bitch-in-a-bag - Tumblr blog

[bitch-in-a-bag]

There are men out there who learn to see the signs of a girl or woman being vulnerable, sad, self-hating, self-harming, depressed, mentally ill, traumatized or submissive because of fear or socialization, because they know these girls and women aren’t likely to put up that much of a fight and defend themselves and therefore they consider them easy targets for manipulation, abuse, violence and sexual exploitation and coercion. “Why does she choose such bad men?” is such an irrelevant question. “Why doesn’t she just leave him?” is such an irrelevant question. The questions we should be asking is: “Why are these men drawn to women they can hurt?”, “Why do men seek out women only to hurt and abuse them?”, and “Why does he hurt her?”.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

whoa yeah I’ve never really thought of it this way but mainstream (liberal) feminism really is about “learning to enjoy patriarchy” 

[bitch-in-a-bag]

I love it when TRAs talk about how radfems refuse to change and grow and open their eyes on what trans people and the movement really are like, and if I only wanted I would Understand how wrong and hateful I was being. dude. I was there. I lived as a trans man for 10 years. an entire decade. from 13 to 23, I know what real trans people are like. I know many of them are normies especially here in Eastern Europe, I know not all trans women are predatory. I know all of it. but, you know what else is “the truth”? that MtFs won’t stay in their lane. won’t listen. that they gaslight trans men about their own experiences with misogyny and womanhood, and speak over them. that they’re frequently misogynistic in trans spaces, harassing and preying on “afab” trans people. that the movement centers them, moreso white transbians, and is not equal. you know what else I know? that it hurts women. that trans people are 0,4% of population in my country, MtFs constituting maybe 0,1-0,3%, and yet for those 0,3% the West wants to sacrifice the achievements of feminists from XVIIIth century on and perhaps even earlier. that eventually, trans men are meant to be excluded from feminism, and serve as scapegoats - the worst men, since natal ones can always be “TMA” material. I was there! that’s why now I’m here and say those things. I don’t oppose transition, personally, but I saw that your movement is like from the inside, I saw the route it now pursues, IT NEEDS TO STOP. I experienced it firsthand. I saw MtFs talk down to FtMs about both manhood and womanhood. I saw them silence women talking about female reproductive biology. I see science denial! I see insane theories about “trans woman periods”. I see that many, no, not all, but many people who claim MtF are fetishists. I saw that those people want to be in vulnerable women’s spaces. I know for a fact some of them are aroused by it, how do I know which is the Real trans woman? I know the entire TMA/TME thing is just a way to say “female privilege”. I know because I’d been harassed for saying it. I used to believe in transmisogyny. I was there, I know, stop assuming I don’t know. I’m on radblr because I know. 

[bitch-in-a-bag]

credit @heshefemme

[bitch-in-a-bag]

This is how the true crime vloggers are.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

radical feminists will rightfully criticize liberals for selling stuff that only benefits men and plays into misogynistic expectations - like hookup culture or revealing clothing - as empowering for women. the same radical feminists will fawn over the "miracle" of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, as if it wasn't exactly what the patriarchy has been exploiting women for (both offspring and reproductive labour) while selling it to us as special and empowering, as a purpose in life and source of happiness. while it took zero cost from them and extreme toll on our bodies and lives. the same feminists will praise the "magical ability to give life" as what grants women our unique value and the right to be respected as equals - over the fact that we're living, feeling, thinking humans with personhood. You Are Not Immune To (Conservative) Propaganda

[bitch-in-a-bag]

can we talk about how the LGBT movement has changed in the past 15 years?

in the light of the events surrounding Chris chan, and people prioritizing pronouns over the rape of a woman with dementia, I think it displays just how... different things are.

i personally feel like it's been co-opted by the more loud and entitled mtfs/ males/penis-havers/whatever pc term exists for the XY chromosome'd, who go too far and aren't reasonably kept in check. I think terf no longer has meaning anymore because it's just become a word we use to silence anyone that disagrees with a trans woman. immediately you're going to call me a terf, I accept that, but please continue reading. I may suprise you. calling someone who's transgender a terf is kinda messed up anyway, and that's exactly why im writing this.

I also think that everyone else (allies, ftms, etc) have followed suit because they've written this messed up narrative that EvErYoNe iS VaLiD. except for trans penis-havers, bc they're the most oppressed and the most valid, actually, regardless of their experiences.

I never used to believe the above because it was always written off as terf shit, and ignoring it kinda benefitted me, but between seeing ftms getting bashed for refusing to follow new "TME" rules as if they aren't trans too, and seeing outrage around Chris chans pronouns, I think it's time to start saying things that may make people uncomfortable. innocent people are already getting hurt by this, and we need to do better. it's time to get uncomfortable.

I want to remind you that perception is both the relying factor, and also the downfall of newer lgbt theory. if my profile were mtf coded, maybe it currently is, you'd call me a self hating trans and I wouldn't be that big of a deal. terfs would probably target me.

if my profile was ftm coded, I would be absolutely skewered for daring to speak out about these issues, even though they do actually affect ftms disproportionately. terfs would try to convince me that being trans is a plague and a mental illness, and to just ~be a cis woman~!

and if assumed cis, I would 100% be assumed radfem terf, and everything I say would immediately be dismissed because of the genuine damage terfs have done. but terfs would still probably flock to this post and berate me for daring to validate trans people At All, because to them, being transgender is a mental illness akin to an eating disorder, and "giving in" to it is "self harm". clearly I don't believe that, so hopefully you'll give me at least some benefit of the doubt.

so, does my identity matter? i have a feeling you'll say yes, because it gives us a good idea of experiences I do and don't have expertise in, and thus room to talk about. but I refuse to directly identify what I actually am because I want the focus of any resulting conversation to be my message and not my self identification. if you read between the lines and figure it out that's just fine, but I would like to be heard first and foremost.

my profile is thus an attempt at being cis female coded, somewhat out of comfort, and that is likely what I'll be assumed to be due to the beliefs I am expressing, even though there is a substantial risk of getting misgendered and dismissed, no matter what my birth sex may actually be. i will give you a hint about my identity: I am transgender, on HRT and everything, and I have been personally affected by all of this. rest assured, this is well within my lane to speak about, and it does matter if you misgender me.

I want you to really think about that. before you respond, really think about if someone saying words on tumblr, talking about their OWN experiences and their take on recent history that applies to themself, really more worthy of being misgendered and harassed than... someone who said they transitioned so they could date lesbians, and then raped their own mother with dementia.

is that fair or just? or is this just a new way of letting people with penises do whatever they want? I personally think it's the latter. we need to hold people like Chris chan accountable without getting caught up on something as minor **in comparison** as misgendering and self identification. Is it sad and confusing that someone who self IDs as transgender became 1:1 with the most dangerous stereotypes that exist for trans women? Of course it is. But it doesn't mean that self identification is suddenly more important than a literal crime being committed.

I would normally dismiss it as a fluke or outright trolling if the evidence weren't so damning that this is in fact a real event that happened. If I hadn't seen this happen to other people, and if I didn't literally know another mtf person who used their dysphoria as an excuse for date rape on multiple occasions and never got any consequences for it.

It's not a one time thing, it's a developing problem that we need to stop before more people have their lives ruined. I can't even imagine how traumatizing and messed up it is for an FTM person to be date raped, by another transgender person no less. When I, an abuse survivor, told people of this MTFs red flags, people violently silenced me. People who didn't know I was trans called me a terf and transphobic. We, as a community, could've protected someone from getting date raped, and we didn't. Trans women can be awful, horrible fucking people, because they are people. Protecting them at all costs is wrong. Protecting them from transphobia is what we should be doing.

That being said, misgendering is still skeevy, and I haven't done anything like raped a disabled woman who is no longer able to consent, or date raped my own partner. if you give a shit about respecting my identity, please use they/them for me. if not, use visual perception and make assumptions that will most likely be incorrect, skew your own argument, and put me on the same level as a rapist, and arguably a fetishist. And I do need to remind you that calling someone transgender a rapist and a fetishist without evidence is still definitely classic transphobia, to the letter, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that.

as someone who is same sex attracted, I also want to bring this up as well.

in the US in the past 15 years, the movement as a whole pretty much went "YEAH BORN THIS WAY" with Lady Gaga, and then jumped ship to prioritize mostly mtfs at every angle. do mtfs need support? absolutely. but they don't need misguided toxic positivity, and that's what it's turned into.

it's gotten genuinely homophobic to the point where actually homosexual people are constantly being erased and demonized via "genital preferences are a fetish uwu", and vulva havers, especially the trans ones, are constantly being told to shut up about their experiences.

as much as you want to deny bioessentialism, its still very much well and alive with newer trans movement sentiments when we classify ftms as not worthy of speaking about their own issues with terms like "TME". it's also incredibly ignorant towards FTMs who pass, but dress feminine for comfort, and get mistaken for MTF, and treated like garbage because of it. They are not remotely exempt from misogyny, transphobia, or the intersection of the two, and it is not anyone's job to tell them they don't ever experience that when they do. Turning ftms and biological homosexuals into our enemies-- especially when the actual cause is transphobia and harmful gender stereotypes-- does nothing good or healthy for our movement.

Dont be mistaken, though, passing isn't the focus or end all be all here, it's the perception of others that ends up drastically effecting your experiences. There are words like misogyny that imply treatment via birth sex, however this too can be reliant on external perception. If an MTF individual either transitions very young, has an abundance of resources to transition, or just gets lucky and passes well, chances are she will experience a lot more misogyny than people may give credit to. inversely, someone who just started questioning yesterday, but lived as a male their whole life up until then, they genuinely cannot speak about misogyny with that much room because they simply haven't experienced it at an accurate enough angle or for enough time to understand it as a repeated and sociological force.

It works the other way as well, though; someone who's known that they're trans for a long time and haven't had the resources to transition, or do not or cannot pass in the eyes of society; these people suffer pain that we don't neccesarily have a word for yet, imo. It makes dysphoria worse and it makes living seem hopeless. And as a community, we deal with this is in a really messed up way by over-validating them instead of solving the core issue at hand. and people who suffer from this, but also acknowledge they can't claim what they haven't experienced, are left with nowhere to go.

And its important to acknowledge these things because they're integral to the over-encompassing trans experience. Instead of lying to everyone and telling everyone they pass/giving out unconditional positive regard, our focus should be making it so that it **doesn't matter if you pass**. that you're still worth respect and dignity if you're transgender, no matter what passing is or what it means to you, and no matter how you present. But also, if you do something awful, you still need to be held accountable, especially if you use yourself, your body, or your trans status to contribute to other axi of oppression.

Transphobia is a word that encompasses and addresses all of that, regardless of birth sex. "TME" shuts that down in favor of only letting MTF's speak. Which is still very bio-essentialist, and I can't help but feel like we've gone full circle.

Once upon a time you couldn't even get married if your partner had the same genitals as you. in the US, this was less than 7 years ago. and if you care about human rights activism, you know damn well that legal modification is not the end all be all. people who are genuinely homosexual are still oppressed, but the trans movement has started stepping on them to make ground we don't deserve. homosexuals are ok and valid. it's not a genital preference, and the prescence of trans people doesn't make conversion therapy sentiments ok, ever.

we've gone full circle, and it's not right.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

it's so fucking painful how much of a brick wall you're being oh my god. I don't wanna deal with your behavior cuz it's super reminiscent of male sealioning, homophobia, misogyny, etc. and I'm too traumatized to deal with that shit today via text, so I'm blocking you after this. but this needs to be said cuz im not even 100% decided in my stances and I can see how misguided this all is

aight so first off. some of the shit you're saying is insanely offensive to masc and butch women. you desperately need to reexamine where your radfem theory comes from bc holy shit. how are you gender crit but so hateful of women who don't follow gender enforced stereotypes? it's driving me mad.

also 1.5; "females first" but you literally use people not getting SRS as proof in ur argument... have you seen SRS??? don't answer that it's rhetorical and don't google it if ur a minor. but you straight up just want females to mutilate themselves to prove that transgenderism is legit? that's super fucked. even if that's not your point you shouldn't even bring that up. but I have the feeling ur the type of person who thinks trans is so bad that they deserve to be mutilated. thinking any female deserves to be genitally mutilated ain't radfem.

second literally nowhere did any ftm here claim that they're male, should be male, etc. if you believe that you cannot change your sex, then why are the female transes such a threat to you? why can't they be radfem? they are licherally female. obvs moids are always a threat, but I can't understand how you have so much hate for other females. ftm is a label is indicate a transition direction, it's a word for females that willingly take testosterone to adapt masculine secondary sex characteristics. there are a lot of delusional ones out there that genuinely believe they can become male, but typically if an ftm is radfem and gendercrit then they know they're not male.

now if we wanna get nuanced we can talk about how testosterone can make it easy for a female to male larp, and how that effects their experiences as a female, and how it weirdly skews privelege. that's definitely valid. but you never bring that up and it's wild!!!

it's probably because you drastically misunderstand dysphoria. dysphoria is not "I like stereotypically male things, that means I should've been a male!", it's "these body parts are causing me acute distress no matter how badly I try to seperate them from the concept of gender". while the transgender community fucks this up a lot, there are still a Lot of actually dysphoric people out there (transmeds I believe they call themselves) that are genuinely feminist but still cannot reconcile with their bodies no matter how much therapy they go through. because while it is a mental illness, it is not comparable an eating disorder. it's not a delusion, and it's treatable. so why would you want other females to needlessly suffer when they can just gain masculine secondary sex characteristics and live fuller and healthier lives?

also, if we're going to talk about females with masculine secondary sex characteristics or women who willingly choose to appear masculine, we also need to include intersex women, women with pcos, butch women who get mistaken as male, desisters/detransitioners, and naturally masculine women in that conversation, because they fall into that category. and with your viewpoints, it genuinely seems like that would get homophobic, misogynistic, and body shamey real fast. and you need to examine that because that's very much so not radfem at all.

telling naturally masculine women to modify their bodies and self conception to stop being masculine supports misogyny and the male gaze and you desperately need to examine that. and yes ftms count as naturally masculine women because most of the visual effects of testosterone is not reversible even if they stop taking it. and there is quite literally nothing wrong with a woman modifying her body and/or social perception in ways that genuinely make her more comfortable and happy, even if that makes others perceive her as masculine or male. if you have an issue with that I need you to tell me immediately your issue with the history of butch lesbians, cuz im not ready to deal with that much homophobia this early in the morning.

2.5; an ftm can call themself gay if they're like. yknow, a lesbian. that's 100% their territory. because they are actually gay. those people are also usually targeted by gendies that keep trying to tell them they're "straight men" for being dysphoric. which is incredibly homophobic, especially for lesbian ftms who have been thru the hells of conversion therapy. if anything it makes sense they dont want to have anything to do with the male gaze. lesbians shouldn't be subjected to the male gaze in the first place. and that's even more nuance that you're 100% losing by painting all transes with such a wide brush.

the thing that confuses me the most about your argument is how mad you are at ftms when you quite literally outright admit that they are also victims of misogyny with a mental illness. as a radfem you know how cruel and disgusting this world is, and how little support women with mental illnesses get in the first place. youre missing the forest for the trees. further alienating women that have already been alienated so hard they feel the need to identify out of their womanhood doesn't actually fix anything. it makes it much worse and it deprives questioning ftms of a safer place devoid of misogyny to grow and develop properly, thus pushing them further into trans ideology because that's all that pretty much exists for them in terms of community and belonging. which is a primary human need that all women deserve to have fulfilled.

anyway that's my Ted talk for today I won't be here all week because this website makes me feel ill more often than not. cya

@radicallyfemal3 unsurprising but op blocked me so I’ll respond here.

I am one of the people who hate trans people. I may not “violently hate” whatever that means but there’s nothing wrong with hating a group of people that hurts you.

There’s a difference between having dysphoria and being transgender. You cannot claim the label of transgender and also be a radfem/gender critical. We have certain tenants to this feminism that must be followed, otherwise yes you are excluded and do not meet the criteria. Would you also say that someone who calls themself trans gay is completely fine and not homophobic? Or is it yet again trans people who get a by on this? Can you be pro life and be a radfem? Watch porn and be a radfem? No? The trans label is ALWAYS harmful and not compatible with radical feminism. Don’t be stupid.

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Link ~~~

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How do I get money to get commissions

I hear the Fighter’s Guild is recruiting. Not a bad way to make some money… if you’ve got the stones for it…

[bitch-in-a-bag]

How do you debate kink stuff not being good to have a pride parades without coming off as homophobic?

You remember that being gay and being kinky are not the same thing.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

fucking preach

Regarding bondage at pride events someone said “ Homophobes are going to hate gay people whether or not they emphasize it or celebrate their fetish. You shouldn't have to change your lifestyle to please people who will hate you regardless.” Is this a position that should be taken in regard to parades?

It's not about pleasing homophobes. It's about not behaving like an animal around other LGBT people because kids and teens deserve to be at Pride too

Nobody's asking you to change your lifestyle. They're asking you to be responsible and considerate for the first time on your life.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

sorry buddy but nature says "go get fucked", I dont make the rules :)

“BLM” -Hurricane Laura

[bitch-in-a-bag]

homestuck^2 writers be like "hey what if it just fucking SUCKED"

[bitch-in-a-bag]

i can forgive jade ofc, but rose lied to her wife, her brother, and kept a child from knowing her family. rose cheated on her wife and got pregnant and did not tell her. she raised a child in secret for 15 years, likely kept that child isolated and out of touch from reality. that is so ridiculously ooc for rose it's not even funny.

[bitch-in-a-bag]

the energy this has is immense and horrifying 

[bitch-in-a-bag]