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Reality check

I need a real reality check. My depression, my disorder is hurting people. And I have a hard time dealing with the aftermath of it all. Unlike the majority statistics of physical harm of suicide. My choice in hurting myself is through verbal abuse. And the crazy thing is that I am aware of my actions, and yet I do not stop myself until I finally get what in my mind “deserve it!,” a variety of negative comments and swallowing those words to belittle myself because I think I do deserve it. 

I was okay and I was working through this self harm, but after learning of my aunt’s passing last November,  I relapsed. When I say relapsed, I mean that I have gone back to my old ways of projecting negative, untruthful, hurtful thoughts to others as if they are their own thoughts. 

There is so many I want to say because I don’t want to feel this heaviness in my heart. But I don’t know where or how I start it. I have so many journals, blogs, and yet I haven’t spilled out my thoughts. And now it’s eating me up and I’m turning it into hate within myself, and regrets. 

I just want to stop hurting and caring that leads to hurt. And I am beginning to think having a stone, cold heart, will give me that. Because I am shedding tears on people who don’t care about me. 

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안녕! Han, here! It was day one of the Moonfaire event. I forgot to capture my new glamour, but enjoy this SS from one of if the cutscenes. I also got my 340 creation Bow and O2s Genji boots. Raid ended early tonight, but O1s and O2s was cleared for this week.

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Han Byul (한별) is well known of her taste for the glamour life. Even changes her Race to befit the roles of certain Cosplays. She never tires from the change in her outspoken lifestyle.

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PSA from depressed cats. 

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[x]

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yaoi in a nutshell

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By 16Shokushu

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original // edited by ♥

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馬 || Kuro no Raven