You know what? Maybe you did know better! Maybe you didn’t do your best. There are a lot of posts that talk about “give yourself grace. You didn’t know better. You didn’t know then what you know now”.
And it’s a great message. I’ve shared it too! But maybe you did know better and still made bad decisions. Maybe you knowingly didn’t do your best. And you know what? You still deserve your compassion and forgiveness.
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Self-Portrait Against Red Wallpaper
by Richard Siken
Close the blinds and kill the birds, I surrender
my desire for a logical culmination. I surrender my
desire to be healed. The blurriness of being alive.
Take it or leave it, and for the most part you take it.
Not just the idea of it but the ramifications of it.
People love to hate themselves, avoiding the
necessary recalibrations. Shame comes from vanity.
Shame means you’re guilty, like the rest of us,
but you think you’re better than we are. Maybe you
are. What would a better me paint? There is no
new me, there is no old me, there’s just me, the same
me, the whole time. Vanity, vanity, forcing your
will on the world. Don’t try to make a stronger wind,
you’ll wear yourself out. Build a better sail. You
want to solve something? Get out of your own way.
What’s the difference between me and the world?
Compartmentalization. The world doesn’t know
what to do with my love. Because it isn’t used to
being loved. It’s a framework problem. Disheartening?
Obviously. I hope it’s love. I’m trying really hard
to make it love. I said no more severity. I said it severely
and slept through all my appointments. I clawed
my way into the light but the light is just as scary.
I’d rather quit. I’d rather be sad. It’s too much work.
Admirable? Not really. I hate my friends. And when
I hate my friends I’ve failed myself, failed to share
my compassion. I shine a light on them of my own
making: septic, ugly, the wrong yellow. I mean, maybe
it’s better if my opponent wins.
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Maybe instead of complaining about the ADHD and ASD diagnosis rates, we need to make peace with the idea that “Neurodiversity” may actually, in fact, describe the majority of human beings because “Neurotypical” is a word that only describes people who thrive in a capitalist society, which is very, very few individuals.
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「生まれる願い」 (Birth of a Wish)
FRUITS BASKET 1st season original sound collection
Episode 5, 8 Insert Song
Performer: ウタ・アリィ(Uta Arii)
Composer: Masaru Yokoyama
Arranger: Masaru Yokoyama
Lyricist: ENA☆
Official Lyrics (JP + romaji) and EN Fan Translation
暗闇中を彷徨い歩いて
kurayami no naka wo samayoi aruite
When I was wandering in the darkness
呼吸さえ忘れていた
kokyousae wasureteita
I forgot how to breathe
一本の道じやないって
ippon no michi jyanai tte
even if the direct path isn’t here
分かっても迷うことで
wakatte mo mayou koto de
I understand I’m still lost
遠回りした日も懐かしい
tomawari shita hi mo nazukashii
and I still miss nostalgic days
誰もが思い描く
dare mo ga omoiedaku
Everyone has an image
倖せに触れたくて
shiawase ni furetakute
of the happiness they want to feel
涙しては また進んでいく
namidashite wa mata susundeiku
Even if I’m crying, I will move forward
優しいその言葉で
yashashii sono kotoba de
your kind words
心があたたかくて 感じてるよ
kokoro ga atatakakute kanjiteru yo
my heart felt warmth from those
一人じやないこと
hitori jyanai koto
“You’re not alone”
ちっぽけな世界窓の向こうには
chippoke na sekai mado no mukou ni wa
In that small world I can view from that window
光が広がっていた
hikari ga hirogatteita
The light reached through
困難を乗り越えて
konnan wo norikoete
I climbed that difficulty
笑顔に変えていける
egao ni kaete ikeru
And turned it into a smile
そんな君に会えて嬉しい
sonna kimi ni aete ureshii
I’m glad I met you
生まれる願いの中
umareru negai no naka
In that wish being born
輝きを増す未来
kagayaki wo masu mirai
Is a brighter future
醜い感情も
minikui kanjou mo
Even those ugly feelings
ほら消えていく
hora kiete iku
Here, they disappear
その手に導かれて
sono te ni michibikarete
Those hands will guide me
たどり着いた答えは
tadoritsuita kotae wa
To the answer I reached
信じられる
shinjirareru
I believe in them
どこにも行かないと
doko ni mo ikanai to
Wherever I go
何回も何回も失敗したって
nankai mo nankai mo shippaishitatte
Even if I fail many times
どれも全部大切な思い出
dore mo zenbu taisetsuna omoide
All of these important feelings
大丈夫それぞれの倖せが
daijoubu sorezore no shiawase ga
I’ll be all right, as each happiness
待ってるから
matteru kara
Will be waiting for me
ここからまたはじまる
koko kara mata hajimeru
From here I’ll start again
誰もが思い描く
dare mo ga omoiedaku
Everyone has an image
倖せに触れたくて
shiawase ni furetakute
of the happiness they want to feel
涙しては また進んでいく
namidashite wa mata susundeiku
Even if I’m crying, I will move forward
優しいその言葉で
yashashii sono kotoba de
your kind words
心があたたかくて 感じてるよ
kokoro ga atatakakute kanjiteru yo
my heart felt warmth from those
一人じやないこと
hitori jyanai koto
“You’re not alone”
————
Tagging out @keisuke-akimi @takayatweets @lilyginnyblackv2 and hope you people can check this fanmade translation of mine! (and correct errors if there are, thanks)
also dedicated to my Discord comrades @palamig @shigures-house @eriseas @dillydallyings @onewordtest @presidentyukisohma @dontlookatmepwease @mearbar @auroralynne @yunsoh
Credits to @kure-no from Discord for the lyrics!
and to everyone feeling down, here’s a song for us all, and may it give you a small but starting comfort to take the next step on wherever our paths may lead :)
P.S. To everyone who might be uploading the lyrics somewhere, please don’t forget to ask for credits! And if you can edit my translation, it will be better actually :)
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PAST LIVES (2023) dir. Celine Song
- But why are you immigrating? Na Young's father is a film director, and you're an artist. Why would you leave all that behind?
- When you leave something behind, you gain something, too.
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“It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable. There is a vastness to grief that overwhelms our minuscule selves. We are tiny, trembling clusters of atoms subsumed within grief’s awesome presence. It occupies the core of our being and extends through our fingers to the limits of the universe. Within that whirling gyre all manner of madnesses exist; ghosts and spirits and dream visitations, and everything else that we, in our anguish, will into existence. These are precious gifts that are as valid and as real as we need them to be. They are the spirit guides that lead us out of the darkness. […] Dread grief trails bright phantoms in its wake. These spirits are ideas, essentially. They are our stunned imaginations reawakening after the calamity. Like ideas, these spirits speak of possibility. Follow your ideas, because on the other side of the idea is change and growth and redemption. Create your spirits. Call to them. Will them alive. Speak to them. It is their impossible and ghostly hands that draw us back to the world from which we were jettisoned; better now and unimaginably changed.”
— Nick Cave, from The Red Hand Files (no. 6, October 2018)
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