calorheart-blog

[calorheart-blog]

enpoisoner

It’s easy enough to see that the younger isn’t his usual energetic self and the sight of that alone is enough to turn Jinyoung’s already disheartened expression to sadness. He watches the others unusually downcast demeanor; watches as his gaze stays locked in place and he picks at his cloths. Even just the way the younger needs to clear his throat before continuing to speak a clear indication of his dejection. And knowing, at least in part, the things the younger had already gone through in the past only made the scene before Jinyoung all the more upsetting. He absolutely hated that he’d just inadvertently contributed to Jordan’s multitude of bad experiences in this world.

“Jordan…” he tries when he’s told he doesn’t have to apologize but his voice quickly trails off over sheer lack of words. Jordan was wrong. In fact, sorry wasn’t even enough but there were no words he could think of that could convey just how truly repentant he was. Sorry that his good intentions had backfired so spectacularly and sorry that he couldn’t be of more help to the younger. It was times like these he wished he had superpowers. Whether the power to erase Jordan’s memories of the past half hour or a time machine where he could go back and prevent the whole scene from ever unfolding. 

The worst part of it all was Jinyoung’s lack of understanding of why his parents even cared so much. This apartment was too big for just him anyway and he was starting to think the isolation of living alone would soon drive him to insanity. Having Jordan around, if nothing else, had been a glimmer of light in his metaphorical darkness. The bright and chatty nature of his friend a nice variation from the eternal silence that had previously reigned supreme. And just the thought of going back to a time when Jordan wasn’t here; to think of having to wallow in his solitude once more. Well he didn’t even want to consider the possibility.

Jinyoung’s brow furrows as he watches the other bounce to his feet. His body straightening from it’s previous leaning position almost in reaction. Even with Jordan’s reassuring words the aforementioned apprehension still tugs at Jinyoung’s mind the same way fear continues to linger after waking up from a nightmare. That thought has him approaching the younger almost cautiously as if afraid that taking even a single step forward would send the other running. Jinyoung lifts an arm to rest his hand on Jordan’s shoulder before giving it, what he hopes is, a reassuring squeeze.

“And I’ll do more for you.” He insists; cocking his head to the side in an attempt to look Jordan in the eyes. “Because whether my parents like it or not I can make my own decisions.” A quiet sigh expels as he takes the hand he’d placed on the others shoulder to run his fingers through his hair. “You’ve done a lot for me too, you know?” Jinyoung remarks his eye’s drifting to look down at the floor now. “It’s torture always being here alone with my own thoughts and having you here has been really nice.” Jinyoung gulps at the lump in his throat before continuing. “Why don’t you stay in tonight?” he suggests because he couldn’t bear for Jordan to go out not after what had just happened. He knew he would just be worrying for him until he came back. “We can watch movies all night and eat anything you want.”

     breath catches in chest in an inaudible noise, bitten back before it can escape, when jinyoung suddenly strides forward ; for an irrational moment, fear paralyzes shoulders, seizing body and tensing already taut muscles, and he has to berate himself for the reaction - this is jinyoung, someone who opened his home to jordan, someone he considers a close friend ; jinyoung wouldn’t do that. still, it takes one too many seconds for the pyro to ease up, to give the other what he knows and can feel is a shaky smile. but jordan is nothing if not a pro at hiding when something is hurting him, and it takes a few more seconds for shoulders to loosen and hand to lift, patting over the other’s hand upon shoulder in equal parts acceptance of the reassurance and in a reassurance of itself.

     he remains silent as the older speaks, takes in his words and the way they’re drenched in what sounds too much like futile insistence ; he appreciates it, appreciates jinyoung unwilling to let argumentative parents stop him from hosting jordan, but jordan doesn’t want his friend to get in trouble for him ; he’s not worth vitrolic words and unkind intonations, not worth this much discomfort and hassle, even if the older says otherwise. he should leave, he’s ready to come up with some excuse, something about how his favorite spot to do sleight of hand might get stolen if he lingers any longer, but he wants to be selfish. he wants to spend another few hours with his friend, eating junk food and watching crappy movies, and forget about the past half hour. so he will, just until he knows jinyoung is asleep and he has some semblance of a plan as to where to go.

     a huff of a chuckle, half-hearted and weighed down by the hissed words still rattling in mind, escapes at the other’s words, head shaking once. “really ?? a lot of people don’t like how much i talk, y’know ? but if you’re giving me permission to keep talking, i won’t say no to that.” a pause, grin widening imperceptibly upon features, in genuine teasing and amusement, “you’re gonna regret it, but no take backs !!” he chooses to ignore his friend’s words, ignore the way they come out stilted, halted, as if he’s forcing them out and forcing a casualness to their conversation. but he appreciates it, even as he knows it won’t last for much longer. he shouldn’t be here, should leave as soon as jinyoung falls asleep, and that thought makes a permanent home in crowded thoughts, rooting itself to forefront of mind ; he just hopes it’s not obvious in bared features or bright gaze.

     head bobs in an enthusiastic nod and it seems jordan is as close to his usual happy-go-lucky self as possible, shifting forward to throw an arm over jinyoung’s shoulder and lead the way out into the living room. “can we order some pizza ? i’ve been absolutely dying for a good slice of pizza. i’ll even let you order that gross topping you love so much,” teasing words from smiling lips, jordan playfully hip-checking jinyoung ; it’s easy to play pretend, to hide the hurt that is raw in throat and that burns fire and ice up spine, especially when it’s something already achingly familiar.

     “what movie should we watch, though ? something funny and action-packed maybe ?” it’s even easier to play pretend that everything is okay when jordan is as talkative as he normally is, wildfire personality a match to constant stream of conscious ( and sometimes unconscious ) thought, not allowing jinyoung a chance to check to see if he’s actually okay, not when he’s jumped ten topics in the span of a breath. “ooh, should we also order chicken ? you can’t not have pizza without chicken, right ?” though perhaps such rapidfire comments are indicative of jordan’s mind, but the pyro hopes his friend doesn’t pick up on it and, if he does, he doesn’t comment.

[calorheart-blog]

enpoisoner

@bvrnitall

Finally… his parents were gone. With one hand still on the entrance door knob the other resting flat on the door, Jinyoung huffs out a sigh. He isn’t sure yet if it’s a sigh of relief or of apprehension; perhaps a mix of both. After a moment, he finally turns to make his way back through his apartment. Walking straight to where he knew Jordan was; he feels the apprehension growing more intense with every step. 

His parents had spent the last half hour arguing with him loudly. The gist of it being that they weren’t providing him this apartment for him to ‘pick up strays’ as they had put it. A crude and cruel reiteration of him confessing to them that Jordan had no where else to go. In hindsight perhaps something he should have lied about or at least lied by omission.

He honestly didn’t know what to say to the younger, now. He just knew he had to say something. Sure, he’d gotten Jordan to go into a separate room before the barrage from his parents had started (a greatly insufficient attempt at saving him from hearing it) but his parents had clearly meant for the other to hear. Something he’d concluded from the amount of times he’d pleaded for them to keep their voices low and, somehow, their voices only seemed to get louder with every plea.

He feels almost ashamed to face Jordan as he stands in front of the closed door of the room the other is in. He’d like to think he can go against his parents wishes; that he’s old enough to control his own life. The truth was, his parents always got what they wanted and, to this day, he sometimes wondered how. but surely this time it could be different right? They couldn’t tell him who he could or couldn’t have in his company… right? 

Long slender digits curl as he lifts his hand to knock; waiting a heart beat or two before entering. Locating the younger in the room is easy enough and, once he does, he leans in the door frame; an apologetic look displayed on his features. “Sorry about that. I didn’t expect them to stop by all of a sudden.” he admits and despite his best efforts a clear sound of defeat laces his tone. “I don’t know what you heard but don’t mind them too much. They’ll come around. I think they were just surprised because they weren’t expecting anyone else to be here.”

     fire burns unapologetically along spine and veins, setting alight nerves in a threat and a promise ; he knew what was going to happen when jinyoung had shooed him into the back room before the other’s parents had arrived, could already taste the vitriol they held for him, as they were certainly not attempting to hide it. even with several walls and a door separating them, the pyro could hear each and every single venom-spat comment about him, could hear the insults and disregard. each word sent fire burning hotter along spine, but not in the threat of an outburst as he so feared ; no, the fire burned quietly, sharpened words tinder to the guilt that simmered within him. he shouldn’t be here.

     jinyoung had been too kind to offer a place for him to crash for a few days, and jordan knew he should have denied the offer, should have looked for shelter from other friends instead. but the idea of spending time with jinyoung sounded much better than saying no to him, especially when he learned the other was living alone, and it was easy to cave in from there. but he shouldn’t be here anymore ; he had overstayed his welcome, and it had become painfully obvious to the pyro that he should leave.

     but he doesn’t - at least, not yet he doesn’t, as he’d potentially run into his friend’s parents and he didn’t think he could handle the brunt of the anger and disregard. so he sits glumly on the bed, fingers playing together in lap and gaze downcast ; he flinches when he hears the doorknob twist and hears an apology, half-expecting barbed words to fly against him rather than assurance and apologetic tones. jordan doesn’t look up from where gaze is locked firmly in lap, picking at the seam of his jeans, struggling to loosen the already loose thread there.

     “it --” a rough clearing of throat, words hoarse and croaked out, as if jordan had been the one screaming and not jinyoung’s parents. he finally finds some semblance of willpower to glance up to his friend, giving him a small smile ; hand lifts to physically wave away words, head shaking as he does so. “it’s fine, you don’t have to apologize.” it’s not fine, as the pyro can feel something icy and nauseating making a home in the pit of stomach, can feel the overwhelming sense of being unwanted here, of driven away by heated words. he shouldn’t be here.

     “it’s fine, really, jinyoung. you’ve done a lot for me.” he should leave, and it certainly sounds like a goodbye is coming up. but all jordan does is lurch to feet, bouncing slightly to shake away the nervous energy balling in pit of stomach, to dislodge the iciness that is clinging like an uncomfortable second skin. “come on, let’s grab food and watch a movie or something before i have to go set up to busk tonight.” and words sound like an improper goodbye, but he hopes jinyoung doesn’t pick up on intentions. he shouldn’t be here, he should leave.

[calorheart-blog]

❝ you’re so vain ❞ from seol !

@mircges / oldie but goodie / accepting !

     “i’m not vain, you’re vain !” smooth retort, jordan, though one that fails pretty spectacularly given he’s not even looking at seol at the moment, too busy adjusting the hat resting on head and making sure it looks perfect. he’s definitely no narcissus, but the pyro has just spent the last five minutes adjusting the cap in small increments, and perhaps he might give narcissus a run for his money.

     he finally finishes adjusting his characteristic cap, whirling to face the older with a sunny grin adorning lips. “it’s not my fault that i was born with these good looks, seol.” besides, the first thing any passersby saw when he was performing in the street was his smiling face, and he has to look his absolute best if he wanted to attract more than a couple of curious tourists to his little magic table. but the older didn’t need to know that, as jordan has no problem being called vain.

     “besides, you’re decent looking, so there’s no need to feel jealous.” and that sunny smile bleeds into a fully blown, teasing grin, as he takes a quick step back and away from the other, lest he get upset and do something drastic ( such as smack him on the shoulder, like he deserves ).

[calorheart-blog]

totally radical oldies lyric starters

the 1950′s

❝ you taught me how to love and now you say that we are through ❞ ❝ put your head on my shoulder ❞ ❝ don’t be cruel to a heart that’s true ❞ ❝ put a chain around my neck and lead me everywhere ❞ ❝ you make me feel so young ❞ ❝ love you forever, and evermore ❞  ❝ i only have eyes for you ❞ ❝ i’d sacrifice anything come what might for the sake of having you near ❞ ❝ now I find myself wanting to marry you and take you home ❞ ❝ i need you so that i could die ❞

the 1960s

❝ if i had in my power, i’d arrange for every girl to have your charm ❞ ❝ i’ve hungered for your touch a long, lonely time ❞ ❝ wherever you’re goin’, i’m goin’ your way ❞ ❝ i’m leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when i’ll be back again ❞ ❝ sometimes it’s hard to be a woman ❞ ❝ i guess i should have stayed in bed, a pillow wrapped around my head ❞ ❝ don’t let the sun catch you crying ❞ ❝ but i’m nobody’s sugar baby now ❞ ❝ take a sad song and make it better ❞ ❝ i can’t see me loving nobody but you for all my life ❞

the 1970s

❝ darling, you look wonderful tonight ❞ ❝ i want to guard your dreams and visions ❞ ❝ maybe i’m amazed at the way you love me all the time ❞ ❝ how wonderful life is now you’re in the world ❞ ❝ don’t stop thinking about tomorrow ❞ ❝ you’re my best friend ❞ ❝ one way or another i’m gonna find you ❞ ❝ we all shine on like the moon, stars, and sun ❞ ❝ you’re so vain ❞ ❝ i must admit, i felt a little uneasy when she bent down to tie the laces of my shoes ❞

the 1980s

❝ i wanna dance with somebody ❞ ❝ i’m forever yours faithfully ❞ ❝ every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed man ❞ ❝ what i want, you’ve got and it might be hard to handle ❞ ❝ i’ll be coming for your love, okay ❞ ❝ you know the rules, and so do i ❞ ❝ it’s cold out there, but it’s warm in bed ❞ ❝ i can’t fight this feeling anymore ❞ ❝ love isn’t always on time ❞ ❝ i can’t live with or without you ❞

[calorheart-blog]

open to: anyone !! plot: wildfire powers are barely being held onto nowadays, and it’s obvious in the way he’s unusually tense but he can’t be blamed when jordan’s afraid he’ll hurt your muse

     “d -- DON’T.” rather than the warning one expects of the word, it is a shaky plead, a desperation scratching at throat and forcing limbs to take a quick step back ; appreciation for the concern coloring friend’s features is found somewhere within him, but it’s buried miles beneath the overwhelming fear of the wildfire burning through veins and threatening to explode outwards. growing panic widens gaze, a gaze that flickers constantly in search of an out, in search of some place safe to explode and burn to the ground, some place void of life, void of his friend.

[calorheart-blog]

rocky in the jacket making

[calorheart-blog]

goldhhearts

CLOSE  ONE .  he  exhales  in  relief ;  if  it’d  been  just  a  little  more  pronounced ,   it  almost  could’ve  been  a  sigh .   his  chin  settles  back  in  his  hand  as  he  looks  on  empathetically ,  being  sure  to  nod  in  all  the  right  places  this  time .  just  like  his  old  choreo  teacher  used  to  him ,  he  can’t  mess  up  like  that  a  second  time .  

his  eyebrows  pitch  up  at  jordan’s  question ,  &   for  a  moment  wesley  doesn’t  know  what  he  means .  BECAUSE  —  well .  they’ve  grown  up  together .  there’s  some  pretty  cringey  pictures  of  them  in  middle  school  (  rip  wesley’s  spiked  hair  phase  ) .  but  wesley  hadn’t  felt  one  way  or  the  other  about  their  looks ,  aside  from  the  occasional  does  this  look  good  ?   the  thing  is when  he  sees  him  now ,  there’s  a  funny  little  thought  that  lingers  in  wesley’s  mind  that  won’t  leave  him  alone .  it  comes  &  goes ,  along  with  a  smallest  of  flutters  in  his  chest ,  but  it’s  there . it’s  there  with   every  instagram  post  he  sees .  every  snapchat  he  opens .

has  jordan  always  been  this  …  cute  ? 

(  that’s  pretty  weird.  ) 

❝  um ,  ❞  wesley  says  again .  he  swallows . where  have  his  words  gone  ?   he  feels  like  he’s  starring  in  jordan’s  stage  routine .  &  for  my  next  trick ,  i  will  render  my  best  friend  speechless  just  by  existing  .      ❝  sorry . ❞   he  gives  a  nervous  sort  of  giggle ,  rubbing  his  eyes .  ❝ i’ve  …  i’ve  got  a  lot  on  my  mind .  ❞  it’s  not  a  lie .   

     he thrives in the spotlight, loves the attention of a curious crowd gathered around, loves the ooh’s and aah’s of an awed mass completely enraptured by quick handiwork. but nothing can compare to the other’s complete attention on him - that same adrenaline rushes through veins as if he is standing bared before the world but it is only them two now and that gets heart racing a million times faster, and he does not know why ( he does know why but he refuses to give a name to it, because that will make it real, that will ruin it ).

     breath catches within chest in anticipation, though hopes should not be burning so brightly as they are now ; what is wesley going to say, anyway ?? admit to something that not even jordan is willing to give the time of day ? admit that he knows what’s flitting around active mind, always lingering at the recess of thoughts ? admit that it’s mutual ?? ( what’s mutual ? jordan can’t get himself to say, even to himself, something tangling in stomach and silencing mind and words alike ).

     anticipation grows further but his friend finally speaks and he sounds - nervous ? no, wesley can’t be nervous, why would he be nervous around jordan ? unless - no, the desire to see those eyes lingering elsewhere, to have that attention focused only on him, is just jordan’s exhausted mind, just jordan pushing weird feelings onto nothing. that’s what it is - it’s nothing, it’s merely overactive thoughts hyperfocusing on one little thing and blowing it way out of proportion, it’s nothing, nothing, NOTHING.

     “it’s cool - i mean, it was nothing, anyway.” where is the joking lilt that normally falls from tongue, when wesley’s mood is low and jordan has the rising urge to improve it in any way he can ? regretting too little too late is an unofficial motto for the pyro, always burning through conversations and blazing through actions with little regard or thought given to consequence. but this is wesley and suddenly he feels like he’s tip toeing on glass, feels like they aren’t the best of friends but barely acquaintances unsure how to act around another. “are you okay, though ?” can i make you feel better ?

[calorheart-blog]

goldhhearts

wesley’s  quite  the  talker  himself ;  he  supposes  that’s  why  him  &  jordan  have  gotten  along  so  well .  one  always  has  something  to  follow  what  the  other  says ,  resulting  in  a   ridiculously  convoluted  train  of  thought  that  goes  for  miles  &  miles .   but  wesley  certainly  doesn’t  mind  just  sitting  &  listening ,  letting  jordan’s  voice  wash  over  him  like  a  gentle  tide  as  he  talks  so  emphatically  about  something  he  loves . 

he’s  listening  (  really ,  he  IS  ) ,  but  wesley’s  gaze  momentarily  flicks  down  to  the  other’s  lips .  they’re  flushed  a  pretty  red ,  like  he’s  been  eating  strawberries .   wesley  gives  a  slow  exhale .  don’t .  don’t  think  about  them  like  that .   but  the  thought’s  already  there  &  no  matter  how  hard  he  tries ,  he  can’t  drop  it .  do  they  taste  like  strawberries  too  — ?  

jordan’s  stopped  talking .  wesley  lifts  his  head  from  his  hand  with  a  profound   uh.   he  can  feel  his  cheeks  starting  to  burn ;  he  clears  his  throat . ❝  the  – uh .  ❞  he  rolls  his  hand ,  trying  to  speed  up  his  thought  process .  ❝  the  heckler .  you  were  saying  ?  ��

     his friend’s attention returns to him and suddenly he is shy - jordan yi does not know the definition of shy, always loud and in your face and a wildfire ready to burn out of control, so this sudden embarrassment ( with wesley, of all people ! ) coiling through chest is weird, foreign. it blossoms in a small smile, in pinked cheeks when gaze meets his own, in the way hues dart away and linger elsewhere for a heartbeat.

     it means nothing, it HAS to mean nothing - jordan finds his attention flitting elsewhere constantly, always losing focus and always tuning in when the conversation has moved through three different topics. it’s nothing, so why does his heart do a little swoop in disappointment ?

     “right -” a pause that’s too long to be nonchalant, voice pitching up, “right !! uh, i don’t know, it was just weird, i guess. i didn’t think there were such avid fans of magic, you know ?” words feel awkward, thick, on tongue ; he can feel his heart thudding beneath chest and he has to remind himself to keep his own gaze from wandering, from tracing the curve and bow of wesley’s lips ( this is your best friend, don’t ruin it by making it weird, don’t ruin it, don’t ruin it ! ).

     “is it weird ?” is he still talking about the heckler ?

[calorheart-blog]

open to: m / nb !! plot: we’re totally just best friends but I caught you staring at my lips when i was talking and now i’m weirdly turned on by it and woooow this is NOT wHAt BEST FRiENDS DO 

     so very few things can stop this perpetual chatterbox once his mouth really starts running, thoughts flying from topic to topic and tongue tripping in its haste to catch up ; jordan’s complaining about a rude audience member, a heckler in the crowd who thought his sleight of hand trick was obviously fake and that he should leave the magic to the real magicians, words petulant and annoyed, “i mean who says that ? magic isn’t that serious of a thing, is it ? i get it if i was singing or dancing or maybe playing guitar --”

     he’s winding up for a long-winded complaint, an argument with no one to argue against, eyes alight and focused on his friend, though the other’s eyes aren’t on his own but are decidedly focused on talking lips, and suddenly wildfire words are extinguished, doused out, tumbling off tongue decidedly slower than only a moment ago, “but it’s just simple sleight of.. hand..” embarrassment burns up the back of his neck, coloring tanned skin a pink hue, and he’s not about to figure out why stomach is suddenly doing weird flops. “uh - dude ?” voice is meek, wavering at the edges, and he’s definitely not going to question that at all.

[calorheart-blog]

open to: anyone !! plot: it’s almost halloween and jordan is a little kid

     “come on -- !!” voice pitches up into a whine, insistent hands curled over the other’s wrist and tugging once, not unlike a child on the verge of a full-blown tantrum. “who doesn’t love free candy, huh ? you don’t even have to wear a costume, i’ll be the one getting the candy and i’ll even be kind enough to share some with you.” a bold, fat lie, as jordan’s notorious for being childish with his candy, whether earned through trick-or-treating or not. “just up and down a couple blocks, enough to last us the night.”

[calorheart-blog]

ecstaticthoughts / 𝙻𝚈𝙺𝙾𝚂 !

“ i know your game, kiddo — bet you i can do it first. ” though the last time he used his osteokinesis to win a bet, it HURT. 

     “you’re ON ! what’s the bet ?” oh no, jordan, don’t bet against the man who has the advantage of osteokinesis.

[calorheart-blog]

alwysycu / 𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 !

‘ you wanna bet ?? ’   HOW COULD YOU DO THIS.   ‘ c’mere, let mommy feed you. ’

     REGRET. this is what true regret feels like. “ -- nope, nope, nope ! i’m not into that, get away.”

[calorheart-blog]

alwysycu / 𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 !

‘ i can regurgitate it like a bird if you really want some. ’   please don’t be serious, please don’t be serious.

     -- a pause, mouth closing. “no you can’t.” oh jordan no, don’t challenge him when the challenge is that.

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@ecstaticthoughts liked !!

     “bet you i can touch my tongue to both my nose and elbow.”

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alwysycu / 𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 !

there’s a really stupid kind of smile on the hybrid’s face. oh no. oh god. he’s just shoving the entirety of his half-eaten ice cream into his mouth please god no.

     he’s got a stupid fish gape on his face because did yama just really -- ? “you greedy -- !!” oh the pyro’s going to be stupid and try to salvage some ice cream for himself, isn’t he ?

[calorheart-blog]

『Rocky please go find your chill 』

[calorheart-blog]

@alwysycu liked !!

     “i’ll trade you what’s in my pocket for the rest of your ice cream.”