buddierecs

[buddierecs]

“I’m not gonna disappear, you know,” Eddie says, lowering his mug to meet Buck’s eyes.

“W-what?” Buck stammers, blinking away like he got caught doing something wrong.

“You keep staring,” Eddie says, carefully, “like I'm gonna vanish. Or go back to Texas without telling you or something. I'm not.”

It’s been hours since Buck met him at the airport, drove him home, made him tea. And Eddie’s felt the weight of his gaze the entire time. Buck hasn’t said much, which Eddie isn’t surprised by, honestly. He’s not really in the mood to talk himself. But there’s something quietly devastating about the way Buck is looking at him. Eddie’s not sure what to do with that.

“Sorry,” Buck says.

Eddie sighs. “Don't apologize, it’s not…I don't mind that you’re looking. Just—you know you can talk to me, right?“

“I know,” Buck says. He’s trying to sound casual but his voice comes out just a little unsteady. Enough for Eddie to catch it.

“It’s, uh, it’s not that,” Buck adds, after a beat.

“What?”

“I don't—I don't think you’re gonna vanish. It's just… you look different.”

“You mean this?” Eddie rubs at his chin self consciously.

Buck’s eyes flicker momentarily to Eddie’s face before his gaze drops again. He nods.

After Eddie got the call, he couldn’t help but blame himself. He should have been there. Maybe if he was, Bobby would still be here—with his team, with his family. Not for the first time, Eddie felt like he couldn’t bear the sight of his own reflection. He felt small, useless. He thought maybe it would get easier with time. It didn’t. And with each day, as the guilt grew, so did the stubble on his face—thicker, darker. An awful reminder of the time that passed since Bobby—

Eddie sets the mug down, afraid it’s gonna shatter in his grip.

“You don’t like it?” he asks, and the words taste like ash in his mouth.

“No it, uh, it looks good. You always look good. It’s just—god, it’s stupid.”

“Hey,” Eddie bumps Buck’s foot under the table, keeps it there. “Whatever you’re feeling, it’s not stupid.”

“I’m…” Buck exhales, “I’m not sure if you’re real.”

Eddie opens his mouth, then closes it.

Buck shrugs. “Told you it’s stupid.”

“No! No, um, I—what do you mean I’m not real?”

There’s a moment where Buck doesn’t say anything, just stares at his own hands on the table, fidgets with his fingers. Eddie waits. Doesn’t push.

Eventually Buck speaks.

“After the lightning strikes, after the uh—“ Buck clears his throat, “the coma. I had this thing I used to do every morning. A-a checklist. To make sure I wasn’t dreaming. That I was still me.” Buck’s eyes stay locked on his hands, and Eddie desperately wishes he’d look at him again. “Ever since he—“ Buck stops, swallows, sniffs. “I wake up and I pray for this to be a dream. An awful, terrible nightmare. I pray, Eddie. And it’s—“

Buck’s hands are shaking. Eddie reaches out, takes them in his own.

Buck finally looks up. His eyes are impossibly sad and impossibly blue, and Eddie is struck by how beautiful he is. It’s a weird thought to have at that moment, but it’s true nonetheless.

“Sorry, this is so embarrassing,” Buck says, a little wetly.

“Hey, it’s not embarrassing, okay? You’re dealing with it. We all are.”

“Look, I know you’re real. I know that. But also just—everything is so different, you know? Nothing makes sense anymore and you look different. And it’s like—like, how do I know I’m not dreaming?” Buck says. “Does that make sense?”

It doesn’t. But Eddie gets it anyway.

He wraps a hand around Buck’s wrist, lifts his hand up to his face.

“You feel that?”

Buck doesn’t say anything, just looks at him.

Eddie closes his eyes, presses his face into Buck’s hand a little more.

“I’m here, Buck.”

Buck’s hand starts moving on his face, careful fingers trace his cheeks, his jaw, his chin. Eddie’s breath catches when a thumb ghosts over his bottom lip.

“You’re here,” Buck says, voice barely a whisper.

Eddie nods.

“He’s really—“ Buck's voice cracks. “He's really gone.”

“I know,” Eddie says, because what else is there to say?

Eddie’s eyes sting. He lets go of Buck’s wrist and places his hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb gently grazing the base of his neck. He wishes he could press his lips to his temple, like he does with Christopher. He doesn’t. Instead, he pulls him in, presses their foreheads together.

They stay like that, breathing together, until their eyes are red and their cheeks are wet. Eventually Buck pulls away, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his cardigan.

“Thanks,” Buck says.

“For what?”

“I don’t know. For—for being here, I guess.”

Eddie wants to tell him that he’s always going to be here. But that’s not true. He's leaving in a few days. He’s always leaving.

“Hey, you have a razor here somewhere, right?” is what he says instead.

“Come on, you don’t have to do that,” Buck protests, and Eddie is pretty sure he catches a small hint of a smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Eddie says. ”I think I do.”

[buddierecs]

also the realistic moment of trying to stop yourself from crying but physically being unable too?? how ryan was able to capture that in a five second scene?? insane.

this was such a fleeting moment in the scene, but eddie crying in the dark, suppressing his cries and completely alone will haunt me forever

[buddierecs]

this was such a fleeting moment in the scene, but eddie crying in the dark, suppressing his cries and completely alone will haunt me forever

[buddierecs]

ngl I have been refusing to read any fics that have Bobby being dead, but after *that* scene? ooof I just know there is going to be some angsty ones, I might have to give in.

[buddierecs]

RYAN WE ARE IN PAIN RN

[buddierecs]

I am in denial that this is all real but if it is… I will be mourning this relationship for the rest of my life. my favourite father/son duo.

[buddierecs]

getting stabbed in the eyeballs would hurt less than this

Bobby, I know I do dumb things sometimes and generally drive you crazy. You’re an important person in my life, Bobby. One of the most important.

[buddierecs]

bobby being buck's parent fics

w/ buddie in honour of the horrors that was today, i figured that we needed a bit more comfort (pain?) to go with it this is a mixed rated list, make sure to check the tags. remember to leave kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

the ordeal of dating your captain's (adopted) son (series) by: polish_amber "The au where bobby adopted evan when he was six years old, and then twenty years later eddie joins the 118 and starts dating buck... and no one initially realises that evan and buck are, in fact, the same person." word count: 307k important tags: bobby adopted buck, miscommunication, team as family, developing relationship

we found love right where we were by: polish_amber "the one where may ensures buck is enfolded properly into the grant-nash clan, which means bobby (and by extension the firefam, because gossip) suddenly gets significantly more insight into the inner workings of the buckley-diaz family, and all roads lead to buddie…" word count: 70k important tags: buck & may siblings, fluff, family feels if it weren't for second chances by: alasse a story about how buck finds a chosen family, and with a few twists and turns, eventually gets to the 118, meets eddie diaz, and maybe finds himself a second and a third (or, an evan nash story). word count: 47k important tags: familes of choice, buck & bobby save each other, slow burn buck being bathena's kid fics (lots of works, check tags for each one) by: smilingbuckley "A bunch of stand-alone fics where Bobby and/or Athena are acting like his parents/are his parents." word count: 533k important tags: bobby & athena being buck's parents, buck, may & harry as siblings, team as family winter prayer by: daisies_and_briars "when a work conflict prevents athena from accompanying bobby to minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, buck and may offer to go instead. over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and bobby faces his grief." word count: 18k important tags: may & buck siblings, road trips, established relationship, grief, healing words, how little they man when they're a little too late by: polish_amber "the one where buck builds a family and his birth parents get exposed to pieces of it in the aftermath of 6x10: in a flash." word count: 13k important tags: hurt!evan buckley, pre-relationship buddie, pov outsider, team as family catharsis by: rogerzsteven "it only takes one minor inconvenience for buck to have his long overdue breakdown." word count: 5.3k important tags: emotional hurt/comfort, angst, mental breakdown, multiple pov to be loved anyways by: bookworm0303 "buck experiences the unconditional love of a parent for the first time in his life at a five year-old's birthday party." word count: 15k important tags: established relationship, buckley siblings have bad parents, protective!bobby nash bobby versus buddie by: songbvrd "five times bobby tried to gently hold buddie's hands and tell them they were in love, and one time they got the picture." word count: 10k important tags: 5+1 things, mutual pining, idiots in love, bobby nash pov the one with the return of the sex addiction by: buddiefication "bobby can tell that buck has a secret. he’s been showing up to things late, forgetting important information, and getting easily distracted. bobby comes to the most obvious conclusion: buck’s self-diagnosed sex addiction has returned in full-swing." word count: 2.7k important tags: outsider pov, secret relationship, worried!bobby java blues by: ravens_words "eight times buck drank bobby’s coffee, and the one time bobby made it for him." word count: 5.5k important tags: bobby nash pov, fluff

[buddierecs]

Bobby being buck’s parent fic list dropping soon 🫣

so… how are we all feeling from these spoilers? bc I am ready to throw myself off a cliff, anyone want to join?

[buddierecs]

factsss! I’m just going to think of this weewoo show being silly with odd plot lines, there is no way there will be an mcd!

so… how are we all feeling from these spoilers? bc I am ready to throw myself off a cliff, anyone want to join?

[buddierecs]

I also feel like the cast wouldn’t be able to talk to fans and take photos?

honestly have no clue and this is literally going haunt me until the episode premieres!

& thank you <3

so… how are we all feeling from these spoilers? bc I am ready to throw myself off a cliff, anyone want to join?

[buddierecs]

That is literally the only thing I am hanging on too! bc it actually makes no sense for the first mcd of the show to be leaked this bad!

so… how are we all feeling from these spoilers? bc I am ready to throw myself off a cliff, anyone want to join?

[buddierecs]

so… how are we all feeling from these spoilers? bc I am ready to throw myself off a cliff, anyone want to join?

[buddierecs]

tooth-rotting fluff buddie fics

fics that make me giggle and kick my feet all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

think i know where you belong by: stevesconverse "the one where eddie and buck live together, and things get out of hand or the accidental kiss fic." word count: 8.6k important tags: idiots in love, accidental kissing, roommates, codependency, love confessions nap trapped by: paleredheadinascifi "buck wears his pink cardigan and eddie nap traps him about it." word count: 3.5k important tags: getting together, cuddling, soft!buddie you're my home, and i'm happy here by: giselleslash "Chim teases Buck about moving too quickly with Eddie and it brings out all of his doubts. Fortunately Eddie has no doubts about them. Not a single one." word count: 2.3k important tags: established relationship, soft!buddie, sweet!eddie diaz, protective!eddie diaz i'll tell them put me back in it (and i would do it again) by: paleredheadinascifi "eddie doesn't know how to make his listening history private. buck doesn't know what to do with the words in front of his eyes. chris cannot believe he has to deal with either of them." word count: 4.8k important tags: idiots in love, crack, accidental love confession, gay disaster!eddie diaz till then be good and wait for me by: daisies_and_briars "eddie returns from el paso and asks buck on a date. in the interim between the asking and the date itself, buck acts completely normally. definitely. just don't ask anyone." word count: 6.2k important tags: getting together, first dates, first kiss love of my life, can't you see? by: wenttoafortuneteller "maddie nudges buck towards eddie, buck misunderstands horribly, and eddie suffers over facetime." word count: 10k important tags: crack, miscommunication, humor, texting, getting together have my hoodie (have all of me) by: becausebuckley "when buck visits the diaz house one morning, he's confronted by the sight of his best friend wearing his clothes." word count: 3k important tags: sharing clothes, feelings realisation, getting together, first kiss deep inside a gold mine by: marviless "in which eddie is in love and a bit clingy about it." word count: 8.4k important tags: established relationship, cuddling, possessive!eddie, needy!eddie the elephant in the room never forgets by: exvichan "secrets are spilled and truths brought to light when the 118 and their partners go on a camping trip. oh, and there’s malaphors. Lots of malaphors." word count: 19k important tags: camping, crack, getting together first kiss, humour

[buddierecs]

friends to finaces

all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

baby, say you'll always keep me by: hattalove "the one in which joking about being married to your best friend is all fun and games, right up until you realize that you're not laughing." word count: 8.2k important tags: didn't know they were doing, getting together, mutual pining, first kiss but, baby, watching you blush by: calvingseason "buck and eddie go to hershey for buck's high school reunion. the only problem? everyone thinks that they're married." word count: 10k important tags: fake dating, mutual pining, misunderstandings, sharing a bed, gay!eddie diaz if you should i do i would too by: giselleslash "eddie starts telling people buck’s his husband to get out of annoying flirting situations on calls. buck starts to like it a little too much." word count: 5.8k important tags: love confessions, idiots in love, fake marriage, soft!buddie baby, you were my picket fence by: spaceprincessem "maddie wants to propose to chimney. she gets buck involved. buck can't tell anyone. he somehow proposes to eddie instead" word count: 6.1k important tags: accidental proposals, getting together, first kiss, fluff, idiots in love everything is wrong, but it's alright by: earthtolovers "buck & eddie get stuck. they have a lot of feelings about it." word count: 9.6k important tags: near death experiences, eddie diaz pov, angst with a happy ending and, daring, this is more than i've felt before by: grussell63 "kameron keeps calling eddie buck's husband and it may be time that eddie puts a ring on it." word count: 3k important tags: jealous!evan buckley, getting together, fluff cinnamon kisses by: tawaifeddiediaz "buck wakes up from a nap, cuddles eddie, proposes, and devours cinnamon rolls, in that very order." word count: 3.5k important tags: cuddles, getting together, soft!buddie feels like flying 'til the bone crush by: thelonggoodbye "eddie doesn't wake up intending to get crushed by debris during an earthquake. he also doesn't intend to propose to his best friend. but sometimes these things just happen." word count: 6.5k important tags: whump, idiots in love, getting together, injury when you know, you know by: asteriasera "after eight months of dating, natalia begins dropping hints for their future together and buck begins to question if this is what he really wants. one day later, a proposal is made in a kitchen over tiramisu." word count: 11k important tags: buck/natalia break up, pining!eddie diaz, idiots in love, season 6 the one i was meant to find by: winterbucky "friends to married speedrun with lots of feelings, sassy but supportive chris, dad buck, and a lot of sudden serious decisions" word count: 5.3k important tags: feelings realisation, love confessions, fluff, idiots in love, gaydisaster!eddie diaz, eddie diaz pov i'm going to marry him anyways by: weewooforever "4 times eddie’s elderly neighbor tells him he’s so lucky to have such a wonderful husband + the 1 time she tells buck. the only problem? they’re not actually married." word count: 10k important tags: idiots in love, getting together, flirting, love confessions

[buddierecs]

chat/texting buddie fics

this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

wet sandpaper by: beetlesandstars "buck is hyper-fixated on bodily fluids, eddie endures, and josh nabbed a front row seat to the whole thing." word count: 1.7k rating: mature important tags: mutual pining, friends to lovers, love confessions, gay!eddie diaz 118 hwaiting by: witchjeons "a collection of tweets and texts between the 118." word count: 6.3k rating: mature important tags: team as family, established relationship, fluff and crack, sexting, soft!buddie, marriage proposal eddie diaz's emotional support group chat by: scarmaddiewrites "eddie makes a group chat to help him with his plan to woo buck... it goes about as well as you think it would." word count: 5.9k rating: teen and up important tags: crack, pre-relationship, getting together, miscommunication firehouse and the dream police by: beetlesandstars "buck terrorizes the 118's GC." word count: 2.4k rating: teen and up important tags: getting together, mutual pining, flirting, idiots in love, secret relationship eddie 2.0 by: bellabrady "after eddie moves to texas, buck adopts a stray cat and names it eddie." word count: 4.8k rating: not rated important tags: cat owner!buck, getting together, unhinged!buck, feelings realisation, love confessions, first kiss knockout by: beetlesandstars "buck flirts with MMA fighter eddie diaz on twitter. buck's friends despair." word count: 2.3k rating: teen and up important tags: getting together, coming out, famous!eddie diaz, mutual pining, flirting, drunk texting opie by: buddieaya "au where buck finds christopher’s cat opie." word count: 4.6k rating: teen and up important tags: alternative meeting, fluff and crack, evan buckley pov, pre-relationship horsin' around by: beetlesandstars "buck gets sepsis, asks hen about hearts, and scores a date" word count: 1.4k rating: teen and up important tags: getting together, mutual pining, love confessions, gay!eddie diaz body count by: abbyportellini "in which ravi gets bored one day at work and asks the firefam group chat what their body counts are. bobby misunderstands the assignment." word count: 1k rating: mature important tags: crack, oblivious!eddie diaz

↓ these two are incomplete but so good ↓

schemers by: savemebobbynash "in which eddie hates tommy, buck doesn’t realize eddie came out, and ravi teaches everyone some internet slang." word count: 10k rating: teen and up important tags: friends to lovers, pining, gay!eddie diaz, crack anti t*mmy club by: flashoverstardust "eddie realises that he does NOT like thomas kinard, and neither does literally anyone" word count: 7.8k rating: teen and up important tags: minor buck/tommy, pining, crack, light angst

[buddierecs]

freak4freak buddie fics

all explicit rating - 18+ only!!!!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

tripping over getting lost on you by: prettybegins "buck finds a video of tommy and eddie sparring on his boyfriend's phone and kind of loses his mind over it." word count: 15k important tags: buckfidelity, not tommy kinard friendly, dum/sub undertones, jealous!evan buckley, anal sex, dirty talk, bottom!eddie diaz fueling the fire until we combust by: bandshirts "the one where eddie has lots of very homosexual gay as fuck thoughts about men. and about buck. mainly buck." word count: 10k important tags: getting together, gay!eddie diaz, possessive!buddie, sexual tension, bottom!eddie diaz, porn with feelings okay, fair play, here we go by: earthtolovers "eddie has a new old friend. buck loses his cool. likely thing to happen." word count: 6k important tags: jealous!buck, possessive behaviour, biting, service top!buck, anal sex, needy!eddie diaz, porn with feelings

no homo by: songbvrd "eddie works out what his joy looks like enough to start making moves on buck, but does not get far enough to figure out what that means for him. he is also haunted by chappell roan." word count: 26k important tags: crack, miscommuncation, friends with benefits, jealous!eddie diaz, repression, stripper!buck, blow jobs, handjobs slaughterhouse by: kithmet "eddie announces he’s leaving. buck, naturally, begins a slow descent to madness." word count: 21k important tags: codependency, possessive behaviour, unhealthy coping mechanisms, angst, masturbation, frottage would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? by: brattybuckley "10k words of filthy, nasty, freak4freak buddie smut. it's been a long time coming." word count: 10k important tags: trans!evan buckley, established relationship, bottom!evan buckley, vaginal sex, oral sex, praise kink, light dom/sub, possessive!edde diaz hot to go! by: anonymous "the one where eddie comes home angry from a shift and takes it out on (an enthusiastic) buck" word count: 3.6k established relationship, anal sex, rough sex, mean!eddie diaz, possessive behaviour, praise kink, bottom!evan buckley

could never put a price on by: jessieswrld "when budget cuts force the 118 to find other ways to make money, buck and eddie decide to create an onlyfans account. they're best friends, and they're both straight. what could go wrong?" word count: 30k important tags: soft!buddie, shameless sex, oral sex, angst, hurt/comfort, sexuality crisis, buck calls eddie 'princess', blow jobs, anal sex i might change your contact (to 'don't leave me alone') by: fangirlingg-feels "buck finds one of the shirts that eddie left behind on accident, and proceeds to react very normally about it." word count: 2.4k important tags: phone sex, anal fingering, voice kink, mutual masturbation but you would still miss me (in your bones) by: pinkpeachtea "after eddie moves to el paso, buck finds his shirt underneath his bed." word count: 2.2k important tags: hurt no comfort, pre-relationship, touch-starved, masturbation, anal fingering sweet dreams ('til sunbeams find you) by: whocaresdiaz "buck and eddie have morning sex, complete with consensual somnophilia." word count: 3.5k important tags: established relationship, consensual somnophilia, morning sex, bottom!evan buckley, blow jobs, anal sex the red means i love you by: earthtolovers "buck & eddie go to the oddities and curiosities expo and get some matching necklaces." word count: 7.4k important tags: married!buddie, porn with feelings, bottom!eddie diaz, possessive behaviour, blood kink adjacent, needy!eddie diaz tailspinning by: doitgently "eddie tells buck he’s moving to texas. in response—as the world’s most supportive, caring and well-adjusted best friend—these are three things buck absolutely does not do, 1. keep tabs on eddie, his calendar activity and his iphone location so that he can spend as much time with eddie as humanly possible before he leaves, 2. almost violate california penal code 646.9, 3. lose his entire fucking mind." word count: 15k important tags: feeling realisation, codependency, possessive behaviour, recreational stalking