cal-is-venting

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i,,, guess my emotions have been so unstable that i just kinda cried at school lmao

like hh and then tears started falling and it was like shit please dont start right now if i start actually crying any further like i will skip bio akldf

i havent cried at school in ages

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lmao trying to brainstorm things that my mum does and im like,,,, what the fuck does she do ?

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i cant fucking enjoy things in life

every single fucking thing is to someone else

oh good job deadname

certificates with my deadname

letters/cards with my deadname

every

single

fucking

thing

pictures of me that have me with long hair

but i want short hair

please

ahhhhhh

i always feel so fucking bad for constantly fucking crying on call with jayden

i can feel myself being tempted into falling into a spiral

a little whirlpool

of negativity

where im going to be bombarded with thoughts

that are bad for me

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skjddj because he just found out about hickeys he’s like what’s your opinion and like,,,, i don’t feel like saying they seem fun,,,, so now i’m just not facing him in our call akdjsjdjdjdj and i’m just gonna do maths for now idk Jjfjsjdjd gay panic

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everything comes down to my childhood huh,,,

like being raised to not cause a problem and be a people pleaser and now i can’t even ask my parents to make more noodles for me because i know i’m gonna be hungry later :// haha love life

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on the other hand

i love how i somehow manifested a fucking adorable boyfriend who literally counts how many days we’ve been together

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maybe it’s cause like i feel bad about ignoring this person who was being transphobic and ignorant and rude to me because he mainly hangs out with my friend group and stuff so i feel bad about this sudden exclusion and my brains like haha what if he just doesn’t understand and like he can be better but it’s also like why the fuck should i have to put my effort and time into this and educating him surely if he cared he’d fucking confront the problem or ask questions or fucking google

i just- idk man kinda just,,,,,, vague ahhh and it’s not that fun but alas,, ://

haha also now i’m kinda feeling bad for making my bf worry about my mental health issues so guess who’s emotionally retreating again hat has been spurred by the fucking above event i love life

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if i had a nickel every time an asian cishet guy friend of mine kinda invalidated my gender is have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice

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i just kinda fucking hate my mum a lot

like bro shut the fuck up about being upset that the trees might die

if youre so fucking upset about it and dont want to apparently spend thousands of dollars later trying to fix them like do it yourself fuck off please im already very mentally unstable rn like please fuck offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff 

like it took energy vacuuming my room today and going outside to plants like just the inside one i despreately need a good cry just stop. for once. please. fuck off

oh yeah and as soon as i got home pretty much you were like play piano for me!! :) and i was like?? ok??? sure?? and it was pretty much so you could be like see so rusty and so many mistkaes shinning through and like FUCK odj klsjfal hdsfhagflgjsdfklgjskldfjgdfklgjdfkl fuck off why did yuo want me to do that in the first place then you fuckhead just to make me feel bad? because youre having a bad day and want to feel better???/ anyway hate her haha :)

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so imagine you’re making ratatouille and you don’t like tomatoes. you don’t like the taste, the texture, the putting them in the water and the peeling them - eugh! so you say to yourself “lookit, this whole dish is nothing but vegetables, so what does it matter if i leave the tomatoes out?” a seemingly innocuous decision on the surface, but 2 hours or whatever later when you’re done cooking, you open the oven to find a complete mess! just a pot full of baked vegetables, none of them congealed or somehow unified. what happened to your beloved ratatouille? so you take to google and find that actually the tomatoes are an essential ingredient of ratatouille, as they form a “sauce” of a certain kind that makes the whole thing work. and so a seemingly innocent decision has destroyed the very foundation of the established order with disturbing ramifications towards the whole. in this essay i will examine how martin luther’s 95 theses lead to protestants being more boring than catholics

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he saw my post about him adlfkjsdkfljsdlkf

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aha wouldn’t it be so funny,, if,,,, he sent me texts during school saying i miss you and stuff and i wanna kiss you,,,,,, and i’m like i’m in class you idiot stop texting me and then we go back to our lockers after class for lunch and i go and kiss him annoyedly saying there now can you stop ducking texting me during class and then he’s like stop checking your phone then and also can i have another and i just roll my eyes and smile because i love him and then our classmates who don’t know are like wtf

haha jk jk..... unless?

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i don’t know how i’m gonna survive year 12 formal :(( i don’t really wanna wear a dress like maybe but wearing a suit would be so much better but would i be allowed to wear one in case my fam thinks i’m not straight and i fkjdjfnsnhdjsjsjdjfskkdj :((((((

as soon as year 12 formal date is announced i will ask my friends if i can go with them to pose as a het if they don’t have a date so i can wear a suit or a dress but like casually comfortably idk i just feel like crying thinking about it

good thing it’s 2 years away i guess ahahhaha

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i hate my parents so fucking muchhhhh?????????? like no george floyd wasnt a robber, and that shouldn’t constitute whether or not he should be fucking killed by a police officer, someone who should be protecting civilians. 

he shouldn’t have his neck be knelt on for minutes, telling the police officers nearby that he couldn’t breathe several times, asking for his mother before eventually dying because of a police officer.

stop being so fucking racist 

n*groes isn’t a word you should use. the n word is a bad word. a thing i had to explain to my mum like 2 months ago. i told her to search it up, and she was like no just say it and i was sitting there uncomfrortable kinda tearing up like no i will not so she searched it up and then she was like oh [word]. that’s not that bad. and i was jsut like what the fukckkkkkkkkk 

also that comment???? “oh does [your brother] have a girlfriend yet” “no” and then making some derogatory comment about how he might be gay

i fucking hate this family so much 

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We didn’t have a word for our, as you guys call, gay/lesbian people. So we coined that word as an umbrella for all our tribes. We never said, “Well, you’re transgender. You’re bisexual. You’re lesbian.” We never knew those terms. Those are all from Western culture, you know, LGBTQ and all that. So on some level, it’s about getting rid of labels. Those terms were forced upon us.

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Robert Sheehan confirming that Klaus is both pansexual and nonbinary: