buscandomialma

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the 'seems shy at first but crazy as fuck once you get to know them' squad

Cancer, Leo (surprise!), Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces

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M60-UCD1 black hole, via NASA

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My fear of not being good enough has robbed me of so many opportunities to better myself in the long run. 

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It’s been a long time since I’ve written on here. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to write in general, to be honest. But tonight, I really need to. I’ve needed to for a few weeks but I just haven’t had a moment to myself... and when I have, I’ve just been putting it off. It hurts if I think about it all too much, I don’t know how to think without overthinking and overwhelming myself. 

I’ve been my happiest these past few months because I found someone that is really sweet and thoughtful towards me. I like him so much, and even though we’re only just getting to know each other, I think about him all the time and he’s the person I want to spend my time with. It’s terrifying to feel this attached to someone. I feel vulnerable to getting hurt. Especially since he lives far and it would be long-distance when we aren’t in school. I don’t know if he wants to do that, considering his last two relationships have been long-distance and it put a strain on them. I’m too afraid to ask even though I know I really should before I get more attached than I already am. 

And then there’s this huge issue that’s going on with my family that’s been this huge weight on my heart. I think about it for too long, and my breaths become unsteady and I fall into this emptiness. And I can’t afford to do that, so I push it out of my mind. But it resurfaces a few times a day and it’s like a sharp pain daggering my heart every time. Now that I’m home, I can’t avoid it. This problem is real, and I hate it. I don’t want it to be. 

I don’t want to be home because I’m reminded of what’s happening when all I want is for it to never have happened at all. I’m happy with someone, but then I realize that I can never really have a normal, serious relationship with someone once they meet my family. He won’t get it, he won’t be able to relate. He will want normalcy, and I understand that. It hurts, but I understand. He doesn’t know it yet, but we’re slow dancing in a burning room. I know I should enjoy the good times while we have them and not think about what can go wrong, the cracks that will inevitably shine through, but it’s my nature as a human. In another world where I didn’t have such a complicated background or so much emotional baggage, maybe we would stand a chance. 

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Men, I would like to give this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too. To date, I’ve seen my father’s role as a parent being valued less by society. I’ve seen young men suffering from illness, unable to ask for help for fear it will make them less of a man. I’ve seen men fragile and insecure by what constitutes male success. Men don’t have the benefits of equality, either. We don’t want to talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes but I can see that they are. When they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive, women won’t be compelled to be submissive. If men don’t need to control, women won’t have to be controlled. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all see gender as a spectrum instead of two sets of opposing ideals. We should stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by who we are. We can all be freer and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom. I want men to take up this mantle so their daughters, sisters and mothers can be free from prejudice but also so their sons have permission to be vulnerable and human, too and in doing so, be a more true and complete version of themselves - Emma Watson for HeForShe UN campaign

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I am made of fragments

from the people that I've met

the places that I've been

and the things I hope to do.

I have said before,

that I am not a whole person yet.

But that is a lie, and a bad one at that. 

I am whole, and do not need anybody

to complete me. 

A few pieces may be missing,

and not all of them fit together

But I promise everyone this. 

One day, I will be better. 

I am okay. 

Keep saying this, my dear, 

and 'one day', it will be true. 

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and no,

I am not sad anymore

not very much of anything these days

I wish I could show you my insides

so you could see for yourself

the gray days are coming

I can feel them in my bones

I thought you'd be willing

to carry me home

who was I fooling?

Only me, all along. 

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how to stop time: kiss

how to travel in time: read

how to escape time: music

how to feel time: write

how to waste time: social media

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There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.

Tennessee Williams (via avvfvl)

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Michael Dumontier and Neil Farber

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I am going to name my future dog Zelda after Zelda Fitzgerald and my future cat Zooey, as in Franny and Zooey.

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There were half circles under her eyes, and other, subtler signs that mark an acutely troubled young girl.

J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey (via risefree)