blissfullybloomed

[blissfullybloomed]

Letting Go

October 2024, Ohio - The leaves are in peak season. In case you haven't been outside in a minute. 

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, whatever time you seem to find yourself reading this blog. 

I haven't written in a while here, life has been lifing. 

If you’re just tuning in…lol, I watch too many Youtube Videos with my boyfriend, you'll love to know that this blog is about my journey, your journey, our journey together but separate through this little game they call life. 

I think my last blog entry was almost a year ago, December 2023. 

2023 was wild, and the previous 5 years were wilder…(hmm, is that a word)

It's funny, I keep saying that 2023 was the year I transformed into some sort of “better” being…but man, I feel like I could say that about 2024 as well. I think that's a lesson I had to learn quite recently actually…being better has no end date. We constantly strive to be better, even on the less productive days…we're still learning(being still isn't our strong suit). Did you catch that? Being better or improving has no end date…nada. The only way it does have an end date is when we stop trying to be better. We all know what happens when we stop trying. It's not a good look. Temporary pleasure for long term pain….Ehh, I'd rather not. So…we take a real deep breathe and blow it out, maybe take another one…and take a step forward. 

Okay, enough preaching…lets chat about so many things…you know I like to talk. 

First topic, lets talk about letting go. I'm pretty sure Ive spoke about letting go before, but I know I havent talked about it in this light. So buckle up…its going to be bumpy. 

We, as humans, are social creatures. Some of us are on different levels than others, but inadvertently we are all social to some extent. Example: Gaming Online with friends(introverted activity/social concept). Another example: The obvious social butterfly who goes home alone. We all have different versions of what social looks like. 

I almost forgot where I was going with that, but here it is…our social interactions are NEEDED to let go. We have to do something different to let go. We have to put ourselves outside of ourselves to let go. 

It doesn't matter what or who it is that you are trying to let go. You can't negate your human nature. It's impossible. No one can sit in a room by themselves for an extended amount of time, and not go insane from lack of socializing. It doesn't even have to be vocal …just another person's presence brings your serotonin up. 

Being social is in our roots as a species. So with that in mind, I want you to ask yourself this question: “ How can socializing help me move past Xcompany, Xspouse, Xhouse…etc.” Well youd get a job, you might meet someone new, and your house may get an upgrade….BUT, all of those things require you to let go of what or who once was. 

You get the point. 

Here's my “bloomed” story. The short one. 

I have faced 2 big hurdles in my healing journey. 

I have reconnected with my mother, we spent a week together, and were cool. As you know, that's huge for both of us. Wild ride getting there…like years long….but we did it, and I think we're in it for the long haul. Weve both done different things that we had never done to make sure our relationship stayed in tact. Even when we both wanted to walk away. I think the biggest thing that really showed me that she wasnt full of shit was the fact that her actions were bigger and louder than her words. She helped a friend of a family member that I NEVER thought she wouldve done….thats dope. She flew back for my birthday with like 3 days notice(I have a flair for the dramatics)...that was dope. She met Zach, and slept on our couch! YEAH! That right there gave me hellllllllla anxiety…but it was dope too. 

So, in all seriousness, momma…I love ya. Life is hard, but without you it would be so much harder. I mean that. 

Second thing, It took almost three years…but I went back to Myrtle Beach. Yeah thats different. So many reasons that y'all already know of why I couldn't go there…I just needed more time or something. OR so I thought.  

Listen, the drive was about 10/11 hours, but my favorite part was the last hour. I drove through a city I hadn't seen in over 5 years, and the funniest part….when I saw it…I just started laughing. 

I couldnt tell if it was my anxiety making me laugh or the fact that I was a better human fucking being entering this city now 5 years later. I think it was a combo of both honestly. I cant begin to describe what that felt like…I'm trying... .I can't find the words. Speechless. Hmm, maybe profound is a word that could describe it. 

Anyway, I knew at that very moment that I could do this trip with no problems at all. I forgot how much I loved the south. All of it, even the heat…to a point. 

What a relief. I let go. I had let go before I even knew I had let go, because I refused to test myself . I was so scared of things I had built up in my mind that would definitely , not probably, happen. I knew I'd run into my ex husband somewhere, in a town full of tourists, and millions of people…that was an irrational thought that dictated a decision I made. I knew, without a doubt, that I would remember the pain of losing my sister as soon as I entered South Carolina. That didn't happen either. I saw shiny roads, pine trees, and the ocean….as she got to experience those things too. Mom was so good at making sure she was included. 

Irrational thoughts and manic actions had in one way form or another prevented me from letting go. Letting go of the what if’s, and just being present. Remembering that I had loved the ocean before I got married or divorced. South Carolina wasn't a failure…it made me grow. I literally wouldn't be who I am today….without South Carolina. So my mom inadvertently helped me discover one of the biggest hurdles I've dealt with since my divorce.  Kinda dope she did that too. 

HA! I said it was short, I lied. My bad. 

Alright, what else is there to update? Zach and I are doing great. I could probably write a whole page about that man…but I won't embarrass him like that. Just know, he is still IT. I knew it the moment we met. Funny…I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night, but I can remember what we both were wearing the day we met over a year ago. Damn, I love this man. 

We've taken some trips recently that were pretty dope. We do so much together…I'm truly happy about that, as we've both said work gets in the way of hanging out. Das love right there. Like actual love. The kind where you both put effort in to make it work. I feel we are extremely lucky , we understand each other in a way no one has ever understood me ... .sorry family…but not even you guys. He just gets it. All of it. I get him too. Our lives intertwined at the perfect moment for both of us. We needed each other, and still need each other. 

Okay, okay…Ill stop gushing. I tend to do that often. 

Moving forward…the thing I want you to take away from all of this- learn to let go better. Learn to let go permanently. Do it for yourself. Think of all the time you're wasting not doing something different to overcome whatever IT is. Be selfish. Choose YOU. You're the only one that can do the work …and honey, its work. Every day. Every decision. Damn near every thought has to be pushing you towards your goal of letting go. 

I want to end with this poem by Stefanie Briar, “ Surrender” 

One of the hardest lessons

Is learning the difference 

Between when to hold on

And when to let go. 

At some point, 

We have to trust

That souls know their way home. 

What is meant for you will find you ….

And stay. 

I think that sums up pretty well how to view letting go. This was good today. I appreciate you taking the time to read…and hopefully youll think of something you can just let go.

[blissfullybloomed]

Yeah, it's been a while, but today felt like the right day to write again. I missed it. 

So let's get all the updates out of the way since my last post(Dec 2023). Oh man…it's a lot. 

I spent New Years with my boyfriend(yeah we're still a thing), and his best friend. Had to go home early though…cause like…im old, and we work in the mornings. 

February I picked up a few extra gig jobs to pay off school. I delivered for Instacart, Spark, Shipt, and Amazon Flex. While working two other jobs. I had to pay it off and I was tired of waiting for money to just appear….cause that's totally not a thing. 

March was my man's birthday! The first one I got to spend with him. Gifts that I got him don't matter…like i'm not gonna sit here and list them off…just his face was all i needed. That look of just you didn't have to do that..but he was glad I did. 

I started therapy to heal from a relationship with a family member that I actually never really understood until very recently. I'm learning that , in the words of Taylor Swift, “Hi, it's me , I'm the problem”- I know that now. I know a lot now actually. 

Started reading a book that has helped immensely with my healing as well. I won't mention the title in this blog as it's specific to one person in my life…but I will say this: No one is perfect, no matter the title they hold in your life. Additionally titles don't mean shit. We're all human and that's the only title I care about…unless you're an alien…then like, can we be friends. 

The Medical Board of Ohio gave me my massage license, and I have signed a lease for my own business and actually have two clients ( sister and friend.) Yeah…Blissfully Bloomed is actually a real , tangible thing now. 

I moved in with my boyfriend. Yup, the WHOLE sentence! It's been about 3 weeks , and let's just say we are slowly adjusting to the new. The animals are a little testy, but we love them all.Spray bottles are in every room now. LOL!  He has been incredible throughout the entire process. I even know how to plug my tire now. He is patient, and kind. Even on days…i don't want to be human…he is still right there. I will tell you this- I never knew love could feel this deep…this solid…this safe. He truly is the person I was supposed to find. Someone in my life once told me a long time ago,  “he has brought back what the locust stole”- When it was told to me the first time it didn't make sense, and in hindsight…I know why it didn't make sense. Now…I understand the phrase…I understand what a healthy and honest relationship looks like. I understand that MEN operate completely differently when they too feel safe and understood.  I love you like crazy baby. 

I started a solid vitamin regimen…and boy oh boy has it helped immensely. My anxiety only peaks during stress, and unknown areas of my life now. It's not at the forefront anymore. Vitamins, therapy, massage, counseling, coloring, legoing, and being surrounded by motivated individuals who only want to better themselves have been the key to my success. Sure I have days just like everyone else where I just don't wanna. But as my boyfriend says”it's allowed, just have to find a balance”- So i'm working on it…BUT vitamins are so good! 

So I think that covers it for the updates…Lets chat about whats to come! 

Moving through all of the above has required high energy and focus to obtain a goal. The focus was definitely fueled by my sister jessica. My sister was the entire inspiration to become a Massage Therapist. What's crazy…I had a client last week…she was a nurse at Nationwide in the pediatric unit….I think she would have worked with Jess at some point, and she was on MY table. Small world sometimes ya know. 

Massage gave me my heart back and I've said that since school…you can't be heartless and be a massage therapist. It's impossible. We comfort through the power of touch. We calm anxiety, recirculate blood to all the necessary parts of your body, we hold space for others to relax. Coming from someone that was very very selfish in her past life…to be able to have people on my table is a gift I will always attribute to my sister Jess. Man do I miss her. What I wouldn't give to wheel her into my massage studio and give her some relaxation for a brief moment. She showed me native american flute music too. I love ya sis. We all do. You can come visit me anytime anywhere. I love you. 

Okay well, on that note…I'm crying. So I think it's a good time to get ready for the day. I have three clients. One of which lost their mother last week. Like I said, massage is so powerful. It truly brings joy and I am able to give joy to others now. What an absolute gift. 

Thanks for listening to my ted talk- see ya on the flippity flip! 

[blissfullybloomed]

We made it, and we want more!

Today is December 5th 2023, it's raining outside here in Ohio.

Super Seattle day. It's beautiful. 

Today's entry comes from my sister's couch, and as always we're going deep- so buckle up. 

This platform, Tumblr, has been a sanctuary for me this year. I started this blog August 5th,  and shared some very intimate things about my life with you. Today will be no different, other than…today will be my last entry…at least for a while. Maybe, I'll come back and reread these entries from time to time and reflect on the lessons I've learned, and the lessons I've help teach. Call it , “taking a book from the shelf”- thankyou.  I have learned through life there are seasons for everything, and the season for this blog in this space has ended. So let's peel back the layers one more time, and then close the book on this chapter of my life. 

I want to ask a really big question today: What is your WHY?

What's your WHY in your career? 

What's your WHY on your spouse choice?

What's your WHY on your hobbies? 

What's your WHY on your beliefs?

Today, we're going to talk about getting back to the basics, and your WHY. 

This is the biggest lesson I've learned throughout my healing journey. 

When you are on a journey ( no matter what the journey is), you always have to establish the WHY first right? Why are you going to change…why are you leaving a relationship?...Why are you leaving your family? Why did you choose to stop drinking? Why did you choose to lose weight? You get the point. 

The reason behind the WHY pushes us forward and our thoughts now become actions. Actions become behaviors, and so on and so on. 

Here's the thing tho…figuring out the WHY is the hardest…at least it was for me. 

After July of 2022, I didn't know the answer to my WHY anymore. My sister died. She died and my entire life just stopped. I couldn't function anymore. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve the cards she was dealt.  She just left. Everything changed. Everything facet of my life at that exact moment was broken. I was broken. I was angry. I was hurt. I was lost. I was so lost. Have you ever tried to open your eyes after getting deep sleep, and you can't because they are stuck together? That's what my life felt like then…I was stuck. The ONLY thing that kept me going were my friends in massage school. Thank you guys. Some days…my friends weren't enough to get me out of the dark. 

I was stuck. 

Fins glued to the floor. 

I chose to stay stuck for a very long time. Grief has a way of just ruling your life for a while…until you choose to remember the good. Until you chose to remember her laugh, and all the joy she brought to SO many people. My sister touched the lives of people around the world. And I will tell you that I know now…that she is my WHY. My sisters are my WHY. They always have been. 

My sisters and I have been through some things that sisters should not have to go through. They are unspeakable things. 

Our bond is completely unbreakable. Thank you for holding me up when I couldn't even stand. 

We are all very different people now as adults than we were as children. We are each other's saving grace. We are each other's best friends. Jess still lives in all of us, differently, and it bonds us together. 

With all that in mind, I figured out my WHY, and instantly changed my life for the better. No questions asked, and no plan…I just knew I had to get home. Ohio is home. Family is home. 

Never in a million years, did I think I'd live with my sister and her wife at 35 years old, in Ohio. But man, it was the BEST decision Ive made in my entire life. No questions asked. 

So when you figure out your WHY. Run towards it, as fast as you possibly can. 

2023- We made it…and we want more! 

Here's to 2024! Happy Holidays to you and yours this year!

[blissfullybloomed]

Happy November 1st 2023! 

It's been 30 days since my last blog post and we have updates. Before we get to those updates- How are y’all? Y’all doing alright? Did you have a good Halloween? I actually went trick or treating twice this year! Hopefully you got to dress up and be a kid again for a little while, or walk around with your nieces or nephews. It's the time spent that actually counts. First snow of the year, on Halloween, in the streets of Columbus, in the land of Hocus Pocus it started to feel like a scene out of a movie. Streets were lined with trees of red, yellow, and orange leaves. Snow falling, hot chocolate steaming off the disposable coffee cups, costumes of t-rex and Garfield running through the streets. It was bliss for a few snowflake moments. Life is still really good. I'm happy. 

So, let's get to the updates. 

Passed the MBLEx(Massage and Bodywork Licensure Examination)

Quit the Chiropractor Office for Full Time at Hand and Stone

Went to a Motionless In White Concert with my man - super dope!

Trick or Treated with my family for the first time since I was a child- the dopest!

Went to Circleville Pumpkin Show- Big pumpkins and hella pumpkin food!

Went to the Renaissance Festival - Where has that been all my life? - The best!

Met the boyfriend's father- he's cool as a cucumber, and we watched EDM videos together on Youtube! He's a big softy. I totally see where my man gets his empathetic nature. 

Whew! October was loaded! Super excited for November! 

November is going to be a special month for me this year. It's the first year I've spent Thanksgiving with my family in a very long time. Shoot, typically, it's the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade,  the WestMinster Dog Show , and Cracker Barrel delivery solo with Chunk and Chee. This year…I get everything. I get my sisters, niece and nephews, sister in law, brother in law, family friends, and my boyfriend all under one roof.  Sharing a meal together, going around the table telling each other what you're thankful for- Yeah, this year…it's gonna be incredible. 

It's crazy to think how fast this year is wrapping up. Makes you really reflect on what you've accomplished, and what you have yet to accomplish. Take stock today. Figure out where you are with those goals we established a few months ago. How do you close out today- this week, this month, this year so that it's a success? Just because it's the end of the year…we ain't done yet. Keep moving on your diets(which by now are lifestyle habits), your financial goals, your relationship goals, your professional goals…all of them…you're not done yet! 

We have risen like phoenixs this year. We have recreated who we are. We have clawed our way out of the pit. We have transformed. 

We have bloomed. 

I love you guys! Here's to the next 30 days! Kill it out there!

"Beauty in the red stone and the blue waters, the light guides the way." - Thankyou Sheboygan, Wisconsin. *Victoria Bloom*

[blissfullybloomed]

Beauty in the Stars

It's Sunday! 

Yeah, it's been a few weeks. Been busy, living this beautiful life I've curated for myself. 

Speaking of beautiful…my boyfriend and I went to the John Glenn Astronomy Park last night- we saw Starlink(Elon Musk’s satellites),  a shooting star with a full moon, in the back of his truck, and lots of blankets! Then we fell asleep….Im swooooooning!  I'm in love y’all! I have always been in love with love. I love this part. The honeymoon phase…the ooey gooey, the fluff, la la land…etc. Whatever you want to call it…I love it! The cute thoughtful gifts(wildflowers and legos), the romantic sweet things(our bubble),how he still gets nervous sometimes, and how I hope to god nothing is in my teeth when I smile, the safety to be weird, the comfortable silences where you get lost in each other, and the moments that legit take your breath away. All the firsts you get to experience with one another. Yeah, good things come to those who wait- and baby I've waited patiently for you. 

Speaking of good things, and waiting…professional life is going great too! The work at the chiropractors office is teaching me more and more why I stepped into the field of Massage Therapy when I did. Doctors are SOOOO fast to prescribe medications to someone when it only affects the superficial layer of things rather than the root issue. Chiropractic care is essential, and it's holistic(no meds required- use your body to heal your body), Massage Therapy is holistic self care. Massage and Chiro go hand in hand…and it's pretty cool I can use my education I have received with professionals in the healthcare industry. Very cool. 

Hand & Stone is cool too…I've made a lot of cool friends(them young ones), and they speak in a completely different language sometimes. It just solidifies the fact that I am OLD. Its okay, my life is incredible. I'm good with it. Per!

So , yeah life is just grande. 

One part that is new and not so grande is the fact that I am still learning things about my past, and learning how to accept and move on from certain things. I'm almost to the point of just not asking questions anymore…and just living in ignorance. I think ignorance is bliss sometimes. Bliss in the sense of ... .What does learning a certain new thing do for me in MY future? Do I need to know? I feel like I need to know how to process, and move on…but now…I'm not even sure what's left to process. I was told horrific lies about someone very important in my life my entire childhood, by someone who I knew was toxic. I chose to believe the toxicity anyways…I had to latch to some truth…and the only truth I was being told was lies. How would I know that in the moment…that it was lies? I wouldn't..we wouldn't. We didn't know. We just didn't know man. We were kids. No one told us otherwise. We lived our life believing a lie, and hating the man who told us the lie. Brainwashing is a powerful thing. Especially on the young mind. 

Anyway, conversations are still looming about…and I think…I think I'm over it. I'm over the noise, the chaos, the unsettling information, the blame, and the hurt. I have been over it for a long time actually…I just wanted closure, and I sure as shit got it. After 20 plus years , I got the facts I wanted. The information wasn't what I wanted - but I got it. Thank you for giving me closure. You were the last one I needed it from. The last one. No one is left for me to heal through. Holy crap does that feel good to type. 

So now what?! We live. We live in the beauty that is our life. I didn't get here by myself at all…so thank you to those involved.

“Every once in a while, things will get you down…just don't forget to look up. There is beauty in the stars”- Victoria Bloom 

[blissfullybloomed]

Good Morning, and welcome to Sunday!

Sunday seems to be the day where I yoga and write the most frequently the past few weeks. The past few weeks have just been …intense. 

I am infamously known for taking on WAY more than I can handle at once. I think this is due to me having to always juggle several things as a child(emotionally, physically…)  It's something I have learned that continues to be repeated and cycled through. Typically when burn out happens I have mental breakdowns, call off work, isolate, and unfortunately shut out everyone. Well , as one goes on a journey…they learn lessons. So the lesson I have learned with this, is being self aware when I'm overloaded. This can be work, personal, relationship, or family overload. This time it was just a “newness” overload.  New house, new state, new job(s), new relationship, new friends, new family experiences…etc. Just all the new things. 

A few months ago, I was extremely excited(the manic), and I was sooooo ready to get out of Wisconsin, that I didn't actually enjoy my last two weeks I was there- I sat there just counting the minutes before I graduated massage school, and the days before I left for Ohio. 

Well…here we are …in Ohio. Fully. 

I have always been one that adjusts to any certain situation pretty easily at first, then the routine/responsibility kicks in and I just keep moving through it as if nothing new has happened. I don't think I take enough time to really just understand what is going on around me. 

We(I) live in a very fast paced world, where information gets to you from across the world in nanoseconds. So, accepting all the new things in my life, has been a very “paced” acceptance. Now, don't get confused by my demeanor…im very happy with the new. I have waited long enough for the new….it's just a little overwhelming sometimes. 

Example: The new career I'm in-Massage Therapist in a chiropractic office, a Massage Therapist for a corporate spa(tbh, I never thought I would work here…but the benefits outweighed anything), the new house I live in(with my sister and her wife-three dogs, and three cats….along with my two cats- its all new, ) my new relationship- (he is a whole ass adult) I still dig it…it's just new. Even a month in, I'm still adjusting. 

Now, let's talk about an area of “limbo” that I DO NOT do well in at all……the gray area. The in-between: waiting for money to take the MBLEX exam, and waiting to get my license for Massage…the gray area sucks. I loathe it. This stems from me being inherently impatient( Im working on it- slowly.) It also stems from fear. Fear that I'm going to mess up so badly that all this new disappears. It’s also shitty when I have to watch all my friends get all their things first because they actually planned the financial part of the license…etc. I however; did not.  Moving ain't cheap yo.

Anywho, the new is overwhelming. 

So how do we fix it? We establish boundaries to our peace. So clearly working 6 days a week, in two different cities…40 miles apart….isn't the goal. So I regrouped…thought it out, and I am going to stick with a normal 5 day work week. I need that decompression time. That's MY time. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I WAS self aware. I felt myself “turtling”, I took stock, reassessed, and made a change. I need my me time, I need my family and boyfriend time. 

Oh and speaking of the boyfriend. Yall, this one…this one has me by the heart strings. He is there when I don't even know I need him to be there. He supports and motivates me to just breathe once in a while. He tells me it's okay when I'm overloaded with all the new.

If I could just live in our bubble I'd be a happy camper. Our bubble is where I am completely safe. What an incredible feeling. It's really nice to be taken care of by a man emotionally. I will tell you this- he is the first one…I've actually allowed to take care of me. Not the other way around. I also don't fight it anymore. Hyper-independence is a trauma response. I wasn't a fan of a man doing anything for me…period…I thought they would think I was weak, and unable to manage on my own. But now, shoooooot!  He wants to buy me dinner- go for it. He wants to give me an extra long hug in a parking lot, go for it. He wants to take me to lighthouses- go for it.

Take care of me baby. I'm okay with it now, and I'm so here for all of it.  Thank you for just being you. Everyday. 

If he is a moose, I'm totally a moose. 

The new is great. It's overwhelming. I couldn't do it without my family and my boyfriend - for real. I need them all. Ha! Yeah, I need them. I need people in my life now. Maybe I needed people the entire time….I just wasn't ready. I'm ready now.

If you are someone who has helped me through the new…thank you!

Word of advice: Take stock of your own boundaries and include your time. Time is something you don't get back and it tends to slip by very quickly.

"The magic of new beginnings, is single-handedly, the most powerful magic of them all"- Victoria Bloom

[blissfullybloomed]

10 posts!

[blissfullybloomed]

Living In Full Bloom

You know , I was going to start this blog with a “ Happy Weekend” vibe .but, I'm feeling something a little deeper today. Something a little more personal. Let's chat about not being scared in relationships.

This actually has been on my mind for a few days, so why not just dive right in. 

If you don't know by now, I am in a relationship. Like an actual adult relationship. A relationship that is loving, caring, respectful, and most important worthy. Worth in a relationship means a lot to me. I have worked on myself, hard, for the last year. I, myself, actually have self worth…it took a long time to get here.

I know what and who I want. I know what qualities I do and don't want. I also know what things I will and won't tolerate. I also knew I wanted a partner that had done the hard work too, and it makes it that much sweeter- when both parties have “bloomed.” 

Oh, and before you think I have too many “rules”- they are called boundaries my people. Boundaries are the healthiest thing any relationship can have in my opinion. They keep you and your partner safe. Safe in your own self worth. Safe in trust. Safe in communications. Safe in intimacy. All of it. I definitely feel safe in my current relationship. It's one of the best feelings when you can just be who you are and not have to act or fake anything. You don't have to do things out of obligation or to appease anyone…you just genuinely enjoy spending time together, and hate when it has to end. 

My boundaries are known by myself because I did the work. I figured out what those were, stuck to them, and then waited for the right one. I waited two years to find someone that understands what a boundary actually is and how to just be accepting through it.  I don't think I tell him enough how great it is ...I'll work on that.

Thank you for accepting my boundaries. 

I won't get too gushy on here, just yet…but I will tell you this, I can finally breathe. 

I trust him. Yup, I do. 

Yeah, we have rough days at work, or family throws us a curveball, or we have anxiety about a certain event ... .WE make it through that- It's a WE thing, not just a me or just a him thing. We do it together. I don't think I've had that in a very very very long time. Someone that walks beside me, and not in front or behind. It's not a competition with him. It’s just us. It's simple. I enjoy and need something simple in my life. No more chaos.

So, now that we have all this good…how long does it stay? Does it stay through the bad days? Does it join forces to overcome small battles? Yeah. It does. It totally does. I wouldn't have it any other way- it's worth the battle to overcome. 

He is worth that to me. I am worth that to me. 

It's worth it to work at the relationship when it’s  hard…really dig(thanks survivor), and figure out a plan together. 

I'm not running. That's the old me. I don't even feel the need to run. Unless it would be to run to him. 

Feels great to not be scared anymore. 

Accepting him for who, and what he is right now…doesn't scare me. It actually makes me excited to learn more…and ya know BLOOM more with him. 

Life is good yall, really good. 

When the bad days come, I got you, and I know without a doubt he has me too.  If you don't have 100% to give, I'll pick up the slack. When I don't have 100% to give, he picks up the slack. When we both don't have it…we talk about it, and we will make a plan. I feel like I have been looking for him for a very long time, and he just happened to show up one day. He continues to show up…every day. I love it. 

Thank you Universe, for bringing me someone who truly gets me.

This is life in full bloom.

[blissfullybloomed]

Consistency: OOF! Yup, that's where we're headed today. 

Literally this one is going to be rough all over the place. Buckle up!

Being real, this word alone gives me PTSD of a past relationship that I jacked up because I myself wasn't consistent. This is one of those relationships that forced me to learn who I was, because he didn't deserve me in that state. I know you read these, and I'm sorry to you, too. 

Side bar, man am I glad I did the work ... .I just did it a little too late for some partners. 

Anyway, here we go. 

Are you the type of person that gets overly excited about a new task or project and the excitement wears off in a week? Yeah, I used to be too. Until I learned a few tricky tricks. 

“Plan your work, and work your plan.”- Dale Vermillion.  Dale is an incredibly intelligent handsome man who works in realty and mortgage lending. 

This step is the most crucial. The planning, and the working of the plan. Start with setting some goals. Example: Weight loss, Work less hours and be home, Play your guitar more, put more legos together…and so on. 

Once you have a goal…set some timelines to it. Specific timelines. Deadlines if you will. Example: I want to lose weight by the end of the year. Great…now you have a deadline as to when this goal will be reached. Let's take it a few steps further though …let's get granular. 

Make SMART Goals. Smart, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. 

Losing weight by the end of the year is great…but how much weight are we going to lose per month? Per week? Per day? How many calories are we going to intake? See…lots of questions to drill this bad boy down to make it realistic to achieve. 

Speaking of calories…little tidbit. Losing weight is all about calorie intake - calorie outtake. 3500 Calories = 1 pound. Eat less calories…lose weight….eat more calories..maintain or increase your weight. 

Now listen, I'm not a nutritionist…so don't get your panties in a twist….I just know what I know. 

Tell everyone! Keep yourself accountable to whatever task you’re trying to complete. 

This will help drastically with your success or failure in my humble opinion. If you're the struggle in silence type…by all means, go for it. I would highly recommend journaling at minimum throughout that timeframe. It helps with the overwhelming anxiety that is caused when we put too much pressure on ourselves to achieve a goal. No shame in journaling. 

Prepare yourself mentally for disappointment and setbacks. There's a reason why companies forecast potential revenue loss….they know anything can happen and are ready with a plan if it does.

Example: I will lose 50 pounds by the end of the year. I will achieve this by eating less than 3500 calories a day and losing 1 pound every three days, which equals a 2 pound loss each week. Two pounds lost per week = 8 pounds in a month. So I can realistically lose 8 pounds in a month IF i dont over or under eat. So My goal would then change accordingly to allow flux .  Hopefully, that makes sense.

Keep it moving…don't Quit! Show up for yourself every freaking day. Do small things daily to build up to the end goal. Whatever that may be ... .if you need help with goal setting reach out to me. I can totally help with that confidentially. 

Consistency is hard. Really hard. Especially if you are in a mental or physical fog. You just don't have the will to meet your goals today… THIS is why we allow for flux. We can't be 100% everyday. Some days are going to be zero days. Nothing gets accomplished, laundry stacks, dishes in sink, kids in the same clothes as yesterday, reports for work haven't been written…and so on. It's okay, we planned for this to happen. Be easy on yourself…no progress is still progress. You have not chosen to completely stop. Keep moving. 

Some things that help me stay consistent: 

Calendars, Calendars, Calendars…for REAL! I legit have a consistent calendar I use in Microsoft Excel to budget. Yeah, a spreadsheet. 

Alarms and Reminders in any of my devices. I have reminders to shower, make coffee, do yoga, meditate, comb my hair( Yeah it was that bad at one point- my zero days). 

Affirmations EVERYWHERE! Flood yourself with hand written affirmations. I used to have them on chakra colored post notes all around my house. 

Journaling/Blogging. It gets the old out sometimes. Makes room for the new. 

Tea, Yoga, and Meditation…these are my Holy trinity. It's my safe space. 

Your environment. Look around you. Check your five senses? What smells? Sounds? Anything that makes you turn your nose up or cringe….get it out! Refresh everything! This is also making room for fresh new ideas, thoughts, and space. I use sage, incense, candles, aroma diffusers, orange himalayan lamps, meditation music, twinkle lights, artwork that makes me happy ...all the good things. 

Lastly, check the people you surround yourself with. Are they pushing or pulling you from your goals? Really evaluate that. Blinders off. Take stock. Maybe they need to go for a while, so you can focus on yourself? So be it. If they love you, they will understand and either wait for you or be supportive with you. If a person has an opportunity to rid themselves of someone or something toxic in their life, they should take that chance for themselves. If they don't…what self worth do they or YOU have? 

Alright, I'm done preaching today. Get out there and do some stuff! Love y'all!

[blissfullybloomed]

Solitude

Solitude is Simple.

Solitude is Sanity.

Solitude is Self Awareness.

Solitude is Solvable.

Solitude is Sanctuary.

Solitude is Sexy.

Solitude is Sassy.

Solitude is Satisfying.

Solitude is Simple.

I guess you figured out today’s subject. 

When you are walking down the street, or see someone in the grocery store who is alone, what goes through your mind? Anything? 

Society and your economic environment probably have brainwashed you to think that being alone is bad. Call the counselors…Call the squad….and so on. 

Being alone and living in solitude is an art form in itself. There are some people out there that think because we are humans…that we are social creatures and NEED to be around others or we will slip into some sort of manifested depression. I agree with that generic concept…but, being alone is needed as well. Keep in mind, I am only speaking for myself, and my experiences….there is probably some scientific research out there to say otherwise…, not in this blog right now though. As I was saying, yes…humans are social creatures, but we are also a single unit as well. We are allowed to feel safe after an overstimulating event, either at home or work. We are allowed to feel safe after an argument with a spouse or loved one. We are allowed to put our needs first in this instance. It's ok. Be easy on yourself. Enjoy the solitude while you have it- learn about yourself. Who are you really? What do you stand for? 

Both those questions are only involving YOU, no one else to answer them. 

Be proud of your solitude.

Now, here's another query. 

Who celebrates single people? There are engagement parties, baby showers, family reunions…but who celebrates the fact that this person has chosen to be single in some fashion and chosen a solitude lifestyle, for a while, or even permanently? Consider how or why they chose that life. Then maybe celebrate that with them. 

Unions are celebrated. 

Let's celebrate solitude for once. 

We should celebrate solitude,  the same way we would celebrate a union ….I just want the cake actually…HAHA! What I'm saying is, take notice of it, understand it…appreciate it, don't shame the person for being single and choosing themselves. It's not cool anymore…it never has been. Quit it. 

If that person chooses to come out of solitude…get ready! You're not ready…for how they evolved…or my favorite word…bloomed, how they bloomed out of solitude. They rose like a damn phoenix , from absolutely nothing. They chose themselves, and fell in love with who they were again. Yeah, I see you people out there….I see you. We are unstoppable. 

Oh, you will fall in love with this person too. You will notice, accept, take in, and finally understand ….because you won't have any other choice. You will get to see their authentic self. They will also get to see yours. You will learn from one another again. You'll grow. All because you both chose solitude, and did the work. 

Get ready, you're about to find the love of your life…You! 

You never know who might come along and fall in love with you too. 

Oh man, dating when you know who you are is a whole other level. 

You have to make it through the trash first…but that comes with knowing your boundaries and sticking to them. Stick to your solitude lessons you learned. Keep repeating doing that, and it will become a habit. Don't settle! You've worked way too hard and came way too far. 

It's simple, easy, natural, honest, communicative, normal, not rushed, safe, and controlled people that will embrace your solitude with you. 

You sir, yeah you…, Im very happy. Like, lost in the clouds, happy. Thank you. 

He did the work too. He lived in solitude for a long time. He is still doing the work, as am I, daily. 

Proud of you baby, keep it moving. 

Celebrate Solitude, because you never know when it will become a union. 

Peace pimps!

[blissfullybloomed]

Transition

What a week. Has it only been a week? It's been a week since Ive moved from Wisconsin to Ohio, and it's been one of the best weeks of my life. It's like, I won the boss fight on Dark Souls…these bosses are NOT easy. No, it's more than that…I'm at peace. 

I have spent a year working on myself. A lifetime battle of mine dwindled down to a year of consistent and hard work.The work that makes you see ALL parts of yourself- the good and the bad. The really good and the really bad too. A year of figuring out what my boundaries were, and actually sticking to them. A year reconnecting with people that I never thought I could, and finding out they are beautiful people too. A year of getting rid of anything toxic to my growth, and realizing the blunt reality of things. A year of learning how to accept things I can not change, and understanding that I am enough as I already am. A year of crying, kicking, screaming, isolating, and fighting…when all I had to do was to accept people, places, and things for who and what they currently are, and understand that it's okay if they don't line up with me. Do I believe people can change? Absolutely…BUT….they have to want it for themselves first and foremost. If a specific person is reading this…thank you for that lesson. I never knew how that would be a catalyst into the best part of my life. There was a person in my life that wasn't scared to be blunt and honest with me during our friendship. I wasn't ready to hear or accept it. I heard you and got to work. So, thank you. I'm so sorry for all the chaos I drug you through. 

During this week, I have learned things about my family I never knew. I've got to sit in the back of my own car, and have my sister in law drive me to her house …because I live there now- not because it's the closest to Columbus Airport. I got to watch a movie with my family. Not just any movie…my favorite movie. I got to drive to my new job, Hospice Massage Therapist/Activity Director, and that's a 2 minute drive. I got to be greeted by people I haven't met, and they STILL said I have this light that shines bright, and they are so excited to have me on the team. I got to do a yoga pose with my papaw. I got to have a conversation with my mother that was 10 years overdue. I have been exposed to the show Big Brother…and I still don't get it LOL! But I get to spend time with Zachary figuring it out. I got to listen to new music with my aunt.I got to learn that my uncle is still working 48 hours a day. My sister Jess was even there in spirit. I felt her when all 11 of us were sitting on the porch…she was there. She was there clapping her hands, she was there when we lifted the lanterns too. She’s always here. We miss you Jess. I could go on and on and on…. I'm so glad to be home. It really is the little things in life that mean so much, and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out. 

I think the crying will eventually stop. Crying from being so damn happy when the things I've envisioned happening for years…have finally happened. Moving back to Ohio was the best decision I've made in a very long time. Chunk and Chee are happier too. They have new sights, sniffs, and sounds to explore. My cats saved me too. I wish they knew how much. I think they do. Animals are incredible creatures. 

So, here's to this week- I start my new career. I'm a hospice massage therapist. I have 14 patients, and 148 residents to watch over with an incredible team. I can't tell you readers enough how incredibly lucky I am to have found this career. This career found me. Jess showed it to me actually. She grew up with nurses and aides in our home her entire life…she had a hospice massage therapist. This was before I even knew a hospice massage therapist was a thing. Thank you sister, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You taught me how to love again, how to put others before myself, how to give without expecting something back, how to treasure all the precious moments life has to offer someone, how to keep moving even when I can't move, and how to trust the right people. My sister is with me during every client I have…and will continue to be the reason I do what I do everyday moving forward. I love you past the end of the earth. Thank you. Thank you a million times. I love you. 

Ohio. Here we go, my old friend.  “My emotions need to be as educated as my intellect. It's important to know how to feel, how to respond, and how to let life in so it can touch you.”- Victoria Bloom.

[blissfullybloomed]

Wisconsin. Came in a Reyna, left a Bloom. 

Today is August 12th, 2023. I have lived in Wisconsin for three years. Let's chat about how I got here, and how I am leaving…because it's a story and a half. Some of the details I will be sharing today, many of you do not know about, and for that I am sorry. 

I moved to Wisconsin by way of a promotion, worked two years to grab said promotion, and I was extremely excited to move out of South Carolina to make a lot of money. 

Even typing that feels gross. 

I ended up leaving South Carolina, leaving behind my husband at the time. Plans eventually changed on his arrival to Wisconsin. That's life. For all of you wondering, how in the heck i'm still very close friends with my ex-husband…..it wasn't easy, for either of us. We both had unfortunately come to the conclusion that we had wanted different things in life , and it was too different to continue walking the same path together. I still remember being in Kenosha, on the phone with him, agreeing that we had to tell the family. I don't remember who I called first; but I'm pretty sure it was either my papaw or mother. Regardless; after I made the calls- I completely just fell out. Literally fell to the ground, and curled up in a ball in my living room, and just wailed. Charles, you don't know this…but we did the same thing in that house. Slept on the floor…because nothing else felt comfortable. Not sober.  

When you have to face the fact that the person you married isn't going to be the person you continue to build with- it hits differently. I never wanted to be married in the first place. I didn't believe in marriage at all. My entire life was surrounded by cheating, promiscuous behavior, lies, and mistrust. Why would I trust it? Well …I trusted charles. So I figured what the hell. Let's do it. I still trust him. Crazy…because I almost left this earth twice, on purpose,  due to the broken marriage. I felt like I failed him, myself, and everyone around me. I had zero identity. I was no one. Nothing. Just an ex-wife. 

Why was I an ex wife? Because I wanted to do what I wanted to do and NO ONE was going to stand in my way…including him. All he wanted was children. He wanted to know what it was like to be a father, and hold my hand while I birthed a child for our family. That's what wives do right? That's what's supposed to be the next thing in life ... .but I didn't want that. I was still like 20 something...and had a lot I wanted to do with my life. I knew kids would be time and money. Charles would have slept in his truck…to make ends meet. Yeah, he is that guy. Incredible man. I have no idea how you waited so long for something you wanted. 

I wanted to go make a shit ton of money. Six figures. At that time in my life, I thought money was everything. That stemmed from not having a lot of anything as a child. Mom did what she could with what she had. Single mom, four kids. I can't imagine. 

Yeah, I used to be that girl- money hungry, and title obsessed. She was a mess. An absolute utter mess. I'm sorry Charles you knew that part of me, but thank you so much for loving me through it, and still loving me to this day. I now know what unconditional love actually is, and what it feels like. I want nothing but the best for you. Always. You will always be my biggest love, and biggest heartbreak. “A book on the shelf, to come back and read once in a while, and smile.” - Charles. Love you dude, and I'm sorry

Alright, moving on. 

So how do you overcome moving across the country, solo, new job, new boss, new apartment, no clue where wal-mart is, new doctors…new everything? You just do. Here’s the thing though…I didn't do it the healthy way…I tried to do everything all at once. I couldn't. I exploded. Literally blew up. 

I attended a riot in Kenosha during a very trying time for that city. That's where I put my energy. Pushing down a fence in front of the courthouse that I had filed for divorce in. About an hour later, and a tear gas canister…I was in a squad headed to the hospital for a traumatic brain injury. Three days. Concussion. Memory loss. All of it. Had my friend not picked me up off the sidewalk- I would have been trampled. I think I wanted to be trampled. Then the pain would have gone away. I was so angry. So freaking angry. I thought I had done so many things right in my life ... .and i didnt. I couldn't accept failure. I didn't know how. I knew my sisters would down on me for leaving the “perfect” husband. I had all these thoughts in my head that I was no longer going to be around anymore. No one wanted me. Not even the man I trusted , and married. 

After the riot, I decided I needed to be put on anxiety medication. I went to the doctor, he prescribed Lexapro. With new meds…it took 6 weeks for it to kick it. The next three months were absolutely insane. So what does a newly single woman do that's heartbroken? She gives herself to people. To feel some sort of attachment. Anything. I ended up getting a UTI so bad I had to go to the doctor. Brace yourself for this one. 

The doctor's visit was another incident…two weeks after the riot. I ended up getting put in the back of a police car because I couldn't control myself, when the doctor said they couldn't just give me meds to take the UTI away. I was caught on camera reaching over the counter trying to grab the nurse behind the plastic guard telling her to just write the damn prescription. I still remember the look on her face. She was like who the hell is this chick? She was also terrified, and that made my heart. I was so in my own world, that I didn't care about anyone else. I do not remember reaching over the counter. At all. Shit was crazy. For a long time. Crazy is an understatement. 

Guess what? Work life was fantastic though! I was #1 in the country for revenue growth year over year. Jesus. What a soul sucking career. That place took my soul, threw it around for a few years, and spit me out. I left that career when my boss came to me and told me , “Your head isn't in it anymore Vic, I'm at a crossroads.” I left before he could fire me. I had moral issues with that career at a certain point, plus with everything else going on in my life at the time…it was time to go. I called my friend Chris, and told him I was sorry for letting him down. I let someone else down that cared about me. I was done dude. Just done. 

I cashed out my 401K, and lived on that for four months. Took time for myself. 

I had to figure out who I was, and what I wanted. 

Well I found it. I wanted a serene atmosphere, where customers don't complain,and I had no moral qualms with- Massage Therapist. So I decided to grab a job as a Concierge-Towel Girl at a resort known for looking like the resort off of Dirty Dancing. The Osthoff Resort in Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin. Oh, the Osthoff. I had a wonderful ten months working there- lost 65 pounds and gained several friends. They offered tuition reimbursement and a position with them for three years. It was a no brainer. I took it, and decided to go to Massage School. 

Blue Sky School of Professional Massage and Bodywork in Grafton, WI was where I landed after a very good interview with the owner. I knew this was where I was supposed to be, I could feel it. The program was 11 months all in, and hella expensive. I had also decided to take Yoga Teacher Instructor, and Open Water Diver Certification….all at the same time. My sister-in law may say I was cycling again ...keeping myself busy with distractions…to avoid the real issue. She was 100% right. I didn't know how to work on myself yet. School taught me how to love myself. The universe has a very funny way of working…putting you in situations that will test you on every angle, and allow you to come out okay in the end. 

Coincidentally enough, massage school gave me my heart back. I figured out how to love, how to accept, how to value myself, how to give goodness to others, and how to trust the process. I learned about Chakras, traditional Chinese medicine, cupping, reflexology, muscle testing…etc. My biggest lesson from school: How to love again. Really love. Not just because they meet certain qualifications. Love them for them. Love me for me. Love all the faults and all the good. Being able to do this with the RIGHT people has been a lesson in itself…hence why I am happily single and thriving. I mean you’re reading this blog….this shit it deep yo. 

Wisconsin, you have been incredible. I thought life was over. 

It's just getting started. 

I bloomed. 

[blissfullybloomed]

Love life and be brave. 

These words are inscribed on a ring that my sister gave to me when I was 14 years old leaving for church camp. She wasn't old enough at the time to go…so she told me to be brave, and she would see in two weeks. Off I went to love life, and be brave. I still have the ring to this day, and I wear it regularly. 

I will tell you, it's not easy to love life, and it's definitely not easy to be brave. Some days you have to force yourself to love life and force yourself to be brave. Those moments you conquer fear, eat a new food that looks really weird, move to a new city by yourself, jump off of a 40 foot cliff, swim with sharks, snorkel with orcas, introduce a new partner to your family, and overcome the unlimited amount of dread that comes with all of the above. That is hard. Extremely hard. Something I have learned though, is when you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation…the universe just kinda has a way of working things out for you. They key…is starting it, or showing up and being present in the moment. Trusting yourself that when things go right, that you will allow it to happen, and learn to accept good things in life. 

So the next time you are faced with a situation where you feel like you can't overcome it and you want to back down…DONT! Trust yourself…it may be the best thing you ever do! 

Love life friends. 

Be brave friends.  

[blissfullybloomed]

“The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen”- Freddy Highmore, August Rush

Good Morning beautiful people! Everyone loves music….yeah, actually everyone. 

Isn't it the coolest thing when you can find people that listen to the same type of music as you do?

When one person enjoys jazz(my papaw), one enjoys electronic dance music(YALL), one or two enjoy native american flute music(my spa peeps), and some more enjoy Simon & Garfunkel(my old-er peeps.) That's when you see  the universal language of music has now brought together different cultures, ideas, and personalities. 

Music has been around since the dawn of time. It's also evolutionary….Just like we are. We as humans evolve into different versions of ourselves as we grow and mature into adults. Our musical preferences change and grow too. I can't imagine you were listening to Buddy Bolden(African-American jazz pioneer from New Orleans), when you were five years old. If you were…you had some dope parents! Your parents and your surroundings subjected you to different types of music, people and places. You know what's cool though? When you find someone else who also listens to Buddy Bolden…and knows his history- you now have a new friend. 

I have curated sooooo many relationships over music. I once fell in love with someone from Sweden over music….it's an entire feeling yall. He had music I had never heard before, and we bonded over that. Still friends to this day!  When you find the music that takes your breath away, and makes the hair on your neck stand up….that's magic. That's love in my opinion. And yeah…music makes me extremely emotional when it hits right. 

I was in a band (YEAH- Im a total band geek through and through) for eight years. I remember they came in during 5th grade and asked us to try and make noise through all these brass instruments….Im not a brass person…LOL. I found my home with the clarinet. I think I was the 6th generation clarinet player? Fam…help me out with that one. No clue…but the clarinet is cool…I still have a hard time “hearing the beat” when reading music for the first time ....but once I hear the tune, I'm golden. Someone has to play the tune for me to hear….communicating musically…universal language. Music is the best. 

Music has let me live through a lot of trauma in my life as well. I'm sure several of you reading this know exactly what I'm talking about here. If you dont…next time you feel happy, play a sad song…see what happens. Your entire mood shifts. Your brain was like….uhm, HALP! 

This is also where this blog may offend you….hang in with me…

I remember being young in church, standing proudly and singing with my gran and papaw to songs like, “ How Great Thou Art”, and I would secretly stop singing so I could hear them sing together. It is still to this day one of my favorite church memories. Papaw's voice is super deep like the ocean, and gran…your voice is honestly angelic. You two are incredible people. Love you very much. I haven't been to church, or listened to any type of that musical genre since I was young. 

I remember riding to the campground in Bellefontaine,Ohio listening to the emo punk rock band,  My Chemical Romance,  with a friend. We didn't listen to it quietly either. We also were not sober when we would listen to it….at the time…I thought that was the best part. Not being sober, and being able to “lose “ myself in music. I didn't want to be in reality at that time of my life ...loud music got me through though…and so did my friend. Unfortunately, we fell out permanently. We had different paths, and that's okay. In hindsight, we both had each other …through one of the hardest, and unimaginable times in both our lives. Still a universal language, and musical communication. 

I remember hearing a man sing Disney songs in his truck- because he couldn't have know Disney music! I later married that man. He introduced me to Boyce Avenue(cover band), Journey….whew…this one is hard. Damn, I said two sentences, and I forgot how to type.

You got it Vic, keep moving. 

 I remember him acting an absolute idiot singing AeroSmith. This person is now my ex-husband. I fell in love with him over Disney music. The reason…my favorite childhood memory is watching Little Mermaid over and over again until the VHS Tape couldn't play anymore. He knew every word to not just Little Mermaid…all of em. He was a disney fanatic too.  That was all it took for me...I'm not sure he even knows that. I am very thankful for that small gift of musical communication…it united us. We are still supportive friends to this very day. Love you dude. Thank you. 

All of these musical memories have history, language, love, rage and vulnerability attached to them.

Each one a catalyst to the other in my own personal timeline. 

Each is a universal language that someone else understood during a time. 

In closing, music has saved my life more than once. Well cats too, but we aint talking about them yet. If you ever find yourself in the deepest depths of yourself and you feel like you can't claw your way out…try music. Just try it …see if it speaks to you. 

I bet it will. 

“La música es hermosa”

“Muzyka jest piekna”

“Muziki ni mzuri”

Yeah…its spanish, polish, and Swahili….get some education! I'm kidding of course…but while you're still here…go look up some polish music ….it's the coolest! 

Peace!

[blissfullybloomed]

Holistic Healing

Let's start with some simple definitions for both of these words. 

Holistic ( in regard to medicine): Characterized by the treatment of the WHOLE person, taking into account MENTAL and SOCIAL factors, rather than just the SYMPTOMS of the illness. It stems from the old English word holism( 1920s). 

Healing ( in regard to person) : The process of making or becoming sound or healthy again, and to make free from injury or disease. To make well again, and return to the earth. 

Great! Now what?! HOW does one Holistically Heal themselves? How would one even know if they NEED to do some holistic healing? That's where we start today. Being self aware. 

I'd like to present a few questions for you to internally answer: 

What are YOUR hobbies? Not your friends, not your spouse, not your co workers…YOURS?

Who are YOU? What do you stand for? Again….not your friends, spouse or co-workers. 

What foods do you truly enjoy? 

What music do you listen to on a daily basis?

Could you answer them? If you could- that's great! You've got a head start on everyone else- Congrats on finding yourself. If you couldn't answer them…let's work on that together.

I believe the first and most crucial step in becoming holistically healed is to know your true self. Can you introduce yourself without saying you “belong” to someone. Example: Hi, my name is Victoria, I'm the sister of…Im the wife of ...Im the business partner of ... .NO! Stop the madness… YOU are good enough as you already are- let that soak in. You don't need to validate yourself in a work title, you don't have to be someone’s anything. You're enough as you are. 

I have personal experience( look ma, I learned how to spell- AKA…spell check) with the above introducing struggles. 

Now, don't get it twisted..I am in no way stating that you shouldnt be proud to be someone's wife, husband, co-worker…etc, I'm simply stating that it's okay to be your own self. There's bliss in solitude. 

Moving on…, How do you find out who you are? How do you find out what food you truly enjoy? How do you change the repeated monotony of your life? That's what it is…repeating the same thing. You're comfortable there…it's ok, I used to be too. There's safety in the known, and fear in the unknown. Overcoming fear…that's a whole other blog…I'm still working on that one honestly. 

So….I've rambled enough…Get to know yourself.

That's how you holistically heal. Holistic medicine is all about utilizing what your body already has inside of it from a hormone/chemical level and using natural remedies(plants from the earth) to aid in health. It’s not a toxic pill made in a factory at an enormously high dollar amount. It's not a drug induced drink (Coca-cola…cocaine…) made in mass at a low dollar amount to produce the happy hormone for a fleeting second. Now granted, McDonalds Coke is literally to die for, and yes…I've drank them…) 

Things to try instead of what you're doing now: 

Ibuprofen( kills the liver)...Try Arnica Montana instead. 

Ora-gel(destroys your gums)....Try Clove - It takes the pain away instantly. 

Any inflammation…..Turmeric/Mushrooms. 

Anxiety…..Kava/Ashwagandha

Try new things, eat new food, hangout with new people, get a new job, write a blog(HA), do something physical , challenge yourself, go disc-golfing on your damn motorcycle( I'm so proud of you), do whatever you want...but don't be afraid to try new things. You're doing yourself a disservice if you don't. You already knew that though because you are smart. You are beautiful. You are sexy. You are fierce. You are incredibly loud. You are impatient. You are colorful. You are… You are enough. 

Frolic the fields. 

[blissfullybloomed]

The exact moment I bloomed...

Setting: Elkhart , Wisconsin @ Aspira Spa Yoga Studio

Imagine if you will- you have to get in front a bunch of people you don't know and show them your "secret talent".

Keep in mind, this is also after running around the yoga studio chanting like a lunatic that I wanted to heal my inner child, drumming on a cowskin sabra.

The talent I showcased was " the cup flip song", I learned it in church camp coincidently enough. This talent involves clapping and flipping a cup in unison to a melodic beat- its also something I can do very quickly, and at this point in the photo, the cup slipped out of my hands. The cup flew to the floor, and I instantly laughed( now they were looking at me and NOT the cup)......ANXIETY!!!

So I chose to stop the talent and just say , " that's it folks"- and it was over. Afterwards, there was discussion about self love, blooming, acceptance, and hurt. During that moment, I knew I would always be blooming into something more and better .

The next exercise was to vocally say this phrase: "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."

Yes, the Ho'oponopono song.

We didn't just say this once. we had to say it over and over and over and over until we could say the whole thing without stopping, crying, or stuttering. The first time around the circle, I got mad, and couldn't get any of it out....I had so much guilt that I let my sister die. Yeah, I felt that it was my fault...just like everyone else does in the stages of grieving. I could've been there more, could've taken her outside more, could've listened to more music with her...anything. Damn , Id do anything to just have her back for like two seconds. I miss you Jess. Its still so unreal. It doesn't get easier. it just hurts over and over.

Second time around the circle was more of the same- it took four rotations for me to get it out, and I cried and shook the entire time. Even while typing this, I'm shaking...losing a sister is unlike anything I could ever explain to anyone. It sucks, and its the absolute worst. Jessica's smile would light up a room in complete darkness.

After all was said and done, people were able to give feedback about our performance...and the word that kept being repeated was Bloom. That I was blooming through another traumatic event in my life.

I took it , and sat with it for a year, and then made it my legal last name.

I will always bloom.

I'm not meant to be dull, colorless, empty, or dead.

We are ALL blooming through something..

If you are struggling to bloom, drink some water...dehydration is a killer.

If you have bloomed....find another flower and lift them up towards the sun....

Each day is a chance to Bloom...Will you?

[blissfullybloomed]

Bloom

The hardest part is showing up, and you did just that today.

Welcome, I hope you're ready for a journey- I sure am, so lets go!

It's introduction time for my readers.

Hi, my name is...Victoria Marie Bloom, I'm 35, a massage therapist, a photographer, a well versed business woman, a yoga teacher( in training), and a scuba diver( also in training).

Wow! What an intro....I've worn many hats in my thirty-five years, and I have found that each hat is very specific for where I am currently in life. The hat(s), I'm wearing now...Massage Therapist- yeah, I'm in love. We can talk about how I got there a little later- I want to give you some insight into why I decided to write a blog...online...for everyone to read.

I will be honest with you guys, I have no idea where to actually start. How do you start telling people you've never met , about your life? This isn't a Facebook post, a Instagram reel, or snap story....this is therapeutic healing. This is an outlet I have chosen to use to allow others to follow along, and maybe something I say...will help you or give you a different perspective in life. This will also probably offend you and your beliefs at some point...ill ask you hang in with me, and keep reading. Regardless if you are offended...we can still disagree and love one another. We need more love in this world anyway.

Love and Music are the two universal languages across the globe. You can see love across the aisle at the grocery store, between two people who are fighting over what hot sauce to get for taco night. You see love in how the candle flickers against the wall during date nights. You see love in the unheard smiles on the phone, and the hugs you give your cat. I hope the most precious place you find love, is yourself. Loving yourself is something I personally have won the fight over- I also know there are people who struggle with this currently. Its not easy friend, but trust me , you are not alone. Love is also found in musical lyrics, tones, and even musical silences. The moment in between a decrescendo and crescendo. That small space where things shift in a positive way.

THAT is where you find love for yourself. The in between, the uncomfortable, and the silent.

Remember friend, that space is temporary- you have to go up sometime.

Learn to love yourself in the uncomfortable. That is where you bloom.

Like I said, welcome to a journey. Love yourself the most.