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I was bored and made a tier list

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@NBCSCapitals: You’ll be missed, Bura.

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to be fair, andre only steals hearts

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a big goalie ft small goalies

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I’m super excited for this, and for her to have this opportunity! I have no doubt that she’s going to absolutely crush it

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Country boys make do…

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tom wilson: i’ve got a plan

andre burakovsky: no murder

tom: i don’t have a plan anymore

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Please send them this seems fun

new ask game: send me a team and i’ll tell you which player i HATE the most

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17.3.19 ↝ NYI@MIN

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nhl changes i’d make were i ever to become nhl emperor

too many men penalties must be served by one of the guys who was too many

if you get a shorthanded goal scored against you, the rest of your power play goes away

if ANYONE’s helmet comes off, whistle gets blown IMMEDIATELY

if ANYONE is down and hurt, whistle gets blown IMMEDIATELY, possession be damned

goalie penalties must be served by the backup goalie

10 minutes of 3-on-3 overtime

or, alternatively: 5 minutes of 3-on-3, then 3 minutes of 2-on-2, 1 minute of 1-on-1, and then the goalies fire pucks at each other

goalies can do whatever tf they want

everyone has to make both of their benches big enough for all the players; like wtf why are some of you banishing the backup goalie to the zamboni tunnel of shame

arenas must configure themselves so that there’s actually a tunnel behind the bench that goes back to the locker room, the whole coming in through the zamboni tunnel is inefficient especially for injury emergencies

if an injured player will not return to the game, a healthy scratch can replace him if he can race down from the press box and get completely ready and onto the bench before the end of the period

multiple pride nights and it gets just as much hype as stupid st. patrick’s day or military nights

more jerseys in womens cut and it’s the same price as mens cut

a consistent standard of punishment set by the department of player safety

all rules like “no facial hair” or “no long hair” that some teams mandate is going away, because you know what that’s fucking ridiculous

every team that does a dads trip is also required to do a moms trip

we’re bringing back the breakaway challenge in the all-star game

non-all-stars are allowed to participate in the skills competition; please i desperately want to see colton parayko in the hardest shot

new skills competition - goalies jousting at center ice

every team is required to send some of their players into a haunted house and record them every year

every team has to make one of those videos where the players give their teammates superlatives

the head coaches are allowed to get in a fight - one coach must toss a rainbow challenge flag onto the ice, and the other coach will toss out a green flag to accept, and a red flag to decline; then they rush out to center ice and fistfight

an alternate broadcast to every game in which players are mic’d up: an r-rated broadcast with all the obscenities

all the captains are in a groupchat together

every team has to have at least one female reporter on the beat

remove the entire nbcsn crew and replace with women

use the thanos snap on don cherry

any analyst that mocks or belittles a player for having fun gets fired immediately

give ilya bryzgalov his own show or let him do analyst work for games (bryz behind the glass?)

delete p*trick k*ne from the league

every team that doesn’t have a mascot is getting one, because we’re not a league of cowards

yes this is a direct callout for the rangers

goalie battle to the death: every team sends their starter to one arena, where all 31 goalies battle, in their full pads, until there is only one remaining

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Travis Konecny: FOUR MONTHS

Claude Giroux: what’s he talking about?

Nolan Patrick: its not that big of a deal-

Travis Konecny: THATS HOW LONG YOU STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT

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lol forgot Auston Matthews existed😂😂

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The NBCSN commentators: *still raving about Tom’s goal*

Me: *still got those heart eyes*

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“For sure” didn’t know I needed this until now

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David “I’m a professional hockey player but I broke my thumb from falling” Pastrnak

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Capitals Nicknames

Most of these are ones that my friend and I came up with along with ones that most people use. Enjoy!

Backstrom- baby got backy, Nicky, backy

Boyd- Boyd Shorts

Burakovsky- baby boy Andrew, baby Swede, burkenstocks, healthy scratch, brobean

Connolly- Conno

Dowd- ?

Ellen- life of Lars, eye of the tiger, Great Dane

Jaskin- ?

Kuznetsov- bird, kuzy, pigeon

Oshie- oshbabe, tj sochi, broshie, Timothy jimothy

Ovechkin- chicken, ovi, mama bear

Smith-Pellu- DSP, angel boy

Stephenson- chandler bing, stevo

Vrana- vrana your mama, Czech mafia, v

Wilson- free willy, tommy, willy, brobean

Bowey- buoy

Carlson- Carly, d man

Djoos- juice box

Kempny- Czech Mafia, teen wolf, kemper

Niskanen- nisky whisky,

Orlov- Nathan Scott

Orpik- Orpik the grass

Siegenthaller- ?

Copley-?

Holtby- holtbae, holtbeast

Walker- good day Nate, dog walker, kangaroo

Gersich- frat boy

Ex-team members

Beagle- flip phone, beags, dog

Grubauer- grubs, grubi

Latta- brobean

Schmidt- smiley, hairline

Chorney- butter churn

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😍😍😍

dark haired boys with light eyes are the reason i struggle to survive