bobblesnsuch - Tumblr blog

[bobblesnsuch]

Tired barely feels like a word big enough these days.

When my bones feel like they're falling out of my body, my muscles fight my every move, and do not get me started on the weird way my world shifts every time I blink.

I barely sleep, but when I do, it feels like I can finally move. Waking is more of a nightmare than the figures in my dreams, but I am still tired.

What would I call that? Would it still be tired if this is the normal state of my existence?

Am I supposed to fight in order to just be?

Am I supposed to fight myself? Is this what the rest of my life is doomed to be? An endless back and forth between what I want and what I am capable of.

[bobblesnsuch]

Parasitic Lovers

I am tired.

I am being eaten alive by maggots and I could still move, but the tickling/gnawing feeling of tearing into my flesh is invited as a reminder that I do still feel.

I wonder how long it has been, but I cannot let myself get up. I ache to be free, but I do not attempt to escape- instead I remain in bed sleeping peacefully next to my parasitic lovers... and I weep.

Several minutes of being torn piece by piece go by. Several minutes that feel like decades of wallowing in my own filth, a mix of us.

Flies buzz around my head, I convince myself that they are checking for signs of life, and I allow them to. They remind me that I am still breathing.

My muscles begin to tense, and I feel as if existence itself is a weight I cannot bear. My jaw cracks as I try to force my mouth open to breathe or possibly scream. I can't decide.

I'm tired.