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Day 8: Things that make you sad.

Hm, let's see: Not being able to make people happy, seeing sick people suffering, the thought of death, people who don't have homes (or even pets,) people who get hurt for no good reason (like of having mental disabilities,) and when a fandom destroys my life.

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Day 7/365: A show or a movie that has changed you, and how?

If I had to choose one, hmm...geez! This is a tough one to crack, so I'll go with two. One show would TOTALLY be Doctor Who because for one thing, man, that show just kills all your feels (or it loves to, haha;) and two, there's just something about this show that just really connects to me in such a deep way. I can't exactly PUT my finger on it, but I think I know what it is. As you know, every Doctor "regenerates," but it puts a end of the Doctor's period of how long they've gone on an adventure; and as for me, I guess being sick for so long with dealing with a not-so-stupid-but-unwanted brain cyst and dealing with seizures is bad enough as it comes, but hey-every day is a journey (or an adventure)! Gotta make the best out of what you have, right?

Movies? ENDER'S GAME. I know it almost sounds ridiculous, but Ender and I almost share that same similar pattern as in life (which is sad but true.) Yeah, I didn't have the best life growing up all together, I had my ups and downs, my friends and bullies, and yeah-I felt like the Third all the time, but I managed to survive. Really, I guess the unwanted or even the burden in life manages to come out the strongest on the top considering that we don't have the best lives. At least it's taught me that in a retrospect.

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Day 6/365: Something you would like to change about yourself.

OH NO! The other blog I was using for questions somehow got deleted for some weird reason; so I'll be using another one.

Day 6/365: Something you would like to change about yourself. Honestly, if I had ONE thing to change about myself..it would be stop worrying so much. I worry ALL the time which is constantly annoying, and sometimes...my brain just goes into the word as I like to call "overdrive." It jumps from one thing to another, gah. I hate it. >< I just wish I would stop worrying. I really wish.

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Day 5/365:

Today was more of a slow day, but oh wells! Honestly, it was more relaxing (I seriously got like no sleep last night. I fell asleep crying. :<,) but I took it easy today. I seriously need to eat more food. ><

ANYWAYS, I got to work on my Y Wedlocke, made plans to see my new roommates for next semester (yay!,) suffered another death (poor Blackcurrant the Vivallon,) BUT I FOUND a freaking SHINY GURDURR LIKE HOL-EE MOLY THIS IS AMAZING. I'M LITERALLY CRYING. ;~; 

I'm making progress as in recover even though it isn't easy, but I'm proud. :) Thank you guys for all the support! <3

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Sorry guys if I haven't updated for a few days.

I'LL GET BACK TO POSTING STUFF IM SORRY. I had to catch up on schoolwork and stuff!

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Day 4/365:Had a pretty relaxing day today (sadly, I wasn't feeling that well.) Just calmed down, played my Y Wedlocke, hung out with people (and did some school stuff;) and I GOT MY 6TH BADGE. YEAHHHHHHHHHH! I also finished my laundry, took a walk, met some new people today on campus (yay!,) Badges: 6. Deaths: 0. I'm surprised I even MADE it this far! 0-0

I needed time to reflect about who I am, what my purpose is on earth, all that stuff; cause sometimes, people can't see past the pain you've been through (which is sad, but true. Oh wells.) Don't get me wrong here though, I love everyone. Yeah, I have people who I don't get along well with, possibly even dislike (which isn't hate. There's a difference,) but I wouldn't hate anyone even if they put me under a lot of pain...

Night guys.

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Day 4/365: What is your best memory of last year?

4. What is your best memory of last year? TIME FOR MORE SENTIMENTAL MEMORIES (YAY!) The best memory of last year was when I found out my sister was coming back to the US after she was in Indonesia for several months! I know it isn't a big deal for a lot of people, but believe me: Transferring to a new college in which I barely know anyone, not seeing her anymore back at home (and yes. I'll admit it. I cried myself to sleep because I seriously missed her THAT much,) feeling lonely all the time made my sister and I even closer than even before. We would have Skype calls late at night (from my timezone, it would be 9 PM, 9 AM the next day there;) talk even just for an hour (since she had work and stuff,) and seeing her even behind one screen made me realize I had the most wonderful sister in the world.

Sure, things didn't go out as planned for my sister. I had to see her heart break, see her in tears for a long time, and my goodness...I just wanted to hug her so badly and just be there for her (in which case, I was STILL in the US-BOO!,) but when I heard she was coming back, hugging her again...but seeing her face to face for such a long time was probably the best memory I ever had last year.

Thanks, sister. <3

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Green snail - Rhinocochlis nasuta | ©Paul Bertner   (Mt. Kinabalu National Park, Sabah, Borneo)

Rhinocochlis nasuta (Dyakiidae) is an elegant land snail known from Borneo, with a compressed and small shell up to 24 mm.

The shell of this snail is levorotatory or sinistral, this means that the direction of rotation of the shell around its axis occurs in counterclockwise, so if the shell is placed with the apex upward then the opening of the shell is to the left side.

As the common name indicates, the body of the animal is of a bright green color, however, the shell is actually milky white, but is observed green because it is very thin and translucent.

[Source]

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Haha, this is how I feel every day; but man...it's worth the pain!

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1 Corinthians 10:31

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1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

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Day 3/365: Are you content?

Day 3/365: Are you content? Yes. I may not have the best life in the world, the best friends, the best family in this nutty world. I’ve been hurt, broken, shattered, stepped on plenty of times (trust me, but I won’t go into specifics of who, what, why,) but that doesn’t make me any different from the fact that I’m content. I’ve been called numerous things of my own seizures: Freak. Retard. Stupid. You name it.

Burden. Unwanted. Trash. "You don’t belong here. Go somewhere else." Garbage. Different. Waste. "You'll never be loved for who you are!" A piece of junk. Sadly, this is the surface of even WHERE it begins. I've been called worse. Maybe they were right. Maybe people can't love me for who I am. Maybe I am different. Yes, people can hurt me, drive me to a point of depression, you know-that stuff, but I’m still happy that I do have someone who accepts me for who I am. Someone who genuinely loves me and calls me his child. Someone who sees me through this suffering and wipes those tears off my face in a midst of a trial. Someone who can see my hurt and still love me for who I am. Someone who loves even though I have wronged. Honestly, I don't need people loving me for whatever reasons (I mean, sure if it's a friend, that's okay; but I think you know what I mean by love. Not really hard to decipher unless we're talking about C.S. Lewis' Four Loves.) I mean, there's romantic love, but there's that deeper meaning of love as in accepting someone just for who they are. You can crush me for who I am, but I have someone who loves me just for my flaws and I'm happy with that! His name is Jesus.

I’m just content knowing that. I don’t need other people to approve me for who I am. I don’t need people beating me down because I suffer a lot of issues from PTSD and seizures.

I’ve always wanted someone to love me for who I was ever since I was little, and the answer was right here. His name his Jesus.

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Day 3/365,

Had a day to celebrate Resurrection Sunday (yes, Resurrection Sunday. I refuse to call it Easter nor do I bother celebrating it. The last time I celebrated "Easter" was probably when I was 9. I don't paint eggs...dye them..etc, hunt for candy-none of that whimsical stuff because Resurrection Sunday is a deeper meaning for me.) After that, I had to stay outside in the chilly wind waiting to play Animal Crossing: New Leaf with someone (I just had to drop by another town,) Anyways, after that, I just took the day relaxing, and went out for dinner at Umi Sushi Japanese Cuisine; and haha, I guess I never realized how hungry I WAS! I had sashimi as an appetizer, chicken katsu (mmhhhm!,) and to top it off, Green Tea Fried ice cream which was simply divine!  Thanks for my friends for being there for me in the darkest hours, darkest days, and through the dark.

Honestly, I was surprised how good this was for a pretty decent price! I gotta treat my parents here sometime if they ever decide to swing by for a visit (or even my sister..or my brother, if he does decide to visit!)

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THANK YOU FOR PERFECTLY DESCRIBING THIS! I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I'm going through a lot of depression, and let's just say someone's calling me an "attention seeker" because I NEED HELP...and I'm not happy with who I am because I'm suffering.

THANK YOU! 

Loads of people I know say stuff like ‘ugh they do stuff for attention’ or ‘ugh attention seeking’

Obviously if someone is doing some serious things for attention, they need help, and pointing at them isn’t helping.

It just sort of feels like if someone’s open about their feelings, suddenly they’re ‘attention seeking’

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Don't call me a "attention seeker."

When someone needs to talk to someone, don't call them an attention seeker.

When someone is feeling depressed,

don't call them an attention seeker.

When someone barely has friends because people left herof having mental illnesses and disorders, and she needs someone to talk to

don't call her an attention seeker.

You don't understand the mind of a depressed human being who's been trapped with disorders.

We don't ask for attention.

We just want to love ourselves for who we are because it isn't easy.