blusky1234

[blusky1234]

Stuck in the Middle

You are a bunch of ideas but you have no where to apply them to. This isn't what you thought growing up was like. You thought you would have a platform to execute your plans and share your ideals but unfortunately no audience showed up. You shared your thoughts with someone who was dear to you and all they could do was tell you how unrealistic you were being. Somewhere stuck in the maze, you started telling yourself, they're right. You started criticizing your own ideals and gave up on your ever talkative mind. Your mind started doing the opposite as well. Instead of overthinking about ways to your dreams , it started overthinking about how everything around is out of your reach. Friends and family seemed as they weren't able to understand any bit of your words. Gradually you started to cut ties from everyone around and became an island of yours own. You thought that it would help if you were by yourself and away from everybody but it didn't. Nothing you did helped. You started believing that there was nothing you yearn for in this life anymore.

[blusky1234]

31 Dec

There are so many emotions I felt today. I felt grateful to get some new year wishes back. I felt sad how this year passed by without anything being completed. I felt scared how everyone has been fighting around me over little things. I felt alone as no one really understands me lately, not even me that is. I felt ashamed that I am still not ready to be an adult or a responsible person as I am always looking for temporary escapes from problems rather than facing them. I felt guilty for not owning up to my words. I felt hurt when I realized nothing is permanent today, nobody will have your back in the future. I am a girl who was dependent on the people around me. I still am not very headstrong when they point out some of my minute insecurities. That is the one main thing I have to work on as I move onto the next year about not caring to a limit that starts to harm my own mental state. I hope I am able to grow this coming year and rather than just surviving, I start enjoying things for a change.

[blusky1234]

A Fresh Start

Starting things all the way from step one may sound exhilarating yet it is the hardest thing to do. Questions like "will it end the same way all over again ?" keep arising. No matter how ready you want yourself to feel, you still feel as if there is something holding you back. Something you aren't able to see but can just feel. You can neither deny nor describe this weird feeling of yours.

The only thing you know is that you want to do this for yourself. You want to give yourself another chance. Even if you are embarking on this journey all alone. All you know is that if you are able to complete this upcoming adventure successfully, you will be able to acknowledge yourself.

It's scary how much you are risking for this little adventure of yours but you tell yourself it's just a matter of time and a test of your patience ahead !!

Take the first step pirate. This ship shall sail wherever you want it to. The steering awaits your control. It's your ship, don't let others make you walk your own plank!!

[blusky1234]

Hypocrisy

"Hypocrisy" might just be an another word from the dictionary but becomes a common practice when followed practically. Everyone has there own theories regarding it so here's how mine goes:

Before graduating high school, we were seldom told that a sheet of paper would not decide our future. Be it during that extended assembly speech or being told by our very own guardians and we stood by that saying. Never once did we doubt our future and went on fantasizing about the uncanny discoveries we would make to get our names graved in the list of people living their dream jobs with a happy ever after. Never once did anyone object to that idea either. I remember wanting to grow up within the blink of an eye and to start living my life as an adult and so it happened. The day came when we had to make up our own decisions. I chose to take up science. After which came the day when the paper was in my hand. The paper which could decide my future and I wasn't aware of the fact that it would also become a basis for others to identify me as an individual.

All of this may seem exaggerated but it was a loose string of thoughts you see. I have pulled the string out of my head and pinched out the beads embedded in it. The beads are scattered on the floor just like how I am right now. I may still be struggling to find meaning in my life but I just hope I land up where I belong. Even if there is a gun pointing at us to attain stability in life , I hope all of us can still strive in our respective fields to get the most of whatever comes our way and check off those little boxes of our self-made bucket lists 💐.

Here's to a confused lifestyle!!

~ a fellow hypocrite

[blusky1234]

Mountains have always been my go to place for some refreshment and inspiration whenever needed. You forget about your irksome issues as they feel like nothing in comparison to the massive majestic structures right in front of you.

One of the most commonly asked questions is about choosing between the beach or the mountains. My pick has always been a trip to visit these uplifted creations of nature. Each one has a different story to tell. Being on the top, doesn't make them feel superior or dominating towards others. They stand with their head held high yet providing enough space for each organism to grow and develop to its full potential under their guidance.

That is just how I envision them. There can be various other perspectives built up as you observe them tranquilly.

There are different treks that can lead you to just anywhere which is what excites me. Discovering the hidden untouched scenic routes giving the idea of "The Road Not Taken" or just sitting in a roadside cafe reminiscing all there is to it.

My appreciation and zeal towards unlocking the secrets within them stays affix. I will continue learning from them and revisiting them as I know they always have my back <3<3.

[blusky1234]

I want to be stronger

16/05/2023

I have decided to become stronger both physically and mentally. When you have some time for yourself, you do some pondering and decide to make significant changes in your lifestyle. That is what I have been doing after my school days have come to an end. I want to be an adult who is headstrong and someone my younger self can be proud of and that is why I am trying to get out of my comfort zone lately.

Preparing for our university exams, rendered us to become physically inactive and socially avert individuals. To be really honest, most of us did not have a dream or aspiration that we were heading towards but now that there is time, I have thought of not settling for just anything and testing my potential further.

Even if some people don't believe whether I will be able to reach for the sky, I believe I will learn to fly!!

[blusky1234]

Prioritizing

Prioritizing is a skill. A skill that I am trying to acquire nowadays. It is not something that can be called as "innate". It is something that we build up by ourselves and those who master it tend to have a clearer inclination towards understanding and at the same time evolving themselves.