blurringourline-blog

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Life is a old ass bridge

     When you feel stuck and lost and get depressed over it its not because life isnt worth living. Its because life is telling you to move forward, its hard at times but very possible to do. We get uneasy when we are not making progress, everything holding you back should be used as fuel to move you forward.

     Look at life like an old bridge. You want to get to the other side but start to get scared it may break so you step slowly or stop moving so nothing bad happens. Well now you are stuck not wanting to go back knowing how far you made it but you are unsure if they next step could kill you. This is when you need to step over the broken board ahead of you or jump the gap where others have fallen. Only then will you start to feel good again.

     Never get complacent in life, keep moving forward. The next step or jump may scare you and you might not know if you can make it but the stubborn creatures we are we always find a way. Even if you slip and fall pick yourself back up and charge ahead this time. Prepare for the challenges you face, get traction and rush it faster and with more determination than the time before. Learn from your mistakes, they happen to help you.

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Your turn?

Would anyone like their story posted completely anonymously? I will edit out all info that could show who you are. Lets show the world we are all pretty much the same and have similar stories despite race and gender.

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My story and proof even if you do, you don't know me.

Before you really start reading i want you to know this was typed by different friends of mine while I spoke it using their own ways of typing to remove any links to who or what i may be. I want zero hints to me and who i am.

So all i see always is racist this, left/right that. Fuck that. Close your eyes, plug your ears. The media is telling you what to think, instead of watching tv and YouTube or reading your favorite biased news paper or magazine how about we read each others stories and see the similarities we all share. Want to know how divided we really are as humans? Shut your fucking mouth, YOU are dividing us.

Now for something about me.

I grew up in the suburbs of a major city, roughly 3million people in population of said city. I didn't know that evil was outside my doors even though I heard it all the time, i thought it was just in my house.

My first memories seemed good. I had toys, food, and clothes. Looking back I remember sitting on a swing set watching the sunset. Catching the school bus to see my small group of friends in class. Life seemed pretty good i was an a-b honor roll student. I went on field trips to the zoo. Made it through school and even managed to get free college and am now working a pretty decent job. Shit, I sound privileged don't I?

Here's the full story

All though out my childhood both my parents were getting arrested for dui's and I spent night awake worring about them. Ya these are my first memories too. At least my parents were married you're thinking, ya fuck no. Only dated and split up before or shortly after i was born. I never really had the family outing. More my mom and her new boyfriend who was an abusive fucking crack head (not a joke, the guy fucking loved coke and smoked crack) would go out. I had reoccurring nightmares of this guy trying to kill us. Given as far as I know or remember he never tried it was a dream i had for months when i was around 7 or so. He would take us out and i remember different times he would hit her. Our house was filled with black mold, we didnt have a working shower and had to shower with a sink and hose. There were holes in the walls and old tiles from the 70's? falling all the time from the house rotting. After years of dealing with this shit alone my mom gets pregnant and has a daughter. She verbally abuses me and half ass takes care of my sister. In grade/elementary school I only had a few friends. Had a lot of bullies though, i remember getting picked on constantly and even into a few small fights. Around 3rd grade my grades started slipping and due to issues at home i quit caring about school. My mom not seeing the counterproductive shit she was doing would punish me for doing worse in school instead of help me with my work or fix herself to remove some of the stress from all of our lives. It was around this time i first contemplated suicide and was more than willing to do it but wasn't sure how. Internet was still aol dialup and cellphones were barely even out in mass like they are today. Obviously I didn't do it as I'm telling my story. Me and my dad didnt have the closet relationship looking back at it as he was normally drunk or stoned and at times locked up so to shorten this lets skip from 3rd grade to about 7th or 8th. Still failing and honestly no fucking clue how i didnt get held back in school i made it to middle school. This through highschool was bull shit. I was attacked with a razor knife and had my arm sliced open in 5 spots, had a menstrual pad stuck to my face and someone tried to sneak up behind me and shove a condom in my mouth along with many other things upto and including having a knife to my throat and a gun to my face. Now I wasn't into drugs or gangs i still faced this shit. I completely gave up in school. I wanted to die, my parents did nothing about me getting messed with in school and bullied. I felt alone. At 15 i almost had a child. i got my first job to support me and my sister. I bought our food and made sure she had school supplies. My mom drank all of the money away and we lost the house we were renting around 17 and me and my sister moved into my dads. New place same story. My dad drank and was high alot and when he mixed the two he turned into a dick and would punch through walls. At 18 i dropped out of school and joined the military. They paid for my ged and allowed me to continue my life. Upon returning home things started getting worse and i started carrying a pistol for self protection. Now this area isnt the worst in the country but dear god it is NOWHERE near safe and it gets worse to this day. From here out things bounce from good and bad. I developed a drinking problem and recovered. I almost killed myself. I gave up on myself multiple times and bounced back each time. Im now nearing 30, working full-time for a decent company offering full benefits, engaged to any amazing person and looking at homes for sale.

First i do want to say how we grow up does not make us who we are for life. We all have the power to change our lives for the better or worst. Never give up on yourself. You WILL make it. Don't give up and push to make yourself perfect. I am just words on a screen to you but I can say my story is 100% true. If i can change my life i know you can too. I started at the bottom and even if I'm not on the top yet I will keep climbing till I am. You all can do it too.

Submit your stories to me in a race and gender free story for a share. Lets see how much more alike we really are #blurringourline