with the amount of high stress and high stakes I’d bet good Lokey it’s harder to find someone NOT doing cocaine than someone doing it.

I just saw a hot silver fox in his 50s dressed in a crisp shirt and suit pants parking his black Vespa next to the restaurant in my building. And that whole situation is so: Mediterranean summer at lunch hour.

I love Hart of Dixie. The show. I could write an essay on it. I’ve rewatched it so many times. I guess sometimes I’m just nostalgic for living in such a close knit community and small town.

Saturday morning I’m gonna step on that plane with a never bigger mix of emotions. How can I both love to return to a place and have someone absolutely ruining it for me so much I dread going back. I’m so happy to return. But I have the biggest stone in my stomach over it. I hate this feeling.

I hate the 2024 f1 calendar. Not bc it’s bad. But bc my life is so chaotic and I just can’t plan anything. And it makes me sad.

I should’ve taken a pill for my headache before I went to the post office. There’s just one person working and 11 people and it’s SO SLOW

I genuienly do think I’m someone who is happy just with the little things in life.

I GOT THE ERAS TOUR TICKETS CODES FOR SALE….and then immediately I realised that means nothing bc there’s still the whole war of actually buying the ticket.

I think I’ll probably sob through a solid 5-6 songs on that concert.

I think I’ll download glitter conspiracy videos to watch on my flight home.

Or actually no. It’s right the morning after Speak Now TV comes out. I’ll just spend the 45min listening to that.

It scared me that I’m 26 and I don’t feel a day older than like 23/24. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m scared to even say it to people. I just…is there something wrong with me? I blame COVID. I lose two years of my life.

I don’t think there is a single type of chocolate inverted that I would not like. Chocolate and shiny jewellery is the key to my heart. And no I don’t care that it sounds or is basic. Give me a pretty bracelet and some Belgian chocolates for an anniversary or just random day and you will get the freakiest dream come true sex of your life.

I feel like lately the whole universe has been a bit unhinged. Everyone and everything just seems on a looser tether. I can’t properly put into words the feeling but everything feels like it’s way closer to an edge than it was and that balancing on that edge is wobbly. People are more unhinged. The universe and what’s happening. A bunch of people I know have been having the most awful period of their lives. Others have been up to things the fbi couldn’t even come up for a fictional scenario. I too am a bit victim to this. I feel like I just …care less about any perception of me than ever before.

I would love to do one of those colour analysis things but they all feel just so incredibly MLM-ish to me. I’m not saying they are. They just give me that Avon and Mary Kay vibe.

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Zayn is just like

I'm releasing a song! I won't say when, the name of the song I won't say either...new album? We don't know about that either. Stay tuned! Good luck!

[billiejeanenthusiast]

This is our cat Wangji and this is Niall from One Direction on this leg

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Has. Has this been done yet

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Daylight | Palm Springs, 01/02

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Nothing new...thoughts on ageing in today’s music industry and the isolating pain from the blisters made from paving the way

An adhd-thoughts-running-wild early-summer-sadness-on-a-rainy-Saturday essay motivated by Taylor Swift’s and Phoebe Bridger’s song “Nothing New”.

NOTE: as always music is art. And we all interpret it differently. It means a different thing to each of us…hell, it means a different thing to us depending on what day we listen to it. It’s the beauty of it. It’s why so many of us connect to it. So while reading - remember that this is just one girl’s rambling thoughts on a Sunday evening while listening to a song from an artist she loves. I would love to hear y’all’s thoughts, but just remember I’m no academic and this is not a doctorate so please be kind. Please do not expect this to have any conventional form. I call it an essay. But if I’m honest it’s an essay I moulded to my thought flow. It’s probably closer to a true display of my thoughts than to a literary form.

I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. It’s hard to avoid it if you’re online. Especially hard to avoid if you’re someone like me - someone who grew up online. Grew up with the internet. Never knew anything else than that feeling of being constantly exposed to an endless echo chamber of voices which are more often than not focused solely on telling you everything that you should change about yourself.

Tiktoks about baby-botox you should be getting in you 20s. How to achieve the ideal body type - be lean, thin, not muscly, defined, radiant,...-young “never ask a woman her age” 30 under 30 lists 10 step routine which will help you prevent wrinkles anti-aging creams List of plastic surgeries to do…

I’m sure every one of us has come across at least one of these sentences today...let alone in our lifetime.

An inescapable and frightening thought comes to mind: Youth is the new and most powerful currency. And as time goes by, you get wiser, but by society's standards - poorer. That elusive youth trickles through your fingers like the fine sand of a clock turned on its head…silently counting towards the end…

…just like time, ageing is inevitable. Yet somehow. For us women it is expected that we defy the rules of the universe. 

“You don’t look a day above 30” - when was the last time you heard this said as a compliment to a man? “What a silver fox” - when was the last time you heard this referring to a woman. 

We are held to different standards. 

And this is just ‘normal’ life. The standards for us ‘everyday’ humans. We haven’t even reached the part about the music industry yet. The standards are far more unattainable for role models, idols, pop princesses...women who are held to such scrutiny under that magnifying glass of the public eye that you have to wonder how they haven’t caught flame by now.

Pop. Bubbly. Exactly like the feeling the word evokes. Like the small bursts of gas in a fizzing drink. Refreshing. Pop loves a young girl. Pop loves a girl who knows how to have fun…but wait..not too much, or you’ll be called a party girl. 

“They tell you while you're young "Girls, go out and have your fun" Then they hunt and slay the ones who actually do it”

Pop loves a silly girl…but wait…not too silly or you will be called weird and ostracised from the industry. Pop loves a heartbreak song…but wait…don’t date too much or you’ll be called a serial dater and labelled too promiscuous. Pop loves a grungy, angry song by a girl which can make you sing along…but wait…don't be too angry about real issues or they will silence you.

“How long will it be cute All this crying in my room Whеn you can't blame it on my youth And roll your eyes with affеction?”

Pop loves a girl dressed fun and looking like she enjoys herself…but still undressed enough to hold the male attention…but wait not too much…don’t weaponize the outfits they want you in or you’ll be called a slut.

It’s a game in which those girls “beloved” by the industry can never win. Because the game started on a tilted table. The odds were rigged. The house always wins.

Pop loves a young girl who will be naive, easy to manipulate, and never rebellious against the master who’s holding her sparkly handcuffs - the industry. And as long as she stays like that they will give her affection. They will smile and ‘kindly’ dismiss her as being young. But all this works only while she’s thair definition of young: malleable. And the industry isn't the only one holding the key to those handcuffs. No. It’s also the public. The public can be mean and their tongues, even though distanced, when multiplied, are like millions of paper cuts on thin skin. Not only do they make you bleed, but they punishingly hurt.

“People love an ingénue”

And what happens when you’re not that ingenue anymore. When you make it in that industry. When you play their game…and then outgrow it. You outsell their wildest dreams. You get a bigger platform than they could ever have. You connect to people way more than they ever thought you could. 

What happens when you force that tilted table to tilt to your side. When you destroy the odds. When the house is no longer relevant, let alone winning. What happens when you’ve made it? But you’re not young, fresh faced, bubbly and naive anymore?

"Lord, what will become of me Once I've lost my novelty?"

You’ve aged. You’re too loud. You’re uncontrollable. You’re not shiny or new anymore. You see through their game. You’re a liability now. And they will try to replace you...

“Criticize the way you fly when you're soarin' through the sky Shoots you down and then they sigh, and say "She looks like she's been through it"

It’s almost like a game with no winners when you’re a woman in this industry. Because no matter what you do - you’re treated like an object for which everyone is just waiting to lose its shine and to replace it with a newer one. The public loves a good public downfall. Money is made daily off of smear campaigns about women who are “too old for Hollywood”. Money is made every day from gossip. 

Miley Cyrus. Briney Spears. Christina Aguilera. Beyonce. All these women have something in common.

Some women break out. They become powerful…so much that they can’t be ignored. Can’t be labelled how the industry and public wants to label them. They manage to somehow scream loud enough to get heard. 

But what happens then? On top of Mount Everest

And when you come to this peak. The mount Everest of your career slain. When you become admired for what you did. No one talks about the isolating feeling of existing there. No one talks about the wounds you acquired on the way up. No one except yourself is there to help you mend your wounds. Skin has become hard from the blisters earned from “paving the way”. 

There on that top, it can feel more isolating than ever. And leaving a map for all the ones to come after you - such a service you did - you don’t regret it - but you can’t help but be aware of your own blood and tears shed to be able to do it.

The wounds are as real as ever…and as you watch others soar through the sky which you helped clean of bullets…you can’t help but mourn a small piece of you lost there. Mourn the wounds you suffered. Mourn the blood spilled. It was an isolating and lonely fight.

“I know someday I'm gonna meet her, it's a fever dream The kind of radiance you only have at 17 She'll know the way, and then she'll say she got the map from me I'll say I'm happy for her, then I'll cry myself to sleep”

And these thoughts…something so many of them us with…Are not something that will ever be found in our diaries. No. It won't be discussed with our friends. Tweeted online. No.

These thoughts come about like a sudden midnight silence. They come about like fog. Slowly. After a few drinks when you’re in a cab back home and looking through the window. In those moments which feel like the seam between reality and dreams. When you can almost hear the light of the traffic lights speak to you as you drive through the night. In these liminal spaces….these moments…when our usual thoughts are drowned in a fog, when we feel inexplicably close to something we could never describe…In these moments we think about this. About the wounds we have. About the society we live in. About our reactions to it. And we ask ourselves: how could we be more lost now than ever? Does anyone understand the discomfort of our skin hardened by blisters from this fight? Does anyone care?

Or will everyone - morning come - just want to see our shiny smile. A shiny white smile behind which we hide these heavy thoughts, deep wounds, and our hardened skin.

Because - if the world is one thing to successful women - it is punishing, isolating and cruel.

[billiejeanenthusiast]

friendly reminder for the new twitter refugees:

change your icon/pfp and put something coherent in your blog description or you're going to get blocked bcs people think you're a bot

this site is built around reblogs, so please actually reblog posts(especially art and fics!!)

you can set your likes and follows to private

checkmarks here are a meme and mean nothing

follower counts are private and we like it that way, so get used to not judging people by that metric

drama and discourse is boring, use your blacklist and block button liberally

DON'T CENSOR YOURSELF!! we can swear and say kill and make fun of corporations all we want, and if you tiktok-ify your tags people who have things blacklisted for whatever reason will still see them, and people who want to see that content won't be able to find it!! spell words out normally, you won't get in trouble!!

tumblr live is sketchy as hell and full of fake accounts, if you decide to use it anyway may god have mercy on your soul o7

be nice to the reddit refugees, they're our friends <3

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Hello Tumblr my old friend... here we go again

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Louis and the band surrounded by lights ❤️🧡💛💚🩵

Faith In The Future World Tour: Uncasville. (26 May 2023)

x

[billiejeanenthusiast]

surrounded by lights.

[billiejeanenthusiast]

There is also a number of rainbow (and some non-rainbow) projects for other songs: 

Jun 26, Volksparkstadion Hamburg, Germany

Projects for HSLOT Hamburg (Rainbow lights during LOML)

Jun 29, Tele2 Arena Stockholm, Sweden

Rainbow Project during Love of My life

Jul 5, Accor Arena Paris, France

Rainbow lights for Love of My Life: Twitter

Jul 7, Sportpaleis Antwerp, Belgium 

apart from the rainbows for Lights Up project (miniflags, tumblr: @thisiskatsblog + Twitter: @lewiskatryn + glow sticks for Lights Up) there is also a Rainbow lights for TPWK project

Jul 11, Olympiahalle Munich, Germany

Rainbow project during TPWK

Jul 15, O2 Arena Prague, Czech Republic

apart from the Rainbows for Lights Up project (twitter, instagram) there is also a Rainbow lights for TPWK + Pink lights for LOML project 

Jul 25, Unipol Arena Bologna, Italy  

apart from the Rainbow lights project for Lights Up there is also a non-rainbow project for LOML

Jul 26, Pala Alpitour Turin, Italy

Rainbow lights and diversity signs during TPWK + non-rainbow project for LOML

[billiejeanenthusiast]

I’m not on larrie tiktok and I make it a point to stay away from it like a vampire from holy water…so when I just saw one on my fyp the curiosity got the best of me and I watched.

The author was going over Harry’s red flags and one of them were his girlfriends…the “girlfriends” who all had many racist, homophobic statements, dubious pasts and other issues…and the author of the tiktok pointed out how they can’t believe a person like Harry would date them…

…I wonder why he would “date them”…

…the author of that tiktok was SO CLOSE…yet so far away…

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Reminder this whole damn fandom needs to hear: while there’s need for stunts - we know they’re together and doing good.