boardsheadmeatblog

[boardsheadmeatblog]

She was short and frail, and she said she was about 20 or 21 or 22 years old, I forget. Younger than me, but not by much. She reminded me of a laser tag place, opened in a town several yards away in 1994, that was closed or was closing, with all the old murals depicting horrific looking aliens in space with the same reddish-orange lights i saw while seeing Dune Part 2 for the first time earlier this year busted out, replaced with a plush black wall. We talked for a little while, and I made the foolish decision to ask for her Discord. She gave it to me. I thought that that was wrong of me to ask, even though I also didn’t think it was. I thought that I had done something wrong, and I had this same thought many times over during the time we had together.

She looked weird but in a beautiful and fascinating way. She dressed like it was 2009 still, even though she was a toddler then, me in elementary school being bullied terribly. She reminded me of all the older teenagers I used to get crushes on in the late 2000s and early 2010s. I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said no. She lied (he was 32) but it was okay. She drove over here in her dad’s car. Her dad gave her gas money and said she was an awful good sport for cleaning her room and deciding to go outside to see a boy instead of sitting in her room listening to music and drawing pictures. It took her a while to get here, and I waited worried that she got in to a car crash. Finally, she arrived and got out of the big diesel truck and smiled like she was disappointed in something but trying to hide it. Her eyes were like a glass ball of ferrofluid. She asked where we were going, and I said lets do mexican. I do not want to talk about what happened during the rest of the date, even though we hit it off on discord and I did everything right.

[boardsheadmeatblog]

Sup, Fam! Happy new year 2018! We poppin’ bottles, gettin’ crunk, and takin’ selfies up the gyatt! Oops, I guess I wasn’t supposed to say that. Time travel isn’t easy, ya know!

Anyway, I don’t want to keep you all waiting, so I’ll just cut to the chase. Me, Jim Caprisunsport and all the boys here at Boards Head Meat have come across something while scouring Ebay circa 2005 that’ll knock your goddamn socks off!

It’s a time machine!

[PICTURE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN AS PER INTERDYNE CORPORATION, OWNERS OF EBAY/ANGELFIRE CORPORATION’S REGULATIONS. BOARDS HEAD HAS NO CONTROL OVER THIS!]

Picture looks pretty gross, damn things rusty as all get out and us boys hauling it out of the warehouse where its owner, Youtube user seinfeldspitstain had been living for the past 10 years look pretty sweaty, huh? YUKKK!!! HOW IKKY!!!

Anyway, we humbly offer this time machine to you, the Humbl Tumblr users!

Now if you excuse me, i’m gonna go pick up chicks!