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blumfumpstravels · 9 years ago

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Journal of Alfredo Sabelotodo, Part 1

Day 1:

Finally! A place to record my thoughts and discoveries! Today, the day I embark on my first journey as a man of science, I shall begin my story. Oft I read of the adventures of the greats, the legends of our time and of times long past, embarking in a similar manner. Today, on the cusp of greatness, with the backing of my clergy in the Vaticine and the support of the Invisible College, I venture to the University in Freiburg, far to the north in the wild lands of Eisen. My home of San Teodoro has served me well in body, mind, and spirit, but today I forge my own path. The College has requested that I, a junior member, deliver a large package to the university in Freiberg, where no doubt it has some supreme scientific and technological value that will be appreciated.

Day 4:

We are making good progress! We have just left Soldano, near the northernmost reaches of Castille, the carriage has been cleaned and the horses fed and well rested. I have picked up two travelers as well: a mercenary in need of work (for protection, though may the Prophet will that i shan’t have need of him), and a large, quiet man who was in want of transport to Freiberg. They are of an odd sort; the mercenary seems all too obsessed with his trade, though competent nonetheless, whereas the quiet giant has said very little, but appears to be stricken with some variety of vocal affliction, according to his altogether peculiar tone. The large package is undamaged, and fully sealed as per the college’s instructions, but it is beginning to worry me. It has begun to produce an unpleasant odor, and it sloshes in the most concerning way. When the carriage passes over an imperfection in the path, a sound indicating liquid and several items colliding with one another is produced. With two days to Freiberg as the crow flies, I am quite eager to understand the package’s contents.

Day 6:

Today we arrived in Freiberg. Upon arriving at the university, I delivered the package to the requisite professor, and proceeded to follow him to his lab. There I met Nicholas (code: Dr. Faustus), another member of the Invisible College and the person to give me payment for the proper delivery of the package. Inside the crate were several jars of various viscous fluids, and well-preserved organs of various animals. The letter included among the various jars indicated that the contents were a kit for a as of yet unveiled medical technology, the blood “transfusion”. Eager to comprehend the purpose(s) of the new device, I immediately volunteered to test it. The professor assembled the small mammal intestines, which appeared to be a means of transferring blood via pressure gradient forces. The sheep stomach contained what appeared to be blood. After briefly reading the included directions, the professor prepared the device by strapping me to a chair and inserting a needle into a vein of my arm, then began pumping the new blood into my system. I immediately felt strange. I was suddenly possessed by an uncharacteristic gusto and strength befitting a man of a significantly larger stature. Though my thoughts were at the time muddled, I immediately pondered endless purposes of the new device. Physical enhancement! What an advancement of science was I witnessing! Suddenly, in the midst of my elation, a group of people arrived. An almost comically assorted bunch; a few warriors, rogues, a giant man, and strangest of all: women. I have never really interacted with a woman. My mother died soon after I was born, I was raised by my father, older brothers, and clergy. The university in San Teodoro is all-male. I can’t explain it well, but I simply am unable to talk to or, in close encounters, even look at women. Perhaps I was raised improperly, but I was utterly terrified. There was a gentlewoman, a woman whose demeanor would best be described as boyish, and the leader: a short blonde woman in armor and a skirt that barely came to mid-thigh. What exactly we discussed was a blur, but the conversation seemed fairly friendly. The professor gave me something to drink. I passed out immediately. When I awoke, I was slung over the shoulder of the giant man and in a carriage. I guess I am headed to Posen now.

Day 9:

After 3 days of travelling in a cramped carriage, I, along with the ragtag crew (which included Nicholas, the other member of the College), arrived in the northern port town of Posen. There, with me in tow, the crew headed for the docks. The captain, who, I gather, is named Anne, gestured to her ship; I nearly experienced heart failure. It was an enormous Castillian flagship, cloaked in Dracheneisen armor and adorned with a dragon-esque masthead on the bow. Despite the modifications, I knew it immediately. Most Castillians would. Captain Anne was sailing the long-stolen flagship of the Castillian navy! Ten years prior, in an event that every Castillian old enough can recall, the flagship of the navy was stolen with the crown jewels on board. The jewels were returned some time later, but the ship was never found. Now I’d found it.

The group hurried me aboard, and before I knew it, the ship was preparing to set sail. I knew not the crew nor the destination, but I was carried along in the rush and was enveloped in a state of near-total confusion. I committed treason as soon as I stepped foot on the boat, I now realize. Perhaps my fate was already sealed by that point. Before embarking, however, the captain and another member of the crew tested out the fire-breathing figurehead several times. Why had they made these so-called “upgrades” to the once-beautiful royal flagship? As the ship left harbor, a rogue confronted me. They remarked on my fear of women, pointing out its irrationality and counter-productive nature. After being berated, I agreed to start learning how to interact with women. It was then that the rogue revealed herself to be a woman, much to my chagrin! What an odd crew. I headed for the ships rudimentary library, and began reading a treatise on the nature of Vodacce flora.

This was when events immediately turned for the terrible. We were barely out of sight of land when a large ship was spotted heading our direction from the sea. It immediately shimmered and reappeared right next to the ship, as if Porte magic could somehow transport an entire ship! As I heard it (I was still engrossed in the treatise at the time), the crew knew who it was immediately: Natalia. Natalia, according to the crew, is a powerful Vodacce fate witch, possessing an unbelievably strong syrneth scythe and many powerful spells and artifacts, and who has been a plague on the crew’s journey for some time now. Upon arriving within close range of our ship, Natalia started cutting through the nigh-indestructible Dracheneisen like a sword cuts through paper. It was at this point that I came up to the main deck. every person aboard the ship was scrambling in preparation for battle. The first mate, the woman who I had first described as boyish, had donned a strange cloak and jumped overboard. The captain, the Vodacce man who was steering, and a woman that described herself as an assassin (I’ll be doing my best to avoid her) had taken defensive positions on the main deck. The giant, the mercenary, the huge quiet man that had traveled with me, and the gentlewoman (now in combat-appropriate attire) had all flung themselves immediately onto Natalia’s ship, to fight Natalia or her monstrous crew. The berating rogue and Nicholas were nowhere to be found. Caught up in the panic, I decided to go below decks to repair the ship’s damage.While not particularly strong, my extensive knowledge of engineering allowed me to repair the ship to at least serviceable in little time.

Returning above decks, however, I found the fight was nearly beyond hope. Natalia, with her powerful scythe and fate witch magic, was easily winning against the giant, the gentlewoman, and the giant Avalonian lady knight, who, I later found out, was the large quiet person that I had traveled with. The captain had tied herself to the ship and thrown the rest of the rope overboard roughly where the first mate had disappeared into the water. The three fighting Natalia were at an increasing disadvantage, while the mercenary was handily taking care of Natalia’s brutes. Beginning to panic, i saw Nicholas appear out of thin air with a compass of some kind. He shouted to those on the main deck that those on Natalia’s ship needed to return before we missed our chance to escape. As a specialist in alchemical sciences, I knew what to do. I hurriedly threw a hastily-created explosive concoction onto the deck of Natalia’s ship. It didn’t damage the ship, but it provided a smokescreen and a distraction for those that boarded to return. Only the gentlewoman took the opportunity, however, as the giant man and knight continued to battle Natalia, and the mercenary continued defeating the brutes. The massive knight knocked Natalia overboard, but her ship immediately started to sink with the 3 that remained still aboard! The, captain having successfully returned the soaked first mate to the deck (somehow), threw a rope to the other ship, which the lady knight began to approach before she was tossed backwards by some otherworldly force. Natalia was using fate magic from the water! The large man and the knight struggled against the strings of fate, mostly in vain, but managed to stay aboard the ship. After a struggle, the lady knight was able to use the rope to climb aboard our ship. Captain Anne, at the other end of the rope, shouted for the large man, Lennon, to grab the rope quickly, but as he finally began traveling back to our ship, Natalia’s Syrneth scythe came out of the water and cleanly impaled him. His last words were of his sister, but, with no knowledge of context, they were lost on me. I threw a rope overboard for the mercenary, and as soon as he grabbed it, the ship began to shimmer. Suddenly, we were in a completely new place.

Nicholas shouted that the compass had worked, and scrambled to fill a jar with the water from the sea. We made it to the Seventh Sea! I heard someone say, but I was dumbfounded along with most of the crew. The sky was a shade of mauve, the water was a crystalline emerald color... It was what I imagined an entirely separate dimension would be. This sudden shift caused more shock than elation, however. We all carried the weight of the battle we had just endured, and we knew that it was not over. I was still confused, but I wanted to see where this ship would take me, what treasure troves of knowledge and secrets it would lead me to. Finally, an adventure through Théah! A (less than optimal) ship, a wholesome (as long as I don’t think about it or look too closely) crew, and a mission. This is where my legend, of the great and revolutionary scientist, Alfredo Sabelotodo, begins! It was at this point that the ship began to shimmer once more, and as soon as we had arrived, we were gone once more.

#7th sea #larp

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blumfumpstravels · 9 years ago

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Blumfump Diary: Day 1

So, today, diary bruh, was fuckin’ fucked the fuck up. I was walking through London, where my parent’s vacation house is, and found this cafe, which was rad as fuck. I was like, “Whoa, this cafe’s rad as fuck!” and went inside. This was where i began my “entrepreneurial” activities for the day. This fancy-looking dude with a babe in each arm bought 20g of Blue Dream, but the bitch gave it straight to the fuckin’ popo! That snitch-ass motherfucker! The D.M.L.E. just said I needed to give them a 15% cut tho, so we chill. His main girl, who’s name is Circus or something, was a prissy bitch who tricked me into diving into the square’s fountain (after several joints of some strong-ass shit).

Anyway, I was chillin’ in the cafe for an hour or two, with my new main man Baldur, an edgy draconian dude, when my life changed. In walks this girl; she was hot and tall with long, dark hair. she looked so... complex, and mysterious. I had to talk to her. I tried asking her about, like, her life, and stuff, but she only gave vague, edgy answers. I needed to know more, but she wasn’t having that shit. So... I did something I shouldn’t have, probably. I read her mind, kinda. It was then that I found out that it was the circus girl from before in disguise! I was heartbroken. I had just started believing in love at first glance, and it was ripped from my soul. Not to mention, every other memory was a threesome with the gross-ass snitch dude and the other chick from before (and they were into some major freaky business). On top of that, it seemed like she was fuckin’ pregnant (not surprising, given the shit they did daily)! What the living fuck is wrong with these people?

I confronted circus girl. I mean, what should i have done? I told her that it was fucked up to play with a dude’s heart, and that she should probably stop fuckin’ like rabbits loaded with aphrodisiacs, what with the baby and all. She was furious, and didn’t even know about the pregnancy! She and one of her girls threatened me with a goddamn unforgivable to keep a secret, at which point we made a wand oath. Bruh. If I tell ANYONE about what I saw in her mind, I lose my magic forever. But she now has to be my bro, or she’ll lose her magic. Anyway, TL;DR, the snitch ass from earlier fuckin’ died, and now his girls formed a coven of revenge and evil (or some shit) to cope. Whatever works, man. I prefer the green, but to each their own, I guess. And now I was a part of a fuckin’ sadist witch coven, day one of my UK vacay.

These girls meant business. first thing we did, found the dude who was supposed to protect the now dead dude with his life. At UCB, I learned how to seamlessly reattach any severed limb or body part with a spell, which gave the coven an idea. They cut his arms and legs off, joint by joint, starting with the finger and toe joints, until he was down to the hip or shoulder for each. Then, I reattached them all, and they started over. We turned this poor fuck into goddamn Legos! This was while he was under imperio AND crucio, as well. I also cast a spell to put growing, multiplying stones in his organs (cholethiasis). He doesn’t know it yet, but he will be having a VERY bad time in a few days.

tbh, I’ve never seen inside the mind of a tortured dude before, and this was, obviously, a good chance. So I did it. I read the mind of the lego-crucio-stonegut-imperio dude. Turns out he was a vampire. In his mind, I read the secrets of vampire society one of which is that it must stay secret. I shouldn’t have read that. they know. For once in my life, money, beauty, and weed wouldn’t individually or collectively solve my problems. I am on the personal shit list of all vampire society.

TL;DR - I’m fucked. sooo fucked.

Blumfump P. Swirn 1/22/17

#larp #harry potter #weed #420

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