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Something something

The requests will be opening on Saturday (3rd of May), if nothing else gets in the way, so I hope you guys are looking forward to that, I know I am :D

This is gonna be yet another vent post. I'm sorry there have been so many of these instead of fics, but in the end I can do what I want on my own blog. And again, don't read if you don't want to.

The realization that I'm actually in burnout is really setting in, I guess. I talked with my psych nurse last Thursday, and we decided I'm either going on sick leave for the summer or, if possible, keep my rehab benefits with a doctor's note. I'm going to see a psychiatrist at the end of next week, and my psych nurse is also going to be there. I need a break, and I don't know if three months in the summer is gonna be enough. If three months isn't enough, then what is? Half a year? Even longer? I just don't want to fall behind again.

I know it's not fair to compare myself to neurotypical and healthy people, who can manage ten things at once, when I can barely manage two. There's still that voice at the back of my head, telling me I'm not enough, that I'm not good enough if I don't accomplish things. I've been talking with my best friend again, and we just keep telling each other to stop doing things, to take a break. Neither of us is really listening tbh. She is in burnout also, but she's slowly getting better. I'm still at the phase where I'm like "I'm fine, there's nothing wrong" while sleeping 13 hours a day, only eating crap, not leaving the house and just laying in bed with my laptop and playing minecraft. And now I can't even do that, because my mouse doesn't work properly. I need to get a new one, but that has to wait until I get money.

Anyway, I guess the grief period came a couple of months early this year. Usually it's been at the end of June/beginning of July. I've been watching a lot of Technoblade's videos and just laughing a lot, but also crying and having this annoying melancholy, and I don't really know what to do with it. I've also been thinking about my grandma a lot, I've been having some dreams about her. Words left unsaid, things left undone, that kind of stuff. I barely remember what she looks like anymore. I should probably ask my dad for some of the photo albums he has so I could see her again.

I've also been considering therapy again. My last actual therapy session was in June of 2018, so it's been a while. I've been checking in with a psych nurse at least once a month after that, but I haven't had actual therapy. When I was last in therapy, it was trauma therapy, but this time I think CBT would be better this time, especially if I can find someone who also specializes in neurodiversity. Of course there's the issue that therapy is fucking expensive, even if I don't have to pay all of it myself. If I get thrown out of the clinic I'm at now, like they're planning for next fall, I think it would be important to have some other support system in place. Though if my condition continues to deteriorate, they obviously can't just throw me out. Therapy would be good anyway.

I'm just tired man... I want a break and I'm trying to finish my school stuff this and next week, so I can finally take a break. I need to finish one of the courses, the other one is not mandatory, so Idk what I'm gonna do with that. Now I'm gonna go to bed, because I was about to fall asleep like four hours ago and I'm barely staying awake lol

Thanks if you read, remember to stay hydrated and don't be like me, take a break before your body takes one for you.

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I have not watched Transformers Prime, I generally am not fond of the character designs, but this magnificent lovecraftian horror blessed my sight and I fell in love, ive been telling all my friend about how im gonna marry him lil creep freaky nightmare man love of my life can´t wait for him to show up in my nightmares I think i need to watch Transformers Prime

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my take on tfp scream in the tfa style! winner of my wip poll from last month. this was a fun design challenge to try :]

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this was made back in February, first time properly drawing a transformer (beyond sketch studies) but it’s still super cute I love Bulky and Miko sooo much WAHHHHH!!

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Can I request Arcee(or whoever you wish) with a reader who’s a Pretender Bot? Like Alice from the Bayverse movies, but they ran away from the deceptions and started living amongst the humans to hide? Accidentally made friends with the main kids and now they’re suddenly looking up at a suspicious looking Arcee.

Sorry I suck at making a scene. Completely ignore that if you want, umm…thanks! Love your works!

A/N: It's been so long since I watched any of the Bayverse movies, but I do know what you mean, I always found the whole pretender bot thing to be a bit creepy when I watched it as a kid lol

You deserted the decepticons soon after coming to earth and have lived among humans ever since

You've just sort of been drifting around, changing your appearance when you need to

It's much easier to just go around and do whatever you want when you can change your appearance and escape any possible consequences, the same way

Your travels eventually brought you to Nevada and you took the form of a high school student, because you wanted to experience some school life

You made some friends, and you soon realized you weren't the only cybertronian in town

You didn't know who they were specifically, but they weren't decepticons

One day, you were hanging out with Jack and Miko after school when the blue motorcycle came up next to you, with a rider clad in black

You were on a side street, away from prying eyes, so when the rider disappeared and the cybertronian in front of you transformed, you knew you'd been caught

No reasonable cybertronian would do that in front of any humans that weren't already aware of their existence

Jack kinda freaked out because obviously he was under the impression that you were a human

Arcee just stared at you very intimidatingly for a moment, before asking: "Who are you?"

You sighed, told her who you were and how you'd deserted the decepticons and were now just wandering around

Arcee, as usual, was very suspicious of you, since you used to be a decepticon, and how was she supposed to know if you were telling the truth

Jack and Miko managed to convince her that you weren't malicious and meant no harm

You'd been around for weeks, and hadn't done anything wrong

Arcee decided she would keep an eye on you as well as she could

You continued hanging out with Jack, Miko and Raf and you didn't cause any trouble

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Hai! I just wanna say thank you! For inspiring me and what you said did help! I finally posted something of my own and is nervous of how it will turn out!

-🐟✍️

I'm so glad I could be of help. It's great to hear you wrote something of your own and even posted it. I hope it goes well, and I wish you all good things on your writing journey and in life in general :D

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Hai I have a question, like I really wanna try writing and make headcannons but is scared of what if, it ain't in-character to a specific character I'm going to write headcannons/scenarios or stories for, like any tips? Just askin... I'm really nervous and really do wanna start writing again and to finally showcase it and for the first time can do requests.... 🥺👉👈

I used to worry about stuff being out of character all the time, but I realized it doesn't really matter. Everyone interprets a character differently, because how you interpret things is based on your life experiences, values and stuff like that. For example, I see Optimus as autistic, because I am autistic and majorly relate to a lot of stuff about him. My writing doesn't resonate with everyone, even if they like the same characters or are in the same fandom. It resonates with people who see something of themselves in it. You shouldn't aim to please everyone, and the people who relate to how you write will like your interpretation.

You need to write what you like, and how you like, because people will see your joy if you write what you love. They will also see your sadness and whatever feelings you put into your writing. When you write about anything, really, it reveals things about you. You share the things you want to share about yourself and sometimes, without even noticing, you might share more. Especially when you write about something that's personal or a subject that's close to you. You always leave something of yourself in everything you write, same with art or music or any kind of art. I'm sure people have all kinds of assumptions about me too, and those would be kinda funny to hear.

I personally have a list of stuff I've noted down about the characters I write most for, such as how they talk, certain words they use (like "ya" and "darlin", for Wheeljack), the specific pet names they have for the reader("my love", "my light", "my star" for Optimus), their mannerisms and stuff like that. I think it's more important to be consistent than to get the character exactly right. You can kinda treat the characters as your OC's in the way that you can make character notes for them, the same way.

Idk if that actually made any sense, but that's basically my advice. Just write what you want, sometimes it might require research and I would advise rewatching the show or whatever you use as your source material, in regular intervals. (I don't really do this, and I feel like I really should rewatch TFP, because the source material is also important). It's been like 3 years since I last watched the show and with my memory problems it's getting kinda hard to keep things organized, hence the character notes. Write what you love, there can never be too much fanfic in the world :D

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Next week or so

I've only got two requests left to do, now that I rejected a couple. I have a couple of ghost asks again, I think they happen when someone sends an ask and then deletes their account or something. I can't get rid of them since they just show up as a number in my askbox and there is no actual ask.

Anyway, I'm hoping to open the requests next weekend so probably on the 3rd of 4th of May, maybe even a couple of days earlier if I'm really productive. At the beginning of the month anyway. I'm telling you guys so you know in advance, and hopefully most of you who want to send requests can do so.

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Idk if requests are still open but can I get one shot or headcanons of shockwave or soundwave with human reader that is the deception pet and tends to sneak off and hide it and vents

Idk what to write for this either, sorry.

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May I request Arcee, Bee and Smokescreen's reaction of their human friend who made a music playlist based on the bots' personalities and occasionally plays songs that hypes them up in combat when asked?

Idk what to write for this. I know you didn't ask for it, but this makes me feel like if I were to write this, I would also need to make the playlists or at least pick a couple of songs. Like I know you didn't ask for that, but I don't know what to write for this anyway, sorry

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Ratchet, Knockout and Soundwave x sick human female reader?

I asked this because I myself am sick with a cold and I just feel like it would be nice to read something regarding some of my favorite characters taking care of a sick reader

A/N: Finally trying to get some writing done. I've got a couple of posts with Ratchet and Knockout about this already, so you can find those here, here and here. I only did Soundwave, since I've already done similar stuff for the other two and since it's a scenario, it's a character limit of one anyway

You'd never been sick the entire time he'd known you, so why now? Did it have something to do with the time of year? Were humans more likely to get sick in the winter, when it was colder and wetter? It certainly seemed like it, you had been sick for over a week now. Soundwave had been with you in your home, in holoform for a few nights, but other than that, he'd been stuck at the Nemesis. He wanted to take care of you, but he also needed to do his job.

He wanted to slip away again, but to his surprise, you showed up at the Nemesis before he could leave.

"Hi" you said, dragging a big suitcase behind you.

Soundwave's visor showed a question mark, as he pointed at your suitcase.

"Oh this?" you asked, motioning at the suitcase. "You're the only who won't get sick too, and I was tired of being cooped up at home, so I decided to come here. You know, like a sleepover?" you chuckled, but it turned into a cough.

"Acceptable" was the audio clip Soundwave played to agree to your plan.

He didn't think it was the best idea for you to be out and about, but you were correct about the fact that you weren't contagious to him. Other humans would of course get sick if they spent time with you, so it was understandable that you would prefer to be at the Nemesis. That you would prefer to be with him.

Soundwave accompanied you to his habsuite, and helped you set up your little nest in the corner of his berth. You had brought blankets and pillows in your suitcase, so you could be comfortable.

"Do you have more work to do today?" you asked as you settled into your little corner.

Soundwave considered it for a moment, but he just shook his head and sat down on the berth next to you.

"That's nice, I picked a good night then" you smiled tiredly.

Soundwave did still have some work to do, but it wasn't time-sensitive, so he could just do it the next day. Now he would much rather take care of you.

"How are you feeling?" Soundwave asked, by using an audio clip you recognized to be from the TV-show you'd introduced him to last week.

"I'm getting better, slowly but surely. I don't have a fever anymore, but my throat still hurts, and I have a bit of a headache" you shrugged.

Soundwave nodded, looking like he wasn't quite sure if you were being totally honest with him.

"I swear, I'm fine, or at least I'm gonna be soon" you assured him.

Soundwave took you at your word and just hoped you would get better soon. He wasn't really well versed in how human illnesses worked or how something like this might affect you, but from what he'd observed, it didn't seem life-threatening. You just mostly seemed annoyed to be sick.

Soundwave placed his hand on top of your head and petted your hair. It was a comforting gesture, and it made you smile. It was nice to have someone who you could hang out with, without fearing you might get them sick too. You weren't sick very often, but this time the illness was especially persistent, which was very annoying. Soundwave's presence helped a lot, even if he couldn't be with you all the time, you knew he did his best to spend time with you and to take care of you.

"Hey Wavey?" you asked.

Soundwave turned to face you, with yet another question mark on his visor.

"Thanks for spending time with me and taking care of me, I know you're busy, so I appreciate it" you smiled tiredly.

Soundwave nodded and gave you another head pat, with a smiley face on his visor. He was glad to spend time with you, and even if he felt like he wasn't much help with taking care of you, you didn't seem to mind. You looked tired, so Soundwave pulled one of your blankets over you and pressed his forehead against yours for a moment.

"Yeah, I know. I need to rest" you rolled your eyes with a chuckle as he pulled back.

Soundwave decided to stay with you until you fell asleep, and then go finish his work. He didn't have to wait for long, you fell asleep in under ten minutes. He raised his visor a bit and pressed a kiss on your forehead, before heading back to work. You would be safe in his habsuite, and he would be back before you woke up.

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Hey dude! You really deserve a huge break bro and just go somewhere peace n quiet! Idk how to comfort but I just wanna say that feel free to have that long break! You deserve it and you don't deserve the bad things that happened to you in life. We don't deserve all the bad stuff in life at all, but it is a challenge we slowly have to pass through, like making it through the top of the mountain or just anything in the clouds til we achieve the freedom and peaceful life we all deserve.

What I'm saying might be cheesy and after all I am just an anon in the screen but I just wanna spread kindness and positivity even to those I don't know. Hope things will be okay in the end! You can do it! Time passes by and the pain will pass slowly, just take time through everything.

*Insert virtual hug*

Thank you so much, I always love getting you guys' supporting asks and messages, it honestly helps me a ton. I'm getting my break this summer, I just have to finish the last two courses in the next two weeks. Or if I really don't want to, only one of them is actually mandatory. I'm either going on sick leave for the summer or something else, but I'm going to take a fucking break, no matter what. Also a virtual hug for you as well, thank you💜

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can no longer avoid drawing prime... the shiniest guy ever

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I guess it's autistic burnout?

Another complaining post, but this is my blog so I can do what I want lol. Again, don't read if you don't feel like it, this isn't really anything other than me screaming into the internet void...

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple of months, and especially the last couple of days. Also my best friend has been telling me to take it easy for like the last half a year. Even though we haven't seen each other much since I live so far away now, she can still tell I'm anxious, tired, stressed and pretty much driving myself nuts trying to manage everything. She has been trying to tell me to take breaks and be kinder to myself, but I honestly don't really know how to do that.

I've always been taught (especially by my ex-stepmom) that if I'm not productive and don't achieve things constantly, I have no worth. Since that was beaten into me (not literally, at least not most of the time) in my teenage years and before, it is incredibly hard to unlearn. I feel like that's especially dangerous for someone like me, because I feel like the world demands so much of all of us already, and often I can't even reach the bare minimum.

I've always been taught that if I'm not a "productive member of society", I'm not worth anything. So when I can't keep up with others, or I can't get things done at the pace that's expected of everyone else, it's hard. I have an incredibly hard time being kind to myself, because I was never really taught how to do that. I give a lot of grace to others and I would never expect the same things from others that expect from myself. Other people deserve breaks, but I don't. Other people deserve more time, but I don't. Other people deserve everything that I don't. I don't get why I can't give myself the same mercy and grace I give others.

My best friend and I were talking about how exhausted I've been. It was about a month back and she talked about how she's been watching me go down this spiral for a while now. We talked about how my meds have been enough to keep me well until now, but since the amount of stress has just kept increasing during the last couple of years, it's no wonder everything is finally starting to spill over. From ages 13 to about 22 I was in a major depressive episode. Then from about 23 to now (I turn 25 this summer) I've had a much better time period. At one point I didn't even consider myself depressed at all. I've been in uni since the start of 2023, and having things to do has no doubt helped, but it's starting to get to be too much.

I read some articles about autistic burnout, and fuck, I'm most definitely going towards that wayyyy too fast. I actually might already be there. I find myself being annoyed by literally everything. I want to start throwing things when I turn my head on my pillow in the evening when trying to sleep, because it makes a sound. Literally everything else annoys me as well, like wearing socks or whatever the fuck. I'm also so damn angry about everything all the time. The anger is mostly turned inward, which is not really healthy, but I don't know what to do about it. Executive functions are also not doing too good, because I can't do anything I'm supposed to be doing.

I need to talk with my psych nurse tomorrow about what I'm gonna do with the whole summer school thing. I would like a statement from my psychiatrist that I can't do school in the summer and that I need to rest, but we'll see if she agrees. I've been considering starting therapy again, but I don't know if I could manage that on top of school too, but I also don't know if I can manage without it. Especially if the mental health clinic I'm currently a client at throws me out in the fall, because I'm apparently doing "well enough to manage on my own". Idk if I'm supposed to laugh or cry at that but we'll see in the fall what happens.

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⚡️

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cute doodle!

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Someone PLEASE politely knock Ratchet out so he can get some actual sleep and maybe even some relief from his chronic pain 💔

And while we're at it get Optimus a stress ball-

(Original meme below! :D )