bleachknot

[bleachknot]

you

are

nothing.

[bleachknot]

Born to be Torn.

will you be my friend?

Each day i mourn

cant think i pretend

I sleep on a tombstone

This cobblestone bleeds

I sleep with a vengeance

walk all over me.

I don’t think i care or wish to

Get rid of my hair, this issue.

Crying rolling bleed.

Walk all over me.

[bleachknot]

i need someone.

anyone.

This blank page can only do so much good.

My “best friend” touched my girlfriend.

My “best friend” cared about me.

So i thought

here i am

i sit

scars…

all over me.

I wish i had the courage to cut vertically….

or care.

My dad does. How sad…

mom is too drunk to think.

Then again so i am.

I wish i had a gun.

Selfish you i’m not deranged.

Well i am but it’s just gonna be me. hahah

i’m sure this is the last of my account.

My rant corner, if you could even call it that.

[bleachknot]

Apologize

i guess that’s the best news i’ve heard in a while. I’m sorry for being the devil yet again, i’m really lost right now and i love you. I don’t want to put you through my daily dread and turmoil. I know i have problems and i am a problem. It’s just the matter of me caring about my life and myself. I haven’t given up yet, my sight is becoming clouded. I’m sorry you don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve me at my worst, only at my best. As i wish you think the same. I don’t know what to do anymore. I think i might need to go my folks for like a week. Talk about perfect timing. Talk about good luck. I love you i’m sorry. I don’t want to be the reason you question things. Or look back.

[bleachknot]

at what point will i realize i’m the problem.

At what point will i realize i am a dead man.

To what extent will i constrict my own my mind.

When will i, want a real life.

Trouble. All the time.

Troubles on my mind.

I can’t write like this anymore. I am genuinely repeating myself to an ugly extent. You know how i feel at this point.

[bleachknot]

I am officially alone.

I am basically dead.

My life is over.

Everything is over .

I am a dumb loser.

I ammount to nothing.

I like to think i try.

When i don’t actually care.

I love to think of dying.

But i’m quite far from there.

Please. tell me i’m okay.

Please.

Please. tell me i’m alright

CANT SEE PAST MY BLIGHT

Hey. You.

Kill your self. WHAT IS THERE TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

YOUR CAT IS DYING

so is your relationship.

so are you….

I think i want to give up i don’t see a point anymore.

I just want you

to

kill

me.

[bleachknot]

WAKE UP!

WAKE UP!

WAKE UP!

wake up.

You were once there.

They loved you.

You had to do what you do.

dissapoint.

be him be them.

It’s obvious i’m lost.

Day in day out.

A Day A Day.

[bleachknot]

i haven’t lost my mind yet.

I look back.

I remember my childhood… adolescents.

Southern California. Surrounded by “bad” influence.

Twelve Years Old.

I’ve smoked ever since.

Picked up cigarettes at 15.

Addict.

nearly 22 now i wish i was okay.

I wish i could go back and change everything.

Instead…. like a coward… i just want to disappear.

Now I drink the legal poison.

Administered to the working class.

Drink the feeling of being walked all over

…. away

Yea…

You are me.

I am you.

[bleachknot]

fuck you.

you suck.

[bleachknot]

[bleachknot]

I wish i were the way i was meant to be

[bleachknot]

Regret.

i wish i could go back

to be what i am

i know what i was

i’m no longer him

i think i want something.

i think i need something different.

i think….

think. think. think.

you are done.

[bleachknot]

i don’t think you really care.

[bleachknot]

i don’t think i want to do this.

[bleachknot]

i have no inspiration

everything is meaningless

a constant circle we call life

rinse repeat

expect change

fool yourself

say goodbye to your dreams

hello to despair.

at some point you just give up

and stop feeling

which is about where i’m at

i just exist

i don’t want to

or care to.

[bleachknot]

cant wait for tomorrow

i cannot wait for tomorrow

reality will come and check me.

I can’t wait until then.

I can’t wait for my parents to be sad and mad at me.

i Cannot wait for my girlfriend to judge me and hate. Not wanting me. Wanting to discard me.

i cannot wait to work really hard for my tiny wage.

i cannot wait to train the person who’s half my age.

i can’t wait for my sister to call me evil

i can’t wait for everyone around to TRY TO expect ME to do better when all they do is EXPECT and check in every one or two weeks

I look forward to my demise

I see what is ahead

and that is turmoil…

I look.

I see….

Too bad

I wish i could pause time and fuck off forever.

I wish i didn’t wake up in the morning.

OHHH NO

you rant, you are scary

you are not right.

I wish that i was right, but my mind isn’t.

you still think i’m trite, my minds a prism.

YOU THINK IM NOT RIGHT

MY MIND ISNT.

Suffer.

yeah…

that’s right.