caim-tam

[caim-tam]

so gold

Elevator, Baby!

Summary : The team thinks Bucky has a crush on the tower’s interior designer. They don’t know that they’re already married.

Pairing : New Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Interior designer!reader (she/her) 

Warnings/tags : Thunderbolts* spoilers!!!!!!! Secret wife trope. Tower fic! Secret-ish baby. Cursing, not-too-detailed descriptions of sex, pregnancy, (Please let me know if I miss anything!!!)

Word count : 6.7k 

Requested by : two anons! Based on this and this.

Note : I combined two requests, I hope that’s alright, anons! Enjoy!

Bucky only stayed at The Watchtower three days a week.

Officially, those days were for debriefings, strategy syncs, mission prep, and what Alexei affectionately called team bonding.

The rest of the week, he goes off-grid and minimal contact, calling it rest and recuperation. 

He spent those days outside the city, tucked away in a modest, two-story house in the suburbs. 

The walls were painted in earthy tones. The porch creaked when it rained. The neighbours didn’t ask questions. But most importantly, it was where you, the love of his life, resided full time. 

It was home.

Bucky had closed on the house exactly nine months and fourteen days ago. A week later, he’d married you under a willow tree in the backyard with no fanfare, only Sam, Joaquin, and Isaiah Bradley as guests, and a ring you both picked out from a vintage shop in Brooklyn. Sam had joked that it must have been the best day of his overextended, complicated life.

He was right. 

Still, not a single member of his newly assembled team had a clue.

They knew Bucky Barnes, the leader of the New Avengers, war-hardened and famously chronically single. They knew the efficient, don’t-ask-me-about-my-weekends version of him. They did not know that the same man kissed his wife’s temple every morning before she left for work, took out the trash without being asked, and spent his evenings slow dancing with you in the kitchen to whatever jazz record was spinning on the old turntable.

That part of him was private.

He didn’t keep you a secret out of shame — Bucky showed how much he loved you in the ways that mattered. But with many of his old enemies still out there, keeping you out of the spotlight was non-negotiable. 

It was especially necessary now that the New Avengers were under public scrutiny, the media hounding them with every move, and Val running ops like a government-sponsored reality show.

But, of course, what he least expected happened.

When Val asked Mel to source a top-tier interior designer for the Watchtower’s massive renovation, Bucky didn’t say anything.

He didn’t pull any strings. He didn’t say a word.

But of course, Mel found your firm. It was one of the best in town, after all.

Of course, all he could do was stare blankly when Mel casually dropped your name in a team meeting two weeks later. You, who’d been growing your design firm from the ground up, known for clean lines and warm spaces and zero tolerance for pretentious decor.

And when you told Bucky that you’d accepted the Watchtower job, he’d smiled weakly and said, “We’ll figure it out.”

Which led to this moment.

—

Your first day on the job was a Monday morning. 

You stepped into the lobby of the newly renamed Watchtower, hard hat hooked on your hip, leather-bound notebook under one arm, and your chewed up pencil behind your ear.

You, as planned, acted completely unfamiliar with the man you’d kissed goodbye at 7 a.m. over toast.

You approached the cluster of Avengers who’d been haphazardly gathered for your arrival — Ava, John, Yelena, Bob, Alexei, and Bucky. Your husband leaned against a column, arms folded, feigning indifference while silently praying his face didn’t give away his precious little secret.

But then your eyes met.

For one fleeting moment, your smile brightened. But you covered it up and offered him a hand like you hadn’t fallen asleep his bare chest fourteen  hours ago, and said, “Nice to meet you. I’m your interior designer.”

Bucky took your hand.

The handshake lasted two seconds too long.

“James Barnes,” he said. “Pleasure.”

Ava raised an eyebrow.

You let go of his hand, nodded politely, and turned to the others to introduce yourself. 

Your voice was steady, your posture perfect, but Bucky noticed the way you tapped your thumb against the spine of your notebook — the tiniest nervous habit. He kissed that hand every night.

When you walked off to start your tour, Ava elbowed Bucky in the ribs.

“She is too pretty. If you don’t ask her out, I will.”

“M’ not into her,” Bucky said. It was the worst lie he’d told in years.

“C’mon man,” John chuckled. “That looked like love at first right.”

Bucky just shrugged and turned away, pretending to be interested in a support beam.

—

Six Weeks Later

You were everywhere.

Literally everywhere inside the Watchtower. 

You were in hallways, stairwells, and repurposed labs. You were under floorboards to check for old wiring. You were balancing precariously on scaffolding with paint samples in one hand and a clipboard in the other. You had a team, sure, but you were the kind of interior designer who believed that breathing the same dust as your contractors was the only way to truly understand your art.

Within a month, you turned a gutted superhero facility into your battlefield.

And you made it look good.

You had turned bare concrete into well thought out sketches, made a temporary lounge out of broken furniture and vintage rugs, and wrestled the tower’s unmaintained lighting grid into semi-functional compliance. You worked long hours. You cursed openly at bad insulation. You drank your coffee black and your water in gallons, and somewhere along the way, the tower became a passion project, your baby. 

And the New Avengers grew fond of you. 

They tried to be subtle about it, watching you from doorways or pausing in their sparring sessions whenever you passed through to say hi. 

You’d wave a friendly hi back, before going back to being all-business.

At this point, you and Bucky had practiced your we-just-met act to an Oscar-worthy level. You faked polite smiles, formal greetings, and total lack of familiarity, even when you showered together the night before. 

But sometimes, it slipped through the cracks. 

You can help but steal glances at each other — each one lasting just a little too long. His hand would find your lower back when he leaned over your desk to study a blueprint, fingertips brushing that sensitive spot just beneath your shirt hem. Your voice dropped half an octave whenever you addressed him in front of others, slipping in sergeant under your breath like it wasn’t a private reference from your bedroom.

Sometimes, you’d pass him in the hallway and murmur things quiet enough only he could hear. A reminder of what you’d do to him the moment he got home. Or what he’d done to you the last time he snuck back to the house for the night. You’d say it just loud enough to leave him frozen in place for a second — then he’d look like he needed to punch a wall or take a very cold shower to stay professional.

You made it impossible to concentrate.

So Bucky, for all his practiced stoicism and control, was coming undone.

Which was probably why the team started to notice.

Or, more accurately, why John Walker lost his goddamn mind one Tuesday afternoon.

The makeshift common room — still mid-renovation — was still half-furnished, but they made it work. Yelena was scrolling through her phone while Bob napped on a deflated air mattress. Ava cleaned her knives at the dining table that had mismatched chairs. Alexei was rearranging the fridge after someone messed up his system.

Bucky stood near the large window, arms folded, pretending to be interested in the HVAC schematics you were showing to one of your contractors across the room.

You laughed at something the guy said, and Bucky’s eyes twitched in jealousy. 

That was all it took.

John groaned loud enough to echo off the half-installed acoustic panels. Then, on his last straw, he flopped onto the couch dramatically.

“If you like her, Barnes, just ask her out already. Jesus,” John said, dragging a hand down his face. “You’ve been eye-fucking her across the hall for a month.”

Bucky just raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“She’s out of my league,” he said coolly. It was a textbook deflection. “Besides, she’s not even my type.”

Yelena immediately snorted. “Liar.”

Ava didn’t look up from her knives. “Liar.”

Even Bob, barely conscious, mumbled. “Liarrrr.”

Alexei only chuckled.

“What is wrong with you?!” John sat up, “You’re literally, like—what? A hundred and ten years old? You can’t still be doing the whole ‘girls don’t like me’ routine.”

Bucky gave a half-shrug, still not looking away from where you were, now climbing a ladder with a pencil behind your ear.

“She’s here to work,” he said. “I respect that.”

“Ah,” Alexei scoffed. “Is that why you follow her around like Roomba?”

Bucky had no answer to that.

—

One Afternoon

Today had been a long day

It was dusty. It was loud. Contractors bickered, blueprints got smudged, and Bucky had looked unreasonably good doing absolutely nothing — just standing around in that damn new uniform with the red star on his right arm.

You hadn’t had more than a couple hours alone where you weren’t sleeping or eating— not at home, and especially not in the Tower, when at least one other team member would be hovering like a nosy, overgrown child.

So when you saw Bucky slipping into the elevator alone, you called out for him.

“Mr. Barnes,” you half-shouted to get his attention, jogging across the hall. “Hold the door.”

He pressed the button with his metal hand, glancing up with a fond smile. “Didn’t know we were doing last names now,” he said, just above a whisper.

“Would you rather I call you Sergeant?” you replied quietly as you slipped inside, brushing past him just enough to make it intentional.

The doors slid shut.

And then, just as the elevator began its slow descent, you heard a mechanical in the belly of the Watchtower. The lights above flickered once—then again—before cutting out entirely.

A single red emergency light buzzed to life.

You stumbled slightly, grabbing onto Bucky’s arm instinctively. 

“What was that?” you asked.

“Power’s off,” he confirmed, chuckling when you jumped, kissing your temple to let you know that it was going to be okay, that the elevator was ventilated well enough for you to survive a long time in there. 

You slapped the emergency call button, and…. Nothing. Not even a buzz.

You blinked up at the ceiling like divine intervention might come through the grates. 

“Bucky,” you pouted, clutching his arm a little tighter, “do something.”

“I am doing something,” he said as he crouched down and nudged at the panel, making no real effort. “It's just not working.”

“Well, pry the door open or—use your metal arm or something!”

He shot you a dry look over his shoulder. “Can’t. This thing was built to withstand the hulk.”

You watched him stand and lean back against the wall like he was settling in. Like… he didn’t mind this.

“You have got to be kidding me,” you sighed, “I’ve got to meet the people installing wallpaper in ten minutes.”

Bucky folded his arms across his broad chest, his eyes maddeningly calm. “Could be worse,” he offered with a shrug.

“Bucky,” you warned, eyes narrowing.

“What?” he replied, too innocently, too calmly.

“We’re technically both on the clock,” you reminded him.

He shrugged. “We’re also stuck. Sounds like PTO to me.”

You rolled your eyes, but can’t help the smile on the corners of your mouth. “You’re impossible.”

That crooked grin formed on his face. “You’re tellin’ me you haven’t missed me, doll?”

“Don’t,” you said, pointing a finger to his chest.

“Don’t what?”

“That voice. That look. You're gonna  get us in trouble.”

He pushed off the wall and stepped closer. He was not touching you, but he was near enough that your heart began its traitorous dance, even after all this time. “We’ve barely touched each other. Last time was what— four days ago?”

“Four days is not that long,” you said.

He leaned in, lips brushing the shell of your ear. “It used to be four hours.”

You swallowed hard, but he was not done yet. 

“Used to be I couldn’t walk past you in our house without stopping to touch you.”

You looked away, heat creeping up your neck.

“Used to be I’d wake up with your thighs already wrapped around my face,” his voice dropped an octave lower, “And now I’m lucky if I get a quick kiss before you run off to yell at plumbers.”

“I did give you a kiss this morning,” you looked up at him.

“Not the kind I meant,” he said, eyes glued to your mouth, then back to your eyes.

You choked on a laugh, shoving at his chest weakly. “That’s very inappropriate, Mr. Barnes.”

“I’m your husband.” He bit your earlobe gently. “And I’m tired of pretending we don’t wake up in the same bed.”

“We’ve got… responsibilities.” Your fingers were already in his hair. “People are counting on us.”

“Let them wait,” he muttered, kissing you slow and deep now, mouth moving with that sinful confidence that made your knees buckle. “You’ve been killing me all week, walking around this place like you don’t belong to me.”

“I am yours,” you whispered against his lips, heat coiling in your belly. “But the cameras—”

“Power’s off.” He reminded, hand sliding up your thigh, curling behind your knee and hiking your leg around his hip. “You need this. I know you do.”

“You’re cocky.”

“I’m right,” he said, kissing you again. This time you kissed him back harder.

Your body gave in before your words did. It always did with him.

And as his fingers slipped past the lace of your underwear and his mouth returned to your neck, you forgot entirely about the elevator, the job, the rules.

You weren’t the Watchtower’s interior designer anymore.

You were just his wife.

And he was very, very good at reminding you why.

Neither of you noticed the faint red light in the ceiling blink back to life. Didn’t notice the tiny lens in the far corner of the elevator was still functional. 

You had no idea Yelena had rigged a backup battery into the surveillance system.

And you definitely didn’t know the power outage wasn’t an accident.

It was a setup.

—

Later that afternoon 

The new Avengers gathered in the security room like kids about to witness an R-rated movie.

And in a way… they were.

Yelena had the footage queued up. She sat with arms folded, boots propped up on the console, a smug grin across her face.

This was her idea, after all— playing matchmaker as a favour to Bucky. 

“It’s visual-only,” she said, almost too casually. “No audio. You know—normal CCTV stuff. But we don’t need sound to read body language.”

She hit play.

The plan was simple: trap Bucky Barnes and that absurdly hot interior designer in the Watchtower elevator to see if he finally made a move.

“Ten bucks says he doesn’t even talk to her,” Ava declared, leaning against the wall.

“I say he kisses her,” Bob offered gently, still half-asleep in sweatpants, rubbing his eyes. “Just a little one. He’s always so tense, it would be nice to see him… be sweet.”

John had brought popcorn like it was a movie premiere. “I want to believe he asked her out,” he said. 

“Today is the day,” Alexei nodded in agreement, “ I can feel it.”

The screen flickered to life.

Bucky stepped into the elevator first, holding the door for you. 

The doors closed.

Nothing out of the ordinary at first. It looked like normal conversation.

Then the elevator stopped.

You pressed the emergency call button. Nothing. 

Bucky tried the panel, giving up too quickly.

Yelena’s grin widened. “Showtime.”

And then, Bucky stepped closer, whispering something into your ears.

“Classic,” John said, leaning in. “Here we go. Here comes the kiss on the cheek.”

The kiss landed on your lips instead.

It was not a peck. To everyone’s surprise, it was hungry.

The room went deathly silent.

Ava’s arms slowly uncrossed. “Okay….”

Bob’s mouth parted. “Oh…”

Then— then came the second kiss.

It was longer. 

Your hands in his hair. His metal arm was up… your skirt? 

Your back hit the elevator wall.

John sat forward slowly. “Wait… wait.”

Then, you climbed him.

It got very explicit very quickly.

John’s popcorn slid from his lap, forgotten.

Alexei was blinking like he’d witnessed a cult ritual.

Ava whispered, “Jesus Christ.”

Bob clutched the arms of his chair. “That’s— that’s not him asking her out on a date.”

“Is the—” Alexei squinted, his voice dry, “—is the camera shaking?”

“No,” Ava said hoarsely. “That’s the elevator shaking.”

“Fuck,” John gasped. “We should— we should stop.”

Yelena stared at the screen, frozen. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Alexei held up a trembling finger. “He has not taken her to dinner. There was no courtship. There was no honour.”

Ava turned away from the monitor. “Turn it off. Turn it off!”

Yelena did.

The room plunged into an eerie silence.

Bob was still cross-legged on the floor. “I… I think there was a round two. Like… halfway through. I think I counted it. Different positions. Less vertical.”

They were all pale now.

Yelena stood up like she’d survived a car crash. “We are never speaking of this.”

“Delete the footage,” Ava added. “Burn it. Hack the cloud. Scrub the backups.”

“Gone,” Yelena said grimly. “It’s already gone.”

Alexei placed his mug down. “He has not even taken her out on date yet,” he repeated, horrified.

John slumped back into his chair, stunned “I’ll never look at elevators the same way.”

No one—not one of them—suspected marriage. No one suspected long-time commitment.

Not even a little.

They thought they’d witnessed a slip. A one-time break in Barnes’ solitude, a rare show of his desire.

They had no idea he fucked you like that at home every other day.

They just thought Bucky Barnes had the most soul-shattering game any man had ever possessed.

And not a single one of them ever got in that elevator without wincing ever again.

—

Six Weeks Later

It started out like any other off-day in the suburbs.

The early morning was quiet, with pale light spilling across the hardwood floors, the distant hum of a lawn mower down the street, and the smell of Bucky’s burnt-but-endearing attempt at breakfast wafting in from the kitchen. 

It was supposed to be peaceful.

But you were in the bathroom, staring at the positive pregnancy test with your hands trembling and your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.

Pregnant.

Three times, all different brands.

It wasn’t planned, not really. You have been talking about it, and even said you’d give it a go by the end of the year. 

Hell, you were on even the pill. But the last couple months had been a blur— long hours at the tower and stress-induced forgetfulness. 

Somewhere in the chaos of overtime and rushing out the door with a protein bar instead of breakfast, you must’ve slipped up. Maybe once. Maybe twice. Maybe that was enough.

You barely heard your own footsteps as you tiptoed down the hallway in a fog, still holding one of the tests like it might disappear if you blinked. Bucky was at the kitchen counter, humming under his breath, shirtless in his gray sweatpants, a bowl of strawberries in front of him with his dog tags reflecting in the morning sun.

He turned when he heard you come in, and his smile immediately faltered.

He could tell by the look on your face that something was… off.

“Sweetheart?” His brow furrowed as he stepped toward you, eyes looking over as if scanning for wounds. “Are you okay?”

You tried to say something, but nothing came out. You just looked at him with wide eyes, parted lips, and the test clenched tightly in your hand. 

His hands gently closed around your arms.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, his voice a little rough. “Breathe, doll. Tell me what’s going on. Did something happen?”

You shook your head, lip trembling. “No. Nothing like that. I just… I…”

He ducked his head, trying to catch your eyes. “Look at me,” he said, less demanding but more gentle. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, we can fix it. Just tell me.”

Your breath hitched. You looked down, uncurled your fingers, and held out the test.

Bucky looked at it.

Then up at you.

“…What is this?” he asked, almost cautiously. Like he needed confirmation.

You opened your mouth, but your voice cracked before it even came out. “I think I’m pregnant.”

He blinked twice. “You’re—”

You nodded, tears welling in your eyes. “I—I know. I was on the pill. I swear I was. But with everything going on at the tower and those back-to-back all-nighters and fuck, James, I must’ve messed up, I must’ve missed one or two—”

“Wait. Wait—wait,” he said suddenly. He stepped back just enough to look at you fully, like he needed the whole picture to understand. “You’re serious?”

You nodded again. “I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t joke about this.”

He was completely still, like the words were sinking into him bit by bit.

And then, to your surprise, he let out a shaky breath, laughed a little, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered. “You’re pregnant.”

You looked at him nervously, heart pounding. “I—I mean, it’s early. Like really early. Just a few weeks, I think. We don’t have to freak out. We can talk about it. Think about it. We can—”

But he cut you off, stepping forward again and cupping your face in both hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears on your cheeks. His eyes were glistening.

“Hey,” he said gently. “I’m not freaking out. I’m not freaking out. I’m just—holy shit, baby. I— you’re growing a little version of us in there. We’re doing this... if you… if you want this, too.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, your arms wrapping around him instinctively.

“We’re doing this,” you whispered back, like saying it out loud made it more real. “I… I do want this.”

He kissed the top of your head, your temple, your cheek. “We were headed here anyway. Maybe I didn’t know it’d happen now, but…” He leaned back to look at you, eyes full of wonder. “I love you so much.”

You sniffled, laughing through it. “I was so scared.”

“You don’t have to be,” he said, “Never with me.”

There was a long moment where the two of you just held each other, breathing in the warmth of the moment. When…

“So, uh. What do we tell the team?”

You chuckled. “About what? The baby or the fact that we’re married?”

He winced. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

Bucky wanted to share his joy, he really did. 

But he still had enemies. The kind who would use anything, anyone, to get to him.

And he would rather die than see your name — and his baby’s— end up on one of their lists.

“You still want to keep it quiet?” you asked quietly.

He didn’t answer right away. He looked at your stomach, his teeth clenching. 

“I don’t want anyone knowing if it puts you in danger,” he said finally. “I don’t care what they think of me. I just want you safe. Our family safe.”

You nodded. “Okay. So... in two or three months— the tower renovations’ll be done by then. I can just wear baggy clothes.”

He gave you a wary look. “You already wear baggy clothes.”

You shrugged. “I’ll wear bigger ones.”

Surely, this was a foolproof plan, right? 

—

It was successful for all of two weeks. You played your part, showed up to the tower, exchanged the usual small talk with the team, and pretended everything was normal, all while avoiding harmful construction materials and focusing on furnishing.

Then one morning, you looked pale coming out of the toilet, wiping acid from the corner of your mouth with tissue. Bob looked over, eyebrows raised in concern. You waved him off with a smile. 

“Fuck morning sickness,” you muttered, more to yourself than to him.

And that was it. You didn’t even think twice. You were too focused on the nausea, the spinning room, the unpleasant taste in your mouth. You didn’t realise you’d said it.

Bob didn’t clock it right away either. You’d already left the room by the time the words caught up with him. He was halfway through his coffee, reading a book, when—

He froze. His eyes widened.

“Wait…”

Morning sickness?

—

Bob didn’t say anything right away.

He sat there for a moment, staring at the spot where you’d stood. 

Morning sickness, his brain repeated again, louder now.

He stood up so fast his chair rolled back and hit the wall.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a closed-door meeting in Conference Room 7.

Ava, Yelena, Alexei, and John filed in, curious and worried—it wasn’t often that Bob called a we-need-to-talk-right-now meeting that didn’t involve a breach or a fire drill.

Bob stood at the head of the table, arms crossed, unreadable.

“She’s pregnant,” he said flatly.

Everyone blinked.

“…Who?” Ava asked, tilting her head.

Bob stared at her. “Bucky’s little elevator secret.”

Yelena raised an eyebrow. “How… How do you know?”

“She….” Bob started. “She said something about morning sickness.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Oh,” said Alexei, thoughtfully.

“...Oh,” Ava echoed.

Yelena’s eyes widened. “OH?”

John straightened up in his chair. “Hold on. Do you think—” He looked around the room, dropping his voice to a whisper, “—do you think Bucky could be the dad?”

They all looked at each other. The memory hit them at once like a suppressed group hallucination.

No one’s talked about it since. 

Not out of respect, but out of sheer trauma suppression and the fact that, frankly, they weren’t paid enough to bring it up.

“I mean,” Ava said slowly, “Did anyone see him with a condom?”

“Not that I can remember,” Yelena shuddered, brow furrowed. “But I wasn’t exactly memorising it.”

“Elevator baby,” Alexei whispered, stunned.

Bob just nodded grimly.

Then John, who’d been thinking too hard, looked up. “Do you think Bucky knows?”

The room went completely silent.

Ava blinked. “Shit.”

Yelena exhaled through her nose. “He’s either going to marry her in a panic or pass out.”

John rubbed his temples. “Do we… do we tell him?”

Bob looked down nervously. “Better question—who’s going to tell him?”

Everyone looked at each other.

No one volunteered.

So they did it together.

—

They confronted Bucky two hours later. In the gym, of all places.

He was mid-rep when they approached—shirt damp with sweat, and music blaring in his ears. His brows furrowed in concentration as he finished his set and racked the barbell with a clang.

That’s when he noticed them.

Five fully-grown adults in a semicircle, watching him. Staring, like it was going to be a goddamn intervention.

He tilted his head. “...who did you kill and where did you bury the body?”

Bob cleared his throat, stepping forward like a nervous HR rep. “Umm, that’s not why we’re here.”

Bucky pulled out one earbud. “Then what’s going on?”

“We need to talk.”

That phrase never meant anything good, and they all knew it. Ava shifted her weight from foot to foot like she had somewhere more pleasant to be (a landmine field, perhaps). John had his arms crossed and was chewing the inside of his cheek. Alexei was trying to look fatherly and failing spectacularly. And Yelena—oh, Yelena—was vibrating with the kind of energy that suggested she either had bad news or gossip so juicy it came with a side of fries.

Bucky glanced at them, suspicious. “Okay… what is this? Am I getting voted off the team?”

Yelena stepped forward, and just… spat it out. “She’s pregnant.”

That landed like a punch to the solar plexus. His brain buffered.

Oh shit. Oh shit. 

They knew. They’d figured it out.

How?

He licked his lips, then attempted to play dumb. “….Who?”

Ava folded her arms. “We have a feeling,” she started, unimpressed, “you might be able to figure it out. Considering you had some… fun… in the elevator a couple months ago.”

Bucky’s eyes twitched.” I—what? You’re saying—how do you even know about that?” 

Yelena raised a hand, almost sheepishly. “We, uh… we might’ve set up the elevator failure.”

John immediately smacked the back of her shoulder. “You. Not we. That was your idea.”

“I said might’ve!” she hissed.

“What we’re saying,” Alexei interjected, rubbing a hand down his face like a weary dad at a PTA meeting, “is that there is chance you are going to be dad.”

Bucky tried to laugh. It came out like a goose being strangled. “I’m not ready to move on from the elevator camera. That’s a massive violation of privacy. I—what kind of sick—”

“You did it in public,” Ava interrupted coldly.

“And you’re not denying it,” Bob added.

“I’m just saying,” Bucky snapped, pointing wildly, “you kept it? You still have the tape? Can I see it?”

Everyone groaned in unison.

John pinched the bridge of his nose. “You might have gotten a hook up pregnant, and the first thing you care about is your sex tape? Seriously?”

Bucky didn’t respond, which said a lot.

Bob said plainly, “But we’re pretty sure you didn’t use protection.”

“She was on the pill!” Bucky snapped.

“You still don’t do hookups bare, Bucky!” Ava exclaimed, voice rising.

“She hadn’t had sex with anyone else in years!”

“Anyone… else?” John asked, skeptical.

Bucky opened his mouth.

Closed it.

Opened it again.

And shut up.

Bucky groaned, dragging his hands down his face like he was trying to scrape the stress off his skin.

Then, finally, with a voice so quiet it barely made it through the hum of fluorescent lights, he finally said, “She’s…my wife.”

A beat passed with silence.

Then Ava shrieked, “I’m sorry—WHAT?!”

“When?!” John thundered.

“About a year ago,” Bucky admitted. “We kept it a secret. It wasn’t safe for her. I didn’t want anyone coming after her because of me.”

Alexei frowned, tone softer now. “And now…”

“Now she’s having my baby,” Bucky said. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “And I don’t know how to protect her from this. From all of this.”

“Fuck,” John let out a low whistle. “Is it… is it the elevator baby?”

“We did the math,” Bucky turned beet red, “there is a… pretty good chance that’s the case.” 

“Elevator baby,” Yelena echoed, eyes wide. 

She sounded almost proud.

Bucky looked at each of them— serious now. “You can’t tell anyone,” he warned, “She’s… she’s everything to me. If this gets out—if she’s hurt, if someone uses her to get to me—I wouldn’t— couldn’t— live with myself.”

And just like that, gone was the teasing.

They stood there, in a loose circle around him, the lights humming overhead, the scent of sweat in the air. A line crossed, and secrets spilled open. This was a line where their friendship was tested—and affirmed.

John, finally, clapped Bucky on the shoulder. “Congrats, man. You’re gonna be a dad.”

“Elevator dad,” Yelena added.

“Don’t,” Bucky warned, but he was smiling, just a little.

—

The shift was subtle at first.

Alexei started carrying things for you.

You’d walk into a room with a stack of sample boards or fabric swatches for a renovation pitch, and before you could even blink, he’d be at your side, snatching half of them away and saying, “You should not be lifting this.”

You tilted your head the first time. “I… I’m okay, Alexei.”

He just stared back, deadpan. “Does not mean you should.” And then walked away before you could argue.

Then there was Ava, who started checking the air quality constantly.

“Gotta keep the air pure,” she’d say, making sure your workstation was well-ventilated from paint fumes. 

You started to get suspicious after the third can of air purifier she smuggled into the conference room.

And then came John, who strolled past your desk one morning with a coffee in one hand and a brochure in the other. He stopped like he just happened to remember something.

“Oh hey,” he said, waving the paper around. “That new baby store down the street? Massive sale. Car seats, little shoes, those bib things shaped like bandanas? You know, the cool ones. Just… figured I’d pass it along. Y’know. In case… anyone.”

You squinted. “Anyone?”

He coughed. “Just in case anyone… likes sales.”

Right.

It wasn’t until Yelena hugged you, that the alarm bells started getting harder to ignore.

She pulled away, uncharacteristically gentle, and said, “You’re good at taking care of things.”

“…Okay,” you said cautiously, “Are you dying?”

She just blinked. “No. I just think you are doing great.” She paused. “And you should not wear heels. They’re bad for your ankles.”

That was it.

You came home that night, dumped your bag by the door, and found Bucky on the couch eating mac and cheese he probably stole from the tower. 

He looked up, beaming. “Hey, doll. You okay?”

You squinted at him. “Do you know something I don’t?”

He tilted his head. “About what?”

You flopped next to him, sighing. “Yelena hugged me today.”

His eyes widened. “…Oh.”

“And told me I’m good at taking care of things.”

He was dead silent.

“John is talking about baby boutiques to me. Ava keeps purifying the air. And I’m pretty sure Bob gave me vitamin water.”

Bucky looked down.

You gave him a pointed look. “So, I’m just gonna ask: Did you tell them?”

He winced. His whole face did the oh-no-don’t-be-mad-at-me scrunch.

“Umm…” he said.

“Oh my god.”

“I—I didn’t tell them, technically,” he started, clearly floundering. “They figured it out! Bob overheard something, and then there was a meeting, and I got cornered at the gym and they were all standing in a circle like some kind of intervention and they were like ‘we know,’ and I panicked and I didn’t want to lie and—”

“Bucky.”

He stopped, biting his lip.

“I’m not mad,” you said, cutting him off before the ramble could spiral into an apology monologue. “I’m… relieved.”

His brow furrowed. “You are?”

You nodded. “Do you know how exhausting it is trying to hide a whole human and pretend I’m not in love with you?”

“I just wanted you to be safe.” He looked down, a little guilty. “I thought if they didn’t know, there’d be less risk.”

“I know,” you murmured, reaching over to take his hand. “But honey…  they’re not strangers. They’re your people. Our people, now.”

He smiled, fingers threading through yours. “Yelena did threaten to murder anyone who so much as looked at you wrong.”

“See?” You leaned in, kissing his cheek. “That’s the kind of prenatal care I’m talking about.”

He chuckled, pulling you close, one hand resting gently against your stomach. “We’ll still keep it quiet outside the tower. For safety.”

“Of course,” you said. “But at least I don’t have to hide there.”

Then Bucky said, “Also… Bob wants to throw you a secret baby shower. In the hangar. With… themed cupcakes.”

—

Eight Months Later

Jamie was six weeks old the first time you brought him to the Watchtower.

He was bundled up in a little blue onesie with a cartoon white wolf on the chest, swaddled like a burrito in a cotton blanket, and blissfully asleep in your arms.

The 87th floor had been converted for the three of you— a secure residential wing with baby gates and blackout curtains and a surprisingly tasteful wallpaper Bucky picked himself. You were here to check it out, and also introduce your baby to the team.

Most days, you would stay at the house in the suburbs, where birds chirped and neighbors waved and no one could hear Bucky singing lullabies off-key at 2 a.m. But it was nice to know you had a home in the Watchtower.

You barely stepped in the common room when the team got up.

“Is that him?” Ava whispered like she was approaching royalty.

“Don’t crowd the baby,” Bucky said, holding out an arm protectively.

John peered over Ava’s shoulder. “He looks like a tiny Bucky. But like, angrier. Is that even possible?”

Jamie yawned.

Yelena, unusually soft-voiced, leaned in “Look at him. So small. So squishy. Like a baby potato with many opinions.”

“He does look judgmental,” Bob offered.

“He is judgmental,” you smiled.

—

There were a couple more visits after that before your first official night at the tower. 

They’d been asking for weeks to hold him now. 

Every visit, every mission debrief, every team meeting that you attended with Jamie snoozing in a carrier strapped to your chest, someone would inevitably ask:

“Can I hold him?”

The answer had always been not yet.

Not until he had more of an immune system than a fruit fly.

Especially not until Bob stopped referring to his hands as “clean-ish.”

But today, Jamie was twelve weeks old. 

Today was the day.

You warned them ahead of time, sending them a group text. Bucky enforced it like a drill sergeant, passing non-alcohol hand sanitiser around like communion.

The baby was clean. The adults were clean. The air smelled faintly of lemon.

Yelena was first, practically vibrating as she took Jamie into her arms like a sacred artifact.

“Bozhe moi,” she whispered, eyes wide. 

“He’s real,” Bob said, as Jamie curled his arm around his finger, “we can touch him.”

Then John took a turn, cradling Jamie like he was made of glass. Bucky, perhaps knowing he had some experience and was trying to make amends with his own son, trusted him most. “He’s so… light.“

Eventually, one by one, everyone got their turn.

And then… Alexei.

He stepped forward quietly, hands extended, palms open and ready. There was a certain fondness in his eyes.

You gently handed Jamie over, and Alexei took him with a grace that didn’t match his usual bull-in-a-china-shop aesthetic. He rocked him slightly and began saying something soft in Russian. It sounded like a lullaby.

Jamie adorably blinked up at him.

And then, with the seriousness of a priest delivering a sermon, Alexei slowly walked across the room… and stopped in front of the elevator.

“Little Jamie,” he said in a soothing voice, still swaying, “this, my sweet little cherub, is where you were conceived.”

“Dad!” Yelena whisper-shouted, her hands in the air. “Stop!”

“I’m just telling him the truth!” Alexei protested.

“He’s a baby!” Ava barked. 

“He needs context!”

“HE NEEDS A NAP!” John insisted.

Alexei looked down at Jamie, who stared back, completely unbothered.

“I think he gets it,” Alexei said, beaming.

Jamie sneezed.

Bucky buried his face in your shoulder. “I can’t believe we let him hold the baby.”

You, already laughing, said, “At least he didn’t point out the exact panel of the wall.”

Alexei turned around, lifting Jamie like Simba. “And over here, by button 13, that’s where your father’s ass was—”

“OH MY GOD,” Yelena wailed, launching a pillow at him.

Bob hastily caught it. “We shouldn’t throw things when the baby is airborne.”

John held out his arms. “Give him back before you scare him with a detailed retelling.” 

Alexei sighed, but passed Jamie over. “You are going to be great warrior like your father, Jamie.”

You settled onto the couch beside Bucky, your body relaxing as you leaned into him. He pressed a kiss to your temple, then let his lips linger in your hair. He never failed to remind you that you were safe. That Jamie was safe.

Your eyes drifted across the room— your strange, chaotic, beautiful little makeshift family in a room that was a labour of your love. Bob was wiping down a clean countertop for the third time. Ava and Yelena were mid-argument about the correct way to swaddle a baby, neither remotely qualified but equally committed. 

Jamie, unfazed by the commotion, cooed contentedly in John’s arms, his tiny fingers reaching for the man’s bead as Alexei kept talking to him in russian.

Your heart felt like it might burst.

He had your nose, Bucky’s eyes, and all the love in the world.

In the background, Alexei’s voice rose again, brimming with mischief. “Next time, I’ll show him the armoury.”

“NO!” came the instant chorus from everyone in the room.

You couldn’t help it, so you laughed.

Jamie was loved. Fiercely, ridiculously loved.

And there wasn’t a person in this room who wouldn’t burn the world down for him.

-end.

General Bucky taglist:

@hotlinepanda @snflwr-vol6 @ruexj283 @2honeybees @read-just-cant

 @shanksstrawhat @mystictf @globetrotter28 @thebuckybarnesvault @average-vibe

@winchestert101 @mystictf @globetrotter28 @boy--wonder--187 @scariusaquarius

@reckless007 @hextech-bros @daydreamgoddess14 @96jnie @pono-pura-vida

@buckyslove1917 @notsostrangerthing @flow33didontsmoke @qvynrand @blackbirdwitch22

@torntaltos @seventeen-x @ren-ni @iilsenewman @slayerofthevampire

@hiphip-horray @jbbucketlist @melotyy @ethereal-witch24 @samfunko

@lilteef @hi172826 @pklol @average-vibe @shanksstrawhat

@shower-me-with-roses @athenabarnes @scarwidow @thriving-n-jiving @dilfsaresohot

@helloxgoodbi @undf-stuff @sapphirebarnes @hzdhrtss @softhornymess

@samfunko @wh1sp @anonymousreader4d7 @mathcat345 @escapefromrealitylol

@imjusthere1161 @sleepysongbirdsings @fuckybarnes @yn-stories-are-my-life @rIphunter

@cjand10 @nerdreader @am-3-thyst @wingstoyourdreams @lori19

@goldengubs @maryevm @helen-2003 @maryssong23 @fan4astic

@yesshewrites1 @thewiselionessss @sangsterizada @jaderabbitt @softpia 

@hopeofwinter @nevereclipse @tellybearryyyy @buckybarneswife125 @buckybarneswife125

@imaginecrushes @phoenixes-and-wizards

[caim-tam]

[caim-tam]

absolution part ii -- Clark Kent

content: meet cute, angst, meta-human reader, afab reader, reader is a professional mourner, wtf is a slowburn, first kisses, make outs, yearning, banter, teasing, emailing, we exist in the context, clark kent has a scent kink, smut, oral sex f recieving, overstimulation, ripped panties, multiple orgasms, boyfriend clark kent, clark kent eats pussy like it’s his last meal

part i

You go on three dates with Clark Kent before he comes over on a Saturday to fix a clog in your kitchen sink. You can fix it yourself. But, he offered, like the fuckin’ gentleman he is. Lazy and also wantin’ him to come inside your apartment for once, you agreed.

You’re still not used to this.

Companionship that’s unadulterated and inconspicuous. That is, it feels right. And, easy. Definitive and knowing, holdin’ his hand walkin’ down the Metropolis sidewalks, even though you both kinda don’t like it that much, but there’s a closeness, that warm physical touch, centering and connectin’ you. He took you to the movies for your first date–which was, now, about three weeks ago. After, a dinner at a dimly-lit, intimate, and insanely fuckin’ good resturant, where he ate a hole in the wall, spoke to you about everything he could–everything that interested you, with your knees in between his calves beneath the table, that sweet, sweet simpering quirk on his mouth. Nothing you’re used to. 

The second date, a week after, though you’d went for breakfast about twice prior to that–the informal hangouts, you insisted, that weren’t qualified as dates were always easier–had been to the Metropolis Monarch’s baseball game after you’d confided you hadn’t been to one, and he was all what, really–no, so, yeah, there you’d gone. You don’t care for baseball. For anything sports related, honestly, but it was fun regardless. He rubbed your back beneath the heat of the sun, put his cap on your head, bought soft pretzels, walked you home, pressed a deep, chaste kiss to the corner of your mouth, and wished you a goodnight.

You’re still cummin’ to the thought of that.

Anyway, the third date, the most recent one, you try to go on, y’know, set, predetermined things at least once a week (you can’t believe what you’re doin’ but you can’t help but fuckin’ believe it and enjoy the fact that you are), you took him somewhere you both enjoyed: an ice cream shop connected to a candy one. You were genuinely high off of sugar, giddy, and you both ate way too fuckin’ much. Then, again, he walked you home. It was still early. 6 PM, or so, but he had to go, he said. He kissed you for the first time that night. Hot hands on your waist. Mouth beseeching yours. He kissed you like it was all he had–just this, just then, there, with you. It was chaste, too, but it was firm, he pressed into you, and when he pulled away, his eyes were dark. Your lipgloss on his mouth.

 You think the kiss changed your life? You dunno. All y’know is after…something changed. Electrified and settled.

And, you haven’t seen your guy since.

It’s been a week since your first kiss, you’ve both been too busy for early mornin’ breakfast, late night convenience store runs that conclude, again, just outside your apartment, ‘cause every time you’d ask if he wanted to come in, he’d hesitate, say he shouldn’t. Not even for those random mid-day lunches when you leave work early–which is a lot of the time, honestly, but it's rare that he joins you. It’s even rarer that you’ve gone this long without seein’ each other in all the time you’ve been dating.

You’re very confident to call it that now. It’s wonders, really, what consistent proximity and near daily texting and calling does to the heart.

You do, still, have those apprehensions. You’ve a new nightmare, lately, that wakes you up in a cold sweat. A sick crunching sound. Old faces. And, a new one. Clark’s. The fear of you in his eyes.You wake, clutchin’ your chest, when his limbs go limp.

All you do is try to keep your cool. It’s not hard lately, you’ve been happy, but apart from the finite joy, that’s where it reckons. You can’t get frustrated about some rando slammin’ their shoulder against yours on the street, the buses bein’ late, your boss bein’ the fuckin’ personality that he is–’cause you remember, really, that that’s all it takes. That’s all it took. And, you’re afraid. For when it all comes’a rumblin’ out. You can’t even think about it–you’re bein’ so wishful thinking that–that any of this can last–but, you’re fucked up and hopeful.

…distracted, too. A couple monsters hit downtown. Business is, unfortunately, booming.

Early morning funerals. Mid-day ones. Late night funerals as if the dead don’t have to fuckin’ rest too, and some times, multiple a day. You get carted around in this little ass car you swear someone could park in their house, funeral home to funeral home. Character background barely perfected, charisma on ten, thank you very much, applying eyedrops and acting the part. 

But, today is Saturday. You’ve taken the day off so Clark Kent, as promised, can come inside your humble abode and fix your sink and stay for food and talking and company and whatever-the-fuck-else you’re supposed to do to make people feel welcome in your home. You’re cleanin’ off your coffee table, sortin’ through the clothes on your arm chair, okay, ‘cause you’re takin’ this seriously. You… want him to come back. Should you maybe, like, post a please come back sign on the door? Something of that nature? You dunno–fuck, you dunno–

–

“You texted saying ‘please, excuse the mess,’ in advance, but I–I’m pretty sure you dusted–”

“Can I not say that to subvert your expectations? Is that a crime?”

“No,” Clark laughs. Takes his shoes off at the door, looks around your living room. He brought with him a very charming red bookbag that he sets near his shoes. “A bit misleading, though. If this is the–the mess you speak of, then you at your messiest would just be–be really bad in comparison.”

 “...can you just fix my fuckin’ sink please?”

Oh, it’s so fuckin’ good to see him. Tall. Short-sleeved t-shirt. Perfectly fitting sweatpants. Curly hair tousled just so, glasses perched on his nose, shieldin’ those eyes that’re holdin’ on you–admiring you. Sunrise smile. “‘m glad to be here,” he says, “thanks–thank you for… letting me in.”

“I…” sometimes you know it’s corny, but you still don’t give a fuck. “Am glad you’re here. Can you believe I missed you?”

“Oh, no, really?” And, then he’s wrappin’ his arms around you in a slightly too tight hug. He puts his chin atop your head. “I’m honored. I missed you.”

“Busy–” you’re croaking. He pulls away far too fast at that, though he keeps his arms around your waist. “We’re busy bees–”

“That was too tight–”

“I liked it, I like when…” You trail off, eyebrows raisin’ like y’know.

“When, what?” He wants to make you say it. “May I… hear it?”

“You know, Clark,” is all you manage. You feel, for whatever reason, a decisive inability to conclude your sentence. 

 “…I know,” he mutters, as if he senses your concern. Clark looks down at you. He starts to rub his hand across the small of your back in a repetitive, circular motion that calms you and gets you goin’ all in the same beat. You’re also ovulating, which–well, which doesn’t help your current predicament. You lean into his touch, your hands trailin’ up his arms. He’s so strong. He’s smart and strong and rubbin’ your back–you feel an arousal fold through your gut. Tickling up your spine. Heat where he rubs your skin.

There’s an almost split second change in your guy, it’s all in his eyes. Somethin’ washes them over, widens his pupils, locks in on you even finer than before. He pulls you closer, your chest meeting the solid length of his torso–your nipples already hard, pressin’ through your tank top– then he leans down, nudges his nose against your neck, right where your jaw meets it, and he smells you. Inhales you deep and long, savoring the hook of your smell. You feel a rumble in his chest, honest-to-fuckin’-God, and the breath you let out is startled, wanting, already needing. Fuck. Fuck, dude. “Mmm,” he hums, “I…missed…”

His lips are almost right against the sensitive skin there. Featherlight brushes against that supple part of you, you hope he does, you think, take the smallest claim of you. Your voice’s taught in your throat, so you lean up even more, rubbin’ against him, hands along his back, now, too.

When you suck in another shallow breath, he flinches. Away in an instant, flushed, pushin’ his glasses up his nose, rubbin’ a hand on the back of his neck. “Sorry,” he’s embarrassed. “Sorry–I–I dunno why–why I did that.”

You know if you open your mouth you're gonna say something so crass you won’t even believe yourself. Like, you can feel it bubbling already, that itch to just tell him come take it already, you just know he’d split you open, slip the tip of his cock in all slow, sync your breathing up, kiss at your face, rub his hands down your body…

But, then again, would he–would he even want to if he knew?

Clark calls your name and his voice’s tight.

You’re rubbin’ a hand across your chest, smoothing over your breasts every other motion, or so. You might be a little overstimulated. ‘cause, y’know. And then, y’know. And also, you know.

“Did I… overstep?” Clark’s voice edges through, and before you can respond he answers himself. “I overstepped. I’m–I am so sorry–”

“No,” you say, shakin’ your head. Your eyes are just runnin’ up and down his body. You’re a horndog. All–all he did was smell your neck, that’s, like, I like your perfume, type shit. And, now, you’re embarrassed ‘cause you’re makin’ this a big deal when it’s not. When you’ve just so rarely felt the want that you do when you’re with him, against his body, beside his words. So rarely felt the want to share so many parts of yourself, those shrouded parts, just ‘cause you want this to last and be real and true. “My…” you clear your throat and drop your hands. “My–um, my kitchen’s this way.”

Clark opens his mouth as if to say something, but then, he doesn’t. He grabs his bookbag and follows you quietly as you lead him to your kitchen, the floor creakin’ beneath his feet as he does so. 

And, the silence. It’s thick. 

You’re just, suddenly, overwhelmed. You dunno why, you just are. You’re stood in front of this personified version of all the want you’d burrowed deep over the years, who is, mind you, standin’ awkwardly by the doorway, like you just cursed him out. 

“I’ll fix it and leave,” he says. He sounds guilty. Looks even more so. “But, I want to–I–I wanna talk about what just happened, first. Can we?”

“I’m a metahuman,” you blurt. “I–I’m a metahuman, and I’m fucked up, ‘m not right and–and… and I’ve hurt people really fuckin’ bad.”

A sentence full’a shit you’ve never said outloud.

And, you know why you say it. You know what’s come over you, now, it’s–it’s that finicky thing, that imposing thing, that hope. That mismatched understanding, entrenched in all the shame, all the loneliness, all the want for Clark and for what you have and what you might not when you’re done runnin’ your mouth. You want him to know it all before it all happens.

“That’s what happened, Clark–I realized that–y’know, I–I feel for you… very intimately. But, what I am fucks with that–it–makes this harder, ‘cause I wanna, I wanna not be weird and not do the shit that I do, not get all quiet and guilty when you remind me that you–you want me–want this version of me that’s just hidin’ all the shit I’ve got goin’ on. I’m…”

Clark’s hands are on your shoulders. You’re exasperated.

“I’m fucked up, but I’m sorry,” you manage. “I should’ve told you sooner. I know. But, I’m a coward. With two stunted halves.”

 When you look up at him, he’s got that same look on his face. Brows furrowed, jaw set, he splays his hands over your shoulder blades, “There’s nothing wrong with you,” he’s whisperin’, “you’re not… messed up, or–or a coward, maybe you are a little weird, but that’s–that’s not a bad thing, I am too, and I like that about, just like everything else. I–I’m not… I’m not afraid of you. I know you couldn’t hurt me–”

“But, I dunno that–”

“But, I do,” his tone is definitive. Concrete. “You are right about something, I want you. I do. I want every version of you, and–and… I want to know every version of you, and I’m hoping you’ll… you’ll do the same for me.” You can see the meaning behind his words, the sort of desperation, the softness of his empathy. He calls your name again, low.

“Clark,” you rasp. And, you’re wonderin’, how the fuck you were so lucky to meet him, of all people, on a train. ‘cause you wore a bummy ass shirt to work. ‘cause he looked at you with frankness. You feel your heart beat in your chest. “Fuckin’ kiss me, okay?”

And, he does.

He kisses you all heavy right off the bat. Languid, searching, wrapping his arms around you just like he’d done earlier, but his inhibitions are there. And you can taste the longing on him, the way with which he licks into you, yielding and silky. You wrap your arms around his neck, his arms curl tighter around your waist, and then your feet are off the ground.

It only intensifies from there–your noses brushin’, heads tiltin’ to the sides as you seek each other in the wet heat of your mouths. He rolls his tongue into yours, sliding it across yours, sucking at that part of you. 

You feel all this indulgence. You’ve told him what you are. He kisses you like this despite. Hums into you.  The space between your bodies is so miniscule that not even light could leak through.

And, maybe you’re gettin’ a little too into it, ‘cause you wrap your legs around him, press the hot center of you into his stomach, rock your hips up against him. You’re chasing pleasure, it’s leakin’ through you, you smell him, you feel him, you taste him–he’s yours, holdin’ you up, and you can’t help the throb that wraps around your clit, a headiness that’s beginnin’ to feel so constant all you can do is moan into his mouth, quaintly writhe against him.

“Wan’ me to take care’a you?” Clark says, voice gruff, his lips wet, barely apart from yours.

“Yes,” you’re replyin’, swift. “Yes, please–will you?”

“I will,” he’s mumbling, “I am.”

–

Clark’s holding back.

He lays you on your bed, and when you look at him, he can see it. He can sense it–every part of you fully unsheathed, trusting. The parts you’d hidden but he’d already known about. You grab his hand, he lets you pull him closer, this feeling he’s got–it’s dangerous, potent, as Clark Kent, all he knows is careful. He’ll be careful with you. He’ll show you how much he cares.

“What do you need?” He’s caged you in, put his weight on his arms. He kisses you, there, at the sweet hitch of your mouth. “I–I can help it.”

You spread your legs beneath him, your hands slide down his backside, you lift your pelvis and thrust it, slowly, teasingly, against his. He’s achingly hard upon your greeting, at the scent of your arousal. To feel it up against him, the hot heat of you against one’a the most sensitive parts of him, sends him reeling. He moans out something broken and wanton, drops his head against the crook of your neck.

“An–anything,” you rock your hips, still chasing that feeling. “Anything, Clark, anything–”

“I want to–to taste you,” he groans, though he already can in the air. What Clark wants, exactly, is more of you. More of that. “May I taste you?”

“Fuck, yeah–”

He’s tugging your shorts off of you with one hand, an indiscernible purr in his chest. You’re surrounding him and he feels drunk off of you–his cock throbs in his sweatpants, he needs you, but he can’t have you, no, not in the way he wants. You’re not ready. When he takes you, he’ll take it all. For now, though, he’ll take this, he’ll make you feel better, he’ll restrain himself in you. 

Clark kisses down your body, from your neck, down your clothed chest, he hears your heart beating, the breath filling your lungs, his hands scale along your body. He takes note of you, the feel of your flesh, to remember even apart from you, with no sense but yours.

When he gets to that open part of you, he nudges his nose against your wet underwear, his glasses already fogged and crooked.  He doesn’t need to see. You’re soaking and beyond warm–like what heals him. He licks a stripe up you atop of the cotton and you’re on his tongue. He keeps going, entrenched, savoring you, and then he sucks at your clit, you come poolin’ through the fabric, he can’t control the way he jostles his crotch against the bed, hums into you. 

You let out a chest deep groan, he has to hold your hips down with just a forearm across your waist when you move to chase him.  

“Clark,” you whisper, shaking. “Clark.”

“I got you,” he whispers back. He pulls your panties to the side. “Oh, God, I got you.”

He goes in like molasses. Slow, edging towards that beating part, his tongue starting at your slit, where the concentrate of you is glistenin’ out. He slides his tongue in, then latches his lips around your cunt, he sucks, again, at you, and he knows he could stay down here, eating at you, forever. He doesn’t have to breathe, he doesn’t have to move, he can stay right where he is and he’d be a happy, happy man. You contract around his tongue. He shudders. He hears the creak of your bones as you curl your toes, slide your fingers in his hair.

“‘s good,” you moan, “you’re good–you’re so good–”

Clark’s so gone. He’s beyond it, a small boundary of control vanishes into nothing and he tears your underwear off’a you and dives even deeper into your pussy. Your back arches off the bed–he settles his thumb on your clit, presses it down hard, and slides his tongue even further into you. That other part of him flashes through his disposition, all he can think is you, just you, all his, all mine. He starts to match the stroke of his thumb to the thrust of his tongue inside of you–you’re melting inside of his mouth, he’s trying to suck you dry. Your heart quickens.

“Wai–ah,” your hand tightens in his hair. You’re clenching around him. He can hear your orgasm brewing. Your breath quickening, muscles getting tight. Those small sounds you make–oh, God, he can’t help it anymore. Everything’s so hot, tight, pulling him in–he speeds up his thumb, just slightly, and that’s all it takes. 

You cum in his mouth and Clark realizes he will never go away.

–

“Just one more, please, just one.”

You dunno how fuckin’ long it’s been. Clark’s been easin’ you into so many orgasms, your feet are numb–you can’t feel anything apart from his fingers working you open, his tongue sucking on your hard clit, the bed rocking you as he humps his erection against it. No man should be able to do this. This–this isn’t normal–the way he’s attuned to you, knowing when to keep goin’, when to fuckin’ stop and blow air on your clit to round up goosebumps on your skin.

“Can’t,” you rasp.

“You can,” he grunts. “One more. Just one.”

–

You think he broke you. In the afterglow of your last orgasm, Clark licks you clean, tucks you in, and presses a sticky, wet kiss to your mouth. He tells you he’s gonna go fix your sink. When he returns–time still a complete and utter fuckin’ mystery to you–he helps you outta bed. He’s in just his boxers, sweatpants long gone, and he seems a little closer.

“You grew,” he says. “You–you grew three inches.”

“It was that good,” you’re leanin’ on him, and when you look up at him–yeah. He is a little fuckin’ closer. “Wait…”

“So, it was, then,” he smooths a hand across your face. Sunrise smile. “That good, that is.” “I wanna be disturbed about what my body’s done, but I can’t find the energy, so,” you nod. “I’ll just agree and tell you that you definitely already know.”

[caim-tam]

absolution part i — clark kent

content: meet cute, angst, meta-human reader, afab reader, reader is a professional mourner, wtf is a slowburn, first kisses, make outs, yearning, banter, teasing, emailing, we exist in the context, clark kent has a scent kink, smut, oral sex f recieving, overstimulation, ripped panties, multiple orgasms, boyfriend clark kent, clark kent eats pussy like it’s his last meal

part ii

ao3 link

Clark Kent introduces himself on the train after he compliments your shirt.

When he squeezed in beside you on the packed early morning train it was all– sorry, sorry, is this seat taken? and awkward side glances that made you start second guessin’ your appearance. You mean, yeah, you threw on a random graphic t-shirt you bought as a teenager. Some band you used to be a fan of, The Mighty Crabhappy’s, or some shit, with a bunch’a random bleach stains. A couple small holes. Could get a couple more years of at-home-wear out of it, honestly–but, he compliments it. And, when you look at him, he’s genuine and… one of the cutest fuckin’ guys you’ve ever seen in your life, you gotta be honest.

“Thanks,” you say, almost hastily, “thanks, thank you.” And, then you introduce yourself, full name and all, like what he did was actually, y’know, ask for that.

“Clark,” he says in response, his lips lilt up into the smallest smile. “Kent. Clark Kent.”

You rub your lips together. His eyes a clear blue as he sits there, beside you, in front of the sun pouring through the train’s window. The landscape’s zipping past behind him, but he’s a steady thing. Suit too big, large framed glasses, sweet curly hair. You force yourself to look away. 

“I think, I, uh, recognize that name,” you speak a little louder as an automated voice calls out the next stop. Neither of you move. “Do you… write, or something?”

“I—I do, yeah, at the Daily Planet,” he nods. The train slides to a smooth stop. People file out and in. “You’ve–uh, read–read some of my work?”

“Yes,” when you look back at him, he’s still got a gentle gaze on you. What the fuck, dude. “I think… my favorite was the one about the important ecological role that squirrels have in Metropolis?”

He finally does look away, then, flushing something soft and powdery. He scoffs. Rolls his eyes. “Okay,” he laughs. “That was–that was a while ago.”

“No, no I learned something that day,” you contend. The train pushes forward again. You slide very slightly into his side. These things you wouldn’t normally notice. But, you’re tryin’ very hard to formulate coherent sentences, which is rarely a full body effort–so, y’know. You’re trying your best. “Tree propagation is very important.”

“Thank you, yes, it is,” he’s grinning again, eyes back on you. “Squirrels are–they’re very… very culturally overlooked, aren’t they?”

“Oh, completely agree,” you’re humoring each other, now. “Superman’s runnin’ around, nobody’s lookin’ at the little guy anymore.”

He huffs another laugh, “mm, Okay,” then, “that’s an opinion.”

“Okay, okay, so what’s yours?”

“I’d like–I’d like to think that Superman’s lookin’ at the little guy.”

You stare at each other for a moment. Then–

“So fuckin’ biased–”

“No–”

“You get all these exclusives with this guy–”

“Right,” he smiles, then shakes his head, chortles. “Right, so–so if anyone were to know–”

“Superman probably believes that, like, everyone’s lookin’ out for the fuckin’ squirrel,” you’re smiling, too, fuck it. He’s got you charmed. “He’s into that absolution of the human race shit–they can do good, just give ‘em a chance.”

Clark opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something, but he pauses. Apprises you. Then looks away again, strangely satisfied. 

“You know I’m right,” you add, suddenly incentivized. “Hit the nail on the head.”

An automated voice rings out again. Train steadying into nothing. Clark stands.

“My stop,” he’s still got that way about his face. You notice his hands are clutching a briefcase. “But, this–this isn’t over–”

“Uh,” you look at him, then the people peeling out through the open doors. “I think it is–”

“Email,” he says, and then he’s joinin’ the dispelling crowd. “Email!” He repeats once more riding the wave, louder, just nearly out the sliding doors.

Email. Email. 

Very famous last words of a man you will probably never see again.

–

You’re back home hours laters mullin’ over Clark Kent. You can’t help it. You’re in mourning, okay, ‘cause, sure, you know what train he takes, but it’s not the one that you’re supposed to. Ever. You just–you got lost that morning. And, yeah, Metropolis is far too advanced and tech-y and all that other Lex-Luthor-funded-bullshit for that to even be possible–but, it’s your first… year in the city. Year and a coupl’a months. Maybe, like… two years. Regardless, navigation isn't your strong suit, and gettin’ to work on time isn’t, either. So, that’s that.

You’re quelled down eating microwaved Super-Ramen on your couch, watching a movie on your laptop, when you think… okay. Email. Email. Maybe, after so long, it’s time to actually check it. The idea unsettles you, naturally, that’s… not your home. If anyone needs to contact you they should have your number, and if they don’t then… maybe… they’re Clark Kent?

You’re bettin’ that it’s wishful thinking until you actually log in.

Train Guy – 7 hours ago

ckent2@thedailyplanet.com

Hi, 

This is Clark Kent. If you remember, I’m that guy who wrote that really good article about squirrels (which is titled “Squirrels of Metropolis” and linked here if you’d like to give it another read) that you met today on the 7:30 AM train. Shouting email, email maybe wasn’t the most productive exploration of a shared means of communication–so, I did some grunt work, and googled your name, Metropolis. Which led me to your job’s website–very interesting, by the way–which led me to your boss, who then led me to you.

I do understand that I sound like a complete creep, right now. The things I do for ‘this isn’t over.’

Anyways, I guess now after all that work, I’ve got to ask the burning question–

What’s your favorite The Mighty Crabjoy’s song?

Sincerely,

Clark Kent

Journalist at The Daily Planet

|

|

Re: Train Guy – 1 minute ago

buhbonecrusher66@gmail.com

dude, great investigative journalism. just reread that article it’s timeless. iconic even. and tbh ive found way more revealing things from a ‘name, city’ search so ur fine! i mean, yeah… lil creepy but its okay im flattered. sorry abt my boss in advance im sure he said some bullshit. & my job is interesting sure but yk.

my favorite mighty crabjoy’s song… hm. since you are a journalist im really banking on this being in an article? so im taking this serious? please tell me you are too?

it’s seafood boil, though. sooo ahead of its time when i was like thirteen. whats urs?

& i made this email around that same time so… just be mindful of that, too. 

peace,

bonecrushinbaddie 

Clark emails you back three minutes later. You were tryin’ very hard to pretend like you weren’t waiting on that email, as if you’d ever waited on an email in your current adult life.

To The Bone Crusher

ckent2@thedailyplanet.com

Being a professional mourner is very interesting and telling about our current climate. I hadn’t realized business had gotten so good that there’s agencies for it. I thought that it was more freelance? You’d post online, or something? Case-by-case basis, I assume.

Seafood Boil is great. Blew my mind, too. Super seriously though, I think my favorite’s got to be Hook, Line, and Sink-her. In retrospect, wondering if every song’s titled so aptly, or just the best ones.

The email buhbonecrusher66 did startle me. I got in trouble for laughing – that sort of thing’s not allowed so flagrantly in my office without some reprimand, but it was worth it. Is there any correlation between your email and your job? Just wondering.

Sincerely,

Clark Kent

Journalist at The Daily Planet

And you, too, respond three minutes later just… ‘cause that felt fitting.

Re: To The Bone Crusher

buhbonecrusher66@gmail.com

yes ur very right my job does say something about where we are as a society. people are dropping dead left and right & sometimes i even get sent out to gotham for a week or two ‘cause it’s just funeral back to back down there and a lot of people dont like to mourn alone. there’s really a bunch of reasons, actually, why people hire me & my coworkers – but mostly me im very versatile. we’re the only agency this quarter of the states. my boss doesnt stfu about it but it’s like ten of us.

& NO!! bonecrushing has no relation to my job. its a dumbass name i came up with cause i was feeling particularly emo one night like fifteen years ago listening to kid cudi

also, it’s not up to us to question the workings of the hit band the crabjoy’s, okay? its kinda more than us both. kinda not really for us to understanddd and all that.

& why are u on ur work email so late? clock out.

peace,

bonecrushinbaddie 

|

|

(No Subject)

ckent2@thedailyplanet.com

See, maybe I do need to get you on the record. Your job’s a layered topic–an onion, if you will (pun intended:) ). I’m sure many people would be interested to learn about it, and you, and what you do. You’ll probably get a lot of business, too, which is a plus, but then again, maybe not.

I’m also on my work email because it’s 4:30 PM and I’m working? Emails get sent to my phone as well, so, in a way, I guess I’m never fully ‘clocked out.’ 

Sincerely,

Clark Kent

Journalist at The Daily Planet

|

|

Re: No Subject

buhbonecrusher66@gmail.com

thank u for showing interest in my morbid line of work. 

i forgot that it was 4:30. and an email in general has no business being on a phone.

peace,

bonecrushinbaddie 

|

|

(No Subject)

ckent2@thedailyplanet.com

I’m confused about the concept of forgetting the time when you could, say, check the bottom of your screen? Maybe tap your phone? I dunno.

And, how do you get business with no active email? I’m always checking this thing.

Sincerely,

Clark Kent

Journalist at The Daily Planet

|

|

(No Subject)

buhbonecrusher66@gmail.com

it was a momentary lapse of time recognition so pls chill out. 

people reach me via my boss. who then texts me or calls me or sees me at work for a few hours before i dip. also there’s the pigeon who carries the letters? if you’ve heard? & my socials. but no email. i cant do email. i dont know why. its just not the place for me.

peace,

bonecrushinbaddie 

|

|

(No Subject)

ckent2@thedailyplanet.com

Your boss did tell me it was useless. But, I’m a hopeful guy and I gave you my word that I’d email you, so here I am.

It also seems like you could get a lot more business with an email. Just saying.

Sincerely,

Clark Kent

Journalist at The Daily Planet

|

|

(No Subject)

buhbonecrusher66@gmail.com

im very content with my current work load. around world domination season it gets hectic but its mellow rn. anyways since i alr gave u the details about my job 

are u working on a piece rn?

peace,

bonecrushinbaddie 

You emailed for the next three hours back and forth. It’s the most action bonecrushinbaddie’s seen since college. Or, that one time you were really obsessed with downloading apps on your phone. By 6pm, he’d given you his number after asking if you wanted it. And, then, by 8:30, he told you he had to go and wished you an early goodnight.

You’re actively trying to be very normal about whatever-the-hell you got goin’ on right now. Like, it’s probably nothing. It’s really, probably, like, not even what you want it to be–and, that’s actually more than fine, you could use a… distant friend. You could also use his mouth to press yours up against, but that’s kinda forward and you just met him today, so. So, you’re just…you’re gonna sleep on it. ‘Cause you keep replaying the way he looked on the train, at you, in general. Is it fair for anybody to look like and just, y’know, walk around like that sorta shit’s normal? Sit next to you on the train, smile at you all kind and bashful, eyes pressin’ a steady pour into yours, as if knowing that’s what you needed.

But, it’s also whatever. It’s fineeeeeee…

–

You’re havin’ coffee with him four days later.

“I think the amount of sugar in that drink you ordered should be illegal, Clark.”

You learn that Clark Kent likes Frappés. Large with extra caramel and sugar, please. And he bought your drink just ‘cause. And is sitting across from you, very endearingly drinking what is supposed to be a large, but looks rather small in his hands. And you’re trying to be normal about it all, but you want him. A lot. And you don’t normally want people this fast, or want to want them at all. Yet, y’know. Here you are. Utterly fuckin’ flummoxed.

“But, it’s good though,” he assures. “It’s–it’s one’a the best drinks I’ve ever had, really.”

“Should we expand our horizons, or–”

“Hey,” he laughs. It’s weirdly melodic. Makes your heart quicken. You like him. “You haven’t tried it. I–I think you should–” he slides it across the small round table to you. It drags behind it a smeared ring of condensation. “Your judgement’s unfounded un–until you actually try it.”

Does he want you to put his mouth on his straw, where his just was? Or, should you lift the lid and take a small sip from the cup? 

You go with the former. 

He’s starin’ intently as you wrap your lips around the straw. Take a little pull of the drink. You’re sharin’ a gaze. There’s a slowness to the slight daze that covers his eyes–tracking the way your tongue slips out, just so, to lick at your lips.

“Good?” He asks. His voice is somethin’ low.

It tastes like liquid cane sugar. And, like, the most barely there hint of coffee. The afterthought of it. “Did you… add more sugar into this after ordering?” You slide his drink back. You were gonna pull the most brutal face when you tasted it–lips just itchin’ to be balled up, but, well… maybe you’re tryna seduce him. And that isn’t a crime.

He looks away from you, cheekbones dustin’ the slightest red like that day on the train, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Maybe.”

“Jesus,” can’t help it now. “So, my opinion’s been founded. And, I don’t really trust yours now if that’s… if that’s the best drink you’ve ever had.”

“Firstly, I said one of–”

“Oh, yeah, which makes it better–”

“Okay, and–and, maybe it’s an acquired taste–”

“It’s sugar–”

“However, you–you told me, when we were on the phone, that you have a major sweet tooth. And so, what I’m wonderin’ is why, exactly, you’re discriminating against my–my extra caramel, extra sugar, super delicious Kent Coffee Special?”

“Kent Coffee Special,” you repeat, incredulous and undoubtedly enjoying yourself. “And, just, please excuse me for not being adapted to that level of fuckin’ sugar rush, okay, ‘cause I have never in my life tasted something as molten sweet as that.”

When he smiles this time, he does with his teeth. He leans forward, chest pressing against the edge of the table–his chest, fuck, dude, you can see what he’s hidin’ under that big ass suit–leans down, and takes a long sip outta his drink. Eyes impossibly on you. Something’s swimming, there, behind his irises, a challenge, that boyish humor, the glint of him–blue like so little you’ve ever seen, striking and stark. His mouth on that straw, where yours just was, and you both know it, and you feel it, faux-argument charged, closer to strangers than anything, sat together in a coffee shop that wasn’t too outta the way for either of you.

“I think I want you,” you blurt, ‘cause, you don’t fuckin’ know, ‘cause he didn’t even ask, but maybe you just wanna get this outta the way. Maybe you’re not in the mood for any type of slow burn, drawn out friends-to-lovers, or any type of rejection, for that matter, on any day that wasn’t today. Fuck it. Let’s go.

He splutters. A little bit of his drink comes flyin’ out of his mouth like the last thing he expected was that. “What?” He croaks. Wipes his mouth with his hand. “Sorry–what?”

You weren’t really prepared for what, sorry what. Then again, you weren’t really prepared for anything. So.

“I do,” you tack on. “Really, and–um, I know it’s only been a coupl’a days, and I don’t like that I do–it’s–like, we get along really well, and, maybe I’m so used to people cryin’ around me, or–or, maybe it’s just you,” fuck your life. “Sorry. I just–I had to get that outta the way, ‘cause I’m not really used to that bein’ in the way–mind you, it’s never been a way–and, fuck, anyway–anyway it’s just really fuckin’ with me. Like, I delivered a really optimistic eulogy, not even a passive aggressive one as requested, just happy, yesterday and, dude, just, this is fuckin’ with my work ethic, so I just… yeah.”

Clark’s a little wide-eyed. 

Whatever. No, it’s fine. As you’ve been tellin’ yourself repeatedly. For days. Sure, he’s the first person you’ve talked to on a day-to-day basis who wasn’t your boss or co-mourners (your agency doesn’t like the term ‘worker’) in… well, a long ass time. But, as aforementioned, it’s fine. You press your lips together. Feel anxiety prickle at your forehead, but, samely, in the center of your chest, a sweet relief rustles through you. You’re not used to this. You feel it’s better now than later. ‘cause, you would’ve just had this thing. Itchin’ at you constantly. Feelin’ like a creep ‘cause you kinda wanna get in his pants and be his friend, while he just… wants the latter. And, you shouldn’t even really be his friend. ‘cause you’re fucked up. But. 

“Sorry,” you add. “‘m sorry.”

“You don’t… have to keep apologizing,” he pushes his glasses up his nose. Licks his lips. Gearin’ up for something. “You–you don’t have anything to be sorry for. Not even… not even remotely. I’m sorry that I’ve been an im–impediment on your life, that was never my intention.” There’s that gentleness that surrounds him. “I can’t pretend like my intentions with you aren’t–aren’t dissimilar to yours. But, my own personal inflictions have limited me from–from being as… forthright as I’d like to be about–” He cuts himself off and clears his throat. “About wanting to explore a romantic connection this soon into a friendship.”

You still don’t say anything. You mean, fuck, yeah, you’ve got a lot to say–you’ve prepped an unprepped drawled out digression, for sure, but you know that he’s not done. And, you make room for that, just as he’d done for you.

“I’m not–I’m–I’m not a casual person,” he says, “if that is… is what you want, then I don’t think I could give you that. If you don’t, then I would… I would really like to try.”

It’s mid-day. Coffee shop’s moderately busy. It’s all nothing, though, nothing in comparison to this secluded, drowned-out bubble you’ve garnered here. You can’t discern anything that isn’t Clark. And, your thoughts. As you mull over his words, the slight apprehensive, almost embarrassed, turn of his features, you realize that there is something there. Something, as always, terrifyingly genuine. And, you dunno how to tell him that–you’re also nothing by choice.

You’re a nobody in Metropolis. You get paid to hang around funerals in black clothes, cry, read unfettered, detached eulogies on behalf of family members too scared of a person, even in their death, to read aloud and unabashedly. You have no friends ‘cause it’s cleaner that way. Haven’t logged into your email ‘cause that’s the only way anybody you used to know can reach you–haven’t gone through it either ‘cause you’re just not fuckin’ ready for that. You’re a coward. And, yeah, you’re a nobody in Metropolis, just like you were a nobody in Coast City, Chicago, and Ivy Town, too. You don’t do casual. You don’t do serious. You don’t do talk-to-a-hot-guy-on-a-train-and-get-to-fuckin’-know-him. 

Clark Kent, though. Is it–it’s wrong, right, to think that maybe you could?

It’s been too long. You think back to what you said. What Superman thinks about the Human race, that absolution thing, that maybe, maybe it doesn’t have to be this fuckin’ way forever. You could try–you want him and like him and…

Fuck, dude. You remember the last time you thought on the spot about some long-term shit. You and spontaneity have rarely ever mixed. But, you’ve been thinkin’ about him for days. That’s all, just him. Mourning strangers, arguin’ over platitudes with your boss, with Clark, there, his voice over the phone, his punctuation in emails, the lack of it through text constantly in your head. He’s told you he’s not a casual person. That if he wants you, he wants to try. It’s been awhile since you’ve tried. But, it’s not something you’ve never done. 

So, you decide, it’s time to try to try and stop bein’ a fuckin’ coward about the things you want.

“I… don’t want casual,” you say. Your hearts kinda beatin’ fast. “If you want–?”

“Yeah,” he starts to smile, a slow, drawn out thing. A smile like the sunrise. He’s done it so much in front of you it’s already too familiar. Your bones ache. “I would like to–um, like to see you a lot more. Formally–er, maybe that’s too formal–I would like to–get to know you double,” and then, “Bonecrusher.”

To hear the name aloud. A small reaction takes over you. “I’d like to get to know you double, too,” you smile, as well. And, you mean it. You realize you really fuckin’ mean it.

part ii

[caim-tam]

[caim-tam]

Hi Yall! Long time no see I've been very busy with school and getting this script done! This is the final draft of the movie script. Major edits have been done, new scenes added and some old scenes taken out. This is the full version, I'm posting this because there are some major things I am planning to do with this script....

So major updates are to be discussed with the script:

I am now planning on turning BST into a TV SERIES!!!! After doing some edits and deciding that- this is way too long for just a movie and wanting to explore all of the character more- I thought the best option would be to turn this into a series. I am planning on our story in Bluffdale Utah to be about 8 60 minute episodes, with each episode from the perspective of a different character. The series will be an anthology. With each season centering a different place in America during a different year. I really love American culture, history, youth culture, and playing around with sociological theories in relation to all of those things. So, each season will essential be a different coming of age in a different place and time with different characters.

Here are my ideas for seasons so far:

GOD: BST, focusing on a small town in Utah. Religion, sexuality, gender expectation, and not talking about the big things.

BRUTALITY: 2012 Oregon seaside town. What it means to hurt, to be hurt, what evil is, how evil is made, how everyone contributes to victimization.

EVERYTHING: 2022 rural Wisconsin. The internet, isolation, political extremism, and self hate.

HIRAETH: 2018 Portland Oregon. Poverty, homelessness, family.

YOUR OWN WORLD: 2007 New York City. economic ladder, sexuality, your 20s, class systems, meeting your own expectations.

I will plan on posting a bit more as I'm making the TV bible and hopefully y'all can give me some feedback with everything! Thank you all for loving this project as much as I do. I hope y'all are excited to see some more of the other BST characters!! Let me know what character episodes y'all are most excited to hear about because I will be posting about them!

[caim-tam]

a few great films that are free on the internet archive

in decent quality too!

here is the archive collection of these films so you can favorite on there/save if desired.

links below

black girl (1966) dir. ousmane sembene

the battle of algiers (1966) dir. gillo pontecorvo

paris, texas (1984) dir. wim wenders

desert hearts (1985) dir. donna deitch

harold and maude (1973) dir. hal ashby

los olvidados (1952) dir. luis bunuel

walkabout (1971) dir. nicolas roag

rope (1948) dir alfred hitchcock

freaks (1932) dir. tod browning

frankenstein (1931) dir. james whale

sunset boulevard (1950) dir billy wilder

fantastic planet (1973) dir. rené laloux

jeanne dielman (1975) dir. chantal akerman

the color of pomegranates (1969) dir. sergei parajanov

all about eve (1950) dir. joseph l. mankiewicz

gilda (1946) dir. charles vidor

the night of the hunter (1950) dir. charles laughton

the invisible man (1931) dir. james whale

COLLECTION of georges méliès shorts

rebecca (1940) dir. alfred hitchcock

brief encounter (1946) dir. david lean

to be or not to be (1942) dir. ernst lubitsch

a place in the sun (1951) dir george stevens

eyes without a face (1960) dir. georges franju

double indeminity (1944) dir. billy wilder

wild strawberries (1957) dir. ingmar bergman

shame (1968) dir. ingmar bergman

through a glass darkly (1961) dir. ingmar bergman

persona (1961) dir. ingmar bergman

winter light (1963) dir. ingmar bergman

the ascent (1977) dir. larisa shepitko

the devil, probably (1977) dir. robert bresson

cleo from 5 to 7 (1962) dir. agnes varda

alien (1979) dir. ridley scott + its sequels

after hours (1985) dir. martin scorsese

halloween (1978) dir. john carpenter

the watermelon woman (1996) dir. cheryl dune

[caim-tam]

SOOOO sweet & worthwhile & real i didn’t want it to end 🥹🥹 so glad this writer returned — their peter parker is literally my man likeeee

all by design | p.parker

notes : I am back to writing for peter parker of course because before anyone else - this blog was created originally for him, my originally muse - that somehow fits well into this fic lol - reqs are open <3

warnings : college au - no superpowers, no spider-man, dorky peter parker who's an introvert, reader is a mastermind pulling strings, cute working on project stuff - photography shit I pretend I know things about

You only signed up for photography to dodge a boring science class, but somehow ended up choosing Peter Parker as your muse — soft-spoken, brilliant, and criminally overlooked. He’s awkward, you’re accidentally obvious, and a late-night project might just turn into something a little more.

I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork, the dominoes cascaded in a line. . .

Peter Parker always sits in the third row.

Same grey hoodie. Same battered notebook, filled with stickers - so very random. Same cheap black coffee in a reusable Stark Expo travel mug that he never seems to finish.

You notice, of course. You notice everything about him - in a maybe not-so creepy way.

It’s hard not to, when you’ve been quietly, shamelessly harboring a thing - not a crush, you insist, because that feels juvenile - for him since week three of Intro to Photography.

Not that he talks much. He’s the type to melt into the corners of the classroom, to let others raise their hands and perform their answers like auditions. But he listens, scribbles tiny notes in that notebook of his, mouth quirking when something makes him laugh - a soft, rare thing that you’ve started cataloguing like your own private gallery.

Photography, for the record, wasn’t supposed to be your thing. You picked it to duck out of another semester of mandatory econ electives - something about composition sounded better than graphs. But then Peter Parker sat three rows ahead of you, quietly fascinating, and just like that: you had a muse.

Not that he knows. Of course he doesn’t. You’ve only submitted one piece with him in frame - his silhouette against a window, mid-laugh - and titled it “Unnoticed Light.” Langley gave it an A. Said it felt honest. You couldn’t exactly say "thanks, I’m secretly in love with the boy who never finishes his coffee.”

Most people overlook him - they don’t see past the hoodie, the fading bruise on his jaw from god-knows-what, or the way he keeps his head down when he walks. But you do. You see how he flinches at loud noises, how his fingers twitch like they’re always itching to fix something.

You see the careful, considerate way he offers to carry the overhead projector without being asked. You see how he lingers by the windows for better light when photographing portraits - how the shots he turns in are always somehow achingly human.

You wonder if anyone’s ever looked at him that way. You doubt it.

You do, though. From behind your camera lens. From across the quad. From the third seat to the left, where you’ve started sitting every Tuesday morning. Two rows back. Just close enough to hear when he mutters his answers under his breath.

You’ve spoken to him exactly three times. Once during critique week (“I liked your framing”), once at the vending machines (“They’re out of pretzels, by the way”), and once when your professor handed back graded papers and he’d gotten a B. You saw the way his shoulders slumped and told him, softly, “She grades hard. That’s basically an A in Langley-speak.”

He looked at you like he hadn’t expected kindness.

You remember that look too well. It's the reason you’re about to make this project pairing very conveniently work in your favour.

But that comes later.

For now, Peter Parker’s in the third row again, fiddling with the strap of his camera bag like it’s a nervous tic, and you’re trying very hard not to smile at nothing.

You overhear Langley mention the project pairings two weeks before she announces them.

She’s in the hallway, talking to one of the TAs - something about how she “might just let them pick their own partners this time. Less hassle.”

You’re not proud of what happens next. Scratch that - you’re exactly proud of what happens next. Because it’s not cheating if you’re just. . . influencing the environment. Like the weather. Or the Wi-Fi. Or even better - fate.

It starts with small things. Like moving your seat up one row so you’re just behind Peter now - not that anyone noticed as the seats in class were never fully occupied.

Laughing just a little louder at his dry jokes when the professor asks for class discussion.

The first time it happens, you’re not even subtle. Langley makes some sarcastic comment about how half the class probably doesn’t know what ISO stands for, and Peter mutters under his breath, “In Spite Of everything, I’m still here.”

You snort before you can stop yourself.

He glances back, startled, and you catch the flicker of a smile tugging at his mouth like he hadn’t expected anyone to hear. You almost neglect to note how perfectly matching his hair and eyes were, a rich shade of brown - might be worth something later.

“You get this stuff?” you ask him after class, tapping your camera. “Because I’m faking it at an award-winning level.”

Peter shrugs, bashful - hiding his surprise at your approach. “I mean, mostly I just mess around until it looks right. Which. . . I think is technically a method?”

“That’s what I’ve been doing, too,” you grin. “We’re either geniuses or complete frauds.”

He laughs - a low, surprised sound - and runs a hand through his curls like he’s trying to hide behind them. “Honestly? I’ll take either.”

You start leaving class at the same time he does. Linger a beat longer by the vending machines. Let your shoulder brush his once in a while when you lean over to look at a picture he’s editing on his laptop.

And okay - maybe you start timing your exits so you’re walking next to him through the quad. And maybe you offer him a gummy worm from the bag in your pocket one afternoon, and he acts like you handed him a priceless family heirloom.

“Wait - are these sour?” he says reverently.

“The best kind.” you give him a toothy grin.

He grins. “Okay, you’re officially the coolest person in this class. Sorry, Langley.”

When Langley finally announces partner selection, she lets people volunteer first.

Which is when you strike.

You wait exactly four beats after Peter glances around the room, clearly hesitant to make the first move.

You raise your hand, smile easy, and say, “Can I work with Peter?”

Langley nods, scribbles your names down. Peter looks up, slightly surprised, but doesn’t question it.

“Uh - yeah, cool,” he says, blinking behind his glasses. “That works. Definitely works.”

There’s a faint flush on his cheeks. You don’t know if it’s from attention or from you - you enjoy it anyways.

You don’t ask.

You just tuck the moment away like a lucky penny, warm in your pocket, and look forward to what comes next.

“So,” you say, casual as you can manage. “I was thinking. For the project. I want to photograph you.”

Peter blinks. Stares. “Me?”

You nod. “Yeah. You’d be perfect.”

He fumbles with the zipper on his backpack like it just forgot how to function. “Uh - I mean, I thought we were supposed to do something, like, theme-based?”

You lean back on your hands, legs folded on the library carpet, and look up at him with a little grin. “Exactly. And I think you’d be perfect for the concept I’m going for. It’s about presence. Softness. The way someone’s energy fills a space. I want to capture someone who doesn’t realize they’re being seen. Someone. . . quietly magnetic.”

Peter swallows.

“Magnetic?” he echoes, a little too cutely for your poor heart.

You nod again, and oh, you’re really laying it on now, aren’t you?

“Yeah,” you say, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You have that face people want to look at. Even if they don’t realize it right away.”

Peter’s mouth opens like he wants to argue, but he just sort of… makes a noise. Halfway between a breath and a squeak.

You bite your lip to keep from laughing. It’s not mean-spirited - you’re just so fond. It’s hard not to let it show.

“And your eyes are insane,” you add, like you’re checking off a list. “They catch light like no one else’s in this class. You’ve got that kind of timeless thing going on - a little bit James Dean, a little bit boy-next-door.”

Peter is frozen. Absolutely shellshocked. Like he cannot compute being complimented this much in one sitting.

“. . .You’ve definitely thought about this,” he says eventually, voice a little hoarse.

You shrug, suddenly aware of your own heartbeat. “Maybe. A little.”

There’s a beat of silence.

Peter scratches the back of his neck, and for a terrifying second, you wonder if you’ve ruined everything - if you came on too strong, if the room has tilted a little too far in the direction of intentional.

But then he smiles.

It’s a tiny thing. Just the curve of his lips, shy and secret and so unbearably sweet - so Peter.

“Okay,” he says quietly. “If you’re sure you want to. I mean, I’m not very - photogenic. Or model-y. Or whatever.”

“You’re perfect,” you say before you can stop yourself - nevermind the fact you're still yet to confess the submission you previously made of him.

Peter flushes deeper. Looks at his hands. Smiles harder.

You pretend not to notice - you could almost get a degree for that.

You give him directions to your place later that night.

It’s a short walk from campus - tucked above a trendy cafe and across from a laundromat that always smells like jasmine detergent and cheap cologne.

Your aunt signed the lease for you before you even applied to uni, saying, “Every artist needs a sanctuary.” The space is way too nice for a student. Hardwood floors, big windows, blackout curtains, high ceilings with exposed beams. A dream for any art student, really.

Peter looks around when he arrives, clearly trying not to be impressed.

“This is yours?” he asks, dropping his camera bag by the door.

You nod. “Technically it’s my aunt’s. She travels a lot. But yeah. Mine for now.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You live here alone?”

“Yep.”

“That’s. . .” He spins in a slow circle, taking in the space. “Kind of incredible.”

You flash him a grin. “You’re welcome any time.”

He snorts. “My roommate would kill me if I tried to turn our dorm into a studio. He thinks personal space is sacred. Meanwhile, he clips his toenails without a care for where they end up.”

You laugh, motioning for him to sit. “Okay, yeah. You’re banned from trying this in your own place.”

He sits down on the little velvet couch, awkwardly tucks one leg under the other, and glances around like he’s waiting to be told what to do.

You set up the lighting as naturally as you can, trying not to show how giddy you are about this. About him, here, in your space, letting you see him like this.

When you look through the viewfinder and frame the shot - Peter in profile, warm lamplight brushing his cheekbones, sleeves pushed up to his forearms - you think, Yeah. This was always going to happen.

Even if he doesn’t know it yet.

“Okay,” you murmur, adjusting the tripod slightly. “Just relax. Don’t think about the camera. Think about. . . like, what you’d do if you were alone. Not sad alone. Normal alone. Like. . . chilling.”

Peter raises an eyebrow. “That’s incredibly specific and somehow still not helpful.”

You snort. “You’re doing fine. Just - don’t pose. Or, like . . . do. But make it look like you’re not posing.”

Peter gives you a look. “So. Be naturally unnatural.”

“Exactly.”

He huffs a laugh and leans back against the couch again, arms loosely crossed, head tilted like he’s considering something far off in the distance. It’s candid. Or close enough. His expression softens when he exhales, and you click the shutter without thinking.

“Better?” he asks, eyes flicking toward you.

You glance down at the preview on your camera screen and nod slowly. “That’s a good one. You’ve got a very - contemplative face.”

Peter mock-gasps. “So I do have a face worth photographing?”

“Oh my god, I’ve been saying that for weeks.” you say feigning shock.

He grins, and you snap another shot.

Then he shifts slightly, arms raised to run a hand through his hair - and the motion hikes his pullover up just a little, revealing a sliver of lean stomach, the faint outline of muscle.

You blink.

And, well.

You’re only human.

“Okay, wait,” you say, squinting as you lower the camera. “Why are you, like. . . secretly ripped under there?”

Peter freezes. “What?”

You gesture to him, accusatory. “You look like you code for twelve hours a day and live off granola bars and Red Bull, and then - bam! Surprise abs?”

He splutters, desperate to deny your words. “They’re not - abs. It’s just lighting.”

You tilt your head, smug to have caught him in such a predicament. “Is it?”

He covers his face with his hands. “You can’t just say stuff like that.”

You laugh, unapologetic. “I absolutely can. I’m the artist. I get to be pretentious and weirdly flirty. It’s in the rules.”

Peter peeks at you through his fingers, blushing like crazy. “Okay. But for the record, I am not ripped. I’m. . . jacketed.”

You blink. “What?”

He drops his hands, now grinning. “Like. . .I’m not shredded. I’m cozy. Secretly jacket.”

You laugh so loud it echoes a little off the brick wall.

“God, you’re stupid,” you say fondly - his nose crinkles at that.

“Thank you,” he replies, mock-solemn.

You take three more photos while he’s still laughing.

After that, it’s easy.

You trade the high-watt lights for the soft glow of a desk lamp. The vibe settles - less photoshoot, more afterglow. You both move through the space without talking, cleaning up wires and lenses, folding backdrops, checking batteries. It’s comfortable. Not quite domestic, but something adjacent to it. Something you don’t have a name for yet.

Peter hands you a lens cap without being asked. You unplug the extension cord and wrap it neatly over your arm. Somewhere outside, a car honks, and someone yells about fries.

You stretch your arms over your head, then glance at him over your shoulder.

“Wanna go get burgers?”

He pauses, halfway through packing his camera, and looks at you like you just offered him front-row tickets to a space launch.

“Like. . . now?”

You shrug. “Unless you’ve got somewhere better to be.”

He considers you for a beat too long. Then smiles. It’s a little crooked. A little shy. Unreasonably cute.

“Burgers sound perfect.”

It’s nearing 12:30 by the time you stumble into the diner - one of those charming, grease-stained spots that’s open 24/7 and never quite empty. The fluorescent sign outside flickers with effort, casting pink and blue across the sidewalk like a hazy, nostalgic film scene.

Peter holds the door for you, his camera bag slung over one shoulder, and the warm smell of frying oil and vanilla milkshake syrup hits instantly.

You both slide into a booth, you facing the window, Peter across from you, cheeks still pink from the cold night air.

The waitress doesn’t bother with a menu.

“Two burgers, two fries, two chocolate shakes?” she asks with a raised brow, pen poised.

Peter blinks. “Wait, how did you - ”

“You two look like the type,” she says flatly, then walks off without another word.

You grin, biting back a laughter in the case she takes it the wrong way. “She gets it.”

Peter gives you a mock-scandalized look. “Do we have a type?”

You lean back, stretching lazily in your seat. “Apparently we do. Chocolate-shake-at-midnight type.”

He smiles at that. “Not the worst reputation to have.”

By the time the food comes, you’ve already kicked your shoes off under the booth and Peter’s talking with his hands like he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. The diner’s mostly empty except for a guy asleep by the jukebox and a girl aggressively typing on her laptop in the corner.

The conversation shifts easily once you start asking questions. Like you’re in your own little bubble.

“What made you pick computer science?” you ask, tearing a fry in half, dipping it in your milkshake and eating it. He watched you in mild amusement.

Peter shrugs, sipping from the milkshake. “I’ve always liked puzzles. Logic. Building stuff from scratch. It’s. . . satisfying, I guess.”

You nod. “You seem like someone who enjoys solving things.”

He blushes a little, then grins. “Okay, my turn. Why photography? You’re too cool to be doing this just for credits.”

You laugh, throwing a half fry at him which he barely dodged with a chuckle. “Flatterer.”

Peter raises his milkshake in a silent toast.

You consider your answer. “Honestly? I started it because it got me out of a required science elective. But then it kind of… stuck. I don’t know. Something about freezing a moment - turning it into a story. I liked the control of it. The quiet.”

He looks at you like he understands. Like he really gets it - he studies you for a moment.

“That makes sense,” he says. “You take it seriously. You see stuff other people don’t.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Like what?”

He glances down at his fries, then up at you again, his voice quieter now. “Like me.”

You go still for a second.

But you’re not ready to crack open that door yet, so instead you lean in with a crooked smile and deflect like a pro.

“Back to the game, Parker. Favorite color?”

He laughs and says, “Blue. Like - not sky blue. Like hoodie blue.”

You blink, surprised. “That’s specific.”

He shrugs. “I know what I like.”

You twirl a fry between your fingers. “Okay. Favorite movie?”

Peter looks thoughtful. “I’m gonna say The Iron Giant. It makes me cry every single time and I’m not even sorry.”

Your heart clenches a little. Of course it does, it is so like him - ever the softboy.

You smile. “That’s a solid answer. Top tier sad-boy comfort flick.”

He grins. “Alright, your turn. Most irrational fear?”

You pause dramatically. “Birds.”

Peter blinks. “What?”

“They’re twitchy. Beady-eyed. I don’t trust a creature that can fly and still chooses to steal fries off the sidewalk.”

He’s laughing before you finish the sentence, full-body and warm. You sip your milkshake just to hide how proud you are of that laugh.

The questions keep coming, softer now, more personal.

Siblings? No - just you. Just Peter.

Favorite smell? His is old books. Yours is rain on pavement.

Do you believe in soulmates?

You both pause on that one.

Peter looks at you, eyes darker in the dim light, fingers stilling around his straw - chocolate milkshake all drained from the 50s diner style cup.

“I think. . .I used to,” he says. “Then I stopped. Then I started again. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

You hum. “That’s fair. I think I believe in . . .finding someone who feels like home. Even if it’s not fate. Even if it’s a choice.”

He nods, like that sits right with him. “That’s a good answer.”

You smile. “I’ve got a lot of those.”

“I know.”

And he says it so soft, so genuine, that you forget how to chew for a second.

It’s past 2AM when you finally wander back out into the night, bellies full, fingertips salty, the streetlights casting halos around you.

“Thanks for tonight,” Peter says, voice warm.

You bump your shoulder against his. “Anytime.”

And you mean it.

You’re not in love. Not yet. But something about tonight feels like the first chapter of something that might be worth writing down.

end. maybe? convince me to write a pt2 and I might.

masterlist

[caim-tam]

love this—

jack… do u want the cookie or no…

Back a Ways Part Two

Part One | Part Three

Notes: I lied it's going to be three parts but part three is also getting posted tonight so y'all don't have to wait

Pairing: Dr. Jack Abbott x Surgeon!Reader

Length: 3.7K

Rating: M

Warnings: Fluff; angst; yearning; cursing; slow burn

Summary: "Why would Jack disapprove? Matter of fact—” Everett folds his arms on the table, “Why would Jack care?” 

What the hell can you tell Everett? That it’s just a feeling, a hunch? That the way Jack eyed you when you were talking to Dana had been nearly as intimidating as the only time you went against his direct orders when you were a resident? 

u can come over

It’s as close as your brother gets to issuing invitations these days. From what you can gather, Everett only sees people a couple of times a week—your parents, and Jack, and a few of the friends he made at the academy. He’s never been the most outgoing guy, but he’d grown more and more reclusive since he’d been honorably discharged. The traumatic brain injury that he’d sustained while serving had only made the scope of who he dealt with on a daily basis even more narrow.

Everett has never tried to explain to you what had happened while he was on active duty. Jack has only made you privy to a thing or two, but you know that he doesn’t want to betray your brother’s confidences. 

Pulling up to Everett’s house and seeing Jack’s car in the driveway almost makes you drive away. You haven’t seen him since Dana ratted you out about Wilkins in the ER; haven’t spoken to or texted him since then, either. You consider it as the car idles, your hands twisting on the steering wheel. It’s possible that neither of the guys know you’re out there. Everett likes to have visitors out on his back patio when they come over—having too many people in his house makes him feel ‘penned in.’ 

But, this is the first time in months that Everett has given you the green light to see him. 

You grudgingly pull your car into the parking space in front of his house. You use the spare key to get into the house, kicking your shoes off as you look around. The living room is neat as a pin—mail is stacked on the living room table, sorted into two piles; the couch looks like it hasn’t been sat on for weeks; there’s not a speck of dust in sight. 

You look down at your shoes, considering putting them properly on the rack with the others…And then leave them on the floor by the door. It’s a minor show of protest in the face of Everett’s near-compulsive need for order. He’d always been an oddly neat kid, and his time in the military had cemented a hatred for any hint of mess. You reach out, pushing one of the pillows over on the couch before you head into the kitchen.

The coffee pot is nearly empty, and looking into his cabinet, you see two of his mugs missing. You begin to brew a fresh pot before you turn, walking down the hall to the back patio. You peer through the window, catching sight of the back of your brother’s head, and Jack sitting across from him. 

You know that the movement has caught his attention when Jack’s focus flickers to you. His gaze doesn’t hold for long as he meets Everett’s eye again, reaching for his mug. You consider going out, but hell—you’ve had a long night, and you don’t think you can face your brother without coffee in your system…Maybe something stronger. If you remember rightly, Everett tends to keep whiskey in the cabinet. 

-- 

“You gonna hide in here all morning?” 

You roll your eyes at the question, not bothering to turn as Jack sidles up to you at the counter. 

“It’s been five minutes—and I was making more coffee.”

Jack grunts, bracing his hands on the cool formica. You let your eyes sweep over his hands, savoring the heat of him next to you. 

“...He doing okay?” 

“The same.” 

“Mm,” You nod.

“A little better, maybe.”

“Oh?”

“Sure.” Jack turns, tucking his hands into his pockets as he props his hips against the counter. “You know he’s dating someone?” 

It surprises the hell out of you, and you don’t bother to hide it.

“Really?” 

“Mhm. Something else the two of you seem to have in common these days.” 

It’s a fact, but it feels like an accusation. A hundred answers sit on your tongue—David is a nice guy, someone who understands what you do (but so is Jack); you haven’t been out with anyone for a while, you’re just shaking the dust off (when was the last time Jack went on a date?); you can’t just twiddle your thumbs and wait for a man that will never see you that way—

“Jeez, Queenie—The hell did you do?” 

His tired question snaps you out of your spiral, and before you can ask what he’s talking about, he’s stepping out of the kitchen and neatening the nudged pillow. You watch, amused, as he reaches down, putting your shoes away properly. 

“Everett needs some mess in his life," You insist. "It’d be good for him.” 

Jack grunts as he straightens. “Last thing I need is the two of you at each other’s throats all morning.” 

“All morning is a stretch. I’m probably not staying long.” 

“No?” His hands tuck back into his pockets as he joins you again. You eye the counter as he faces away from it, picturing his hands pressed there just a moment ago. You’ve thought of those hands a lot of other places—on your hips, sliding under your shirt—

“Night shift getting to you?” He plies.

He doesn’t realize he’s offered you an easy out. You nod, raising a hand and scrubbing it across your eyes for emphasis. Jack grunts in sympathy. 

“How’s it been?” 

“You know how it is.” 

“...Yeah.” Jack nods, shifts beside you again. “You ever regret it?” 

“Regret what?” 

“Switching to surgery.” 

Your brow furrows, a frown pulling at your lips. It’s the first time Jack has spoken to you about your decision, years since you’d sat him down and told him that you’d be switching to a surgical residency and needed his support. 

“No. Not once. I…” You trail off, trying to nail your thoughts down as you turn to lean back against the counter. “Being in the ER isn’t for me, Jack. I never got my footing.”

“You kidding me?” 

“No, I’m not, and I wasn’t—”

“Queenie—” 

“No, Jack. I don’t want you to bullshit me. Not about this.” 

Jack is quiet for a moment. You can see the steady waggle of his head as he shakes it, hear him draw in a deep breath. 

“I liked it better when you were down where I could keep an eye on you.” 

Your heart stutters in your chest, and you can’t stop your rush to get a better look at him. Jack’s head is bowed slightly, lips pursed into a thin line. He doesn’t look at you as he adds:

“When you came to the Pitt, I promised your brother I’d look out for you.”

You just manage to stifle a deprecating, humorless laugh, staring blankly at the cabinet across from you. Of course. 

 “You’ve made too many promises to that man, Jack. Hell, he’s my brother, I don't even heed him like that.” 

“....It’s different.” 

And you can’t argue with that. You have a love-hate relationship with your brother, give the man shit, but he and Jack went through hell together. The worst that you had to face with Everett was a united front when he’d broken one of your mother’s favorite vases, and you’d recognized the abject terror on his face (you’d been able to convince her that it had been the dog; Everett had bought your silence with three months’ worth of his allowance money). 

“Yeah,” You nod, “It is.” You nudge his arm with yours. “If you’re really that worried, you could come up and see how I’m doing sometime.” 

“Right, with the mountain of free time I have.” 

“You take bathroom breaks occasionally, right? Come take one upstairs. They can do without you for a couple of minutes.”

“Maybe you come back down, see how you do.”

“What’d I just say about the ER?” 

“That was before. You were a resident back then, Queenie. Your instincts are different now, your knowledge is stronger, your reflexes are faster.” 

Your mouth works wordlessly for a moment before you shake your head, pushing out a disbelieving laugh. 

“Why won’t you let this go?” 

“Because it drives me nuts that you don’t see what I see.” 

“And what’s that.” 

“A brilliant, capable doctor—and a badass.” 

His gaze sears yours and you freeze, caught in the intensity that he watches you with. You don’t blink; you’re not entirely sure that you’re even breathing. Jack shifts, and your heart thuds as he turns to face you more fully. He takes one step, and then another, until he’s so close that you can feel the heat radiating off of his body, smell the crisp scent of his body wash.

“You’ve always had it, Queenie,” He murmurs, “But you never gave yourself any goddamn grace.” 

Your mouth works wordlessly as you flounder for a reply, stunned heat creeping up your neck and sweeping across your face. Jack’s eyes seem to flicker in focus between your eyes and your mouth, and in the split-second that you’re certain you’ve caught him looking, the world goes still, and quiet.

And then you hear the click of Everett’s back door closing, snapping you out of your fantasy and spurring you to whirl away. You take the coffee pot up with an imperceptibly shaking hand, curling the other tightly around your mug. You laser-focus on it as you pour, forcing yourself to hone in on it—not on your brother’s footsteps, or in the way that Jack is still watching you. 

“Thought I heard your voice,” Everett comments. You hum, non-committal, and lift the coffee pot.

“Figured I’d make a fresh pot before coming to say hello. Want some?” 

Everett nods, setting his mug down beside yours. He waits patiently as you fill it, stands still as a stone, and huffs a curse when a dribble of coffee lands on the counter as you lift the pot back up a little too quickly. You take a step back, biting back a bratty chuckle as he rips a paper towel off of the roll to swipe it up.

You glance toward Jack, expecting to find a gentle, chastising smile—but Jack’s expression is closed off, jaw set as he watches Everett clean up. He can’t be mad at you for that, can he? It was barely three drops worth—Everett will be over it by the time he swipes it up. 

“C’mon,” Everett urges. “Let’s go outside. Less for you to mess up out there.”

You push off of the counter, grumbling, “Don’t bet on it,” As you stride out ahead of them. 

--  

As visits with Everett go, this one is far more stilted than usual. Typically, if both you and Jack are there, it’s an easy enough go around—smooth slides between talking about the Pitt, Everett complaining about his neighbors, Jack ribbing him about some op that went well when they served together—round and round you go.

But this time, neither you nor Jack are making much of an effort to engage with one another. Everett is left to act as the conversational conduit, and for a man with a penchant for keeping his mouth shut, the morning crawls by at a snail’s pace. Jack heads out before you do—stands and shakes Everett’s hand, promises to see him next week, to call sooner.

When his gaze flickers to you, you force yourself to study the bottom of your coffee cup, turning it from side to side and eyeing the few drops left.

“…See you at the Pitt.”

“Yeah.” It’s all you can muster. You can’t even bring yourself to meet his eye and give him a small smile as you say it. Jack’s footsteps retreat; the door opens, closes behind him. And after a few minutes of silence, Everett lets out the weariest fucking sigh you’ve ever heard.

“Alright, what’d he say.”

You look up then, frowning at the question. Everett’s brows tip up as he waits for your answer. You flounder, shaking your head.

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t seen you so closed off around the guy since you decided to change your residency—and even that wasn’t as bad as whatever the hell this was.”

You slouch down in your seat, setting the coffee cup back down. 

“Jack didn’t say anything.” Except rattle the hell out of you and trick you into thinking he was staring at your mouth. “I’m just in my head about something. Sorry, Ev.”

He grunts, leans back in his seat. “...Wanna talk about it?”

It’s your turn for your brows to lift in surprise. 

“Wow, I didn’t realize I was that off.”

“Yes or no,” Everett presses. You consider for a moment before you shake your head. 

“It’s not…I have a date with a surgeon that I work with.”

“Okay,” He shifts in his seat as his brow furrows. “What’s that got to do with Jack?” 

“Just got the sense that he doesn’t approve.”

“That bothers you?” Disbelief is rife in Everett’s tone, and you can’t blame him. You haven’t put so much stock in his opinion—but it’s not the same. “What’s the guy like?”

“David? He’s—” You flounder. “Nice, I guess. Smart, quick…He’s got really nice eyes—”

“I don’t need that level of detail.”

“He’s a good guy.” 

“Then why would Jack disapprove? Matter of fact—” Everett folds his arms on the table, “Why would Jack care?” 

You let your eyes lower to the table, your hands wringing in your lap. What the hell can you tell Everett? That it’s just a feeling, a hunch? That the way he eyed you when you were talking to Dana had been nearly as intimidating as the only time you went against his direct orders when you were a resident? 

“He probably doesn’t. Guess I’m just reading into things.” 

“Well whatever it is, talk to him—and soon. Two’a you will put me off having visitors over again.”

“Except for your new girlfriend?”

It’s Everett’s turn to go quiet, and your smile widens. It’s so rare that you’ve been able to catch him out. 

“You gonna tell me about her?” You prod. 

“...Next time,” He musters, adding, “It’s early,” Before you can argue. You purse your lips, considering.

“Don’t wanna jinx it?” 

“Something like that.”

“I respect that.” 

“Good. Now get the hell outta my house before you spill any more coffee on my countertop.”

-- 

It’s in the spirit of air-clearing. In a quiet moment at the top of your fifth night shift, you grab a Twix from a vending machine and head down to the ER. You expect a quick word, a drop off, maybe a smile to send you on your way with reassurance. 

You don’t expect to get roped into two cases in a row—an arm fractured in a car accident, and a stab wound. Any hope of ducking out after the first case is dashed when Jack just nudges your arm and directs, “Let’s go.”

You don’t even have to think. Following him is automatic. And as the two of you run through routine questions, diagnoses, criteria, you realize that you forgot how good this feels—not the rush of the ER, but Jack’s steadiness; his closeness; his encouragement. 

As you peel off your gloves and leave Shen to stitch up the patient, you find Jack giving you an approving nod. 

“Well handled, Queenie.”

“Thank you.”

“You come down here just to prove my point?”

You can’t help your eye roll as the two of you pump hand sanitizer into your palms and work it in. 

“No,” You lean on the denial as you follow him to his desk. “I came to give you this.” You fish into your pocket for the Twix, holding it out. Jack’s lips quirk with a smile. 

“You tryin’ to butter me up for somethin’?”

You were trying to cover off for the foul mood you managed to put Jack in while you were both at Everett’s, but the cloud that had hung over his head during that visit seems to have dissipated. 

“Nope,” You pop the ‘p’, “Just figured I’d take a minute to pop down and annoy you.” 

“Well,” He rips the packet open, drawing one of the Twixes out, “You only managed half.”

“Excuse me?”

“You came down, but you haven’t managed to annoy me. The opposite, actually.” 

“Really.” 

“Really.” Jack holds up one of the Twix in range of you, and waits, his eyes steady on yours. You can’t help the wicked little thrill that runs through you as you lean in, taking a bite of it. His smile widens as you chew, and as he raises the Twix to take a bite for himself. 

“Hey, there you are!” 

The sound of David’s voice makes you straighten u, turning to spot him just a few feet away. 

“Oh, hey,” You greet, swiping a bit of missed caramel off of your lower lip. “What are you doing down here?” 

“I’m heading out, but Princess said she saw you heading down here.”

“And…Here I am.” 

“Yeah.” David’s gaze darts to Jack before he met your eye again. “We still on for tomorrow morning?” 

“Mhm,” You nod.

“Sweet. I’ll be here at 7:30.” 

“Cool.” 

David nods again, seeming to meet Jack’s eye and give him a small wave before leaving. You turn back to face Jack, folding your arms on the desk as you try to meet his eye—but Jack seems laser-focused on the computer in front of him. The Twix is gone—shoved to the side, behind his keyboard. 

“I should head back up,” You manage after a moment, straightening up. “Try not to have too much fun down here without me.” 

Jack gives a soft hum, a nod, a murmur of, “Will do.” 

You let yourself linger for just a second longer before heading to the elevator, stomach twisting with the feeling that you had somehow managed to annoy him after all. 

-- 

Going back down near the end of your shift feels like kicking the hornet’s nest, but whatever it is that annoyed him, Jack’s surely had a chance to sufficiently cool off, right? 

You duck into the restroom once you’ve changed out of your scrubs, giving yourself a quick once-over. You’d promised to meet David downstairs for your breakfast date, but truth be told, you're beginning to regret agreeing to seeing him that morning. Not because of the way Jack had acted (at least, not completely), but you are tired as hell. You should’ve held off until you had a day off. 

You glance back at the sound of the door opening, offering Dana a weak smile. 

“Clocking in?” 

“Mhm,” She hums. “Clocking out?” 

“Yep.” You take up your bag, patting her shoulder. “Have a good shift, lady.” 

“Go get some rest. You look like hell.” 

You chuckle softly, teasing, “Always the charmer.” 

The ER is bustling as busily as ever as you step out onto the floor, looking around for Jack. You spot him coming out of North Two, and damn yourself for hesitating when he catches sight of you in his sweeping gaze. You meet him in the middle, tucking your hands into your pockets as you fight the urge to reach out and pick a piece of lint off of his shirt. 

“Doing alright?” 

He nods, casting his gaze over your shoulder. You turn your head, following his gaze, and see David waiting for you by one of the exits. You swallow thickly, turning back to face Jack. 

“I have to go.” 

"Have to?" There's a sharp lean to the way he asks, a resolute tension tightening his handsome features. It's harsh; new to you in a way that's rattling. The judgement in his tone catches you off-guard, and your hands curl into fists in your pockets. 

“I’m going to.” 

“Well, that’s something different, isn’t it.” 

Your mouth works wordlessly as your mind races. You raise a hand to signal David to give you another minute when he calls out to you, unable to draw yourself away from Jack when he looks so goddamn disappointed in you. 

“What has crawled up your ass lately?” You hiss. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You’ve been so—” You wave a hand toward him, “You keep shutting me out—”

“You shouldn’t keep Wilkins waiting.” 

Your head jerks back like the man’s just slapped you, and Jack’s jaw tightens as he averts his gaze. You push out a stunned, affronted laugh, shaking your head as you step back.

“Wow—”

“Queenie—”

“No. No, you’re right.” You turn away from Jack without another word, forcing a smile onto your face when you make eye contact with David. 

“Sorry about that.” 

“Nah, s’okay. You, uh—” His eyes dart over your shoulder to where you left Abbott. “You ready to go?” 

“Yep!” You chirp. You refuse to turn around, to see if Jack is still standing there. For once, you don’t try to shut the rest out, to check if he’s watching. You just move forward. And when David’s hand settles on your lower back to guide you outside, you resolve yourself to have a good time. 

--  

You have never been on a more awkward date in your life. 

The conversation just doesn’t flow. When you and David are working together, there’s banter, there’s ease, but when you’re alone and there’s no one between you on a table, it’s like there’s this…block. 

You chalk it up to the fact that you’re so tired you could cry, that your sleep schedule is all out of whack. And sure, that’s a factor, but you just can’t get Jack out of your fucking mind. You know that the stilted nature of your conversation with David isn’t helped by the few times that you’d checked your phone. But Jack has hardly texted in months, so why should today be any different? 

The date ends with knowing smiles, teasing, “See you at work”s before you get into your cars. You buckle in, wave at David as he drives off, and then just sink back in your seat, staring at your steering wheel.

When the tears prickle your eyes, you tell yourself that you’re just overtired—that you need a nap, and some good coffee (because the coffee from the bad cart was watery and flavorless). You push the tears back, shaking your head. Nothing about the date was worth crying over. You’re still in the parking lot at work for christ’s sake. 

Just get yourself home. You can have a nice cry in a hot shower. 

Last Part

Tag list:

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EVERY PART JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER…

Mrs. R Part Four

Previous Part | Masterlist

Notes: Not beta-read.

Warnings: Angst and fluff. Flangst. A lotta cursing. Ends happily, I promise!

Summary: Your eyes dart to the time in the upper right-hand corner of the screen.

It's late—but for all of your qualms about whatever the hell you and Robby are or aren't, for better or for worse, in sickness or in a health, for richer or for poorer, you still care about him.

One glimpse. That's all it takes to convince you that you need to get over him, and to finally move beyond the foolish delusion that the two of you are ever going to get back together.

Robby has been saying that it's something that he's been meaning to do, have you over to his new place—that it's not as sad as you're probably imagining, that you'll be impressed.

And he's sort of right. It's not as sad as you were imagining. It's a little sadder.

You're not completely surprised by the nearly-empty fridge, the scatter of mail on the counter. You are heartened by the little touches of your old life together there, the few things that he took from your home that are scattered throughout the kitchen, the living room.

And he should've known that when you went to the bathroom that you were going to snoop.

That's why spotting the women's perfume bottle on the counter is so fucking jarring.

There aren't touches of anyone else, nothing that you looked at and immediately felt that they weren't his but this—?

The bottle shape is familiar, and you're sure the label would be too if you hadn't suddenly lost the ability to read. You stand in his bathroom staring at the bottle. Your hands are frozen over the drawer that you were about to pull open and snoop through. Your heart is pounding in your ears; your throat feels like someone's just crammed a boulder down it. You try to swallow past it, clear your throat a few times, but it won't budge.

You need to get out of there. You can't tell him that you're not feeling well, because he'll insist on running a full living room diagnostic. You're sure your BP is up, that your skin is going hot with upset. You can't imagine the conversation going well—

"And what were you doing when you felt the onset of symptoms?"

"Oh, just realizing that I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of fixing this."

You take a step back, draw in a deep breath, flex your shaking hands. No, this is fine. You can get out of this. You pull your phone out of your pocket, wincing as you hear Robby pass down the hall nearby. You open the ringtone menu on your phone, tapping one and letting it play loudly for a few beats before you pretend to answer a call from your best friend.

"Hello?...Honey, are you okay?...Chlo—Chloe, calm down," You fake your conversation, forcing yourself to pace through your answers. You glance toward the door, biting the inside of your cheek. Is he still nearby? How much of this can he hear? "What?—Oh, god, I'm so sorry! Are you hurt?...Yeah, of course I can come."

You glance up as the bathroom's overhead bulb begins to flicker.

"No no, don't worry about that. Drop a pin, I'll be there as soon as I can."

You shove your phone into your pocket and yank the bathroom door open—nearly smacking right into Robby. He has a hand up as if to knock, and lowers it as you pull up short.

"Everything okay?"

"I—Yes—No," Shit. "Chloe called, she had a whole fiasco—Bad date, and then she got rear-ended. I'm really sorry, but I've gotta go."

Robby nods a touch, stepping back. "You want me to come with you?"

"No! No," You hurry to cover off on your too-quick answer with a smile and a pat on the shoulder. You lean up, pecking his cheek before you skirt around him, hurrying down the hall.

"Thanks for having me over. I um—" You glance back, jerking your thumb over your shoulder. "You should probably fix that bulb."

--

To your credit, you do talk to Chloe that night. It's mostly to warn her that in case she somehow runs into Robby, to let him know that her car is fine. And you know that she has more questions, but maybe it's the weariness in your voice that lets you off of the hook for the night. You know that you'll have to answer for the fact that you were even talking to Robby in the first place, something that you've neglected to mention since the light bulb situation kicked you into a new personal level of hell.

And you're so, so tempted to let yourself stew on this all for one more night, but you decide that you can't just wallow anymore.

For as difficult as this is going to be, it's been a long time coming. You need to make changes.

--

It's not a complete surprise when he turns up at your door. You've been avoiding him for the better part of a month, coming up with excuse after excuse after excuse to not see him, to not answer his phone calls.

What does surprise you is what he says. Not hello, not how are you, just—

"You're selling?"

You puff your cheeks up and push the air out in a long breath. Maybe you should've answered one one of his messages sooner. Then he wouldn't have taken it upon himself to turn up, and to run into the real estate agent hammering in a sign out front.

You cross your arms and lean in the doorway, eyeing the sign, the slight swing of For Sale in the breeze.

"Yeah. You looking to buy? I'm sure I could get you the ex-husband and bulb-fixer discount."

"When did you decide to move?"

"Been meaning to. This is too much house for me. I use, like, a third of the space. Don't even go in the basement, remember?"

"Where are you looking?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're going to stay in Pittsburgh, so—which neighborhoods?"

The fact he says it with such certainty makes irritation flare in your gut. You curl your hand into a fist out of sight, give a short shrug.

"I don't know if I am."

Robby's brow tip up, his chin dropping toward his chest as he takes that in.

"You don't know?" He repeats, a disbelieving laugh falling from his lips. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just means I'm still weighing my options."

"Where else would you go?"

"I dunno...Philly, New York, LA—"

"You're serious."

"I'm thinking about it."

Robby's eyes narrow, brow furrowing as he takes you in. You fight to stay still, to hold his gaze, even when every part of you wants to retreat inside, close the door, and lock it until he leaves.

"When were you planning on telling me?" He asks.

"What's that matter? It's not like I need your permission, right?" You don't mean for it to sting, but the way Robby's head jerks back makes you think that you've hit a target you didn't even know was up to be aimed for.

"No," He finally says. "You don't need my permission."

"Great, so I don't know what the fuss is about—"

"I guess I mistakenly thought that friends told each other things—"

"Oh, please," You splutter a bitter laugh. "When's the last time you fucking told me anything important?"

"This again?"

"You can't 'this again' me when you're the one that brought this shit up, Michael."

"There's a difference between that and you moving across the fucking country!"

"I'm not—I'm not absolutely gonna, I'm just thinking about it!"

"If this place sells tomorrow, where are you gonna go?"

"I'll figure it out."

"You can't just fly by the seat of your pants on shit like this."

"Whatever happens, I will work something out."

"Since when do you want out of Pittsburgh?"

"Since when do you give a fuck about what I want?"

"HEY!"

The two of you turn to see your neighbor, Diane, standing on her steps, glaring at the two of you as she waves toward where her kids are playing in the yard.

"Do you mind? Watch the language."

"Please," Robby scoffs," You curse more than the two of us combined."

"Yeah, blow it out your ass, Diane," You snap. She blanches, tightening her robe around her and pointing a warning finger at you.

"Keep that up and I'm calling the fucking cops."

"Now who needs to watch their language," You sneer, glaring at her until she goes back inside. You draw in a deep breath, keeping your focus just over Robby's shoulder.

"...Look," You say quietly, "I've got shit to do, so. You should go."

"Jesus fucking christ," Robby scoffs, turning and heading down the front walk. You force yourself inside, shutting and locking the door before sagging heavily against it, drawing in a deep, shaky breath. Your hand curls into a fist, and you just manage not to slam it against the wood grain. Hitting something won't solve anything. You have to start weeding through your living room for the things that you absolutely don't need—things that you can sell online, or just put out on the curb to get rid of.

Then you can go back to apartment hunting online, browse the internet, and see if you can google your way into figuring out where the hell you're going next. The house needs some work, there's no way it'll sell tomorrow—unless Robby decides he does want to buy.

The thought freezes you in your tracks on the way to the living room. You don't think...You'd asked, teased, but you'd been kidding—

"No. No," You mutter to yourself, shaking your head as you turn into the living room. There's no way he would do that. You have some books to sort through, then name-change paperwork to get rolling on, and then some apartment hunting as you passively watch House Hunters.

--

The call is atypical—has been for a couple of weeks now. Robby hasn't reached out since your blowout on the steps. No quick calls, no voice notes, no💡gracing your chats.

That's why seeing his name flash up on your screen in the middle of your nightly doom scroll catches you so off-guard. Your eyes dart to the time in the upper right-hand corner of the screen. It's late—but for all of your qualms about whatever the hell you and Robby are or aren't, for better or for worse, in sickness or in a health, for richer or for poorer, you still care about him.

You answer, raising the phone to your ear. It's quiet for a moment, and you hedge, "Robby?"

More silence—and then a sniffle.

You're throwing the covers off of yourself and getting out of bed before you can even think about it.

"Hang on, okay?" You yank your drawers open, grabbing the first pair of sweatpants and sweater that you see. "Give me twenty, I'll be right there. Do you wanna stay on with me?"

You tuck the phone between your shoulder and your ear, wiggling out of your pajama pants and tugging the sweatpants on.

"Michael? You've gotta talk to me, honey," You press when the quiet persists. You hear him draw in a deep breath, then push it out slowly.

"Okay," He finally mumbles.

"Okay what? Okay you want to stay on?"

"I'll see you in twenty minutes."

"You don't want me to stay on?"

"No. No. S'okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Okay I'll be there soon. I—" Love you. The words are automatic, but they clog in your throat, your fingers flexing around the phone. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

--

You're hardly across the threshold with the door shut and locked behind you before he's leaning into you, pressing his face into your neck and drawing in a tight, shaky breath. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, gently scrubbing your nails over his nape as he shakes.

You don't tell him to let it out, that you're there, that everything's going to be alright, that nothing's gonna hurt him. You learned a long time ago that Robby can dish platitudes, but he doesn't like to take them—and he's already been hurt so damn much. He needs someone to look at the walls that he builds up around himself and identify and patch leaks before the dam breaks. You knew it was work, at least—if one a friend or family member was sick or had passed, he would've told you over the phone.

His hands curl in the fabric of your shirt, anchoring tight; you feel his eyelashes fluttering, spreading warm tears against your skin. You let him stay there, your heart breaking with each soft sob and sniffle.

When he draws back, you let him. He doesn't go far, only lifting one of his hands from you to scrub at his eyes.

"Thought you said twenty minutes," He mumbles.

You frown, brow furrowing. "I did."

"It's only been ten. How many traffic laws did you break?"

"Let me and the speed cameras worry about that."

Robby pushes out a disbelieving laugh, shaking his head. You reach up, gently swiping away a few of his tears as you cup his cheeks. You let yourself search his weary face—his red-rimmed eyes, tear-stained face, quivering lips.

"What's going on, Mikey?" You press softly. His gaze drops to the floor, and you watch his shoulders tense. It's the first brick of a new wall—once he's all cried out, the dam needs to be rebuilt, maybe at double-time now that you're there. A wave of irritation is pushed down by petty attraction as his hands flex in the fabric your shirt. You expect him to tell you to forget it, that it was a lapse in judgement when he called you, that he's fine. You watch him wet his lips, see him open his mouth, and—

"Can you stay tonight?"

--

It's not an easy night of sleep for you. You have to stop yourself from fidgeting. You constantly find yourself in that hazy space between light sleep and wakefulness. Whenever Robby shifts, when he mumbles in his sleep, when his fingers skim along the strip of skin exposed between your borrowed pajama top and sweatpants, your heart beats double-time.

You're not entirely sure when you manage to drift off, or what exactly it is that wakes you up first—the sunlight creeping through the curtains, or the tender brush of Robby's lips against the underside of your jaw. You hum softly at the sensation, that way his beard prickles against your skin. You press up unthinkingly against his palm where it's anchored against your hip, keeping your body tucked tightly against his.

Your hand lifts sleepily, fingers sliding into his hair as the kisses lazily drift higher and higher. The tantalizing pressure of his teeth closing around your earlobe makes you pull in a soft, sleepy gasp, your thighs squeezing together beneath the sheets to quell the growing ache there. His answering hum sends a pulse of want through you—but it also wakes you up.

You push yourself to sit up, the speed of it knocking Robby's hand aside. You stare down a your lap as you try to sort through the mess of feelings twisting in your belly.

Robby's soft murmur of, "What is it?", the sleep-roughened timbre of his voice, does nothing to quiet your thoughts. You raise your hands, scrubbing at your eyes.

"Are you working today?" You ask.

"'No."

Considering the state he was in last night, that's for the best.

"Okay. Okay, good." You swallow thickly, looking around. You left your sweatshirt in the bathroom, didn't you? When you got changed—

You still as Robby's hand slides across your thighs, his face pressing into your hip. You bite the inside of your cheek, steeling yourself.

"I've gotta go." The words come out firmly, but you don't make a move.

"Can't stay for coffee?"

"No. No, I can't stay for coffee," You insist, forcing yourself from his hold as you slide out of bed, "And I can't keep doing this."

"Can't keep doing what?"

"This!" You wave toward him as he sits up. "This one-leg-in-one-leg-out shit! Things need to change, Robby. It's gonna suck for a little while, but—"

"Is that what this move about?"

"Yes! Not—I mean, partially, yeah. I need to sort out my shit, I have to remember who I am without you and I don't think I can do that here. Not when we're both a phone call away."

You bite your lip as Robby dips his head, scrubbing his palms over the back of his neck.

"Besides," You push on, "You're—You've moved on, so. I think it's about I do, too."

"Moved on?" He laughs derisively. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

You fix him with a stern look. "I saw the perfume last time I was here, Michael. Look, it's fine—" Even though it most certainly does not feel fine—"And expected, we're divorced, but—" You falter as Robby yanks open the bedside drawer, drawing out something and tossing it to you. You fumble to catch it, and your stomach churns when you realize it's the same perfume bottle from the bathroom.

"Michael, I said—"

"Look at the bottom."

You frown, tipping the bottom as he says, and going still when you see the familiar, half-torn, half-faded Christmas label. It had been one of your worst Christmases together—Robby had been working overtime, and had been so tired when he'd tried to wrap presents that he'd wound up sticking labels on the wrong side of half of your gifts.

You run your thumb across the adhesive, shaking your head.

"I don't understand."

"It got packed up with my things when I moved. I kept meaning to give it back, but I kept forgetting, and then it got further away, and—" He draws in a deep breath. "And then when I stayed the night, a few weeks ago—and I slept better than I have in months. I tried to convince myself it was the scent of you on the sheets that I needed, tried spraying it on the pillows but it isn't enough." He shakes his head, dark tired eyes flitting to your face. "It's you."

Your heart skips a beat, and your fingers tighten around the bottle as tears prickle at your eyes. You lower yourself to the edge of the bed, pulling in a deep, shaky breath. You hear the rustle of the sheets as Robby shifts, coming closer.

"...You still want me to stay for coffee?" You hedge.

"I want you to stay for a lot more than that."

You tip your head to the side, warily meeting his eye, and finding an almost boyish smile on his face.

"...Robby," You sigh, setting the bottle on the bed. "I mean it, I can't...I can't survive in this emotional purgatory. I'm tired of tying myself up in knots trying to figure out what the hell you're thinking—And it's not so easy as just being more open with communication," You warn as he lowers his head. "We've got...Stuff. We know one another so well but we still get tripped up by this shit."

"I know." Robby reaches out, taking one of your hands between his. "But I also know that when I needed someone last night, the only person I thought to call was you."

"Because you knew I'd answer?"

"Because even if you didn't, I could still listen to your message. I could still hear your voice." His own breaks with the admission. "I need you. And I've missed the hell out of you."

You reach up with your free hand, gently stroking across his cheek.

"I've missed you, too," You murmur, "You grumpy old man."

He splutters a laugh, and you smile, relaxing as Robby raises your hand and presses a gentle kiss to the back of it.

"Whatever you decide, I can't stop you—I won't," Robby clarifies, "But...Cards on the table: I don't want you to leave."

You nod a little. "Cards on the table: I'm not so sure I want to leave either. And—" You reach up, running your fingers over his nape before giving it a gentle tug. "You still need a haircut."

--

"Okay! So I know what I read on the intake form, but I'd like to hear it in your own words from the two of you: What brings you to marriage counseling today?"

You hesitate, eyeing Robby on the other end of the couch. He gestures forward, softly urges, "Please."

"Well, this might be a bit unorthodox. " You shift in your seat, "Robby—Michael," You correct, "And I are divorced. Have been for a while now. But we've been talking a lost more lately, and the lines between our relationship have...Never felt more blurred than they do now."

"Would you say that's an accurate assessment, Michael?" The counselor prods, and he gives a nod.

"Yeah, I'd say that's pretty accurate."

"What would you say has been your biggest stumbling block throughout the relationship?"

"Communication."

The two of you manage it in unison, and it takes everything in you not to burst out laughing at the stunned look on the counselor's face.

"I promise we didn't practice that."

"Well," She chuckles, leaning back in her seat. "In some aspects, the two of you are seem to still be in sync. Why don't you tell me a little about how the two of you met?"

--

"I didn't think we'd get homework," You grumble, stepping outside.

"It's all part of the process."

"Yeah, but week one? Harsh." You tuck your hands into your pockets, glancing up the block. "You headed to the Pitt?"

"Yep. Shift starts in half an hour."

"Alright. Be careful, huh?"

"Always am." Robby glances back toward the doorway. "It's gonna be weird, not talking to you until next week."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," You fidget, shifting from foot to foot. "But honestly, if something happens at work and you need to—You know." You lean in a little, fake-whispering, "We could just lie."

He grins, taking a step closer. "Oh, no. We're doing this right."

"Such a stickler."

Before you can argue further, Robby cups your cheeks, drawing you in for a soft kiss. You hum against his lips, raising your hands and grasping his hoodie. You should lean away sooner than you do, but for you a few moments, you can't bring yourself to care that you're standing in the middle of the block in broad daylight, right outside the marriage counselor's office. But hey, maybe it's a good look. The sight of a kissing could could give off a good impression, drum some business up for her. Really, you're doing her a favor.

You lean away, letting your eyes slip closed again as Robby tips his chin up, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"Seriously, though," You murmur. "If you really need—"

"I know."

"Okay." You nod, finally letting go and giving his chest a teasing push. "Have a good shift, Dr. Robinavitch."

He takes two steps back down the block, eyes still fixed on you as a warm smile grows on his face.

"I'll see you next week, Mrs. Robinavitch."

Tag list:

@missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @blueeyesatnight ; @amneris21 ; 

@ew-erin ; @youngkenobilove ; @carbonated-beverage ;  @moonlightburned ; @milf-trinity ; 

@millllenniawrites ; @chattychell ; @dihra-vesa ; @videogamesandpoorlifechoices ; @missswriter ; 

@thembosapphicclown ; @brandyllyn ; @wildmoonflower ; @realwhoreforfictionalmen

@mad-girl-without-a-box ;  @winchestershiresauce ; @lorecraft ; @kmc1989 ; @veryprairieberry ;

@kittenlittle24 ; @ilariyalavorowrites ; @morgy3456

[caim-tam]

Mrs. R Part Three

Part Two | Part Four

Notes: Not beta-read.

Warnings: This...Got a lot more angsty than I meant it to. Whoops.

Summary: Robby had sent a 💡 text two days ago—his new shorthand to ask if he could come over. You'd declined, cited previous plans, and proposed tonight instead.

So here he is, and there you are with your head full of muddled feelings and unasked questions.

"I don't know what changed, and I don't know how you did it, but he seems better."

You want to tell her that it isn't you—that you haven't seen Robby since you went to the ER, that whatever's changed about him, you had nothing to do with it—but that would be a bold-faced lie.

Though, at moments, you don't think that you have had much to do with the shift in his mood. But over the last few weeks, he's seemed a little lighter. It's been noticeable to you.

And, apparently, it's been noticeable to Dana.

She wouldn't accept the lie, anyway—you can see that in the way she grins at you over her pint of beer, daring you to disagree.

So you just shrug and offer, "Sometimes he just needs someone to talk to—outside of work, you know."

"So he is telling you about work?"

"God no, I don't think he'd ever..." You trail off, mind dipping dangerously into the past. He used to. A long time ago, he'd come home with tired but warm smiles, with a funny story from his shift on the tip of his tongue, chasing the kisses that he showered you with the second he was in the door. But the pandemic, Adamson, the dwindling staff, the slammed ER, the administration, the occasional rat—it's a constant, Sisyphean uphill push for all of them.

You clear your throat, shaking your head. "I mean, sometimes he needs to talk about something that isn't that. I used to think talking about work when he was home would help him process it, but maybe he needs a bubble to shut that part of his mind off. I don't know, it's weird," Your brow furrows. "I feel like I understand him so much more now that we aren't married."

"Speaking of which."

"Mm?"

"What's with the name?"

You take a long sip, biding as much time as you can as heat rushes your face.

"Name?" You do your best to play dumb, but Dana's laugh tells you that she isn't buying it for a damn second.

"Yeah, Mrs. Robinavitch, the name."

You let your eyes scan the bustling bar around you, unable to take the knowing way that Dana watches you.

"You don't have to call me that, you know."

"Oh yeah? What should I call you?"

"Gee, I don't know Dana," You lean into it. "Maybe my first name?"

"Doesn't make you squirm like your last name does. Come on," She chuckles again, "It's been almost a year. What gives?"

You consider, eyeing the chipped wood grain of the table.

"Honestly?"

"Uh-huh."

"Cone of silence?"

"Cross my heart."

"...I can't..." You struggle for the words as your feelings flood into your chest, making each breath feel heavy. Your sweating palms flex, nails pressing into your skin, prickling the still-raised scar on your dominant hand.

"It just feels like giving up on us. On him. And I know that sounds so stupid, we're divorced, but letting go of his name feels like letting go, really letting go of all of it, all of the good stuff, and lately things feel..." You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut against the embarrassment. "It's like the door isn't completely closed. Like he's opening up to me again, and if I change it now, it's like I'll—Jinx it? Or—?" You groan, tipping your head back and scrubbing at your eyes with the heels of your palms. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

Dana doesn't answer, and when you finally get a good look at her again, you just find a warm, soft smile there.

"Oh, sweetie," She shakes her head. "There's nothing wrong with hope."

You bite the inside of your cheek to try and push back the swell of tears that threaten to spill over.

"Goddamnit," You laugh shakily. "How much would I have to pay you to quit the hospital and just run my life full-time?"

"You couldn't afford me."

--

"You're quiet."

It isn't accusatory, you don't think, but it's paired with a speculative little glance across the kitchen able that makes you want to fold into yourself and disappear.

"Just following your example." You manage to make it a tease, and when Robby's lips tip up in a small smile, you feel the relief of knowing that you hit the mark. He huffs a soft laugh, shaking his head and turning back to his food.

You should've sorted this morose shit out before he turned up. You'd known that he was planning on stopping by.

He'd sent a 💡 text two days ago—his new shorthand to ask if he could come over. You'd declined, cited previous plans, and proposed tonight instead.

So here he is, and there you are with your head full of muddled feelings and unasked questions.

You haven't been able to stop thinking about your conversation with Dana. The fact that you let your truth hit the air for the first time since the divorce, to admit not only to yourself but to someone else that you're hopeful that your relationship with Michael could still change—that you're still holding on to the likely misguided belief that one of you or both of you will come back together with the understanding that this whole divorce was one big, stupid, expensive mistake—

"What'd you get up to the other night?"

"Hmm?"

"When I wanted to come by."

You shrug, reach over and pluck a fry up off of his plate. "Just some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Well clearly nothing that landed me back in the ER."

"That leaves a lot of possibilities."

You pop the fry into your mouth, take your time chewing, and raise your brows when he dips his head a touch, catching and holding your gaze.

"Come on," He plies, "Gimme a hint."

"Why does it matter?"

"Doesn't."

"Why do you care?"

"...I don't."

And you may've bought that—if he hadn't hesitated. Your eyes narrow a touch, a playful smile pulling at your lips.

"Well what do you think I was doing, Dr. Robinavitch?"

"Any number of things, Mrs. Robinavitch."

And you know that he doesn't mean to break it, this light and delicious mood, but goddamn did he pop your balloon. The words make your stomach lurch. You hurriedly push yourself up from the table, avoiding his eye and rounding to the fridge.

"You want another beer?" You ask, and force yourself to keep your eyes on the fridge's contents when he doesn't answer right away.

"Haven't finished my first one," He finally says, and you nod a bit, pulling one out for yourself and cracking it open. You lean against the counter, toying with the pull tab.

"You have a date?"

It feels almost like a trap of a question, and you know that you'd be wise to answer quickly, but his tease is still ringing through your ears.

"You can tell me if you did," He tacks on, "Not like we're—"

"No, I know."

"So—?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Why not? You're single, you're gorgeous—"

"Okay—"

"—More skilled at evading questions than an ex-KGB agent."

"CIA, please."

"It'd be fine if you were. You're free to do whatever you want."

You don't think that he's trying to twist the knife, don't believe that he even realizes he's holding it, but the fact of the matter is what you want is this, right here—in the kitchen with him, but having almost any other conversation.

"Thanks for the permission."

"Just making sure you don't think you need it, considering you still have my name."

He still thinks you're both joking, that's the problem. And maybe you should be joking, but Mrs. Robinavitch. Goddamn, when's the last time he called you that? Must've been your last anniversary—or the one before—?

"Hey." His hands cupping your cheeks takes you aback, and you draw in a deep, stunned breath. When did he get up? "What's going on up there?"

You shake your head, avoiding his eye as you take a deep draw from the beer can. He plucks it out of your hand once you lower it, setting it onto the counter beside you. You curl your arms around yourself, trying to ignore the fact that you're pouting like a petulant child.

"It wasn't a date," You finally offer.

"Okay. It wouldn't matter if it was."

Maybe that's half the problem. You want him it to matter, but to him it just—doesn't. Unless he's bluffing.

Since the two of you started...Whatever the hell this is, you've laid your cards on the table, in some measure. You told Michael that you wouldn't be okay if he wasn't okay. But you're starting to worry that Michael doesn't have any cards to lay on the table. You thought this was high-stakes poker, but it's starting to feel a helluva lot like solitaire.

But if he didn't care, then why change your light bulb? Why kiss you the way he did? He'd fallen asleep on your couch, back in your bed, he remembered where your mugs were—

But maybe you're not the safe space for him—maybe it's your home. Maybe you're just its custodian.

You raise a hand to scrub at your rapidly heating face, fighting back pinpricks of tears as you clench your jaw.

"Headache," You insist before he can pry, and it's not entirely lie. This is beginning to make your head spin.

"You should take something."

"I'm alright." You slap on a thin, unconvincing smile and nod back toward the table. "Your food's gonna get cold."

--

"You sure you're okay?"

You don't even grace that one with a response, just smile and insist:

"Let me know when you get home."

You can see him pushing down another prying question as he straightens his hoodie and takes up his backpack. He gives a small nod and leans in, dropping a kiss to your forehead.

"Drink some water, take something before you go to bed. You don't wanna wake up with it."

"Good night of sleep will clear it." As if you'll be able to sleep tonight.

"Maybe." He reaches out, gently chucking under your chin. "Seriously, don't wait for it to get worse."

"I won't! Crying out loud."

He grunts, turns to the door and opens it.

"Oh, and for the record," He adds, smiling widely at you over his shoulder. "Dana said she had a good time."

You manage to keep your smile frozen in place, and nod. You hold it until he's shut the door and you've locked it behind him. You rest your forehead against the cool wood, drawing a deep breath in through your nose and pushing it out between your lips. You draw in another, and as you push it out, the tears come.

If he'd known what you'd been up to the other night why put you through that song and dance? Just to see what you'd say? If you'd lie?

Your face twists as the tears flow faster, sorrow and anger and nerves twining together as you plop down onto your couch and let the sobs come freely.

If there's nothing wrong with hope, then why the hell does it hurt so much?

Next Part

Tag list:

@missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @blueeyesatnight ; @amneris21 ; 

@ew-erin ; @youngkenobilove ; @carbonated-beverage ;  @moonlightburned ; @milf-trinity ; 

@millllenniawrites ; @chattychell ; @dihra-vesa​ ; @videogamesandpoorlifechoices ; @missswriter ; 

@thembosapphicclown ; @brandyllyn ; @wildmoonflower ; @realwhoreforfictionalmen

@mad-girl-without-a-box ;  @winchestershiresauce ; @lorecraft ; @kmc1989 ; @veryprairieberry ;

@kittenlittle24 ; @ilariyalavorowrites

[caim-tam]

[caim-tam]

[caim-tam]

*crowd repetitively chanting* thank you youvebeenlivingfictional

Mrs. R Part Two

Part One

Notes: Hi welcome to part two okay love you bye

Not beta-read.

Warnings: Angst; fluff; all that good stuff

Summary: You can’t remember the last time you and Robby were this close. 

“You got any more lightbulbs in here that need changing?” 

You lean in the doorway of the living room, watching Robby unscrew the old bulb and toss it onto the couch before lifting his hand to screw in the new one. 

“I don’t think so. Unless you wanna go around and change a few preemptively.” 

“Think we’ll just stick with this one for now.” 

You bite your lip, glancing down at your bandaged hand and picking at a stray strand. 

“How was the rest of your shift?” 

“Oh, fine. You know.” 

But you still don’t. You bite your lip, fighting back the argument as you pick at another stray strand. 

“How’s the hand feeling?” 

“Oh, fine. You know.” 

You shoot him a coy smile at his sidelong glance. He shakes his head as he turns his attention back to the light, fitting the fixture back over the bulb. He climbs down from the step ladder, folding it, and leaning it against the bookshelf. 

“Where was that, anyway?” You ask, nodding toward it. 

“In the basement.” 

“Ah. I don’t go down there much.” 

“Yeah, the film of dust gave that away.” 

Your smile widens at the tease, then falters as he turns away, dusting off his hands. 

“Alright. I should head out.”

Your stomach twists as he straightens, heading for the door, and where he left his bag. 

“Oh?” You fight to keep your tone even as you straighten up. “I ordered pizza. Should be here soon if you’re hungry.”

“You’ll have leftovers.”

“Sure! Sure.” You tuck your hands into your back pockets, wandering after him as he reaches for his bag. “I could just um…Wrap it in foil…Stick it in the back of the fridge…Forget it’s there for a few days until I inevitably remember that it’s in there on Friday. Nuke it, gobble down a couple of slices, give myself food poisoning, and then I’ll, uh…” You smile as he turns to face you again. “I’ll see you back in the ER.”

--

“Does it bother you that they still call me that?”

“Call you what?” 

“Mrs. R.”

You catch the slight delay in his movement, the pause in raising his beer to his lips. His eyes stay set on the tv, and you watch the flash and flare of the screen's glow lighten and shade his face. For as long a day as he’s had, it should be easier to read his expression—or maybe you’re more out of practice than you realized.

But you know that he heard it. It’s not as if he can pretend that he didn’t hear Evans or Langdon say it. You hadn’t gotten a good look at him when they’d had though not for lack of trying. 

“Why would it bother me?” He finally asks.


“Because we’re not married anymore.”

“You change your name yet?” 

You turn back to the tv as Robby’s head turns. It’s your turn to fall silent, to take a sip from your beer. 

“It’s a lot of paperwork.” It’s the lamest of excuses. It’s not a complete lie, but it’s not the entire truth, either. You hear Robby huff a soft laugh through his nose, and you can’t help the embarrassment that pulses through you. You push the feeling down, leaning forward and setting down your beer.

"You want that last slice?” You glance toward him and find his lips pursed. He wants to say no, but you’re positive he barely had anything to eat that day.

“You wanna split it?” You correct, already taking up a knife to cut it down the middle. 

“If you really want it, you can—”

“Oh, shut up and eat the slice, Robinavitch,” You lean back, holding it out and raising your own slice to your mouth. 

“Half slice.” 

“You’re way too particular for this late in the day. Did you get all hangry on the ducklings?” 

“...Not on the ducklings.” 

Your brows rose at the admission as you tore off a piece of the crust, popping it into your mouth. 

“Wanna talk about it?” You asked after a moment. 

“Nope.” 

Figures. You couldn’t even bring yourself to be wholly disappointed. But he’d come over, he’d changed your lightbulb. He’d stayed. Months of not seeing one another and now this. It felt like two steps forward and one step back…Though, for what it was worth, that was still one step forward. 

--  

You chalk it up to muscle memory. A late-night hazy wake up, an infomercial droning on the tv, and Robby's head in your lap. You manage to nudge him up, shut the television off, and find his hand to lead him to your bedroom. He doesn't gripe or grumble. His movements seem as automatic as he strips down to his underwear and climbs into bed with you, each on your own sides. 

You think, as you sink into the pillows, that you’re almost glad Robby is too tired to gripe or argue that he should be going back to his place. 

And you think, as sleep takes full hold of you, that you feel his hand curl around yours under the sheets. 

-- 

You wake up to the steady thump of Robby’s heart beneath your ear, and the rise and fall of his belly beneath your arm. You don’t open your eyes for a few moments—you don’t dare. You can’t remember the last time you and Robby were this close. 

For the last few months of your marriage, the two of you hadn’t slept in the same bed, and with the separation and divorce that had followed, your physical connection had ceased to exist.

The closest the two of you had gotten was when he’d bandaged your hand at the ER the day before. 

Of course, that same hand is now throbbing. 

You wince, wiggling the fingers a little and holding back a hiss of discomfort. Damn, you should’ve taken some Tylenol before you went to bed last night. You just hadn’t been thinking about it. You reluctantly push yourself up, sliding out of bed as gently as you can, wary of waking him.

You freeze as he shifts, watching him roll closer to the warmth you left behind and pressing his face into your pillow. You relax as he settles, and turn to your closet, sleepily fishing out your favorite hoodie and tugging it on over the PJs that you hardly remember changing into. 

--  

By the time you hear Robby coming down the hall, you have 500mg of Tylenol in your system, and coffee has nearly finished brewing. You glance back in his direction as he comes into the kitchen. You’re chagrined (but not surprised) to find him fully clothed. 

“Morning,” You greet. His answer is to take two mugs down from the cabinet, setting them by your wrist on the counter. 

“Sleep okay?” You prod. Robby leans against the counter beside you, and you glance up, watching him scrub his hand across his eyes. 

“Yeah,” He finally admits. “Thanks for letting me crash.” 

“Sure,” You shrug. “My fault, anyway. I talked you into staying for pizza.” You pick up the coffee pot, filling both mugs. Robby mutters his thanks as he takes one up, drawing in a sip. You let the silence settle back in, but you can only handle it for so long: “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“About what?” 

“About whatever it is that’s been fucking with your sleep lately.” 

“Do you wanna talk about why you haven’t changed your name yet?”

It catches you off-guard, and you whirl around to face him. 

“I told you, it’s a shitton of paper work—”

“If you’d started when we filed for divorce, it would be done by now.” 

“Well if it bothers you that much, why didn’t you fucking say so last night?” 

“I didn’t say it bothered me, I just find it weird—”

“It isn’t that weird—And how the fuck did we get on to me? We’re supposed to be talking about you.” 

“We don’t have to talk about me.” 

“Yeah, we fucking do. Something is off with you, Michael. You’re not sleeping, you’re snapping at people—I get that you’re under pressure—”

“You don’t get it.” 

“Alright, maybe I don’t know how it feels, but I can see how much it’s fucking messing with you—”

“Forget it—”

“Mikey, c’mon, just talk to me—”

“Let it go!” 

The snap and bark of his voice startles you, and you unthinkingly take a couple of steps back. You become more aware of the way your face is crowding with heat, your heart pounding in your chest. You turn away from him, shoving your hands in your pockets and curling your good hand into a fist. You’re not gonna cry, not when he’s right fucking there. He’s going to leave, anyway. 

You hear him push out a weary sigh, chased by the sound of him putting the coffee mug down. He’s going to put his hoodie on and just fucking go—

“Hey.” His hands curl around your shoulders, and he sighs again as you shrug him off. You step away, turning back to your mug and taking it up. Maybe you can take a big gulp and pretend that your eyes are tearing because the coffee’s so hot. 

You feel the heat of him as he crowds up behind you, his hands landing on the counter and caging you in. You open your mouth to tell him to back off, but fall silent as he gently nuzzles his temple. 

“I’m sorry,” He murmurs. “I know you’re just trying to help.”

“And I know you’re a closed book, so why do I fucking bother.”

Robby inches closer, curling his arms around your middle. 

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to take this stuff on.”

“I don’t feel like I have to, Michael.” You turn in his arms, meeting his eyes despite the tears lingering in yours. “I’ve only ever asked because I want to, because I’m not okay if you’re not okay.” Your throat grows tight as you admit it, and you blink rapidly as more tears well up. You drop your chin, closing your eyes as you shake your head, fighting to steady yourself. 

Robby lifts a hand to cup your chin, thumb sweeping tenderly over the apple of your cheek as he tips your head up. You sniffle as he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, then rests his forehead against yours.

“You shouldn’t still worry like this.” 

“I know.” 

Robby tips his head, nose gently nuzzling against yours. You can’t help but chase the touch, a few tears escaping and slipping down your cheeks. You each go still as your lips brush, then stop just a hair’s breadth from one another’s. Robby’s breath puffs warmly across your mouth, and you feel his chin tip up just a touch more. 

“Don’t,” You breathe, then hurry to explain—”Don’t do this if you’re just trying to fix it.”  

For a few harrowing moments, neither of you move; you hardly breathe. And then Robby’s hand lifts to cup your other cheek, thumbs gently disrupting the few tear tracks. He brushes tender kisses to your closed eyelids before his mouth descends tenderly on yours. You shiver, curling your hand in the fabric of his shirt and drawing him closer, until he’s pressing you fully against the counter. Your lips part and your tongue teases gently against his, his beard brushing pleasantly against your skin. 

The kiss breaks slowly, with Robby stealing another two languid pecks before resting his forehead back against yours, his hands smoothing over your shoulders again, fingers rubbing across the familiar fabric. 

"...Couldn't find that last hoodie, huh?" He asks knowingly. You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from breaking into a guilty grin.

"Misplaced it."

Robby hums knowingly before he dips his head, giving you another tender kiss.

"How's that hand feeling?"

You grunt, raising it and wiggling your fingers.

"Better now. Hurt like a bitch when I woke up, so I took some Tylenol."

"Good." Another peck before he draws away, and you reluctantly let him go. You expect him to head into the front hall, to grab his backpack. But he goes into the living room, taking up the stepladder. You frown, straightening up.

"Where are you going with that?"

"To check the other bulbs."

Tag list:

@missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @blueeyesatnight ; @amneris21 ; 

@ew-erin ; @youngkenobilove ; @carbonated-beverage ;  @moonlightburned ; @milf-trinity ; 

@millllenniawrites ; @chattychell ; @dihra-vesa​ ; @videogamesandpoorlifechoices ; @missswriter ; 

@thembosapphicclown ; @brandyllyn ; @wildmoonflower ; @realwhoreforfictionalmen

@mad-girl-without-a-box ;  @winchestershiresauce ; @lorecraft ; @kmc1989 ; @veryprairieberry

[caim-tam]

Mrs. R

Notes: You know what anon, great point. This is gonna be a two-parter. Not beta-read.

If you read this and you haven't seen The Pitt....Come on in, the water's fine.

Warnings: Angst; fluff; all that good stuff

Summary: For as amicable as the divorce had been, the two of you had problems. When Michael was stressed, he shut you out from the source of it, determined not to bring it home. But as hard as he tried, the strain and drain of his work hung on him. You'd wanted to be a safe space for him, but as the pressures of his job mounted, he'd never allowed you to be.

"Didn't think you'd be working today."

It's the most you've said beyond your answering the basics. He hasn't said anything beyond asking the routine questions. He'd had the good grace to school his expression when he'd asked about any medications (blood pressure, cholesterol, birth control), and you'd said no to all.

“We’re slammed. All hands on deck.”

“Yeah, I know.” You wince as he takes careful hold of your wrist, lowering himself onto the stool beside your hospital bed and getting a good look at the jagged cut stretching the length of your palm. 

"So you were replacing a lightbulb in the living room?"

"Uh-huh."

"What were you standing on?"

"...A book."

He shoots you a disbelieving look from beneath his lashes.

"...On top of another book."

A further tip of his brows, and you sigh, finally conceding, "On top of a cardboard box."

He looses a soft, almost grudging laugh as he looks back down at your hand.

"Surprised you didn't stand on the coffee table."

"It's rickety."

"But the carboard box-book combo was stable? What happened to the lightbulb?"

"I lost my balance, my grip tightened and uh...The lightbulb didn't like that."

"You hit your head on the way down?"

"No."

"Alright." He fishes into his pocket for a small flashlight, leaning in to get a closer look. You hold still as he diligently examines the wound.

"It broke pretty cleanly, I don't think there are any other bits in there. I was able to piece it back together—not to use, you know. Just to check."

He hums, giving a small nod. "Couple of stitches and then we'll get you on your way."

"Not gonna summon one of the ducklings for the demonstration?" You ask, unable to stand the relative quiet. "Dana says it's their first day."

"Hm? Oh," He shakes his head with a smile. "Far as I could tell, they were all occupied when I headed back here."

“How are they doing?”

“Well, we’ve got a fainter, a nicknamer, a high-fiver—Local anesthesia—little pinch, don’t look,” He warns, and you turn your head, wincing as the needle dips into your palm. “There we go…And uh, a kid who’s wearing a different pair of scrubs every time I see him.” 

“Fashion show?” 

“Unfortunate series of fluids.”

“Yikes.” 

“Mm.” 

You tentatively glance back down, watching him draw the needle through your palm.

“How are you doing besides that?” You press. 

“...You know.” 

But you don’t know. For as amicable as the divorce had been, the two of you had problems. When Michael was stressed, he shut you out from the source of it, determined not to bring it home. But as hard as he tried, the strain and drain of his work hung on him. You'd wanted to be a safe space for him, but as the pressures of his job mounted, he'd never allowed you to be.

You sit in quiet for a few moments, allowing him to zone in on his work as you let yourself just focus on him.

It’s the first time you’ve seen him in months, though not the first time you’ve spoken. You’ve exchanged the odd texts for holidays, birthdays. The last time you’d seen one another had been brief—hauling a box of things from your car to his car. It marked the official end to your divorce, your possessions and daily lives extricated entirely from one another (save for one of his hoodies, which you'd tucked into your closet and sworn up and down that you simply couldn't find).

But that hadn’t stopped the hurt or the ache of your loss. It hadn’t sapped the warmth, the comfort of the memories of your good days together. It hadn’t lessened what you knew about him, what you could tell from a look.  

"You need a haircut." You tease, tipping your head to get a better look at him. You just manage to see the way a smile tugs at his lips. You hesitate to add anything else, to keep him in a good mood, but you just can't help yourself.

"You're not sleeping," You accuse softly. Robby draws in a slow breath as he threads the needle through your skin again. 

"No," He admits. You wait for him to set the needle aside before you reach out, gently combing your fingers through his hair. His shoulders sag, head tipping into your hand as you gently run your nails down to the nape of his neck.

"What's goin' on, Mikey?" You murmur. His chin tips up to meet your eye, and your palm slides around to gently cup his cheek, thumb smoothing across his beard.   

“…You know what today is?” He asks.

“Adamson?”

“Yeah.”

“S’why I didn’t think you’d be in today.”

“So you stood on two books and a cardboard box to change a lightbulb today, just in case you needed to go to the ER so that you wouldn’t see me?”

“No. Purely coincidental. Besides,” You lean a little closer. “I like seeing you.”

Another smile pulls at his lips, brighter and wider than the last, and your stomach flutters with his admission:

“I like seeing you, too.”

“You two sure you’re divorced?”

The sound of Evans’ voice makes the two of you reel away from one another, your hand lifting from his cheek guiltily. She casts a mischievous smile between the two of you before nodding over her shoulder.

“We’ve got incoming—pileup on the I-79.”

“Be right there.”

Evans casts you one more cursory glance and adds, “See me before you leave, Mrs. R,” before turning, tugging the curtain closed behind her. You try to get a good look at Robby after she calls you that, but he’s up and moving before you can.

“Let’s get you bandaged up and on your way,” Robby pats your knee before stepping around the bed. “We’ll need you to come in for a wound check in a couple of days, make sure it’s coming along nicely.”

“…Can’t be a home visit?” You venture, glancing back toward him. You don’t trust yourself to meet his eye; you still can’t believe you asked it. But you haven’t gotten a good enough look at him, and you just want to know what’s going on—really going on.

You’re not sure it’ll work. He didn’t trust you with those feelings when you were his wife—why should he trust you with them now? 

“We need it on the record.”

It’s a diplomatic answer, and you’re certain that it’s all you’ll get. You nod a bit, watching as he neatly wraps the bandage. 

“You’ve still got tylenol extra strength in the house?” He asks. 

“Mhm.” 

“Take that as needed, up to—”

“1500 milligrams a day, I know.” 

“Still gotta say it.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“There.” 

Robby looks up at you, his hands still wrapped warmly around yours. He draws his lower lip into his mouth, and for a moment, you’re certain that he’s going to say something else—but the curtain is drawn back again.

“Hey Robby, there’s a—Oh. Shit."

You close your eyes, fighting back your own curse before you turn your head, shooting the doctor a tight smile.

“Hey, Frank.” 

“Hey, Mrs. R. Am I interrupting—”

“Nope! I'm all set here. And you guys have incoming, so I should skedaddle.”

Robby lets go of your hand, scooching the stool back as you slide off of the bed, standing. 

“Nice to see you.” 

“Yeah, Frank, you, too.” You pat his shoulder with your good hand before turning to face Robby again. “I’m gonna head out.” 

“Take it easy with the hand. Rest it.”

“I will.”

“I mean it.” 

“Robby—” 

“I know you. You’ll get all cocky with the local anesthetic in your system and you’ll be in agony when it wears off. You drive yourself here?”

“Uber.”

“Good.” 

“Mhm.” You turn to the sandwich cart, eyeing the labels before fishing one out. “I’ll see you around.”

“You’re taking that, really?” 

“It’s for Earl,” You insist, taking a couple more steps back. "Get some rest, Robby."

“Yeah.” 

You let yourself get one last long look at him before you turn away, striding determinedly toward the exit. You just manage to skirt by Evans, taking advantage of the fact that she’s deep in conversation with one of the orderlies. You give the attendants at the front desk a quick wave before you pass down the rows of chairs, holding the sandwich out to Earl. His face splits with a wide grin as he takes it. 

“You’re the best, Mrs. R.”

“Take care’a yourself, Earl.”

“Hey, you, too!” 

-- 

You make it all the way into the parking lot before your phone buzzes with Robby’s message:  I can change that lightbulb when my shift ends

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