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[caffeinefueledfangirl]

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

Me, not talking: Ah fuck, I am being weird

Me, talking: Ah fuck, I am being weird

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

Reposting because this is the first piece of writing I've ever posted or let anyone read. I'll be honest and say I was extremely nervous posting my work but I've recieved so many likes (probably not to all but it's alot to me), someone asked for a part 2 and even some re blogs, I thought I would only receive negative feedback but in reality everyone has been so kind. A massive thank you to everyone because now and I make no promises but I'm seriously thinking about posting more of my work.

Longing (Drabble)

New to writing so it may be a little rough

Reader x Unspecified Winchester

Warnings: Bad writing, mentions of alcohol, angst

Reader’s POV

Love, it’s described as the most wonderful feeling in the world and in a way I suppose that’s true for most people. For me, it’s the pain of having him so close yet so out of reach, being in his arms but only for a moment that will be seared into my memories forever while he forgets the moment once it’s finished. It’s been years of hunting, researching, bearing good and terrible times together and in those years I have become a victim of unrequited love which is why I cannot decide to label these years as the best or worst years of my life, he always brightens my day yet manages to break my heart all at the same time. 

He’s like a drug that I can’t quit, I know with each hug the warmth of his arms will give me the feeling I crave but once he leaves I’ll be colder than ever. With every stolen glance over the lore I pretend to read my heart will skip a beat but break simultaneously as I know he’ll never gaze longingly at me as I do to him. He’ll never look at me like I’m the only one he see’s, or understand the sick feeling I get when he flirts with another, or the looks of pity from his brother who has it all figured out.

Instead, I continue to sit on the hard chair in the library gazing at him over the book in the hands I desperately wish he would hold. Despite the pain I continue to tag along to bars despite the searing pain in my chest when he leaves with a stunning woman I know I can’t compare to, causing me to drink to numb the pain. I stumble to his room and steal a flannel that smells like him, it only makes it worse having the smell of him in my bed and knowing I’ll never have anything more because no matter how badly it hurts to be so close yet so far, I need him. 

To him I’m nothing but a friend but to me, he’s everything. His smile makes me melt inside and my heart skip a beat, when he speaks I hear nothing around us just the melody that is his voice, the friendly hugs make the worst days better and the stars shine brighter. So despite the suffering my heart goes through everyday I stay and pretend that’s everything’s okay. I convince myself that it’s better to be his friend though it hurts, it’s better to have some of him than none.

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

Pay attention to meeeeeeeeee (via)

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

Running From Love (Drabble)

Sam x Reader

Warnings: mentions of sex, alcohol, angst

Readers POV

Quietly making my way to the kitchen unsure if the boys are awake and in desperate need of coffee after the night I had, it slips my mind that I should change until our eyes lock and my heart skips a beat. Mentally scolding myself for the blush that sweeps across my cheeks as he tells me I took good in his stolen shirt, my mouth suddenly feeling dry I focus on the warmth of the mug he places in my hands instead of answering. I can feel his eyes gazing over my form, the small smile giving away just how much he likes that I walk around in his shirt despite the fact I went home with someone else last night. I can still see the hurt that swept over his face as I left the bar last night, an image that will be permanently seared in my mind from now on, Feeling frustrated at his kindness and the fact that once again I’ve hurt him I question if he’s found a case yet. He looks mildly surprised at the abrupt change in my demeanor but doesn’t question it, instead replying in that gentle tone he always uses with me leaving me frustrated at myself once again. 

It’s been years of mutual pining and me running away from it, a part of me wishes I would stop this game so we could be happy or at least give love a chance and yet every time we get anywhere near the topic I find a way to escape. I know it’s unfair to him, the hurt in his hazel-green eyes is proof enough and despite the ache in my chest at the very sight, I continue to hurt him and myself with this denial. I’ve never been good with feelings, having similar coping mechanisms as the older Winchester I prefer to avoid, run away, or ignore any romantic feelings I have. More often then not outings to the bar end with too much drinking, meaningless sex with a stranger, and sneaking into the bunker heading straight to the shower to wash off the regret and guilt. A viscous cycle I can’t break no matter how much it seems to hurt the both of us because even if just for a while it distracts me from my feelings.

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

Longing (Drabble)

New to writing so it may be a little rough

Reader x Unspecified Winchester

Warnings: Bad writing, mentions of alcohol, angst

Reader’s POV

Love, it’s described as the most wonderful feeling in the world and in a way I suppose that’s true for most people. For me, it’s the pain of having him so close yet so out of reach, being in his arms but only for a moment that will be seared into my memories forever while he forgets the moment once it’s finished. It’s been years of hunting, researching, bearing good and terrible times together and in those years I have become a victim of unrequited love which is why I cannot decide to label these years as the best or worst years of my life, he always brightens my day yet manages to break my heart all at the same time. 

He’s like a drug that I can’t quit, I know with each hug the warmth of his arms will give me the feeling I crave but once he leaves I’ll be colder than ever. With every stolen glance over the lore I pretend to read my heart will skip a beat but break simultaneously as I know he’ll never gaze longingly at me as I do to him. He’ll never look at me like I’m the only one he see’s, or understand the sick feeling I get when he flirts with another, or the looks of pity from his brother who has it all figured out.

Instead, I continue to sit on the hard chair in the library gazing at him over the book in the hands I desperately wish he would hold. Despite the pain I continue to tag along to bars despite the searing pain in my chest when he leaves with a stunning woman I know I can’t compare to, causing me to drink to numb the pain. I stumble to his room and steal a flannel that smells like him, it only makes it worse having the smell of him in my bed and knowing I’ll never have anything more because no matter how badly it hurts to be so close yet so far, I need him. 

To him I’m nothing but a friend but to me, he’s everything. His smile makes me melt inside and my heart skip a beat, when he speaks I hear nothing around us just the melody that is his voice, the friendly hugs make the worst days better and the stars shine brighter. So despite the suffering my heart goes through everyday I stay and pretend that’s everything’s okay. I convince myself that it’s better to be his friend though it hurts, it’s better to have some of him than none.

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

Officer Blue Steel reporting for duty

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

[caffeinefueledfangirl]

spn || 1.17 [lyrics - taylor swift : this is me trying]