c-highschool

[c-highschool]

December 27. 2012; It's Been 2 Months

Two months ago, was Sadies. It was also the night we started dating. It feels like I’ve been with him for a long time, rather than these two long, yet short months.

[c-highschool]

March 23. 2013; Perfect Date

Yoshi & I walked down the driveway after meeting my parents & picking the color of my soon-to-be prom dress. It was sunny but a little windy out. It was awkward in the car since I was mad at him for letting me think he stood me up & all the other bad things that come along with it… turns out he fell asleep & woke up late.. We didn’t talk nor did we touch each other.

We both loosened up after I paid for our frozen yogurt, killing time before the movie starts. I had plain vanilla & he had chocolate with m&m’s. We talked for a while, talked about random things.

Sitting in his car again, we exchanged some kisses before we realized a little girl was staring at us through the store window. 0.o All the tension was gone as we made our way to the theatre, holding hands this time.

Parked in the lot, early still. We started cautiously making out aware of the security cameras & people in the parking lot. Then I asked him if we could go on the swings. He said, “Sure.” So I gave him directions on the way to the elementary school where they had swings.

We got out of the car, it was a bit windy out. But the swing seat was really, really cold.. We both figured it would warm up after a while.

We swung.

& swung higher like we were still in grade school

until we declared mercy against the cold, seats of the swing that had not warmed up to our butts sliding on it.

Agreed for a rain-check & jumped off.

Running back to his car, I asked if we would watch the movie during another date. He nodded. I told him, “My lips are cold, are yours hot?” He nodded again. && we kissed, our hands traveling everywhere. We came up for air

[c-highschool]

Waiting

Sadness fills the gap when the time has come for our seniors to leave their superiority to the current juniors when they graduate. They will leave their dominating status until the next school year when the cycle starts over again. The gap will be present throughout the summer until everyone returns in the fall. The gap consists of an empty class, the class of 2013 this year, the class of 2014 next year & so on. A quarter of the school has left & left it up to the next batch’s turn to enjoy & leave. No one can claim the status of seniority

June 2013

[c-highschool]

Excuses

Will it make a difference if I wait for Yoshi? I don’t know if I can survive knowing he wants to move on. He laid out all his excuses & I’m laying here trying to figure out if even a tiny part of him wants me back.

2013

[c-highschool]

The only time since a week ago, I fell into a deep sleep was when I had Yoshi come up into my dreams & saying goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, over & over & over again.

I hate when people leave, I hate when people say goodbye because they mean it’s permanent, & I’m scared of permanent things.

2013

[c-highschool]

August 11. 2013; Needing to Escape

Anywhere but here. I’ve missed this place where I call home while I was in Vietnam for two weeks. But I don’t think I’ll survive. I’ve been staying up & crying over him since I got back to the U.S. One more year & I’m out.

[c-highschool]

You never get used to the heartache.

[c-highschool]

August ...15. 2013; Love My Body

So. It’s time to take good care of my body. I think ima start working out & develop a nice ass in the process. Goal: To have an ass to grind with, be confident with myself, be confident around others, & attempt to replace my unproductive moping-ness habit.

Yay for squats & stuff… Ima update on idk what, but I will.

[c-highschool]

Fuck it. I'm too hurt to care anymore. August 19. 2013

[c-highschool]

2013-2014 Schedule

Autumn 2013: Brit Lit, BioMedical Innovations, Honors PreCalc 2, Spanish 4, Honors General Studies - American Honors, HOSA, Asian American Association, Volunteer

Winter: Brit Lit, BioMedical Innovations, Honors PreCalc 3, Spanish 5 - American Honors, HOSA, Asian American Association, Basketball, Volunteer

Spring: Anatomy, BioMedical Innovations, Honors International Relations, - American Honors, HOSA, Asian American association Volunteer Volunteer

[c-highschool]

2013 - 2014 Schedule

Brit lit 

Honors PreCalc 1, 2 Spanish 4, 5 Medical Innovations Honors General Studies Anatomy Honors International Relations Honors Health/PE ___ HOSA American Honors Asian American Association Basketball Volunteering National Honor Society

[c-highschool]

I don’t know why women fuss over such things like expensive engagement rings. I don’t care if the diamond is big, really expensive or even real. I don’t need to show that off. Just knowing someone who’ll really stay would make me beyond happy.

2013

[c-highschool]

September 24. 2013;

I miss cuddling. Its my favorite thing in the world.. Next to being kissed randomly and looking into his eyes, his face, his body on mine. Yeah I miss all of that.

[c-highschool]

September 24. 2013; It's Time

Y'know what? I can’t stand crying anymore, I can’t afford to be like this anymore. No more ranting over Yoshi. We had that kind of love & maybe we still do.. but I can’t keep blaming him for my misery. I hafta be happy with myself, single or not. Ima still wait but whatever happens next year.. That’s in the future, out of my control. I cannot plan my future on one boy, even if I think he’s the most wonderful man in the world…

I’ll eventually accept the fact that he’s over there & I’m over here. I’ll accept the possibility of never being Yoshi’s girl again.. eventually.

I gotta focus on my educational career.  I can’t hold myself back.

I’ll wait but I’m not gonna let myself die while doing it.

[c-highschool]

If we find each other in college, how will I know you won’t easily walk out on me like you did the summer before college? How the fuck can I not assume I’m your second option, I’ve always been your second option. I gave you my all & I haven’t been the same ever  since you left.

2013

[c-highschool]

October 16. 2013; Rant

Yeah, you interested? Get in line. You can wait as long as you want to, I’m warning you, I’m a mess to handle. Because you see, it’s all a test. I know better to stop talking to boys but that’s not stopping me. I’m too hurt to care. Ima keep you there til you give up on me. If you’re still there after I’ve fully healed, I’ll give you a chance. Cause I’ve been the fucking one, chasing love for too damn long & I’m the one who gets fucking torn apart…. I quit. Whoever is there for me the longest, who never gave up, that’s who I should invest my time in cause I’ll always place first. I need that. I need to know if I’m worth it to somebody. So fucking prove it I’m worth your time, and mine.

[c-highschool]

November 2. 2013; Ima Make It Into A Reality

Once I head off to college, I’ll be living in my own apartment. Hopefully my sister will be in New York, studying over there whereas I’ll be studying somewhere over here. Yess, privacy! I’ll probably have to find a roommate or at least convince my future boyfriend to move in… after making sure he’ll stay. I’d wake up next to him every morning & fall asleep against him every night. The big pillows would lay unused because his body alone, would replace them. And oh yeah, sex. We would have AMAZING SEX: the positions, the privacy, the quietness haha not really.. Oh lord, my drive would be satisfied! I might go on the pill, I’m not sure yet. No more worries if the rubber rips or stuff like that. I’ll have a part time job, working & coming home to him.. being in someone’s presence.. Studying with him, clinging to his arm while we walk around campus. That’s what I’m looking forward to. Ima make it a reality.