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[blogallaboutmusic]

Let Go

"Here in the darkness, I know myself; but I can't break free until I let it go! Let me go!" -EVANESCENCE LITHIUM The words "letting go" has a negative connotation in it. People often think of it as a sad word that means surrendering and admitting defeat. It could also means stopping from doing what you really love. That is why there are people who never consider letting go of anything. But while letting go can be a harmful thing to do, it can also be beneficial to you. Why? Because if you would only learn to let go of the right things at the right time, then you will see how it really is to be happy. So what are those things that you need to let go of? Well, if you're asking for a specific person, animal, place, thing or event, I'm sorry but I can't name one. That will actually depend on you yourself. Only you can identify what to hold on to and what to let go of. The only thing I can do is to give you an advice. And here are my suggestions: First of all, let go of those things that you have never loved. One of the worst things that could happen in your life would be being trapped on something that you have never ever loved. It's like being bound by a golden chain. No matter how beautiful it is as it shimmers, it still doesn't change the fact that it stops you from being free. So it's better just to let it go. Next, let go of those things that don't make you happy. Life is too short to be unhappy. And while it is good to take time to fight for something that tortures you for some time; doing so in the long run will kill you. It will kill you with frustrations, failures, and pains. And so it would be better just to let it go. Then, let go of something if it harms you. Let go of something if it teaches you to betray the goodness in your heart. Let go of it if it urges you to sin against yourself and the people and things around you. Let go of it if it fills your heart with cruelty, anger and fear. Those things will not do anything good to you. Just let it go. And finally, let go of something once you have already lost your feelings for it. Let's be honest. Just because you love something today doesn't guarantee that you will also love it in the future. Just because something made you happy before doesn't mean it will always make you happy. Just because something was helpful yesterday doesn't mean that it will also be helpful tomorrow. Let's face it, the only permanent thing in this world is change. So there's no sense in making believe that nothing has changed. Stop pretending that you can still restore something that has already transformed. It will only hurt you in the end; so why not just let it go? Now, I know you maybe are confused. Yes, I almost told you to let go of almost everything. But no, I am not teaching you to be a coward who would just flee from every uncomfortable situations. In fact, I understand your need to put up a fight. I understand that you need to push yourself to your limit for you to grow. But when pushing yourself starts to harm you, my aim is to let you know that it's always better to let go than to slowly die. I also want to let you know that let you know that letting go, may it be of the right things or of the wrong things, would be very difficult. It feels like losing something that you have been so used to having. It will greet you with the unfamiliarity and the emptiness of having to start again. But I promise you that it will be worth it. That is because for every thing you lose, you will gain something better. For each thing you let go of, you will receive something that will give you happiness.

[blogallaboutmusic]

Three Things about Love

“All want is a world of true, true love.” -THE FABSISTERS WORLD OF TRUE LOVE

Love is undeniably one of the most famous words in the universe. Love is said to be the reason why God decided to create us and all the others beings around us. It was also the reason why we were made by our parents. Love is always present in each talking opportunities a person would ever encounter, no matter how formal or casual it is. It also is the composers’ and lyricists’ favorite topic when writing songs. But while love has already been described in myriads of ways before, there are three things about love that we should never forget.

First of all, love is something that everyone wants and needs. I believe that each person is designed to look and search for love. That is why Maslow saw love as our second basic need. After our physical needs, it has to be the second thing given for us to survive; and without it we will not be prepared enough to look for those other needs on the list.

But we should remember that while it’s our right to receive love from other people, it is also our responsibility to give love to them. Of course, you’re not the only person in this world. And the world doesn’t revolve around you. One must also think that the person who always takes time to shower him/her with love is also a human being, someone who also deserves to be loved. I believe that is the reason why there’s a lot of misunderstanding in this world. We sometimes forget that other people are people too. We sometimes forget that while we’re searching for someone to love us, other people also searching someone to love them, too. We sometimes tend to think of no one else but ourselves. And because of that, we fail to understand other people. And that’s where the misunderstandings begin.

Finally, we should never forget that someone loves us. Yes, it’s easy to say that no one does. Whenever you’re frustrated or alone, it’s always easy to think that you are the most unloved person in the world. But that’s not true. Even the most evil person in the world has someone to love them. Remember, even Judas has his Jesus, even Joker has his Harley. Same goes with you. You may not see it right now but someone is working so hard just for you to see that you are loved. No matter how many people abhor you, no matter how many times you’ve been hurt, betrayed and disappointed before, it still doesn’t change the fact that someone loves you. There’s no reason for you to be bitter and scream that there is no forever to those lovers that you see on the street, just because you envy them. All you have to do is open your heart to the fact that love is everywhere, then appreciate that someone who have always loved you all along.

Those are the three things about love that we should never forget. Remembering those will help us enjoy love more. Remembering those will guide us in making the most out of those myriads of things that we have heard about love. It will help us avoid being selfish. It will teach us that love is give and take. And finally, it will open our eyes and hearts for us to see that love is in everyone and everything around us.

[blogallaboutmusic]

On Classifications

“Whether I���m an artist or an idol, I don’t give a fuck; this is my life.” -RAP MONSTER TOO MUCH

There are times when I asked why we need to classify things. Why do we need to differentiate one thing from another?

Of course, I know that this could sometimes be a dumb question. Especially now that I’m already involved in the business industry. Of course, it’s very important for me to know when a transaction would be concerning a payment, an inquiry, a complaint, or a freaking prank. In this situation, it just makes sense to do that. I needed to do that to determine how I would respond to my customer’s demand. Indeed, a payment and a complaint would go through different processes and treatments.

But that shouldn’t be the case when it comes to people, should it? Black people should not go through a different treatment from white people. There shouldn’t be any difference with how we treat a man and a woman. There shouldn’t be things like that, should there be?

My scenario of transactions would also lead me into another dilemma. We have already established payment transaction is different from a complaint. But what do you call a payment transaction that also has complaints with it? Could it be that just because it’s a payment, then it can’t be a complaint, too? I know I’m not the only one who noticed that. That exactly is the reason why the words punk rock, edutainment, Taglish, yellow-orange, etc. were invented. Each of those words are our attempts to classify things that are two things at the same time. That solved the problem for some, but not for most of it. Why? Because it would now lead to the questions such as what to call a punk rock song that is also mixed with hiphop raps and gothic lyrics, or what to call a Taglish lingo that has a twist of the Cebuano dialect in it? It gets more complicated, isn’t it? And you know what’s the worst part of it? It’s the fact that this also applies to us, humans.

Now, that leads me to another question? How do you effectively classify a person or a thing? If you know that a certain person is a kind woman, a teacher, and a mother at the same time, were you already able to classify and determine what she is? How about if you will be seeing a round table that is colored and is positioned near the window, have you already figured out the classification of that certain table? The answer to both of them would be no. There are still other things that you would need to consider for that. How about the woman’s age? Her zodiac sign? Her religion? There are myriads of categories that we would still need to consider for us to be able to effectively classify her. In fact, even a slumbook, a resume, a biography, or even all her legal documents will not be enough for that. And that’s how it is with the table, too.

But you may ask, why am I being too serious with this? Why am I blabbering because of this? That is because this issue gave us the words weird, discrimination, sexism, racism, identity crisis, etc. I’m just wondering why we can’t just accept that we are all different from each other. That way, we won’t need to invent more categories in the future. Because for me, there should only be one category for all of us: we all EXIST.

[blogallaboutmusic]

To My Very Own Dreamer

“Forever, ever, ever, ever! Dream, hope, keep going, keep going.” -BTS YOUNG FOREVER

To my very own dreamer:

Good day! How are you? I decided to write a letter to you because I’m a bit worried about how you are feeling right now. I hope you’re doing fine. I know very well that pursuing your dream will be very frustrating. It will charm you with it’s dream-like beauty, then it will grab you to its nightmares of torture. Every day, it will entice you with the advantages of living in it; then it will remind you that you don’t deserve it. Every day, its struggles will push you to give up. But that, anyway, is why it’s called a dream, a wild and impossible dream.

That is also the reason why I can’t blame those people who chose to forget their dreams and just live with what is possible. Having to suffer on a daily basis is stressful. Having to doubt yourself is depressing. Rejection is heartbreaking. And dealing with failures is never an easy thing to do. So I understand why they decided to repress their desires and live with what they have right now. They chose to accept everything without thinking if they deserve it or not. They only dwelled with what they know would be possible. They didn’t want to take chances, they just wanted to take what’s available. And that’s because those that are available are the easiest ones to take. And I know how that feels. I know because I have also been like them. I myself, also have a dream. I also wanted to pursue it. But I went through ages and ages of self-doubt, failures and rejections. I don’t know how many times have I lost the battles. I came to a point where I don’t even know who I am and what I’m good at anymore, if I’m good at anything at all. Day by day, my struggles continued to wreck the self-confidence that took up years for me to build. Until I came to a point where I simply chose the easier road. I taught myself to be contented with what I have. That decision finally gave me peace.

But that peace unexpectedly bothered me more. Why, my life was so peaceful that I’m better off as dead! Without that dream of mine, I can’t see the reason for me to keep on existing, let alone living. Without that dream, I had no vision, no reason, no purpose. I had nothing. And that is the reason why I am still trying to pursue my dreams up until now. As difficult as it is, I will still try to pursue it every day. Why? Simply because my dream is my reason for living. I live to pursue it. I live with the hope of achieving it. I live with the desire to live in it.

And I know you experienced that, too. And you may experience that again someday. Every day is a battle. But please make sure to choose your dreams every day. Choose it over your insecurities, your fears, your procrastinations. This may not guarantee your success, but I’m telling you that it’s going to be worth it.

I really want you to try it, so I decided to send you a letter. I want to propose a pact, an agreement with you. Choose your dreams every day, and in exchange, I will give you the strength to do so. Let’s be our very own partners, our very own strengths, our very own support. What do you think? Is it a deal? Please say it is.

Respectfully, Yourself

(Lyrics translated from Hangul. Translation not mine.)

[blogallaboutmusic]

TOF: That One Fear

“So we’ll be alright, be alright, be alright.” -BTS THE STARS

I always have this one fear in my heart. It’s that kind of fear that dictates and influences my life. And that one fear is my fear that someday, people will completely give up on me. That fear can be traced from my early years when I was slapped by the reality that a single mistake can change everything. The words, “one mistake and you’re dead” drives me crazy. That’s because I’ve been through that multiple times before. And on most of those times, my fear became a reality.

But why such a fear, you may ask? I have three answers to that. The first one would be because I can’t say that I am a good person. In fact, I consider my life a little bit low in terms of quality. It’s like I have forgotten to add essence, substance and depth to my life. And because of that, I am less interesting than any other people you may know or see. The second is because I am a bad girl. I don’t follow the rules; I don’t show I care; I don’t think of others before making a decision. And because of that, I always end up hurting people. Finally, I’m also good at disappointing people. If I were a street food, I would be the type that will attract people who will only regret ever buying me once they have already realized I am tasteless. People would always be blinded to believe I am someone to be respected, only to be frustrated once I mess up or show my weakness. And because of that, others make sure to never believe in me anymore. Those are the reasons why I developed this kind of fear in my heart.

And I’m telling you that in twenty years of my life, a lot of people have already given up on me. Some of them are my friends, my teachers, my superiors, my relatives, and my acquaintances. Most of them may have not realized that they already did, but like an unconscious defense mechanism, they have already created a physical and emotional distance away from me. Others openly cursed and detested me. They said I’m a waste of time. All of them gave up on me.

And it’s traumatic, honestly. It covers my talent of attracting people with the fear of socializing. It covers my confidence with fear of rejection. In my fear, I refuse to make friends or let people know how crazy I am. I became too afraid to let everyone know my faults because I might disappoint them again. It also drives me to always change my identity when I know that I am still the same hopeless me. But the worst thing that this fear has done to me is leading me to doubt those people that promises to never give up on me. Because of that fear, it became difficult for me to open up, be myself and get attached. Because of that fear, I unconsciously drive people away from me because for me, it’s always easier to be the one to give up than be the one who’s being given up on.

So I write this entry hoping that someday, a time will finally come when I will be able to overcome this fear of mine. Someday, I will no longer be afraid of being who I really am. I will no longer fear my imperfections. I will no longer fear drive people away from me.

I would also want to take this time to thank those people who stayed with me up until now. I have a lot of people with me right now. And I want to thank you all so much. Yes, there would never be a way for me to know who among you will stay with me forever. But that should not give me fear, right? We just have to enjoy and appreciate the company that we’re making, shouldn’t we? Let’s just enjoy it for now.

[blogallaboutmusic]

Passion

"Who in the world can dampen my heart's blood? Nobody." -BTS INTRO: SKOOL LUV AFFAIR How do you know that you love someone or something? Do you rely on your heartbeats? Or do you need something greater than a skip in its beat? Love, for me, is a great word. Love lasts longer than the feeling of false perfection brought by the temporary honeymoon phase that we experience. It is not defined by naivety and by fairytale-like plot twists. It can only be defined by the word "passion." But don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about the heated passion of a kiss, of a touch, and of sex here. What I'm talking about is the passion that makes us move not only a mountain, but a whole continent and the seas around it. I'm talking about the passion that gives us strength and endurance. The kind of passion that teaches us to never give up. But why? That's because love doesn't make us into perfect people, and the world we're living in is a crazy planet. We will fail. We will get hurt. We will disappoint and hurt other people. And only love can keep us persevering and pursuing for our endeavors. Now, let's go back to the first question. How do you know that you love someone or something? For me, you know that you are in love when you know that you are facing a difficult situation, yet you still have the passion to pursue your goals and achieve it. You know you are in love when your passion tells you to never give up no matter what. You are in love when you never get tired of pursuing it just because you can't imagine yourself not pursuing it. So are you in love?

[blogallaboutmusic]

The Loser's Acknowledgement Speech

“This flow’s atmosphere is like a salute.” -J-HOPE ONE VERSE

Sometimes I wonder why is it that people usually remember to say thanks when they have already succeeded. For most people, the best time to say thanks would be when they have received a good news and when they have already achieved their ambitions and dreams. It seems like because of the happiness that they feel, they would suddenly burst and start to say thanks and praises.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not seeing anything wrong with doing that. It’s just that I wonder, are the successful ones the only people who deserve to give thanks? Do you have to be a winner first before you can let your loved ones know that you appreciate them?

I beg to disagree. Being grateful shouldn’t be about you. It should be about them, the people you are grateful for. You should always be willing to say “thank you” to them, despite of your imperfections. For me, that’s the greatest form of gratefulness; that you can humbly bow down, give respect, appreciate effort without a single drop of pride of success showing; that you, in the midst of brokenness can still say, “thank you.”

So right now, I want to take my chance to show how much I’m thankful for those who stayed with me no matter what. To my father who keeps on giving me those precious hugs even with the emotional gap we undeniably have. To my mother who died with the fear that we’re not that strong enough yet to make it through without her. To my siblings who knew very well that I suck at leadership, but still respected me as the eldest and took care of me as the youngest at the same time. To my friends whom I either betrayed or set aside but still stayed to watch me on the side lines, as they struggle with their own lives. To my loved one whom I have disappointed for almost a million times but kept on believing every thing I promised. To my teachers, bosses, leaders who still held on to my talents and skills even when I had never shown any sign of improvement. I want to thank all of you for shining your perfection on my broken and imperfect light. To all of you who saw the vision within my blurry and directionless life. Thank you for urging me to dream big when I don’t know what to expect anymore.

And finally, I want to say thanks to God, whom I have pushed away but still stayed with me to guide me, to protect me and to bless me even when I don’t deserve it anymore.

No words can ever explain how grateful I am to all of you… to all of you who have loved me and my brokenness.

(Translated from Hangul. Translation not mine.)

[blogallaboutmusic]

I’m Dating the PWD

"I want to stay like this forever. Because if I'm with you, I won't have any regrets."

-BTS ATTACK OF BANGTAN

I am blessed with the honor of loving a special man. Someone far from your standards. Someone you would never understand. Someone you will never even dare to love. I am blessed with a different kind of love. Something you can never fathom. Something far from your ideals. Something you will never accept. And I can understand why you're wondering why I embraced that fate. You may think I am a fool, but then I think it'll be more foolish to miss out this great opportunity, too, won't it?

Anyway, I'm not blaming you for dreaming of someone or something perfect. Of course, I myself, under the influence of romance, entertainment and music industries, dreamt of a perfect man, too. There were times when I dreamt of a prince charming; so fair, so handsome, so talented. I dreamt of him taking me to his castle, of taking away my dress of rugs, and dressing me with the perfection beyond all my flaws. Other times, I dreamt of a knight; so strong, so wild, and so capable. I dreamt of him saving me from all my doubts, fears, and pains as we ride the horse that will take us to the perfect life.

But then I met him. He is far from being a prince or a knight. He is just a man. He's not even a perfect man. Suffering from osteogenesis imperfecta hindered him from being perfect. He is not that strong, not that confident, not that faultless. But you know what? I found out that he is the best. He humbled me with the reality that I myself am not perfect, too. Loving him taught me to really learn how to love someone or something no matter what. He taught me to never judge and to always give a chance. He taught me to think out of the box. Like who would have thought that strolling out in the middle of the rain while I'm pushing his wheelchair would be very romantic? In fact, that was the first time I enjoyed being in the middle of a thunderstorm. How about walking at a slow pace while proudly holding his hand? Or cracking jokes while waiting at a grocery's priority lane? Or leading him to our own version of a sweet dance. Those are some unique memories that I shared with him. And yes, they may sound so weird. But still I will choose those memories over every glamorous, romantic, and luxurious memories in my life.

And, oh, he was strong enough. He was strong enough to absorb my anger, fear, doubt and pain. He was strong enough to never break down when I feel like giving in. He was strong enough to lend me the strength to start again. He was strong enough to watch me cry, to dry my tears, and to make me smile again.

But what amazes me the most is his vision. It was with him that I enjoyed dating by the side of a flyover, eating at the sidewalk, celebrating anniversaries with handmade gifts and hanging out at the shabby arcade house in their neighborhood. It had been such a precious memory. But he never allowed us to be stuck at that. He never stopped or get contented with those. He worked hard. And little by little, dating at the flyover became dating at super malls; eating at the sidewalk became eating at those famous restaurants and fast food chains. Little by little, those handmade gifts became gifts from our hard-earned pays; and those moments at their neighborhood arcade house became moments at a well-known arcade house. He could have already been satisfied with that. But he still isn't. Why? Because he's still waiting for me. He's still waiting for me to fulfill my own dreams. And with his vision, he convinces me every day that I will soon be able to achieve it.

And that is the reason why no matter what they say or do, I'd still proudly say that loving him is the best decision that I ever made. Knowing him is still the greatest honor that I received. And I am honored to have him in my life. You may laugh at me for choosing to stay with him; but I know in my heart that I will never ever regret loving him. Because he's the best man for me.

(Lyrics translated from Japanese. Translations not mine.)