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MOON 12 (Part 1)

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To everyone's shock, Talontooth goes missing. They call out to him in the early morning - but he's gone. Iciclepool is particularly upset about this, having mentored the warrior. She thought that after years of seeing this process, she would get used to it. She doesn't. She barely avoids prolonged grief with the help of Hopechase.

(Iciclepool, deputy, female, 68 moons. Ambitious.) (Hopechase, warrior, female, 94 moons. Playful)

---

Iciclepool thought she was free from this. When Lakestar was gone, she thought for once, just once, perhaps things would be okay. Deep in her heart, she knew that wasn't true. She knew the law of the woods. She knew that she would have to see adult cats die again.

When Talontooth wasn't found in camp the night Windfur and Shiverpaw returned from the Half-Moon Dome, when the sun rose in the morning and he hadn't returned, the Clan had to accept that he was gone.

She thought that after years of seeing that process, she would be used to it. She wasn't.

She taught Talontooth everything she knew to stay alive. She thought that she had done everything to make sure that he would live a long life. Grow strong, mentor another cat, perhaps have a family of his own, if he was inclined to it.

Why? Why him? Out of all the cats -

Iciclepool could barely say anything at his funeral rites. The only thing she could say was a pitiful apology. She felt everyone's eyes on her pelt and it hurt.

She buried herself in her nest, begging for roots to rise from the earth and swallow her too. Iciclepool denied his death. Raged against StarClan and the woods. Considered if maybe he had simply run away to the Twoleg cabins. Wallowed in despair. Repeat.

She could barely feel the gentle paw pressed against her back.

"...Icicle?"

Hopechase's gentle voice felt like daggers on her soul.

"...Hey." A dark pelt padded in front of her field of vision. Iciclepool continued to stare into space, even as Hopechase's blue eyes filled her vision. The dark molly said nothing as she simply stared into Iciclepool's eyes.

"...I'm sorry, Icicle. I know he meant a lot to you."

The white deputy felt the knife twist. She closed her eyes as she felt the bile rise in her throat. She said nothing.

Hopechase wordlessly rested her chin on Iciclepool's head, then began grooming her.

"Hope, please."

"Please what?"

"Please leave me alone."

"I will. But you haven't groomed yourself in two days. When you feel the strength to stand again, being mat-free will help."

"I don't…" Iciclepool started her retort, then trailed off defeatedly. There was no point. Arguing with Hopechase was an exercise in futility. She didn't argue back. She only listened, and did what she believed to be right. So, Iciclepool let her. She closed her eyes and allowed her to groom her and remove any compacting hair.

For a moment, she thought of one of the last times she spent with Cliffstep. She grieved. She wailed as all of her kits were gone, again. The woods, Lakestar - took everything from her. She couldn't hear herself over the voice of her own cries. And there lay Cliffstep next to her. Grooming her. Removing her mats. His work was gentle, but his muscles were tense the entire time, his face chiseled with burning intensity. He barely spoke for the next week. His ice blue eyes were soft around his loved ones. They sharpened with the ferocity of a lynx the very moment Lakestar or Chicoryglint crossed his path - cold and haunting.

He loved his family, so much. He loved her. He would've loved Talontooth. He would've -

Iciclepool's face curled into a snarl as she buried her face into Hopechase and wept.

She doesn't know how much time had passed until she found her emotions spiralling back down, going numb. The warm newleaf sun had started melting the snow. The sound of water dripping off the branches and the den walls outside played a soft melody.

"Iciclepool." Hopechase's voice was filled with love. "I'm going to help set patrols for you. Alright?"

Iciclepool just nodded. Hopechase blinked slowly, a passing thought crossing her gaze. Her tail tapped the floor pensively. Finally, it seemed like she made a choice, and her eyes softened.

"I love you, Iciclepool."

The white molly froze for a moment. She opened her eyes again, her copper gaze layered with an unknown feeling. Hopechase continued with the wisdom of many lives.

"I know that you know. My feelings aren't hidden. I know that right now, and maybe for a little while, the world will feel cruel, and empty. And that's alright. But I need you to know that you are loved." Hopechase pressed her nose against Iciclepool's forehead. "You still have family. You still have friends. And while today may be one of the worst days you will ever have, I am here to give you a groom, and take your tasks, and remind you that today, your world has not ended."

Iciclepool's voice was stuck in her throat as her eyes widened. She felt her pelt turn hot in shame and unbridled emotion, unable to mantle any thoughts to her mind.

Hopechase pulled back, and gave her a look that she had only seen from one other cat before in her life. "Please, grieve and pray to Cliffstep and Talontooth. Their eyes are watching you from StarClan. They love you, so much."

Iciclepool bit back a cry.

"And when you feel like you can laugh again," Hopechase continued. "Then you can tell me how you feel. Whichever way you do, I will still be your friend. And you will still be a lovely deputy," Hopechase let out a final purr of comfort before steadily padding outside the den.

Iciclepool, for the first time since she sat in her den, turned to watch Hopechase leave, and looked outside the warrior's den. For a moment, her mind was a storm of emotion.

Hopechase…really felt that way? And she would wait? Even seeing her as a useless heap of a deputy, weeping again at another lost child - is this really what she wanted?

And…did Iciclepool want her? Is that something her grief would even permit her to think about?

Talontooth wanted life as well. But you are here. And he is not.

Her guilt ravished whatever brief embers of contentment lit in her heart. She felt numb again.

And yet, she couldn't bring herself to turn back to face the wall again. Her eyes were frozen on the movement of the outside world - the one Hopechase wandered freely within.

For a moment, she watched. Her clanmates were still reeling from the hurt. Riversnow sat in the sun, her eyes following Cloudthunder's kits gently. Windfur approached her glumly, and said something to her. After a few moments of no movement, Riversnow nodded without looking up at him. Windfur seemed surprised, but grateful as he gave her an herb Iciclepool knew well - borage.

Morningspot stared at the cooking fire. Her eyes were void of meaning, as though her spirit was gone and her body was piloted by something else. Olive's yellowcough was recovering steadily - almost completely gone. The older molly wordlessly sat next to the younger, staring at the fire with her. It conveyed support that didn't need words.

And…under the shadow of the apprentice den was Shiverpaw. Her kit. Her eyes were empty. Windfur said that after their visit to the Dome, she was frantic. Dreading. She said something horrible was going to happen, and she didn't know what. Just that she was so, so afraid.

Iciclepool felt a rock in her belly. Her grief drowned under the waves of protectiveness and fear.

You still have family. You still have friends.

Hopechase's words echoed in her thoughts. She weakly pushed herself to her feet, and hissed as she stumbled. Her muscles wobbled in complaint.

How long…how long had she ignored Shiverpaw in her grief?

Her kit. Oh, her poor kit.

Iciclepool felt like the sun beaming at her pelt threatened to expose her suffering to the world. That…that didn't matter right now. She slowly padded towards her daughter. Her mind could only ever picture her as the poor kitten she found, shivering in a bush on a cool newleaf day. But her child was almost all grown up. A year old. Her child was here.

Shiverpaw heard Iciclepool's pawsteps, and her body tensed and straightened. Her cobalt blue eyes were wide, as though spooked by her mother's sudden appearance.

"O-Oh. Mom. I'm sorry, I…I was going to check on you," Shiverpaw stammered, her voice dry. "Did, um…I…I could give you a poppy seed, if that'll help with…"

Iciclepool said nothing. She wordlessly sat next to her child, her pelt brushing against hers. Shiverpaw looked at her with wide, sleep-deprived eyes.

The deputy gently brushed her tail against her daughter's back.

"...Speak to me, Shiver."

Shiverpaw slowly shook her head, until her expression broke and she buried her head into her mother's shoulder. She mewled pathetically.

"It's my fault. It's all my fault. All of it. All of it, all of it," she said between sobs.

"No, honey. No," Iciclepool said with a comforting purr rising in her throat. "Whatever StarClan said, a warning can come too late. You are not responsible for this."

"But I am. And it is. I should've never - I shouldn't have - " Shiverpaw continued to stumble before being reduced to a grief-stricken mess. Whatever words her daughter wanted to say, they couldn't find their perch.

So, she didn't push her. She decided to just be there for her daughter. She, too, had lost a friend.

---

Redstar and Hopechase cooperate to reinstate a past ForestClan festival - The First Bloom, which would occur in the next moon. Despite Redstar's grief, she tells herself that this will be good for the Clan. First Bloom focused on games, decorating the camp with local early-weeds and quick-growing plants, and paying respects to the prey they hunt.

(Redstar, leader, female, 70 moons. Strict.) (Hopechase, warrior, female, 94 moons. Playful.)

Windfur stumbles into a loner healer, named Bracken. She's only 9 moons old, and asks if he's seen a black tom - her littermate. Out of concern, he offers her advice on some of the local herbs, and offers her a place in the Clan. But Bracken refused, having heard rumors about Clan life and VERY adamant against it. Windfur burns with resentment over Lakestar's bloody legacy.

(Windfur, medicine cat, male, 26 moons. Lonesome) (Bracken, loner, female, 9 moons. Grumpy)

Deerkit and Cottonkit REALLY want to explore outside of camp, interested in the songs of birds they've never seen. Cottonkit comes up with a plan to sneak out with Deerkit, but Barleywave puts a stop to it. Barleywave thinks the kits aren't taking their safety seriously.

(Barleywave, warrior, male, 41 moons. Playful.) (Deerkit, kitten, female, 2 moons. Noisy) (Cottonkit, kitten, female, 2 moons. Fearless.)

Airkit prefers to spend time with his mother, Cloudthunder. Cloudthunder is somewhat concerned, but tries to engage with him anyway.

(Airkit, kitten, male, 2 moons. Polite.) (Cloudthunder, warrior, female, 45 moons. Adventurous)

Branchpaw brings fresh moss to replace Riversnow's bedding. Riversnow appreciates the effort Branchpaw has been putting in recently.

(Branchpaw, apprentice, female, 7 moons) (Riversnow, warrior, female, 61 moons)

Cloudthunder cooks Tree something soothing for their stomach. Tree thanks her profusely and offers a flirty compliment, which Cloudthunder seems receptive to.

(Tree, warrior, non-binary, 43 moons. Adventurous) (Cloudthunder, warrior, female, 45 moons. Adventurous.)

Barleywave tried to talk to Riversnow like Hopechase asked of him, really, he tried. But it was rather difficult to do when she kept not-so-subtly finding an excuse to leave whenever he approached her. Dejected, he gives up. She had no obligation to talk to him, right? He wasn't her mate. That was normal. Yep. He wasn't - nope. He wasn't sad at all. Sadness is for losers. He was TOTALLY FINE - [He was, in fact, not fine.]

(Barleywave, warrior, male, 41 moons. Playful) (Riversnow, warrior, female, 61 moons. Adventurous)

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