screw-this-rutabaga

[screw-this-rutabaga]

@dickgraysonfr

@marthajo

@teatimealfie

@first-boy-wonder

@straight-outta-smallville

Hi guys I know this is a bit out of the ordinary but I promise it's not spam, tumblr just has it out for me so if it comes down to it and my main account gets terminated I want you guys to know that I have discord and that I will happily give you the username to it so I can better update yall if you have it.

I do have a new Bruce account that if you wish to follow you can. If you wish to reblog to share what's going on you're more than welcome to do so.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk :D

[screw-this-rutabaga]

actually can we have Tim not being adopted into the batfamily and instead after his parents go broke and then die leaving him with nothing he just decides ‘well i know where the batcave is’ and starts living in the tunnels underneath Wayne manor because of the logic that he can’t get kicked out bcs 1. squatters rights and 2. whats Bruce gonna do? call the police and say ‘this guy won’t leave my secret lair. no im not Batman wdym’? and he manages to go unnoticed for like. a good fucking while. not even Alfred realises bcs wtf would he be snooping around down there for?

even better is this happens after Jason dies so Tim still becomes Robin and Bruce is so overwhelmed with grief that he literally never realises that Tim has never once used the front door to come over. he just kinda sneaks up from somewhere in the cave. he assumes that Alfred’s letting the kid in without telling him. Alfred assumes Bruce is doing the same.

Damian finds out first because that’s so much funnier. he gets to Gotham to 1. gain his birthright and meet his father and 2. do some reconnaissance/avenging of this replacement Robin that’s been the centre of Jason’s angry rants at the league for the past 6 months. he follows Tim ‘home’ and finds him fucking. golluming it up a 15 minute hike through the cave system and he’s like. wait what.

Damian, reporting back to Jason: Drake is a mole.

Jason, vindicated: like he’s working for the enemy?!

Damian, standing in front of an indignant Tim in the middle of his ‘camp’, phone pressed to his ear: no like he lives in a fucking tunnel.

Jason:

Tim, mumbling: slightly harsh,

Damian, angling his face away from the phone momentarily: i watched you dig a hole to unearth the protein bars you’d buried there.

Tim:

Jason, rapidly changing his opinion on this kid: ok actually lets not kill him because thats fucking hysterical and i want to know more-

Tim really likes living alone in the tunnels because he’s a weird little guy and he’s gotten used to the independence and lack of sun, and Damian grew up in the league where ‘wilderness training’ was monthly, mandatory, and from the age of three. so he really doesn’t see the issue in it. he just kinda shrugs and accepts his brother lives in the cave system. Jason is so delighted and amused by the vibes these two kids have going on over in Gotham (he gets video calls from Damian just. in Tim’s camp while they hang out together sometimes. Damian brings him water bottles and various sustenance offerings like he’s appealing so some ancient deity living under their house. Jason thinks it’s incredible) that he decides fuck the league, he needs to see this in person. killing the Joker is a side quest he did on the way; he really only came to see what his idiot little brothers had going on under Bruce, Dick and Alfreds nose. he visits Tim’s little cave home while waiting for his new Crime Alley apartment to be ready.

eventually Bruce and Dick are working on a case and they’re following a lead to do with a criminal escaping via cave systems that they theorise may connect to the batcave, so after Damian’s gone to bed they suit up and start searching around. they come across Damian, Tim, and the fucking Red Hood chilling around a small fire just casually eating leftovers Damian snuck down from the kitchen, just quietly enjoying each others presence in this clearly years old campsite, quietly discussing whether or not the weather will be clear enough next week to go to the new art museum together. Dick shines a flashlight at them and they all snap to attention like that scene in ratatouille where the human comes in the kitchen and the rats all freeze and look up. nobody says anything for a solid three minutes.

eventually Tim is just like “I have squatters rights. you can’t evict me.” and Red Hood nods and points at him.

Bruce, desperate to gain some kind of thread of understanding here: “Damian, you’re supposed to be in bed. …Tim, I’m actually not sure where you’re supposed to be, come to think of it, but I don’t think it’s here.”

“He just said he has squatters rights, father.” Damian responds instantly. “Keep up.”

Dick: “And does the Red Hood have squatters rights?”

“I have a gun,” Jason points out cheerfully. “Same thing, ain’t it?”

Dick and Bruce are so confused they become convinced that they’ve been dosed with something and only figure out whats going on after putting on gas masks and testing everybody’s blood.

[screw-this-rutabaga]

the more things change the more they stay the same

[screw-this-rutabaga]

The batkids get deaged one night and now Batman has to round up six toddlers, by himself, in the middle of Gotham.

Good news? He's prepared and ready for anything, including this.

Bad news? Someone manages to get pictures of Batman struggling to hold three child leashes, coaxing a fourth child down from atop a lamp post, while holding onto a fifth child who was koala hugging him tightly.

[screw-this-rutabaga]

and why get us all hyped about omega and the rani only to kill them off instantly and have omega basically be an entirely separate character anyways bc "he became the mad god" like what was the point !!! just a carbon copy of the sutekh fight right down to the "cast you back into hell" line cos it was recieved so well the first time

but we still have mrs flood as if she didnt get 2 seasons already while the new rani gets murdered.... i dont know it feels a little offensive to keep giving the white characters more attention over the people of colour. i dont care abt mrs flood anymore!!!

[screw-this-rutabaga]

as someone who identifies as a woman & wishes to have a child one day i am genuinely horrified by what they wrote for belinda chandra. that is actually terrifying.

[screw-this-rutabaga]

Fifteen: I have healed from my trauma

Fifteen: *Regenerates into Billie Piper*

[screw-this-rutabaga]

They’re both in their 30s

[screw-this-rutabaga]

Superman says fuck ICE. Be like Superman

[screw-this-rutabaga]

“Haymitch calling Maysilee his sister was so forced” guys, that boy had one look at Proserpina and Vitus and said they were his friends. he couldn’t look at a small kid and and not say was his allies. he saw a damn rabbit MUTT and called it his partner…i think he calling his recently made best friend his sis, when she remind him of the baby sisters he lost and who’s constantly talking about her twin and saying she would be Ampert’s sister if he wanted, was actually pretty valid. The boy was sentimental, and dramatic, and was absolutely losing it. Leave him alone to label whoever he want with whatever he want, please :(

[screw-this-rutabaga]

[screw-this-rutabaga]

156

a

[screw-this-rutabaga]

I don't know what paddington is doing on that list, but it made me think of the time someone drew a picture of the queen with paddington after she died, and we had scores of people losing their minds at the idea that paddington bear wasn't the same kind of communist as them

[screw-this-rutabaga]

Suzanne really said with sotr that-

by the way Haymitch has a really great memory!! like a really great memory!! like he remembers 49 other tributes names with ease! isn’t that a wonderful aspect to add to this deeply traumatised character who has watched two children (alongside 22 others) die every single year for 23 years in the same circumstances that he was put in at 16 years old?! he remembers everything! like, everything!

[screw-this-rutabaga]

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

[screw-this-rutabaga]

I appreciate The Empire Strikes Back for being the only time I can think of when a character just shot their enemy as soon as they saw them without pausing or having a dramatic moment beforehand.

[screw-this-rutabaga]

happy pride everybody