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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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waiting for the fat on my face to disappear 🥰

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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It do be like that

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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I wanna be that person that uses fruit as a dessert. Sweets are my worst weakness. I think I might try this for a week. Get some fruit popsicles and try fruit salad instead of sweets. Ice cream? No thanks I'll have some mango instead.

#my shit

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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i hate, HATE, the eating disorder paradigm that has been created. “skinny cindy doesnt eat a bite of food, shes full of water, black coffee and the occasional bite of celery. she breezes past everyones worried looks”;kindly fuck off. because thats just not what an eating disorder is to me. i present to you my case. i binged and binged and gained myself about twenty five kilograms. then i starved and starved and lost myself forty kgs. then i binged and binged and gained myself about thirty kilograms. and since ive been on opposite ends of the spectrum, heres how it goes: a fat person that has an eating disorder is just a fat person trying to lose weight-no one gives it the time of day. and a skinny person with an eating disorder is someone with a complex and who is trying to maintain their figure. no one cares until youre skin and bones. because thats what eating disorders are (or weird complexes regarding food to people that think eds do not exist) to most people and its fucking infuriating. eating too much isnt right, and eating too little isnt right, but either way well always be shamed for both. and as someone with a weird wire in my brain that tells me to either starve for a couple of years or eat the whole fridge for another year with no in between, it kind of messes with your head. because to have such extreme weight fluctuations where youre losing and gaining half your body weight every once in a while,, youre getting daily comments about your shape. its either “oh youre so tiny” comments that egg you on, or “youre disgusting” comments that also egg you on. just keep your comments to yourself, our bodies are already bending back and forth a million times a day in an attempt to accommodate our sick minds. it hurts to look in the mirror so just shut the fuck up.

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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i'll be thin for Christmas

#my present to myself will be losing 10pounds #i really want to lose 20 by then but I'm trying to be realistic

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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this next cup of coffee will fix me

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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I saw real life thinspo yesterday and I'm devastated. These two women were so so thin. One wore a baggy shirt and tight pants. The other wore a fitted shirt tucked into a maxi skirt. Their waists were impossibly thin. Their arms so long and graceful. I tried my best to not stare but it hurt to see real living breathing thinspo. Their faces looked so sharp and tired just like Tim Burton characters. I can't believe people like that actually exist.

#my shit

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bucket-o-pain · 3 years

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No weight difference on the scale but my pants fit a bit better. Still tighter than I'd like but I'll take it. I need to redo my measurements soon. I'm overdue on that.

#my shit

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