DO NOT FOLLOW. So this is basically a vent blog. Just a bunch of negativity. Look at your own expense.
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I just wanna go home It's been 7 years. That's a long enough wait, right? I miss it. I wanna go back but i know i probably can't. Mom doesn't wanna go back. She hates it. There probably aren't many opportunities there i guess. I dont have any friends left there. But i wamna go back. I never wanted to leave, they made me. I had plans, I had other options, but they didnt listen they dont like to listwn I just want to go back home Realistically though?.... Probably not gonna happen. I miss it I miss it so much please jsuy let me go back
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me: wow i actually don’t feel so bad maybe i’m getting better!
me 2 minutes later:
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yall ever just fuckiiiiin cant sleep so you cry in order to exhaust yourself lmao
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told him i wanted to die a week or two ago and broke down in his arms a couple days ago i'm a mess haaa
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it’s easier to say “im tired” than “im so sad and lonely i feel like there’s a weight in my chest and my body is so heavy i have no energy emotionally, physically or mentally to even move from my bed”
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me: i feel so alone
me: maybe isolating myself will help
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When you wanna be productive but you cant!!! Stop!!!!! Crying!!!!!!!! Seriously every time ive even thought about doing something for the past hour or two i just start crying again and fuck i cant function like this what the hell
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damn dude i havent changed like at all tf
guess ill always be an inconsiderate selfish piece of shit til i die?? lmao
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Life hack: Pillow too hot? Try crying into it! The tears absorbed into the pillow will cool it off!
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Here's me walkin around like i actually fuckin love myself like wow who the fuck was i trying to kid with that shit did i actually for a short while convince even myself that i dont hate every absolute aspect of my entire being what a fucking JOKE
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why do i always freeze up and never do shit when people need me most
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Me: *finally experiences heightened hormones during my period but also right after I've been too emotionally vulnerable with extreme levels of anxiety and depression* Me: Thanks! I hate it
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Mind you, I'm not actually going to kill myself. Not any time soon, at least. But there's always this image that's been in my mind. Since high school, I think. It's in the future, maybe a decade or so, in some run down apartment. White walls, what little furniture there is all over the place. And then there's me, dead with an empty bottle of pills next to me. No one's around. No one knows. That's where I always saw myself to be in the future. Not successful, not well off, just...a failure. Good for nothing. I used to hope feverently that this will never happen, but honestly at this point, I think I'm coming to terms with it. We'll see.
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