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Night/Day

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Night/Day

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True dat 😉

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😂

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Out Of Context

Please then fill me in Great king How does thou Worship Ever slightly, but see How does thou Grant Pardons Of misery While bathing in fruits Of loyalty Owed the free How does thou Love O'er seeing the gallows A command Shallow To swing the lasso How does thou Hate Free'n the masses Targets painted Time flashes Ashes to ashes How does thou Live Witness to all Understood, no one Downfall Or life’s call

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7/29/17

“For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Nothing is impossible. No matter how difficult the task, no matter how big the dream, anything is possible. If you can dream it you can do it. We forget how much we are actually capable of as we go through life. We lose sight of who we are and where we came from and therefor we are always having to work through consequences for sins that we do not remember. I feel at times “why me?” or “why did I deserve this?” Then I remember that there are things that I do not know about my own past that I cant account for. In the circle of life you begin where you end, and I can remember where I ended than that is the key to a new beginning. Past karmic lives hold the sins that I have been given the opportunity to make up for in this current life. It is possible for me to access all my lost memories, the good with the bad. If you want to know the whole story, if you want all the answers, the ultimate answer, you must first prove you are able to handle it. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows there are things about history that are not pretty. Life is a classroom. It’s preparation for what comes next. What comes next hold more than I can possibly imagine. Even if all the answers were printed out on paper and handed to me, I wouldn’t be able to believe it because I didn’t go out and find the answers myself. I wouldn’t be able to comprehend the complexity or impossibility of the story. If you want the truth you have to go out and find it for yourself. That’s what I do. We can only learn through our experiences. We only grow through our mistakes. The simple reason we make mistakes is because we don’t trust the warnings given to us by the people around us. When we are young we have trouble trusting the people that love us most in this world. We don’t even trust ourselves. We might say we do, but on the inside we don’t. When we are young we think we have all the answers, and the older we get the more we realize we don’t know. Trust in another is so important. If I want to be taken seriously and trusted I must show I am trustworthy and dependable. Making others happy is what makes me happy. The only way to be able to love everyone equally is being able to look at someone’s entire life story down to the skeletons in the closet without passing any judgement. Not just out loud, but also in your head. I pretend everyone around me can hear my thoughts. You can’t control your thoughts all the time, and sometimes things go through your head that you have no idea where they came from. I am reconditioning my brain. Since we know the power of thought can alter what we feel, or what we say. Even how we go about situations. I need to be able to control what goes through my head. So I live like every person in the world can hear my thoughts. I really had to use my imagination to take it seriously though. At first it was awkward and embarrassing to think of things I felt bad about or that were rude or mean. Especially in negative environments. I had to work through the idea that if everyone could hear each other, they wouldn’t mind hearing bad things from you because they would know that you are just learning how to control what you think and they wouldn’t mind because everyone has to learn the same way you did. Eventually I’ll only be able to think positive thoughts and that will be highly beneficial for my own life, and for everyone I encounter. “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination,” -Albert Einstein

Everyone has “character defects” or flaws that can hold them back. No one is perfect and there is always room for improvement. I personally gladly accept feedback, if it is genuine, and it is given with love. I would rather hear a million terrible truths, than one small lie. So I tell everyone that I love to tell me if they see a flaw that I have. I want to be the best version of myself, and to do that I need to know the things about me that I need to change. If I am doing something wrong, I want to know because I can only change it if I know what I need to change. We do not always know what we do wrong. I trust the people that love me to call me out on my stuff, and tell me to my face what they do not like about me. That is another reason I know they care because they telling me what I can do to be better, I trust them to do that, because that is what I would do for anyone that I care about and want to succeed, which is everyone. The best gift you can give to someone is true love. If someone is struggling you love them until they can love themselves. There is always a reason why people do the things they do, if they know it or not, if they admit it or not. There is a reason, and unless you have lived their life than you have no idea what they have been through. 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. No one wants to live in hell. No one wants to go back to that time when life seemed hopeless. We can’t change the past, but we can rewrite the future. We have the power to do that together. Sometimes in life you have to let go of someone when enough is enough. No matter how much you care or love them, no matter how much pain you’ll go through without them there, sometimes you have to do the one thing it’ll take to change your future. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I can make sure that it is better than yesterday. Even if it means letting go. Even if it means giving up the one best friend that knows me better than anyone in this world, the one person I never wanted to lose, and will forever hold a special place in my heart. Sometimes the decision that hurts the most, is the right one. The decision that grants the highest good for myself and all others. Like I said, I’ll go through torture for the people I love, even if I don’t mean the same to them. It doesn’t mean they are our of my life forever, that doesn’t mean that I gave up on them, or don’t love them anymore. It just means that I have to do what my conscience tells me is right. Sometimes letting go is the very thing that changes someones life. I don’t expect to be best friends again, I don’t know what will happen in the future. I do know that I am not going back though. I do not need to go out looking for another best friend. I do not want to try and replace that bond. There is nothing in this world like it. Come what may, all I need right now is genuine support from the many great friends that I do have in my life, and be thankful they are there for me. That bond was strong, and I have no intention of trying to force something to fill that void inside of me. When the time is right, I will heal. Right now all I need to do is love myself and do the next right thing. I am grateful that I have friends that care and will talk to me so I don’t lose my mind trying to convince myself of things I know are false. Talk it out. If you bury it it always comes back and makes you feel a million times worse. The best way out is always through. I’ll get through this. Life goes on at the end of the day. As wrong as a betrayal is, I accept my part in it, I can own my part in it. I can pray for success and all the happiness in the world in this life they have, even if I am not apart of it, as long as they are truly happy, I will be happy. I wont put myself through that again, it is pointless and I deserve a best friend that respects our bond, never takes it for granted, and loves as hard as I do. I deserve that. Everyone does. Genuinely believing in someone when no one else does, when the whole world is against them, can save someone’s life. It saved my life. My best friend believed in me, always. I believe in my best friend, always. I believe that they will find what was lost, as long as it takes, and tough as the road is, I believe they will find it one day. I believe everyone will find it. Even if I am not there to see it, I will feel it. Your happiness is what makes me happy. As a mother, you are apart of me, when you hurt, I hurt. I can feel what you feel without you saying a word. If you should decide to forget I ever existed or ever meant anything to you, I can respect that decision, as long as you are happy. That is my wish for everyone in this world, to re-learn true happiness, and then having the patience to help another person find it. If you can genuinely inspire, and open the eyes of just one person in this life, than you’ve already changed the world. You’ve already made history, just because your name is not in a textbook, or your face isn’t all over the media, does not mean you are not important. If you can save just one soul, they will remember you forever, and pass it on to the next person. All it takes is one person to really believe, and the rest will follow in time. Hard work and dedication. Pain and suffering. The best way out is always through. There is pain so that you can learn how to work through it without anything but your mind. Power of positive thinking. Accepting the things we can not change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

When you have children, you realize there is no one in this world that loves them like you do. You would die for them. You would endure a thousand years of torture for them. You would take their place in any situation that would cause them pain. In the movie the shack, the main character is asked by God to play the judge, and which out of his children should go to heaven, and which one to hell. He is told he must decide. He says that he can not, take me instead. She tells him that is exactly what God says. He would never choose one child over another, no matter how bad their actions were. A parent loves their children unconditionally and all you can do is try to guide them in life and trust that in the end they will find their way back home. I can genuinely say that I love everyone in this world equally. I would endure a thousand years of torture for any single person on this planet. I love everyone like I love my daughter. I can say that and mean it because to be able to understand someone’s mistakes and love them unconditionally, you must have gone through what they have been through, you must be able to put yourself in their shoes and be able to see both sides of the story. I am able to understand so much, I am able to see more than I can put into words. More than I let on, I know more than I say out loud. Much more. I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and its heavy. To be able to feel the pain of everyone, you must first prove you are strong enough to handle it without giving up. I have seen terrible things. Buddha teaches that they way out of living and dying over and over again is to focus on what is important in this life, the people you love and care about, and forget about materialistic things. You must not be afraid when it is your time to go. How do you prepare for the unknown? How do you face the fear of death before its time? Well face something scarier. The things that were afraid of are meant to show us what were made of in the end. There are things much scarier than death. Its not as scary anymore once your able to realize the journey from start to finish doesn’t begin when you are born and does not end when you die. There is much more to the story than meets the eye. I love deeply, passionately, unconditionally. When I tell you I love you I mean it more than words can describe. I fight for what I love. I fight hard. I never give up. Even at the times when I make mistakes that hurt others, I pick myself back up and I start over. That’s how you show people you love them, by never giving up the fight for your own life. I let people know how much I love them because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Though I am still just starting to get down to below the tip of the iceberg there is already more that I have learned in the last couple months than I have learned in my entire life. Anything negative that I say or even think I apologize for and find a way to make up for it. I pray to a higher power, I ask for guidance and strength to be better the next time I am in that scenario. I take my hands off people that I know need the room to be able to make their own mistakes if that is what they wish, even if I know what will happen and it hurts to watch. I can only control myself. Everyone deserves the right to learn, being the easy way or the hard way. I can no longer be a punching bag if that is all I am to you. You must find your own way to vent your negativity. When all we have is ourselves, that’s when we realize that is the only person we need to make us happy. If we aren’t happy by ourselves, and do not love ourselves, then we will never be able to give true love to another, we will never be able to make another truly happy. Anyone is capable of change, but they have to make that decision to want to change by themselves. You can’t change another person, it doesn’t matter how hard you try. The best thing you can do for someone you love is just to listen to them really hear what they have to say, to feel what they feel. Connect with them on a deeper level. Let them know that you love them, you will always be there, that they are important and they mean something to you. Reach out even when they don’t reach out to you. You never know how much a text or phone call of something nice from you can turn someone’s day around. Most of the time people don’t tell you how much they look up to you. We often do not say exactly how we feel. It is important that we do. It is important we show others HOW to do the right thing, and do it even when you are alone. Your never as alone as you think. You never know who sees you as their role model. You never know who is watching, and you never know who is listening. 

As my father tells me “don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t do something, don’t ever let anyone tell you that. You can do anything you put your mind to, anything in this world.”

Pettiness prayer

Keep us, oh God, from pettiness. Let us be large in thought, in word, in deed. Let us be done with fault finding & leave off self-seeking. May we put away all pettiness & meet each other face to face, without self-pity & without prejudice. May we always be patient, never hasty in judgement & always tolerant. Teach us to put into action our better impulses, straightforward & unafraid. Let us take time for all things; make us calm, serene & gentle. Grant that we may realize it is the little things in life that create differences, That in the big things of life we are as one and may we strive to touch and to know the great common heart of us all. And oh God, let us not forget to be kind.

...and remember world peace comes from everyone on the planet wanting it, everyone believing and working together, that’s how it works. Happiness comes from helping another find it. Anything is possible. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Things tend to happen, when you least expect it ;)

have a beautiful day!

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6/2/17

"Our grand business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand" -Thomas Carlyle Everyday I am confronted with trials and tribulations. These are but tests to show how much I can persevere and accomplish just by hard work and dedication. Life is full of circles, they can be frustrating at times, though I must always remember that I must try to do everything in my power to achieve a desired goal. Only by doing everything that is set out in front of me can I be satisfied that I have done the right thing. While sometimes there is only so much I can do myself, I am not afraid to ask for help, because only then, will I receive it. A word on the unknown; Everyone has an overwhelming fear of the unknown, a sense of impending doom because no one can explain what comes next. It may be both unplanned and exactly according to plan all at the same time. The whole point of it all is that it is unknown for a reason. What you do not know can not hurt you, just as what you do not fear can not hurt you. The main idea to always hold on to is that everything is okay in the end. Everything is at peace. An unconditional love for everything and everyone between everything and everyone is the goal. It always has been. Resentments can create demons. Negative feelings create resentments. Forgiveness is key. Acceptance over the things we do not have the power to control or change is most important. The unknown is only scary if you make it out to be that way in your mind. Life has a funny way of making sure everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to. When we feel helpless we become afraid, we become paranoid. Our demons feed off this and in turn coerce us to do the exact thing that makes it that much worse. The strength from within is what guides us to do what we may not want to do, but what we know in our hearts is right. It's trial and error. It's not always perfect. However, we do learn and grow from each experience wether we recognize it or not. Each life tells a story, that story has significant meaning to the overall grand scheme of things. No one has all the answers. No single person was meant to have all the answers. Worry helps nothing but bring you down into the very place you were trying to avoid all along. So I fear not what I do not know, instead I focus more on what I may come to learn.

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5/20/17

“Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are”

- George Eliot

Sometimes everything is overwhelmingly confusing. Other times, it seems to all make sense. We honor who we are every day just by living our life peacefully and happily in the best ways that we know how. We can be most happy when our actions are lined up with our true values. We can feel at peace then. Through all of the struggles presented in our lives, we learn new ways of thinking. We learn what works, what does not work, and we learn how to not make the same mistakes again. For if we do, we have learned nothing. Fine tuning ourselves to be the best version we can be is not always easy. Sometimes it is not always fair. Though, no one said life was always easy, and we all know that life is not always fair. Our truest and purest desires can only be achieved through blood, sweat and tears. Through hard work and dedication. By always believing in ourselves. Most importantly, by never giving up. Doubt and skepticism are what holds us back, we as a society are hard to convince of something if we can not see it our touch it. No one can force you to believe something if you don’t want to, you have to discover what works for you. Sticking to what you truly feel is right, even in the face of adversity, is what separates you from the rest of the world. We must listen to our hearts, our intuition. That little voice inside is there for a reason. We don’t have to ever be scared of what we feel or what thoughts randomly pop into our minds from time to time. We can not control everything 100% of the time. As long as we have trust in each other, and inspire others. We never have to be afraid of anything. It teaches us to believe in something much greater than we can visibly see in this reality. It is not what we can see that is important, it is what we feel. What we feel in our hearts. Once we are able to open our hearts it is as if the pain is taken away. We do not ever have to feel pain if we do not want to. The way we feel is not always a choice. However, continuing to feel that way is entirely up to us. We can sit there, do nothing, hoping that the feeling will pass. Or we can do what we know makes us happy, even if we don’t feel like it in the moment. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else. Keep trying. Don’t give up. We all have choices. Each choice that we make, affects every second from the second the choice is made, until the end of time. A smile to a stranger across the room can impact someone just as much as unconditionally loving your family forever. We can never understand how the smallest of gestures have the potential to change someones life forever. One second can change the entire course of the universe. It’s all in what we believe. We can find meaning and purpose in all aspects of life. For life is not as mundane and boring as we make it out to be at times. What you put out, what you perceive something as, is what you will get out of it. Sometimes we get lost, physically, mentally, spiritually, or all of the above. Other times, we may physically, mentally, or spiritually lose what is ours. We must not let this bother us, for you can not really take something that does not belong to you. Everything that is rightfully yours will find it’s way back to you in the end. Always stick to what you know to be true, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Follow your dreams, after all, if you can dream it you can do it.

 “Tis’ true without lying, certain and most true. That which is below is like that which is above, and that which is above is like that which is below.”

 -Isaac Newton

[boundlessbytime]

5/14/17 2nd entry

“A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.”

- H.D. Thoreau

We can not take on the world by ourselves. We can not complete a million tasks, if we can not first complete one. In the book, “Quadrivium,” it states “one can only be understood by itself.” This is the same for each and every one of us. We are all connected. We are not mind readers. We share with each other what we feel we want to share. My journey is just beginning, everything is beautiful, in its own way. I am trying to understand, along with everyone else. It is well known that having loved ones makes it easier to talk through our emotions with, so that you can relax and get out of your head.Though, what do you do when nothing is working? Who do you talk to when no one else understands? I talk to my higher power. Whoever that may be. One or many. No faces, and no names, but that’s what works for me.

It is known that we are all connected to everyone on the planet through a chain of seven people or less. Whatever we put out into the universe, comes back threefold. So the lesson I learned today was that whatever energy I put out, may it be thought or action can continuously affect the rest of the world. I realize again today why everything is not clear yet, its because I am still learning and I am not yet ready. I apologized and admitted I was wrong for making the choice to let myself get so mad over something so petty. I must forgive myself for I am not perfect and I make mistakes. Apologies are only pointless if I continue to make the same mistakes. I can not control what I feel all of the time, but I can make the conscious effort to be more aware and learn from this mistake. I hope the world can forgive the negative karma I portrayed today. I learned a valuable lesson.

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5/14/17

Today was harder. It’s like I have to fight so hard to stay in high spirits. It is so easy to fall, and when we do we fall hard. Sometimes it feels like the world is against me. Negative energies and unstable emotions are like waves of change, but I am confident I can take them. The power of positive thinking is one of life’s greatest traits to have. I have all the tools I need to never forget who I am. I, and I alone, hold the power to determine my fate. I am strong. I am the strongest I’ve ever been. It is a balancing act every day. It’s a battle every day, but I hold on. I hold on to my light because I will not give up. I get the feeling sometimes that life is just one big test. One big game. One never-ending maze. To see how thick your skin is. To see how much you can take. To see if you will ever turn away from your true self. I will not turn away, I will keep fighting. I will cry when I am overwhelmed because I am not perfect. Tears are not a sign of surrender, they are not a sign of defeat. They are symbols that you are not afraid to show your true colors. There is truth in tears. That is something not many people understand. If you bottle it up, it will explode. I must not be afraid to speak what I feel even though a lot of the time I can’t pinpoint why I am feeling that way. I must work through every emotion that I have. I must be so confident in myself that even if I was locked in a small cell in  the dark for a thousand years, I would still be okay. I will always be okay, even at the times when I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. My anxieties skyrocket in my chest, but that too will pass. I don’t know everything. I don’t need to know everything. I most likely will never know everything, but I am okay with that. I can accept that. 

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5/13/17

“To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time”

-Katherine Hepburn

It was once said that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. I believe this to be true. All the knowledge and power of the world will never forcefully open the eyes of another. They must want that for themselves, only then will they finally be able to see the way. Ignorance to sinful acts may blind us to who we really are on the inside. Through time our pain may be lost but along with it our happiness. The little permissions we grant ourselves make it much easier to continue to live that way consistently. Consistently these little permissions evolve into much greater filthy acts. Ones in which we can not atone for. The day of balance will come, and on that day, let us all see the good in ourselves. Let us understand the wrongs we’ve done. Let our eyes be opened so that we may forgive ourselves so as to move on from this phase of life with grace and with ease. I believe in the world. I believe in myself. I believe in something greater. Always. I always believe in something greater. Hope is a powerful thing. Trust is a powerful thing. We must trust the process in order to survive. Only in truth do we let ourselves believe, and truth is nothing more than what we believe in full ourselves. The imagination is more powerful than we can ever understand, but the more we try, the closer we get to the truth.