cadet-kelly-blog

[cadet-kelly-blog]

You know, I usually look back and think my past writing is total crap, but this one still gives me goose bumps...

Have you ever memorized a quote?

How about two?

Or Five?

Eleven?

Sixteen?

I have.

And sometimes, when my mind fumbles to find substance, it rummages through them, the military quotes, once memorized, once screamed with sweat dripping down my forehead, tears held back behind eyelashes. They are, at present, a mere figment of my imagination, a nightmare, a faint memory that hangs above my head, whispering unforgotten words into my ears when the silence becomes too loud.

“The discipline which makes the soldiers of a free country reliable in battle is not to be gained by harsh or tyrannical treatment…when questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability…war makes extremely heavy demands on the soldier’s strength and nerves. For this reason, make heavy demands on your men in peacetime exercises…duty then is the sublimest word in the English language…war is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things…it is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech…I wear my uniform with pride for it represents the greatest nation of free people in the world.”

Do those words make sense to you? Because they ring in my ears like church bells. And part of me wishes that they wouldn’t have to make sense to you. Because ignorance is bliss. And I’m okay with being buried beneath a flag that you’re willing to burn. But the other part of me wishes that you would. That you’d Google the quotes I’ve painstakingly memorized (for you). That you’d imagine twenty-seven other people repeating the words with me, our calloused hands on the wet hallway floor, dripping sweat and camouflage.

I dare you to Google the quotes. I dare you to Google the names of the soldiers who’ve died this week.

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Ahhhhh I've been following you for quite some time! Never in a million years did I think I would cross paths with you but here I am also stationed at Dover! I would love to be your friend but the whole stripe and bar thing doesn't work. I'd still like to sit down and talk to you at least one day

I would love to sit down and talk to you! If you PM me your name and/or email, I’ll email you when I get back from this two week TDY to Germany. We can do lunch or coffee or something. :)

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Yo

If you still follow me after all these years and would like to reconnect, let me know :)

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Secret Lt Posts

The scariest thing I’ve heard in my very short time span of being a military officer: “I wish I could get pregnant.”

I lifted my eyebrows as he said it.

“Kidding. I’m only kidding…”

Yes…he was only kidding…

You might be wondering: why in God’s name would a man utter those words?

I shuddered as I considered the answer.

A woman, as it turns out, has the ability to get out of the military after pregnancy (my immediate thought, albeit a selfish one, went something like this: “Down with the patriarchy! Hooray for women’s rights!” In the heat of the moment, I thought little of responsible single fathers and men who might like the same privilege)

Yes…he was only kidding…

“Your desire to get out of the military would be a terrible reason to have a child,” my tone became suddenly severe.

“I was kidding. I was only kidding.”

I thought of the women who bore children to get out of deploying to the Middle East.

What a story that would be: “Well, Suzie, we really only wanted two kids, but I needed a way out of deploying to Afghanistan, so we had you instead!”

Yes. He was kidding. Yet as I sat uncomfortably in the military-provided chair, a bleak reality crept beneath the crevices of my disheveled fingers.

[cadet-kelly-blog]

I’ve come to terms with the idea that everything is temporary. The walls that surround you, the arms that caress you, the flicker in your eyes, the regularity of your skin. Everything but the phone calls to Mom and Dad, the color of your hair, and your dislike for strawberry ice cream. Although, in the end, I suppose those things are temporary too. For you won’t be making phone calls to your parents when they’re dead; your hair will turn gray; your gums will recede, and strawberry ice cream won’t taste any different from mushed peas.

And mourning won’t do a damn thing.

I prefer to cherish them, all the things I plan on losing. While they’re there anyway. I think the saddest sorts of people are the ones who forget to cherish all the things they have.

When your lover dies, do you cry because he’s dead? Or because you should have loved him better?

I can’t say for sure. All I know is that nothing is forever. Except, perhaps, a God (whom you may or may not believe in).

[cadet-kelly-blog]

I keep getting new followers...

=[[[[[

And I don't actually do anythingggg....poop.

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Hey LT Laura! (alliteration to replace the Cadet-Kelly bit) Congrats on making it through everything at the academy. Your stories will still be legend, at least to me and to a few others who've read your chronicles. They're the documentation of the human side to cadets, proof to people who like me, used to think cadets were perfect little robots. Enjoy your 60 days of bliss, drink lotsa wine, and hopefully I'll get the chance to serve alongside you one of these days!

Wowza, thanks. You basically described the reason I started this blog in the first place…you took the words right out of my brain! I’m kind of depressed about being done with it, to be honest…I still come back every now and again nostalgically…lol. I really should try to compile all the shit I’ve written and write a book or something…hmmm…well, let me know if there’s any posts you found particularly fantastic that I should most definitely put in a book (and that goes for anyone reading). =]

I ran into you once at the Academy, right? On the strips? You’re in 19, right?

Oh, and there’s lots of wine…=P

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Just got on the first Space A flight to Hickam, Hawaii!

Yesssss!!!! Life is goooood!!! Ready for SUMMER!!!!! #60days

[cadet-kelly-blog]

And then I graduated.

You march to your seat as your graduation song plays (and technically, there’s nothing special about it; you’ve seen it mandatorily three times before). You listen to Joe Biden give a five minute congratulatory speech followed by a twenty-five minute campaign. You wait an hour for your name to be called. You take the bachelor of science degree you fought earnestly to receive, and subsequently shake the hand of the Chief of Staff of the Air Force and the Vice President of the United States. Your heart beats faster than usual, as you “salute and shake,” trying your best to stand on the “X” taped to the ground. You salute some rando, or perhaps a friend, and then you hug. You look up to see your parents screaming your name, a couple hundred feet away, so you send them a brief but meaningful wave, as if yelling out, “I did it!” You sit back down. You stand back up. You raise your right hand for the oath of office. You finger the lining of your white hat, as a deep roar from far away planes makes the hair on the back of your neck stand straight. You know what’s coming. You’ve always known what’s coming. “Class of 2014, you are dismissed.” You can feel the Thunderbirds as your hat leaps into the air. Sudden tears fall plainly down your cheeks as a random nearby cadet hugs you and yells something congratulatory into your ear.

That’s it. That’s always been it.

You find a friend and you switch out your shoulder boards. You smile for too many pictures. You aren’t thinking about the friends you will no longer see. You drive back up to the hill, one last time; you turn in your sash, your shoulder boards; you get your empty room checked off; you grab your Second Lieutenant ID card. And then you drive away and strip yourself of the dumb white pants and overly-buttoned jacket you’ll never have to wear again. You take a plane flight from Denver and you only look back once.

The four years don’t add up to anything in particular. They just add up to now. And when people ask you if you are relieved, you aren’t sure. And when your family asks you something about time flying by, you nod robotically.

You don’t know what it all means. You just know it must mean something.

You’re not a cadet anymore. And all your blog name signifies is a mediocre Disney Channel Original Movie you watched when you were twelve.

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Rollover feelings I hate them That's the problem with a graduating class of a thousand You're bound to run into that dude you liked Two and a half years ago And flirt with him over a glass of wine (or four) And then the rollover feelings come rolling You didn't even have to ask Those shitheads

[cadet-kelly-blog]

=]

I have these two neighbours and they’re married and they gotta be like in their late 30s and I’m making dinner and I look out the window and they’re running around outside in their pajamas and bare feet with water pistols soaking eachother and laughing so loud it made me realise I’m wasting so much time trying to make relationships perfect when all that’s really needed is someone who will laugh with me for the rest of my life

[cadet-kelly-blog]

You're supposed to take it when they give it to you in a room (crowded or otherwise) in an office (when the ratio of men to women is uncomfortably disproportionate) You're supposed to take it because it's a compliment (he speaks to you differently than he speaks to other men)...

[cadet-kelly-blog]

There’s been a tragedy, came a voice through the phone. I was drunk when he called. He didn’t mention any names. He didn’t even mention death. But in my drunken stupor, the tears came like talks of equality in a liberal presidential campaign...

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Awkward Tumblr Fame

Walking through the halls, coffee in my hands, on my way to English class, I walk past a crowd of freshmen. Naturally (although maybe not-so-naturally, because nobody else seems to do it at this school), I smile at the group of them.

A blonde girl in the center smiles back and says, "Hi, Cadet Kelly!"

"Hi!" I respond pleasantly.

But after she passes, I realize that I don't actually recognize her.

And then I feel guilty. Should I have stopped? Should I have asked her who she was? She must read my blog...shit.

Anyway, awesome blonde girl who said hi to me in the hallway, you rock. And sorry for not recognizing you, lol. You should totez stop by my room before I graduate. =D

[cadet-kelly-blog]

I hate my speech class, the monotonous assignments, the grades I receive, seventy-five percent of what we're forced to listen to. But I guess I don't mind it terribly; I do get to sit behind you. I...

[cadet-kelly-blog]

You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.

Brian Tracy (via laurenarlene)

[cadet-kelly-blog]

Across a star-cluttered universe

of a flickering insanity

Light the flecks in our eyes

like the wisps of humanity

The glint in our grins

and the twitch of our noses

Appear nothing more

than a sad show of vanity