canigetanavengersdiscount - Tumblr blog

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It’s been almost a year since I last got on this blog, but I’m still around! You guys can find me at @tasedagod (Darcy Lewis), @vesallkyn (Loki), and @hitslikeatruck (Barney Barton). I am planning to come back to this blog, but there are going to be some changes. Namely, once I finally get my ass back here, I’m turning this into a Marvel multi-muse. Clint’s still going to be here, of course, but I’m also going to be tossing in Pietro Maximoff, and Verity Willis (from Agent of Asgard).

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Let's play a game!

Stand where you are, look around, and list whatever liquidy thing is closest to you. This is now your fanfic lube.

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“Pretend you don’t want it.”

“They’re all watching the movie. They’re not even going to notice.”

“I want you. Right up against the window.”

“You know I love you, right? I have every intention of fucking you like I don’t.”

“Don’t pussyfoot around. I want it to hurt.”

“Let me blindfold you.”

“I want to make every inch of you mine.”

“Wrap your hands around my throat.”

“No, no. Leave your clothes on.”

 “Home is too far away. No one’s going to see us here.”

 “Just sit back and let me give you a show.”

 “I want to make you bleed.”

 “Relax. I’ll teach you the ropes.”

 “Don’t worry. I won’t let you suffocate.”

 “Clearly, you’ve never experienced silk sheets properly, then.”

 “What would you think about adding a third party?”

 “You can’t come until I say so. Understand?”

 “That’s it. Touch yourself for me.”

 “Bet I can make you come without ever touching your cock.”

 “No using your hands. I’ll spread my lips and you lick.”

 “Clean yourself out for me first.”

 “Present yourself for me.”

 “I want you to tie me up so I can’t get away.”

 “I’m going to tie you to the bed posts and have my way with you.”

 “I want you to dominate me.”

 “You’re all mine, pet.”

 “Oh fuck, yes. Bite me again.”

 “Are you sure that’s going to fit?”

 “I’m going to fill all your holes.”

 “They’re next, after I’m done with you.”

 “Just watch it with me. Maybe it’ll give us some ideas.”

 “I want you to humiliate me.”

 “You’re pathetic. If I wasn’t willing to fuck you, no one would.”

 “It’s an ice cube, darling. Do you like it?”

 “That’s good. Now spread your cheeks for me.”

 “Don’t touch me. Just watch.”

 “Are you sure you know how to use that?”

 “I hope you don’t mind whip marks.”

 [Text] What are you wearing?

 “I want to drip candlewax all over you.”

 “I know just how to make you relax.”

 “Have you ever tried rimming?”

 “Your muscles are in knots. Better let me rub you down.”

 “I got the mirror so you can see yourself while I’m fucking you.”

 “You’re not afraid of a little piece of ginger, are you?”

 “I want to pour ___ all over you and then lick it off.”

 “Oh my. I didn’t know you could move like that.”

 “I’m your master/mistress and will be addressed as such.”

 “I don’t care if they’re watching. I’m not done with you yet.”

 “Oh no. Not until you beg.”

 “Tell me how good this feels.”

 “On your knees.”

 “I’ll do anything you want me to do to you, but you have to say it out loud.”

 “Better be quiet or they’ll hear you.”

 “Relax your throat.”

 “I want you to ride me.”

 “Oh, that hurts so good.”

 “I want to hear you scream.”

 “Better be quiet or they’ll hear you.”

 “Strung up with a spreader bar is a good look for you.”

Thread Starters : Kink Edition

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please reblog this post if you adore crossovers and AUs, i want to know just how many people love throwing their muse into situations they would never experience in their canon verse

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Send me a ☒ and I'll randomly generate a number from 1-50 to see which text my muse will send to yours (it's a mixed bag, so proceed with caution)

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plot where immortality and reincarnation exists in the same universe and muse a is immortal, but muse b isn’t and is always reincarnated into someone else and is put into different situations all over the world. muse a always finds muse b because they’re completely convinced that muse b is their soul mate, but everytime muse b is reincarnated, muse a has to make them fall in love all over again because muse b doesn’t remember anything from past lives. this game of chasing has gone on for thousands of years and pls give it to meeeeee 

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Ask the Character about their Roleplayer

be as ridiculous as you want

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Please preface questions with “Truth”

TRUTH SERUM - MY MUSE HAS TO ANSWER ANY AND ALL QUESTION REGARDLESS OF WHAT IT IS.

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Send me ⊕ for a pro and con list about our characters sleeping together

minimum: 3 each.

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"Are you crazy?”

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Are you sure they won’t find out?”

"Are you sure this is legal?”

"Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

"Are you threatening me?"

"Be mine."

"Do I know you?"

"Do you love me?"

"Do you remember this?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Don’t go."

"Don’t let me die"

"Don’t look at me like that."

"Don’t make me beg.”

"Don’t you dare come near me!"

"Don’t you dare."

"Explain yourself."

"For you, I would _____"

"Give it back."

"Give me another chance."

"Have you ever even done this before?"

"How drunk are you right now?"

"I already regret this."

"I am not wearing that.”

"I can’t believe you missed that."

"I can’t do this anymore."

"I can’t even look at you."

"I could kill you!"

"I dare you." or "I dare you to _____."

"I didn’t do it.""

"I didn’t know you could do that."

"I don’t want to look at you right now.”

"I guess this is goodbye.”

"I hate you."

"I have to go."

"I just want to cuddle."

"I know your secret.”

"I love you, but I really wish I didn’t.”

"I love you."

"I miss you so very much."

"I missed you."

"I need a drink."

"I need a hug."

"I never really loved you."

"I owe you."

"I think I broke it."

"I think I’m falling in love with you. "

"I think I’m forgetting something."

"I think it’s broken.”

"I trust you."

"I want to be yours."

"I want to try this thing I read in a book.”

"I want you. Naked. In my bed. Now."

"I’ll be there in five minutes.”



”This is really inappropriate.”

"I’m all for spicing thing’s up, but isn’t this a bit much?”

"I’m bad for you.”

"I’m dying."

"I’m going to be sick."

"I’m not speaking to you anymore."

"I’m pregnant and it’s yours."

"I’ve never heard that one before."

"If you stay quiet, no one will know.”

"Is that my shirt?"

"It was me"

"It’s so beautiful.”

"It’s time to choose.”

"Just five more minutes."

"Just go."

"Just leave me alone."

"Just let me die."

"Just relax."

"Just what did we do last night?"

"Kiss me you idiot."

"Kiss me."

"Make me."

"Marry me?"

"My Parents don’t know"

"My parents know.""

"Never again."

"Nh, don’t be so rough!"

"No, that can’t be my baby."

"No! You can’t die on me now!"

"Put it away.”

"Put your trousers on!"

"Put. The. Weapon. Down."

"Shut up and listen."

"Take responsibility."

"That isn’t mine."

"That looked easier on TV."

"That sounds painful."

"That was a bad plan."

"That’s mine!”

"That’s the cheesiest pickup line I’ve ever heard."

"They’re coming.”

"This seems familiar."

"This stays between us."

"Truth hurts, don’t it?"

"Want to hear a secret?"

"We need to talk."

"We’re moving too fast.”

"Well that was unexpected."

"What are we doing here?"

"What are you afraid of?"

"What are you touching?"

"What are you?"

"What do you need?"

"What happened to you?"

"What have I done this time?"

"What if someone catches us?”

"What sort of noise was that?”

"What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

"What were you thinking?"

"Where are my clothes?"

"Where did you find this?"

"Where do you even find this sort of thing?”

"Where were you?"

"Who’d have guessed you could pull such a face?”

"Why are you wearing that?"

"Why yes, I am as think as you drunk I am."

"You could have died!”

"You could have killed someone!"

"You coward."

"You don’t need to be so gentle.”

"You drive me crazy!"

"You have ten minutes, so make it quick.”

"You lied to me!"

"You mean everything to me."

"You owe me."

"You. Come. Snuggle. NOW!"

"You’re all out of ____."

"You’re an idiot.”

"You’re bad for me.”

"You’re dead to me."

"You’re pregnant and It’s mine"

"You’re really good at this…”

"You’re so weird."

"You’re under arrest."

Sentence Meme sentences

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SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

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❝ﻭινє мє α ρℓα¢є тσ ѕтαη∂, αη∂ ι ωιℓℓ мσνє тнє єαятн.❞

ϟWhen humanity stopped believing them the gods did not simply disappear, they adapted. Learning to change with the times the gods now live not only on Mount Olympus but on Earth as well.ϟ

ϟ How to Join:                          Message me with your character, the                          Greek god/goddess you most associate with                          your character and a short bio,                          and a prefered gif/icon of their fc.                         { submit here } ϟ Example:   {Hermes, Messenger of the gods and Protector of Thieves, still  continues to do her duties, but is   now known simply  as Skye. A  sympathizer for humanity  and their ways Skye sometimes finds  herself butting heads with the other gods.} ϟ Rules:  ✘ NO OOC Drama will be tolerated and all those involved                will be removed. This is for fun so let’s keep it that way.                Remember that IC Drama is totally fine just keep it IC                 because we all want to be respected here.            ✘ NO GODMODDING! Check with the writer of the character                before doing anything that could be perceived as                 godmodding; it’s unfair to the other party and let’s face it,                 it’s not fun.             ✔ RESPECT EVERYONE involved. If for some reason you                don’t agree with someone or dislike something, go to the                 writer and talk to them. If that’s a problem, simply don’t                 interact with them.            ✘ NO DUPLICATES;This applies to both gods               and the character representing them.             ✔ IF YOU HAVE THE SAME FACECLAIM as someone else                it is totally fine. The above rule is only for characters not                 faceclaims.            ✔ MUST track the tag #gv; move the earth            ✔ ALL CHARACTERS are welcome. OCs & Canon;                  however human faceclaims are a must simply                 because of uniformity.            ✔ HAVE FUN!!!!! ϟ Character List:

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Clint Barton doesn’t really care about his looks, but he knows he has a great butt and is proud of it.

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i want a smut thread where dancing in a club turns to fucking on the side against a wall.

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✉ Text Messages ✉

∞ - For an altered state of mind text. (Drunk, drugged.) # - For an angry text. ♦ - For a rushed text. x - For a secret text. ♥ - For a regular text. * - For an early morning text. XD - For a “I wish you just saw that” text.

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✿ ✄

✿ for a HAPPINESS headcanon

Clint actually really loves Disney movies. He doesn't tell anyone, but he adores them. The music, the beautiful animation, the stories. They always cheer him up.

✄ for a PET PEEVE headcanon

Of course, one of Clint’s biggest pet peeves is the nicknames. Especially Katniss or Legolas. Surprisingly, he doesn’t mind Merida that much. Probably because no one has really bothered to call him that.