bittersuitekim

[bittersuitekim]

Currently writing a oneshot inspired by today Billie’s Instagram live

[bittersuitekim]

hii babyy, i love love loveee your layout buttt i wanted to ask, how are youu?

Hi loveee, and thank you sm! I’ve been alright just been busy with a few things but hru??

[bittersuitekim]

I’m ok as well! I agree also I’ve been dealing with stuff recently but I’m glad you’re ok!

hi pretty, hruu

Hiiii , I'm kinda mehh, lots been happening lately

wbuuu?

[bittersuitekim]

currently crying. Love this sm

just friends 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚

authors note: sorry to twist the knife twice, i looove angst

warnings: angst, love for someone in a relationship

you think about her more than you'd ever admit.

not in the obvious ways, not in the blushing, giggly, teenage-daydream kind of way. no—your love for billie sits deeper. it’s tucked into the corners of your bones, resting beneath your ribs, pressed tight and hidden like something shameful. like something sacred.

every time you text her “i love you,” you mean it like a scream underwater. muffled. desperate. never loud enough to breach the surface. never meant to be heard in the way your heart intends it. she always texts it back—"love you more 💕"—like it’s easy. like it doesn’t tear anything open.

you wonder what she’d do if she knew. if she saw the way your hands shake when her name lights up your phone. if she knew how many nights you’ve fallen asleep picturing what her mouth might taste like between i love you and goodnight.

today is one of those days where you’re trying to forget. you’re doing errands. folding laundry. pretending you’re fine. and then her text comes through:

billie 💕: come over?

your heart drops.

you don’t even hesitate. everything else evaporates.

you: "rn? ok give me 5"

you throw on the first hoodie you find, barely register the color. it's hers—she lent it to you months ago and never asked for it back. it still smells like her. you don’t let yourself think about that too long. you just grab your keys, tell someone in your house you’ll be back soon, and leave. you don’t know what you’re going over for, but it doesn’t matter. it never matters. when it’s billie, it’s always yes. always.

the drive feels like nothing and forever all at once. your fingers tremble on the wheel. you’re trying to calm your breathing, trying not to imagine her answering the door in a tank top and sleepy eyes, the way she always does. you try not to imagine what it would be like if she pulled you in by the collar, whispered something soft and wrecking against your cheek.

you hate yourself a little for it. for wanting more. for being so goddamn pathetic about her.

you pull into her driveway, and your stomach sinks.

her girlfriend’s car is already there.

you swallow it down. no. you don’t get to be upset. she’s allowed to be happy. she’s allowed to love someone. it’s not your place. it’s never been your place.

you put your best smile on—it feels like pressing broken glass into your cheeks.

billie opens the door with that same grin, the one that used to make you feel like the world was okay. like maybe she was your safe place. she’s barefoot, hair in a messy bun, skin glowing. “hey!” she beams. “you got here so fast.”

“you said come over.” you shrug, try to laugh it off. “you know i’d drop anything.”

her girlfriend’s on the couch. you recognize her—pretty, sharp-jawed, the kind of girl who always knows what to say in a group. she waves politely and offers a tight smile.

you smile back, but it doesn’t reach your eyes.

they're watching some show, talking about nothing, laughing in the way couples do. you sit off to the side, legs tucked under you, trying not to shrink into yourself.

billie tosses a blanket at you like she always does, like she knows you're cold even when you don't say it out loud. it should feel like home. instead, it burns.

at some point, her girlfriend gets up to use the bathroom. billie turns to you immediately, eyes narrowing.

“okay,” she says quietly. “spill.”

your heart jumps. “what?”

“don’t play dumb. i’ve known you my whole life, y/n. something’s up. you’re breathing weird. are you okay?”

you almost say it.

you almost say, i can’t stand watching you love someone else.

you almost say, i’m in love with you and it’s killing me.

instead, you shake your head. “nothing’s wrong.”

“bullshit.” she leans in closer. you can feel the heat of her next to you, the way your body reacts on instinct, like you’re drawn to her by gravity alone. “you always get this look when you’re upset. like your heart's too heavy for your chest.”

you want to cry.

you want to grab her by the shoulders and scream. tell her that she’s everything. that she’s the reason you get out of bed some mornings. that no one’s ever made you feel more like yourself and less like enough all at once.

but instead, you say, “i’m just tired.”

she stares at you for a second too long. like she’s trying to read between the cracks. like she’s waiting for something.

“you sure?” she whispers.

you nod.

you think your lungs might collapse.

she reaches out and squeezes your hand. just a second. just a flicker of touch. but it wrecks you.

you look down at your knees, suddenly too aware of how your hoodie smells like her. how it still feels like something sacred and stolen.

her girlfriend comes back and billie pulls her hand away, just like that. like it never meant anything.

because to her, it didn’t.

the three of you sit there for another twenty minutes. laughing. making dumb jokes. pretending this isn’t hell. and when you finally stand up to leave, your legs barely hold you.

“text me when you get home,” billie says. “you know i worry.”

you nod again. you can’t speak. if you open your mouth, something might come out that you’ll never be able to take back.

you get to the door. her girlfriend’s in the kitchen. billie follows you, just for a second, hand brushing your wrist.

“hey,” she says softly. “you know i love you, right?”

it hits you like a truck. she doesn’t mean it the way you do. she never has.

you force a smile. it feels like something’s breaking.

“yeah,” you whisper. “i know.”

you turn to go, and she says it behind you—

"thank you, y/n. you're such a good friend to me."

you don’t remember walking to your car.

your feet move but you’re not in them. your body goes through the motions—unlock, slide in, start the engine—but your head is somewhere else. still on the doorstep. still in her eyes. still in the echo of that fucking sentence.

“thank you, y/n. you’re such a good friend to me.”

you’ve heard her say i love you a hundred times. sometimes in texts. sometimes whispered during late-night phone calls. sometimes at sleepovers when you were half-asleep and warm under the same blanket. it always meant something.

but tonight—it meant nothing.

or maybe it meant everything.

just not the kind of everything you wanted it to.

you pull out of her driveway too fast. you’re shaking. the streetlights blur. your vision goes glassy. you blink hard, but it’s no use.

you’re crying before you’ve even turned the first corner.

not the loud kind. not the sobs that shake your whole body. this is different. it’s quiet. it’s shameful. it’s all your ribs caving in at once. it’s your throat closing up like it’s trying to save you from speaking the truth out loud.

you drive in silence.

no music.

no noise.

just the sound of your own breath stuttering in the dark.

you don’t go home. not yet. you can’t. you wouldn’t know how to walk into your house and pretend you’re okay. not like this. not when everything inside you feels like it’s splintered.

you pull into the parking lot of some random grocery store. leave your engine running. sit there in the dim orange glow of a flickering streetlight, clutching the sleeves of the hoodie like it’s a lifeline.

her hoodie.

her scent.

her warmth.

her name pounding in your chest.

you press your forehead to the steering wheel and finally let it all go.

the tears come harder now. like your body’s been waiting. like your heart’s had enough of holding everything in. you sob into the silence, mouth open, breath hitching, hands trembling.

why did you have to love her like this?

why couldn’t it just be enough to be her friend?

you would’ve done anything for her.

anything.

but you never stood a chance. not against someone like her girlfriend. someone beautiful. someone bold. someone who could touch her in all the ways you weren’t allowed to. someone who didn’t flinch when billie leaned in close. someone who didn’t fall apart every time she said i love you like a knife disguised as kindness.

you squeeze your eyes shut and try to rewind it all. try to pretend you never came over. that you stayed home. that you never saw the way billie’s hand fit into her girlfriend’s so easily. that you didn’t hear the words that finally killed the last stupid hope you were clinging to.

“you’re such a good friend to me.”

you’ve been her friend your whole life.

and now, it feels like a prison you built yourself.

you want to hate her. god, it would be so much easier if you could. if she were cruel. if she strung you along on purpose. but she didn’t. she just… loved you the only way she knew how.

and it wasn’t the way you needed.

your phone buzzes beside you. you already know who it is.

billie 💕: did you make it home safe?

you stare at the message for a long time. thumbs hovering over the screen. there’s a pressure building in your chest like a scream you’re not allowed to let out.

you type.

you: yeah. thanks.

you don’t say i love you. not this time.

you just toss your phone onto the passenger seat and let your head fall back against the headrest. your eyes are still wet. your heart’s still breaking. your hands are clenched into fists around the fabric of her hoodie like maybe, if you hold on tight enough, you won’t completely come undone.

taglist: @amara-eilish @bilswifee @iamnicoke @jayjaywetforbils @eloiseluvsbillie @bxllxebxtch @ifnot-foryou @giannaeilish @ijustlovemaths @ilovealiceosemann @bilssturns | send me an ask or comment if you want to be added or removed from my taglist!

[bittersuitekim]

even with people all around me i still have this haunting feeling of loneliness and it’s eating me alive

[bittersuitekim]

hi hi hiii i love your account so much

Hii angel, I love yours too! But hruu?

[bittersuitekim]

Talk to me pretty’s

[bittersuitekim]

I’m ok just having cramps since I got my period. Lowkey just cuddling my giant teddy bear since I have no one to cuddle with

Hi babyyyy, hruu

Hiii loveee, I'm pretty good, just a little bit tired

Wbuu

[bittersuitekim]

Wdym it’s almost been 6 months since I saw the girl who saved me in so many ways after 6 years being her fan 🥹💕 (little me healed in so many ways after seeing her live)

[bittersuitekim]

Anyone want a sneak peek of my new blurb I’m writing? 🙈

[bittersuitekim]

i just need new billie music and a girlfriend and ill be happy.

[bittersuitekim]

Tysm angel ilysmmm 💕

Half a World Away (and Still Yours)

Sydney was buzzing an amazing energy.

The arena still roared like a living thing behind the thick venue walls, echoing Billie’s name long after the final note faded. Backstage was its own kind of chaos — cords being coiled, gear hauled out, voices rising in a mix of laughter, exhaustion, and leftover adrenaline.

Billie walked offstage in a daze — mic still in hand, heartbeat thudding against her ribs, jersey damp and clinging to her back. Her band — who also happened to be her best friends — trailed behind her, equally breathless and riding high from the show.

Ava was fanning herself with a crumpled setlist.

Jane was already digging into a bag of sour candy.

Andrew and Solo were arguing over something, but no one was really listening.

Liminal and Abe were laughing about something Billie didn’t catch.

It was good. It was fun.

But it wasn’t complete.

Something — someone — was missing.

You.

She hadn’t said it out loud, but she’d been thinking about you all night.

Wanting you in the crowd.

Wishing you were waiting in the wings.

Wondering if the time difference back in LA even let you watch the livestream.

Then she turned a corner.

And her heart stopped.

You were there.

Wearing her hoodie — and underneath it, a cute crop top and shorts — leaning casually against a speaker case like you’d been there all night. Arms crossed. Smile blooming like summer.

Her mouth parted. “No. No freaking way.”

The others didn’t notice at first — still caught up in post-show chatter — but Billie?

She froze.

And then you stepped forward, your voice soft, sure:

“Surprise, baby.”

In a flash, she was in your arms — gripping your jacket, burying her face in your neck, pulling you in like she was scared you’d vanish.

“How?” she whispered. “You didn’t tell me. You didn’t even hint—”

You giggled, pressing your cheek to hers. “Had to make it a real surprise.”

Behind her, the band caught up.

Ava let out a loud, “Wait, is that—?!”

Jane dropped her candy. Wherever she even got that from.

Andrew and Solo exchanged a look like they’d just watched a live-action rom-com. (Not that it was a surprise — they were used to how lovey-dovey you two were.)

Liminal grinned wide. Abe fist-pumped like he’d just won a bet.

“You planned this?” Billie asked, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes.

“With help,” you said, nodding toward Jane, who winked like a criminal.

“I was sworn to secrecy,” Jane said, raising both hands like she was surrendering.

“You’re all evil,” Billie laughed, holding you tighter. “Beautiful, perfect traitors.”

A voice called down the hall: “Billie! Photos in fifteen!”

She didn’t even glance away from you.

Her smile was the biggest it had been all night.

“Tell them it can wait!”

⸻

Later that night

The whole band ended up at Billie’s favorite late-night vegan ramen spot — a cozy little rooftop nook overlooking the Sydney skyline, far from press, far from fans. Just your people.

The table was a beautiful mess of chopsticks, half-empty bowls, bottles of water, and chaotic, breathless stories from the show.

You sat beside Billie, legs brushing beneath the table, her hand tangled with yours under it. She kept sneaking glances at you like she still couldn’t believe you were really here.

“So,” Jane said, raising an eyebrow, “you just flew fifteen hours with no warning?”

You smirked. “I had a mission.”

“She just kind of appeared in the arena,” Solo said, laughing. “Real casual. Like it was totally normal for her to be backstage in Sydney.”

Billie leaned into your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

“You didn’t have to do this,” she whispered.

“I wanted to,” you murmured back. “You’ve been giving the world everything, including me. I just wanted to give something back.”

She smiled, eyes a little misty now.

“I love you so much,” Billie said.

“I love you more, baby,” you replied.

“Impossible,” she muttered, cheeks pink and a little flustered.

You kissed her, soft and slow. Unbothered by the teasing groans around the table.

Even with the city glittering beneath you — a thousand lights glowing across the skyline — Billie’s whole world was here.

Still hers. Always.

Author note: Hii!! Omg I was so nervous to post this since it’s my first time writing and this took forever to write! I hope all of you guys enjoy it as much as I did! (Don’t steal or repost any of my work! Even if you ask permission.)

I’ll also be making a taglist! Just comment or submit in inbox if you wanna be in my taglist!

Request by: @onelesslonelygirlbieber6 thank you so much for requesting this. ♡‧₊˚

[bittersuitekim]

LOVE LOVE

౨Soft on youৎ

warnings: fluff☆

synopsis: the reader already in a relationship with billie,joins her on tour as the third vocalist, deepening their bonds in quiet, intimate moments☆

───────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────────

You didnt expect tour to feel this….intimate.

Maybe its the late-night rides, the green rooms that always smell like lavender, adrenaline and nerves, or the times when you’re living out of suitcases.But billie finds her way to you.

She always does.

She never knocks.Just appears, hoodie half zipped, hair tucked messily under a beanie, like she belongs in the quiet spaces you carve out for yourself.

Sometimes she talks. Sometimes she just sits beside you, shoulder to shoulder, smiling with those piercing blue eyes humming the harmony from your last set like it’s echoing inside her.

─────────♡♥︎♡︎──────────

Present day

You joined tour late.

after ava and jane had already settled into the rhythm of rehearsals and late night jam sessions. You assumed you’d be on the periphery, the new voice they were still getting used to.

But Billie didn’t let that happen. She made it her mission to pull you into it all, like you have always belonged.

She made space for you, quietly, but effortlessly.

She didn’t smother you with praise or try too hard. She just started showing up,quiet, consistent. Sitting next to you in green rooms, handing you half-eaten snacks without asking if you wanted them. Grabbing you an extra hoodie on chilly nights.

Nudging your shoulder during rehearsals. Stealing your hoodie before soundcheck. Resting her chin on your shoulder while someone else’s mic got checked.

She moved around you like orbit, like something instinctual. Like she didn’t even have to think about it.

Bumping her knee against yours mid-soundcheck like it meant something.

.

.

it did.

And even now, weeks in, it never stops feeling new. 

After tonight’s show, the dressing room’s quiet, dim. Just you and Billie for a few minutes. She drops onto the couch next to you, curls her knees up under one of your legs like she always does when she wants to be close without saying it.

You glance at your phone someone posted a clip from earlier, the three of you harmonizing under the lights, Billie looking toward your mic more than her own.

| The caption read: shes so in love it hurts

You don’t say anything. But she sees the way you’re smiling, hiding the fact that your heart’s doing flips

“What?” she murmured, already smiling back like she knows.

“Someone posted a clip,” you said, turning it towards her. “You look like u were gonna cry,” you add giggling

Billie leans over to look. “I wasn’t crying. I was listening.” she said smiling

“To what?” you asked, looking at her in the process

“To you,” she says. Quiet. Real. No teasing in her voice. “You always sound like home to me.”

“I always liked that about you,” she adds, still watching the clip play out on your phone screen. Her voice stays low, thoughtful. “Even before this… before we were—us.”

She says it like a memory, like it’s something she’s been holding onto for a while. And you feel it land, somewhere deep and quiet in your chest.

She pauses the clip, the screen going black for a moment. “I think I was already listening for you.”

you stay silent as you turn to her, brushing some of her bangs behind her ear, and say, “You’re kind of sappy tonight.” you say smiling

Billie grins, sleepy and unbothered. “Yeah, well. Tour makes me soft. You make me soft.”

You lean in and kiss the top of her head. “Good.”

Because that softness is yours too.

the end

──────────────────────

an: whewwww guys i think this is so dookie please forgive me 😔

[bittersuitekim]

Half a World Away (and Still Yours)

Sydney was buzzing an amazing energy.

The arena still roared like a living thing behind the thick venue walls, echoing Billie’s name long after the final note faded. Backstage was its own kind of chaos — cords being coiled, gear hauled out, voices rising in a mix of laughter, exhaustion, and leftover adrenaline.

Billie walked offstage in a daze — mic still in hand, heartbeat thudding against her ribs, jersey damp and clinging to her back. Her band — who also happened to be her best friends — trailed behind her, equally breathless and riding high from the show.

Ava was fanning herself with a crumpled setlist.

Jane was already digging into a bag of sour candy.

Andrew and Solo were arguing over something, but no one was really listening.

Liminal and Abe were laughing about something Billie didn’t catch.

It was good. It was fun.

But it wasn’t complete.

Something — someone — was missing.

You.

She hadn’t said it out loud, but she’d been thinking about you all night.

Wanting you in the crowd.

Wishing you were waiting in the wings.

Wondering if the time difference back in LA even let you watch the livestream.

Then she turned a corner.

And her heart stopped.

You were there.

Wearing her hoodie — and underneath it, a cute crop top and shorts — leaning casually against a speaker case like you’d been there all night. Arms crossed. Smile blooming like summer.

Her mouth parted. “No. No freaking way.”

The others didn’t notice at first — still caught up in post-show chatter — but Billie?

She froze.

And then you stepped forward, your voice soft, sure:

“Surprise, baby.”

In a flash, she was in your arms — gripping your jacket, burying her face in your neck, pulling you in like she was scared you’d vanish.

“How?” she whispered. “You didn’t tell me. You didn’t even hint—”

You giggled, pressing your cheek to hers. “Had to make it a real surprise.”

Behind her, the band caught up.

Ava let out a loud, “Wait, is that—?!”

Jane dropped her candy. Wherever she even got that from.

Andrew and Solo exchanged a look like they’d just watched a live-action rom-com. (Not that it was a surprise — they were used to how lovey-dovey you two were.)

Liminal grinned wide. Abe fist-pumped like he’d just won a bet.

“You planned this?” Billie asked, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes.

“With help,” you said, nodding toward Jane, who winked like a criminal.

“I was sworn to secrecy,” Jane said, raising both hands like she was surrendering.

“You’re all evil,” Billie laughed, holding you tighter. “Beautiful, perfect traitors.”

A voice called down the hall: “Billie! Photos in fifteen!”

She didn’t even glance away from you.

Her smile was the biggest it had been all night.

“Tell them it can wait!”

⸻

Later that night

The whole band ended up at Billie’s favorite late-night vegan ramen spot — a cozy little rooftop nook overlooking the Sydney skyline, far from press, far from fans. Just your people.

The table was a beautiful mess of chopsticks, half-empty bowls, bottles of water, and chaotic, breathless stories from the show.

You sat beside Billie, legs brushing beneath the table, her hand tangled with yours under it. She kept sneaking glances at you like she still couldn’t believe you were really here.

“So,” Jane said, raising an eyebrow, “you just flew fifteen hours with no warning?”

You smirked. “I had a mission.”

“She just kind of appeared in the arena,” Solo said, laughing. “Real casual. Like it was totally normal for her to be backstage in Sydney.”

Billie leaned into your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

“You didn’t have to do this,” she whispered.

“I wanted to,” you murmured back. “You’ve been giving the world everything, including me. I just wanted to give something back.”

She smiled, eyes a little misty now.

“I love you so much,” Billie said.

“I love you more, baby,” you replied.

“Impossible,” she muttered, cheeks pink and a little flustered.

You kissed her, soft and slow. Unbothered by the teasing groans around the table.

Even with the city glittering beneath you — a thousand lights glowing across the skyline — Billie’s whole world was here.

Still hers. Always.

Author note: Hii!! Omg I was so nervous to post this since it’s my first time writing and this took forever to write! I hope all of you guys enjoy it as much as I did! (Don’t steal or repost any of my work! Even if you ask permission.)

I’ll also be making a taglist! Just comment or submit in inbox if you wanna be in my taglist!

Request by: @onelesslonelygirlbieber6 thank you so much for requesting this. ♡‧₊˚

[bittersuitekim]

♱ one more dance?

warnings. angst & fluff.

synopsis. after an argument with billie about your busy schedule, you don't talk for a bit. until prom comes up, and you remember that billie had invited a week prior.

au. jock!billie & leadership!reader

letters. woah okay i don't like this as much i thought i would what wtv cus this is by far one of my favorite songs on d4vd's album & i needed to write something on it 🙂‍↕️

the cloud's were covering the sun, sky gray for as long as you could see as you walked in the direction of your next class. it was a typical wednesday—teachers yelling, crowds forming in halls, and the usual buzz of lunch.

you were balancing three binders, a stack of posters for the leadership board, and a barely-touched iced coffee in your hands. until mia, your best friend, tugged on your sleeve, nearly making you drop everything.

"hey," she said, voice a pitch higher than usual. "come with me to the courtyard real quick, and give me your things."

"...why?" you ask, but she's already taking everything from your hands. and you're definitely not gonna complain.

"trust me."

you raise an eyebrow, suspicious, but follow her nonetheless. as you make your way outside into the courtyard, you catch a glimpse of ivie and kayleigh in the corner of your eye, both of them trying—and failing—to look casual. even zoe, who was even more honest and professional than you, gave you an awkward smile before scurrying off toward the field.

the second you walk onto the pavement outside, your ears are filled with the beautiful piano melody of "halley's comet," a song you were never able to get bored of.

then, you saw them.

billie's entire team lined up in an formation that created a path for you to walk through, each of them holding a single rose. mia shoves you softly toward them, and you smile nervously as you begin to walk down, taking the roses from their hands.

at the end, you're left with nearly a dozen roses. missing one.

you see her. billie, standing a few feet away from you and her team, one rose in her hand along with a poster in the other.

it read, "it'd make me happier than ever if you went to prom with me."

blush creeps onto your face the second you finish reading the poster. her cheeks are a little pink, strands of hair falling out of her ponytail from gym just 10 minutes ago. but she looked perfect, so proud of what she's done.

she stepped forward, reaching out her hand for you to take the final rose. when you take it, she grabs your wrist and pulls you close, bodies colliding gently, roses a bit smashed between you two.

"so," she says, not loud. just for you. "will you go to prom with me?"

you were silent at first—your heart was too busy doing flips, still in awe of what she'd done for you—but then you nodded with a big smile on your face. quick, short, probably too dramatic. and billie lit up like she just won the state championship.

jane was the first to scream, and then everyone else who was watching followe suit.

billie bit her lip, trying to push away the dumb smile that was already starting to grow on her lips, almost shy now, "i know it was extra," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, "but i figured... if anyone deserves an over-the-top moment, it's you."

you chuckle softly, eyes flicking up to hers, "you're crazy."

"yeah, but that's why you love me." she bit back playfully.

you couldn't stop yourself from kissing her right then and there. in front of a crowd for the first time. but how could you not? this was the sweetest thing a girl has ever done for you.

the screaming only grew louder.

but it didn't matter to you.

not when she was holding you so close, kissing you so sweet.

finally. peace and quiet after a long afternoon of non-stop, back-to-back meetings—one for leadership expectations, one for the school's sports fundraiser, and one you honestly don't even remember because you were writing down times and dates that your counselor had sent you for upcoming events.

you're halfway through changing into more comfy clothes when your phone buzzes on your nightstand. great. probably more emails and complaints from your teammates.

you don't rush to answer the phone. instead, you take your time in changing, brushing your teeth, and doing your skincare before turning on your lamp and settling under the covers.

the notification wasn't from any of your teammates. wasn't even an email, actually.

billie: u coming over or did student gov drain ur energy?

you stare at it for a minute, reading over the few words over and over again. because, yeah, it's an obvious joke. but right now, with how tired and busy billie knew you were around this time of the school year, it didn't seem very funny.

clicking on her contact, you decide to call her instead of texting. you at least owed her the sound of your voice after only being able to glance at her in the hallways this past week.

"hey," you say when the line connects, voice quiet. "i'm sorry, bil, i'm just so exhausted. can we hang out tomorrow?"

there's a long pause on billie's end of the call. long enough to make your stomach twist in guilt.

"semi-finals are tomorrow, you know that, right?"

your heart skips a beat. you promised her you'd be there, said that you'd be the loudest on the sidelines cheering for her, that you'd even scream that she's the best in the hallways the next day if she won.

but then your counselor changed the date of an important meeting, and suddenly your plans were ruined.

"shit. billie, i—i have the district rep meeting. they changed the date and we've been planning for weeks—"

"you mean the one that'll 'look good on college apps'?" her voice had a sudden sharpness to it now. the edge that only ever came out when something hit her hard, "so, let me get this straight—you had time for planning meetings, hanging up posters, and writing speeches, but not even 8 minutes to watch me play at least one quarter?"

you stumble. "it's not like that, billie. i swear, i wanted to—"

"yeah, you always 'want to.' you just never actually do." she snaps.

brows furrowing, you scoff. "that's not fair, you know i make the effort. i show up to every one of your games and try to be light even when you're losing."

billie laughs. but it's not full. "what's not fair is busting my ass on the court while my girlfriend's too busy organizing dances and kissing her counselor's ass to even show up. i put myself out there for you— i planned that stupid promposal for weeks—"

"it wasn't stupid—"

"—and now it just feels like i'm dating someone who shows up for everything and everyone except for me."

it feels like the wind is knocked out of your chest, her words landing harder than a punch to the ribs. but it wasn't true.

until she said something that was. "sometimes it feels like i'm dating your schedule, not you."

then the line goes quiet again. but the silence is so much louder this time around, her words hanging heavy in your head. you didn't know what to say. couldn't find the words.

so you just decide on the truth.

"i can't drop everything just for you, billie."

her response was instant, voice rough. "then maybe i need someone who will."

and then three beeps, signaling the end of the call.

the gym doesn't even look like a gym tonight.

it's lit up in soft golds and deep blues, string lights curling like vines across the ceiling. light blue balloons float near the entrance. a disco ball turns slowly above the chaos, shining flecks of light on everything like tiny stars. the music thumps through the floor steadily.

though, nothing feels right now that you're alone.

you thought you'd be having the best night with billie a few weeks ago, dancing and laughing under the lights and maybe even sneaking off to the field to just sit and talk.

but now you don't even see her. and, honestly, part of you thinks she just won't show up entirely.

not after everything.

not after that argument. after she hung up like there wasn't more to be said, to be communicated. after three days of silence and sideways glances in the hallways that meant something and nothing all at once.

still, you walk through the doors and into the gym anyway.

because you said you would. because she asked you to prom a few weeks ago, and you couldn't let her down again. because you still remember the smile on her face when you nodded.

and because, most importantly, the worst thing you could do now—after everything—would be to not shos up.

your heart's racing as you scan the room, making your way to the snack table and smoothening out the blue satin fabric of your dress. just as you reach out to grab a cup, you feel eyes on you.

billie's cold, pretty blue eyes.

as you turn around, you're met with her. dark blue tux matching your dress, sleeves rolled up, tie barely hanging on. and her hair's down, falling over her shoulders in perfect, dark waves that make you blush.

"hi," she murmurs. her voice is steady. low. familiar.

her eyes stay trained on you, like she's afraid you'll run away.

"hey," you answer, and it's barely audible. "you came."

she almost smiles. "so did you."

the music fades quietly—slower now, something dreamy and calming: the night we met. you can't help the smile that blooms on your face as you hear the first notes.

breathing in, she offers you a hand. "dance with me?"

you hesitate, freezing momentarily and just staring at her ring-clad fingers. she steps closer, eyes softer now, "i'm sorry for the way i acted."

"it was selfish, i know," she whispers, never looking away. "but you were right. you do come to every game of mine, and i didn't know what i was talking about at all. i was just... mad."

her fingers find their spot curling around your waist, so light you hardly notice the way she's pulling you closer.

before you can say anything, she continues. "and i am so fucking stupid for saying that i would find someone different. nobody compares to you, y/n. no one else has your level of compassion or understanding, and i wouldn't trade you for the world."

she goes silent for a bit, just holding you and staring into your eyes with the most gentle, loving look on her face. your smile grows as you let the weight of her words sink in.

"do you trust me now?" she asks, offering out her hand again, "dance with me. please, at least let me give you this."

your fingers twitch, barely brushing hers, but the second you make contact, it's like you can finally breathe. you let her take your hand, fingers intertwining as she pulled you toward the middle of the gym where everyone was stuck in their own worlds.

her hand wanders back down to your waist again, unsure at first, then firmer when you don't pull away. you both settle into a rhythm that's more emotion than movement, swaying gently under the soft, dark lights.

she's holding you closer than before. both physically and emotionally. arms wrapped around you like she's scared you'll disappear if her grip loosens even in the slightest, heart praying she doesn't break things again. there's no more hesitation, hardly any space between your bodies—just heat and rapid heartbeats and the quiet hum of the music below it all.

"the only way i'm letting you go," she murmurs, lips brushing the shell of your ear. "is if i can't see my hands. if my heart stops racing."

you don't know how to reply to that. your throat is too tight, chest aching in that raw, overwhelming kind of way—the way it only ever did when you felt seen, really seen by someone. when they're holding onto you like you're the only thing in the world that matters.

"it's faster now," she whispers above the music, taking your hand and pressing it to her chest, eyes focused on you. and you can feel it, wild and rapid beneath your palm. "my heart. it's never done that before, not until this."

you tilt your head. "mine too."

her lips curl into a smile—shaky and small but genuine.

the music plays on, sweet and low like a secret meant just for you. people are watching—of course they are after her promposal—but billie never looks away. she doesn't care. her focus right now is only on you.

"they're staring," you murmur, eyes flitting all around. some eyes are filled with joy, others jealousy.

"most of 'em don't mean nothing. just... look at me," she murmurs, and you look back immediately. her eyes are softer.

she sighs in relaxation, tongue darting out to wet her lips nervously as she continues to sway with you. she doesn't know what to say, or if she should even say anything right now. but it's making her all fidgety and shy, being under your gaze after the argument.

the people around you on the gym floor are all quiet, lost in their partners as they try to keep a rhythm. billie's having no difficulty, the slow movement coming to her naturally as she shuts her eyes. like she's placing her full trust into your hands.

"close your eyes," she whispers, and you follow her words without hesitancy.

she leans closer, forehead resting against yours as she pulls you closer somehow. your hand is still on her chest, almost squished between your two bodies. but it's comfortable, intimate in a way you've never felt before.

the music fades slowly into silence, and as the final note rings out, you and billie open your eyes at the exact same time, and it almost feels like seeing each other for the first time again.

then she pulls back, just enough to fully take you in, eyes flicking down to where her fingers are curled securely around your waist still. and she grins softly, removing her hands from your waist and holding them out for you to take.

you take them, fingers locking between each other like routine. her eyes move down, focusing on the new beat and creating footwork in her head. it's a bit faster than before, but still slow, gentle.

"right foot," she murmurs, stepping forward with her right and causing you to step back with your left, then returning it to the middle as she retreats. "left foot." she repeats the movement, but this time moving her left foot back.

you let her guide you, step by careful step, eyes locked to your feet in concentration as you listen intently. the song floats around you both like a slow tide, and you dance together in a rhythm that feels like breathing. easy.

"dance," she murmurs—like that explains anything—and steps out to the right with you, then to the left as she speaks again. "dance."

her hands tighten around yours. not enough to hurt, just enough to anchor you. her grip is warm, sure, as if by holding you like this she can undo everything—every word she said, every ache you both carried alone—and it almost does.

"hold onto my hands," she says, voice shaking now, like she's actually scared she'll mess up again. "don't let go."

you look up again, and there it is again—that desperate kind of love, the kind that doesn't ask for forgiveness with words, but with touches and closeness and being brave enough to even stay and try to fix things.

so you listen, and you don't let go.

you dance, not perfectly, but just as she tells you to. your movements are much messier than hers are, but she knows you're trying your best. and she hopes you know that she's doing the exact same, holding onto your hands like they're her lifeline, trying to say so much without saying anything at all.

and for right now, that's enough.

tags. @mseilishmwah @sophloveswomen @mxqdii @livvydunneness @vyntagess @wiidfi0wer33 @loving1dsworld @tan1shere @fallingforfalll2 @cierraonline @dandelions4us @scarlittt @ifwdominicfike @slxtarchive @bilsdillldough @47lake @hopingforgoodblogs @karaeilishh @mybluebossanova @strwberrybils @justtr @greenbttrflyy @billsbaby @natbelovasblog @lottiepierce @northlndnisred @asterisk-eyes @dragoneyelashart @xxangelfarrlzxx @ilomiloblohshh @fawninlove @meliciousmel13 @jul3esz @rightarion @svelish @hkkuugu @eeuni @dragoneyelashart @thinkshespretty @cnnibalize

[bittersuitekim]

No fr like I promise I’m not boring 😓

All my friends getting these fucking anons and asks where are mine 💔

[bittersuitekim]

Lowkey like 💔

All my friends getting these fucking anons and asks where are mine 💔