Back To The Battlefield
CATRADORA AUish
Catra sat in the window of the cramped excuse of a room they gave her, alone as she'd ever felt when she flopped onto her bed, forgetting how hard the horde bunks were. Her tail fell gracefully beside of her, the brown, fluffy tip flickering as her eyes darted to the guitar and notebook in the corner- the one thing she still had left ofโฆ๐๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ.
A few moments passed as she laid there before sitting up and picking up her guitar, strumming softly and taking a deep breath. Heterochromic eyes glazing slightly, a soft hum turned into low singing, "Sometimes, wish you could make time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your little "found family?"
I haven't seen you in a while
You turned "good", she ra or whatever
Miss how we talked, what happened to "forever?"
Your guard is up and I know why,"
She sighed, blinking back angry and hurt tears, strumming with her claw now instead of the pick she'd thrown across the room, thudding against the wall loudly from the velocity she used to throw it. She hated to think of those blue eyes right now but her mind could manage nothing else. ๐โฆ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ช๐ต๐ค๐ฉ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ. ๐๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐บ๐ด, she told herself as more tears fell
"Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
I saw you fighting with them, I left and felt part of me die
So this is me swallowin' my pride
Wish I could stand in front of you and say I'm sorry for that day
And I go back to that battlefield all the time
It turns out force captain is nothin' but missin' you" by this point, she was nearly choking from the hurt rising in her throat, memories replaying as the feline female went on, nearly full on sobbing, "wishin' I'd realized what I had, you could've been mine" and oh, how she wished and wanted it, but how could she ever have that now? They're on opposite sides of the war
๐๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ด? Her heart clenched and fluttered simultaneously at the memories flooding the turmoil filled ocean that was her mind right now. The nights they would stay awake, talking aboutโฆThings. Things like their dreams of ruling Etheria ๐ต๐ฐ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ. That word stung the brunette more than she felt it should have, ๐ต๐ฐ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ. She wanted nothing more than to hold Adora and say she was sorry for the first time in her life, but she also wanted to prove herself worthy. She wanted to pummel little miss sparkles into the ground
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐บ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฉ๐ถ๐จ ๐๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ข? ๐๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐บ ๐๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ข ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐จ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ? ๐๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ. She fought thoughts often of if maybe Sparkles made a move on the blonde who filled her every waking moment, and it tore at what was left of her heart. Adora stole it and ran away with it, not that Catra could ever admit that, even if only to herself. Or could she? No, never, not in a million years, Adora was an idiot who left her for dead basically. A cute idiot who had her attention
Catra sighed, running a hand through her messy curls after tossing her mask down, tears cascading down her soft cheeks, tainting the fur there with lines of liquid salt. "I'd go back to that battlefield, turn around and make it alright
I go back to that battlefield all the time," and she did, mentally, at least. She'd even snuck out and said it was 'important for a mission' for her to go there, when in reality she sat there for hours, sitting in the exact spot Adora left her. That's something she'd rather die than admit too, needless to say it was a lone mission due to the 'danger it presented'
She began to strum again, trying to regain her voice between shaky sobs, "These days, I haven't been sleepin'
Stayin' up playin' back if I did something wrong and you leavin." Why wasn't she good enough? ๐๐ด ๐ช๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ณ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ด๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฆ? ๐'๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐จ๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ข๐ด๐ด. ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ, ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต
"When your birthday passed and I didn't call," she would've made a ration bar cake like every other year, she hasn't eaten in three days just to make that damn thing, and for what? It's not like she could give it to Adora, it's not like she would, either. Just like she didn't let her escape because she liked her. She let her escape because she loved her. "Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughin' from the skid's passenger's side. I realized I loved you in the fall," Catra was a great singer, almost as good as she was at fighting, her mind flicked back to the nights she'd sing Adora to sleep when they were kids, on the rare days it wasn't her turn to be bullied and belittled.
Her mind crept to Bow and Glimmer, hatred filling her eyes as they narrowed, "Then ๐๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด and arrow boy came, the dark days," she knew Adora was into women, and now she lives with one? Sure, there's Bow, but the thought that Sparkles could make a move and not be with Bow, how it would be so easy for her to just sparkle Adora right off of her cute- stupid- little clumsy feet. "The fear had always been in my mind. I wanted to give you all my love, and all you gave me was goodbye,"
Which is exactly what Adora gave her. She picked a sword and two fellow idiots over her. She wanted to scream, still crying but now violently as she hit her head against the window. Her thoughts continued to race, her emotions matching easily. ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ค๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ข๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ! ๐ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐ข๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ! ๐๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ช๐ต. ๐'๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ช๐ตโฆ๐๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ช๐ต? ๐๐ง ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ. ๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ'๐ด ๐๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ข๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ. ๐'๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต. But she still loved Adora, and with each fight, she'd almost forget who was She-Ra under all of the heat of battle
"So this is me swallowin' my pride
Wish I could stand in front of you and say I'm sorry for that day. And I go back to that battlefield all the time. It turns out force captain is nothin' but missin' you. Wishin' I'd realized what I had, you should've been mine," Catra decided she was going to finish the song, fuck it. She may have started this when she first got force captain, but now that she's moved up? She couldn't tell Adora how she felt, so she may as well write it since she was far too late to right it. "I'd go back to that battlefield, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to that battlefield all the time,"
"HeyโฆThere's something I want you to see-" "Ooh, what is it babe?" Adora beamed, wrapping her arms around Catra's waist from behind, causing her feline girlfriend to purr softly and wrap her tail around Adora's leg. "Y'know how I uhโฆHave been practicing music again?" She asked, nerves hitting her like a skid with no breaks, but melting away like the last snow of spring when the blonde beauty who was now in front of her smiled. "I uhโฆWrote this about you-" "Aww! Oh my god! Catra! I-" "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Both nearly yelled at one another, Adora with excitement and Catra because she was being tackle hugged
She got up after apologizing and running a hand through her now short hair, giving Adora a small kiss on her hair poof. "I want you to hear it. Shut up before I throw it away and never speak of it again, I write it in the horde-" Catra blurted out in a slightly higher tone as her checks began to flush, Adora now smiling like the adorable idiot she was. She picked up her guitar and began to strum, a soft smile gracing her features. "I miss your blonde poof, those blue eyes. The only one who was good to me, it felt right. And how you held me in your arms every bad shadow weaver night. The first time you ever saw me cry," Adora listened, enthralled by the gorgeous woman not only in front of her, but now singing for her.
"Maybe this is wishful thinkin', probably mindless dreamin'โฆBut if we were ever on the same side again, I swear I'd love you right," heterochromic eyes met baby blue, both softening significantly while mutually soft and loving smiles graced both women's faces before Catra closed her eyes, continuing, "I'd go back in time and change it, but I can'tโฆSo if the guards won't let me in brightmoon, I understand.
But this is me swallowin' my pride
Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night.And I go back to that battlefieldโฆ
It turns out horde life is nothin' but missing you. Wishin' I'd realized what we could've had, I want you to still be mine," another smile crept onto Catra's face, but her checks felt hotter the fires from that tower that almost took Adora from her so she looked away, gazing out of the window. "I'd go back to that damn field, turn around and make it alright. I'd go back to the battlefield, turn around and change my own mind. I go back to that battle all the timeโฆAll the time," she finished, the pick in her hand strumming the last chords while Adora stared in awe. Her immediate reaction was to jump up and cuddle her girlfriend, but a question popped into her mind
"Hey, why'd you talk about Glimmer so, wellโฆAngrily?" Catra tensed and she could feel Adora's gentle grasp become more firm in an attempt to get an answer from the feline female. "Swear on everything, and I mean on everything, that you won't laugh?" She asked, first aggressively, then softly as the blonde nodded, holding out her pinky. Their pinkies locked not long before fingers were laced together. The brunette let out a pained sigh, "IโฆThought maybe you and Glimmer- because I knew there was no way Sparkles wasn't at least a little bit gayโฆAnd We're both lesbiansโฆThat maybeโฆ," She took a deep breath, eyes squeezed shut, "I lost my shot with you to her," Catra concluded, opening an amber eye to view Adora once more, who was softly smiling
Adora raised a hand, her other carefully spinning Catra to face her. The blonde's raised hand now cupping her chin, "I could never think of anyone but you, all throughout the war. Glimmer never made a move on me, she'd always had eyes for Bow," she explained, face getting closer to Catra's until their noses began to touch, "I've loved you and wanted you for just as long, long before the day on the battlefield that we'll never have to go back to, love," she whispered against Catra's soft lips before being pulled into a loving kiss
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