blahbullblog

[blahbullblog]

Said the wrong thing per usual. Made him mad at me again and I understand why I didn’t realize that I said what the girls said to me I said to him. I tried to apologize but he didn’t accept it. I wasn’t denying that I wouldn’t have his back I always stand up for him. I put everyone unfortunately before me but he’s my only family and the scary thing about him is he’s a ticking time bomb and will leave at any moment. My mom weirdly enough she’ll always be there and I know it. I spent this whole year biting my tongue my mom is telling me I’m the person he’s telling me I’m weak and should just let it not bother me because that’s why he’s fine he’s strong minded so he’s strong. I’m exhausted I want to go to a psychiatric hospital ASAP whether he thinks I need it or not because I’m su1c!dal crazy right and the only person that this would make sense for is his mom not me because my life hasn’t been as hard as his so i wish i could go now naturally or just take the right amount for once 

[blahbullblog]

[blahbullblog]

[blahbullblog]

This is my first post and I would first like to say that if you are the grammar police go away. I don't need that extra crap in my life right now. Second, I would really like to be able to talk back with people and I know someone will come across my new Tumblr so I hope that you could talk to me and maybe open up about yourself too because everyone needs to be able to let loose every now and then. 

I created this account because I have been having a terrible year (who hasn't) but these last few days mentally have just been it for me. I am exausted mentally, physically, and emotionally and no one seems to care enough to truly hear me besides the counselors but like they can’t really get the ball rolling like my parents can if they would just listen to me. I am in college. it is my junior year and I need a break. a gap. a gap year. To work of course and I’ll go right back to school after the year is up but I am just tired. Currently there is nothing more that Id rather do than to just crawl in bed and stay there facing the wall, left alone in the dark talking to no one. I did that kind of on Saturday which it was really nice but school doesn't stop and today I couldn't afford to stop so I had to be some what productive but my brain wasn't working so bad today that it took my roughly 4 hours to write 4 sentences. 4. FOUR. I did it but what the heck man. I have been crying since Friday night for no other reason than that I am TIRED. I need a break. these people here my roommates, my coach, my teammates who are “friends” with my roommates. everyone they are all taking part in killing me. 

Thats all I wanna write for now Good Night.