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L - Lung Distress

L - Lung Distress

He opened his mouth — bad idea when you are underwater — and his throat, his lungs, his whole body was drowned by the liquid that was pulling him from outside. All around him was water and silence. Cold and water. Loneliness and death... Carlos knew that if he didn't get out of the water, it wouldn't be long before he was dead, but the uniform weighing down his body was making things almost impossible, the tiredness from the minutes he had been fighting... Or maybe it had only been seconds.

He had never done the test to find out how long he could hold his breath underwater, without breathing... holding his breath. But he had stopped doing that, he had stopped holding it and the water was rushing through his body, searing his veins. It was also burning his muscles and his brain was about to explode.

He could barely think anymore and felt himself falling, sinking, being pulled down, or was it up because he was dying and his body was about to surface.

They would find him like this, swollen from the water inside his body, pale, perhaps disfigured. Maybe there were fish or flesh-eating creatures in the water and then TK... no... no... TK would have to identify his fish-eaten body. He couldn't put him through something like that.

Not to TK, not to his parents, not to anyone who cared about him.

He had to fight for all of them, because he had already pulled the woman out of the water, now it was his turn, he had to get out of the water, resist and fight... It hurt but he had to fight. If only because if he died, he knew that TK would too.

No matter the reason, getting out of the water and surviving was the most important thing now. When he got to land he would worry about what would happen next.

He kicked in the water as hard as he could, though he barely moved and maybe that was why, because he wasn't moving and was only going down...always down, to the bottom of the lake where he would be lost forever.

"TK..." he thought in one of his last breaths. "I'm trying... I promise I'm trying, I'm fighting to get back to you, but I can't. I'm tired, I can't take it anymore… I want to get out, I know I'll die if I don't, I know you'll die if I don't and that's why I keep kicking, but I know it's too much."

When his hand suddenly touched the surface, he clutched his fingernails to the earth beneath him. He hurt himself but pulled his other hand out of the water and dug his other nails into the earth as well.

He pulled his body. He was exhausted, and literally couldn't breathe, but he kept pulling until half his body was out. No, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't get any air into his lungs, and when he breathed in nothing happened.

His body fell forward, he could still feel the water on his legs; if he wasn't careful the water would take him in again, but he had used his last bit of strength to get there, so that someone would see him before it was too late.

"TK..." he muttered as everything went black, and death quickly took over his being.

"Has anyone seen Carlos?" Mitchell asked, walking through the wreckage of the multiple accident.

Five cars and two trucks had been involved because of the slippery ground in the middle of an ice-covered road. They had skidded all over the place, one of the cars had fallen down a slope and had come very close to a lake. The two trucks had collided causing a fire that the 126 was taking care of while Tommy's ambulance and crew were tending to the injured, waiting for more ambulances to arrive.

Mitchell and Carlos had been among the first to arrive. They had taken two of the drivers of the cars to safety and had split up to help with the other vehicles involved in the accident, but it had been a while since they had seen each other.

She had tried to call him on the radio, but Carlos had not answered. With all the craziness they were in the middle of, they hadn't had a chance to see each other again and now she was worried about him.

"TK," she called out to him as she saw them close the ambulance door and get ready to leave. "I don't want to worry you and I'm sure it's silly but I haven't been able to reach Reyes… Carlos. Have you talked to him?"

"Um, no. Now that you mention it I've been so busy with stitches and bandages that I didn't realize we haven't talked. Why?"

"I don't know, I have a...weird feeling and Carlos always answers my radio messages. But today... This will be silly, I know, but it's been a while since he last answered me."

"Hold on, I'm going to call him," TK said.

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K - Kidney damage

K - Kidney damage

Carlos took his bag out of the jeep and looked at the ranch in front of them. It looked a lot like his parents', but Owen had insisted on taking him to one he'd seen on Trip Advisor that they recommended as the best retreat for a weekend.

He'd also made a point of paying for the stay and driving himself.

"He's on edge," TK had told his fiancé the night before.

"Why is he nervous? He knows me well, we see each other every day. I'm the one who should be nervous about going on a trip with Captain Strand, my fiancé's father, on our first outing and on top of that without you."

Saying that had made him nervous.

"Come on, Carlos. You'll see how great everything turns out. He's nervous because it's the first time he's had any kind of relationship with the guy I'm dating and more specifically with my future husband. I'm sure you've had good relationships with your ex's families."

Carlos stared at him silently and gave nothing away.

TK burst out laughing, apparently both Carlos and his father were in the same nervous and uncomfortable situation. He didn't say anything to either of them but was glad he wasn't in the middle of that situation and that they were taking the opportunity to get to know each other better.

"Let him take care of everything. I assure you he's not the type to expect you to do anything or pay for anything. He wants to organize everything, prove he's still the alpha male of the pack."

"Sounds a lot like your father.”

"I know, I know him well. So have fun and don't worry about anything."

Carlos turned around at the sound of Owen's voice from the other side, who was already looking at the phone listing the best places in the area to eat and the best places to visit.

"Let's leave the stuff in the rooms and then we can go for a walk," the captain told him. "I've booked the first contact with the horses in a couple of hours and then we can go eat. I've seen a place that they say has the best beef in Texas. What do you think?"

Carlos smiled and remembered TK's words. His father wanted to get everything organized and under control. So he nodded and let the captain take control of the weekend.

As soon as he got to the room and dropped off his bag, Carlos took the opportunity to call TK and tell him everything was going well, but his boyfriend was working and didn't answer his call. So he left him a message.

"We’re going for a ride with the horses. Your dad seems excited about riding. He doesn't seem to have as much respect for it as you say. I'll tell you later. I love you."

Owen was already waiting for him at the stable, stroking the back of the huge animal he was going to ride.

"Ready to teach him the secrets of a good horseman?"

"Owen, I hope you didn't get your hopes up too high about me. I can ride and I'm not afraid of horses, but I'm no expert."

"Well, you certainly know how to do it a lot better than I do."

Larry, the stable attendant, came over to them and gave them the directions they needed to do their first lesson with their mount. When Carlos told him that he had spent his teenage years riding horses on his parents' ranch, it seemed to lift a weight off Larry's shoulders.

"Well, I see you're not city tourists coming to feel like John Wayne."

"He's not. I... Let's just say John Wayne movies aren't my benchmark," Owen said, looking at Carlos, and he received an appreciative smile. "But yes, the world of cowboys and the idea of freedom of riding a horse has always appealed to me and terrified me in equal parts."

"Better to go with someone who knows, then."

Riding was easy, it wasn't the first time Owen had done it and getting going wasn't a complication either.

Larry told them to take a ride around to get a feel for the animals, that horses get used to them. He also told them that a good horse ride gave plenty of opportunity to talk.

They didn't do it at first. They were both nervous, it was the first time they were alone and not because of work, not with TK in the way or Carlos' parents.

They were completely alone taking a walk in their hair for the rest of the afternoon and neither of them were very clear on what to say or how to behave with the other.

So for a while, they were silent and simply rode around the meadow.

"TK and I are organizing the wedding, what a mess we've gotten ourselves into and we wanted something small," Carlos said at last, trying to end the awkward silence.

"I know you want to do this by yourselves, but you know you can count on me for whatever it takes. I'm good at organizing things and I know a lot of people around here."

"I know, I know. But we want to keep the wedding small, intimate, and not get out of hand."

Owen pulled his horse closer to Carlos'.

"I promise I won't butt in where I'm not wanted. I'll only do something if you ask for my help."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that. TK and I are really nervous about all this because we don't have as much time as we'd like to organize things and go to stores."

"For whatever you guys need," Owen muttered and laughed.

He pulled on his horse's reins with a jerk that startled his mount a little. The animal whirled to the right and whinnied and startled the horse Carlos was riding, which reared up for a few seconds, long enough to lift its front legs in the air without Carlos expecting it and before he could do anything it threw him to the ground.

"Carlos!" shouted Owen as he saw him fall and roll on the ground.

He caught the other horse, tied them to a tree, and ran to Carlos.

The cop struggles to find his next breath, the landing having knocked the wind out of him and puts his hand to his head.

"Carlos, Carlos, say something."

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J - Joint

 J - Joint

It took a few seconds for the pain to reach his brain. It had been a very silly fall, a slip. He hadn't seen the ball, had stepped on it and fallen to the ground. The children had laughed and so had he.

He had laughed for a few seconds until little by little the intense pain of having dislocated his knee took over.

It didn't seem so serious at first, it wasn't the first time he had hurt himself, as a policeman or just training, many times he had suffered stupid injuries. At least not at first but when he felt the knee pop back out of place a second later, he had to bite his lip on the inside to keep from screaming.

"Kids, can you go to the freezer and get me some ice?" he said as he massaged his leg with a shaking hand and took advantage of the moment alone to let out a groan of pain.

It was his first afternoon of playtime with his children in a long time. He was having a good time, he had played everything they had wanted. He'd learned the new gym moves with Gwyn; he'd let Tomi teach him all the new things he'd learned at school, and then he'd done a bit of arts and crafts, which weren't his strong point, with Gabi.

Then they had a snack and when he was waiting for the kids to be tired, they asked him to play with the ball. A few kicks here and there, laughter and somersaults until one of the balls they were playing with appeared in front of his feet.

He stepped on it and everything happened in slow motion, his leg slid to one side, his body to the other. A crunch, little white balls in front of his eyes before the pain came, and once on the ground, he was barely able to think straight.

"I told the twins to go to the medicine cabinet and see if we have any non-adhesive bandages," Tomi said.

"What do we need non-adhesive bandages for?" Carlos asked, trying to sound calm.

"Nothing, but I don't want them to worry."

Carlos smiled and squeezed his hands together so it wouldn't show how much his hands were shaking from the pain he was trying so hard to hide by any means possible.

"Always taking care of your sisters, huh?"

"When you're not at home, it's my big brother's job to look after them until the grandparents or uncles arrive."

Tomi was only two years older than the twins, but from a very early age, Tomi had become protective of his sisters. Everyone said it couldn't be any other way with the parents he had.

Carlos stroked her hair, grunted and moderated his lip again to mask the pain that was becoming more and more pressing. "I need you to get my cell phone and call 911. Ask for Aunt Grace."

"911? That number is for when really bad things happen right?"

Carlos nodded and stared into his son's eyes. They had great comprehension so it didn't make it necessary for him to say anything else for Tomi to do as he had asked. He was back before his sisters arrived, who were still looking for the non-adherent bandages.

He dialed 911 and handed it to Carlos. First of all, he wanted to put Grace on the record and incidentally take some of the heat off the matter so Tomi wouldn't freak out too much.

"911, what is your emergency?"

Carlos recognized the voice, it wasn't Grace but one of her coworkers. "Can I speak to Grace Ryder please? Tell her it's Carlos."

He was put through in less than two seconds and soon heard his friend's voice. "Carlos, is everything okay?"

"Relatively. I'm going to put Tomi on so you can explain to him what to do to help me."

"You sound... Are you hurt? Did something happen to you?"

"I fell and may have hurt my knee a little. I heard a pop and..."

"Tomi's there with you, isn't he?"

"Yes, so are the twins, they're looking for something but they'll be right back, can you give him a hand so he knows what to do and in the meantime let TK know."

"Of course I'll pass the message right now to his ambulance and while they arrive, between Tomi and I, we'll take care of you. Can you pass him on to me?"

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 I - Infertility

Notes: Just a reminder that this stories are oneshots and AU, so they aren't usually (this doesn't) related to the canon.

Also be careful with possible triggers, the title of the chapter says everything.

For the first time in his life TK was happy to find himself in a doctor's office. He turned to Carlos, took his hand and squeezed it. His husband was so nervous, much more than he was, as he was about to become the father of their future child. Now it was just a matter of the doctor confirming that their sample was as perfect as they had hoped.

They had spent months making that decision. They were both afraid of what being biological parents to their future children would mean. Carlos feared that not only would their children's lives be complicated by having two fathers, but also that their genes could make them the target of racist jokes or worse.

For his part, TK believed that his family, his genes had the curse of turning the following generations into addicts to something. Carlos had always tried to convince him that it was a bit excessive to think that, but there was no way to get that idea out of his head with his and his father's past.

Finally they had almost drawn lots, but TK felt more comfortable fighting with whoever dared to abuse his son, insult his daughter because of the color of her skin or where her family came from than fearing that one day one of his children would be thrown into some kind of addiction.

When the doctor entered the office they both gasped, smiled and waited for him to sit behind his desk. Carlos stopped breathing and TK noticed that he squeezed his hand very tightly.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered to him. "Right, doctor? Isn't everything going to be okay?"

They had known Dr. Scott for three weeks. He was a little older than they were, but when he smiled he seemed to lose at least ten years.

At that moment, however, the doctor did not smile.

"Doctor?" Carlos asked, noticing that he was getting more tense with each passing second.

"I'm sorry guys, but the truth is I don't have good news." Neither of them said anything, because if they talked, there were a lot of possible bad things. "We have done the analysis of your sample Carlos and the truth is, the sperm count is very low, it can't be counted as a valid sample."

"What, how, what does that mean doctor?" TK asked as he realized that his husband had stood there still, staring into the void, with the look of one who was waiting for news, for whom it is not a surprise, but had hoped that the result would have been different.

"You told me that you had had to delay this moment because of a gunshot and some injuries sustained a few months ago." Carlos nodded. "I read the history and it certainly makes sense, the bullet penetrated your left thigh and bladder but it also compromised proper blood flow to your testicles . The doctors who operated on you did a great job and left everything in perfect condition, but the blood loss damaged your testicles, preventing you from being able to produce sperm."

"Oh, right, that makes sense," Carlos said softly. "So, I guess we can start over with this but taking a sample from TK and then we talk to our surrogate mother to continue the process."

TK turned to him and took both of his hands, he knew his face, he knew what was going through her husband's head or at least he had an idea; because the truth was he couldn't imagine what Carlos might feel when he found out he was never going to be able to be a father.

"Carlos, babe, no wait, I'm sure we can do this another way. It's 2023, there has to be another way."

Carlos kept his gaze fixed on the doctor, he didn't dare look at TK because he knew if he did, he would burst into tears and he didn't want to.

"Is there, doctor, is there another way that if I don't produce sperm I can have children?"

"Carlos, TK, I hate with all my soul to be the one to give you this kind of news and not have a better answer. We could try removing the left testicle and stenting the blood vessel to the right, it could possibly…"

"So, is surgery dangerous?" Carlos interrupted him.

"All surgeries, in some way, are. In this case, we have to enter your reproductive tract and bypass the blood vessels. With that, we could cause erectile difficulties."

"Just what I was missing, not being able to have children and on top of that not satisfying my husband sexually. We'd better leave it as it is. Ty, do you want to schedule your visit now to take your sample?"

"Carlos..."

"I'll wait for you outside."

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H - Hives

"Fire! Fire! There's fire!"

Carlos' scream jolted TK awake.

Startled, he looked for his boyfriend next to him on the bed, but he was gone, his side was undone and for a moment, TK was startled, but immediately saw his figure, sitting at the foot of the bed, stirring agitatedly.

TK still hadn't gotten used to being back at his father's house after the destruction of Carlos' house, so it took him a few moments to become aware of where he was.

He sat up and knelt down next to Carlos, who didn't seem to realize he wasn't alone.

"Carlos, babe."

"TK! There's a fire, the house is on fire!"

TK stroked his boyfriend's cheek and then realized his face was on fire. He grabbed his hands, Carlos squeezed them and turned to look at him, but he wasn't looking at him."

"That's over now, my love. It was a big scare but it's over. You, now, have a fever."

"No... it burns everything, we have to go out the window, as you say."

Carlos got up and took two steps towards the bedroom window, but TK pulled him before he hurt himself or worse. He made him sit back down on the bed and put a hand on his forehead.

"You're burning up, my love and I think I know what's wrong."

He took his hands again, but this time he concentrated more on his arms. There it was, the swollen welts and bright red skin, he had been scratching and it was spreading.

It had been a while since this had happened, they had it under control since they had discovered the strange allergy that certain more natural soaps gave Carlos.

He picked up the bed sheet; they had changed it that same morning; his father had told him that it was freshly washed with an organic and ecological fabric softener, much healthier for the skin. But neither of them had given it any more thought.

He felt stupid for not having asked his father what kind of soap he used for his clothes. The first time Carlos had suffered that reaction, he had had to watch him wake up sleepwalking, finding him going down the stairs about to go out into the street because he had a case pending that he couldn't get out of his head.

He had tripped on the last two steps and had almost cracked his head open. Now he was ready to throw himself out the bedroom window and neither of them had asked about the new damn soap.

"Dad! Mateo! I need your help!"

They had both heard Carlos' screams but had assumed it was a nightmare, but an instant later they were both at the door.

"Is everything alright son?"

"Yeah, well more or less. Ahm. Mateo I need you to take Carlos to the couch, be careful he has a high fever and is delirious with the fire, but first have him take a shower, he needs to get off whatever has stuck to his skin. Dad, I have to change the bedclothes now, but with something that hasn't been washed with that new fabric softener of yours. While I go get the medicine for Carlos."

"Medicine?" asked Mateo, who already had Carlos by the arm and was pulling him out of the bedroom.

"No, yes... I'll explain it to you later."

"But he wasn't sick when we went to bed, what happened?"

"TK, no! Don't stay here alone... The fire! No!"

"Mateo do as I tell you, please! Take him to the downstairs bathroom and get him to take a shower, use the towel in my 24 hour bag."

His partner had never seen him so nervous, although the truth was that TK had never been worried about Carlos like that.

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G - Gasping

Summary: Carlos enters a fire when a kid is in danger. He enters without any equipment. He says he's ok, he can go home and he thinks he will sleep until TK comes back from his shit. Things doesnt' happen as he wish

It was rare for Carlos not to see TK or the rest of the 126 team on a call. But that day he had been assigned to a different part of town. Still, seeing members of another barracks go into the fire or seeing another ambulance taking care of people in the building block injured by the fire or who had swallowed too much smoke was strange to him.

"Relaxed day for you, eh Reyes?"

He turned to Mitchell who patted him on the back.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because TK nor anyone else in your firefighting family is here. Nothing can happen to them." Carlos looked at her blankly. "You should see yourself when they're the ones getting into fires, you stop breathing and if on top of that it's TK who has to get into a fire.

Carlos laughed. He could imagine that face when he saw TK enter a dangerous place. His heart would race, sometimes he would stop breathing, it was true, and he would get hysterical until he saw him come out.

Mitchell was right, he had a hard time worrying about his family.

He didn't have time to answer because an announcement came over the radio. "Attention all units. We have a minor trapped in the basement."

"We have no free units."

"We need more units." Said another voice over the radio.

"129 en route."

"Five minutes."

"Five minutes with a kid in there is too much." Carlos said quietly. He turned around and looked around for someone who could help but there were more cops, civilians and injured than firefighters and paramedics and everyone was busy. "Mitchell, I'm going in."

"What do you mean you're going in? You can't go in, you don't have the equipment and that place is full of smoke."

"Precisely because it's full of smoke I can't leave a child in there."

Mitchell knew she could do nothing against that look on Carlos' face. They had known each other too long already.

"Okay, you go in, but I want you at all times with the radio on and every five minutes you tell me how you're doing."

Getting in, getting to the basement and finding the boy was easy enough, at least considering he was all covered in smoke and could barely see anything. He tried to cover his mouth and nose as he had been taught, as many times TK and the rest of the 126th had told him. He walked as low as he could, he knew that smoke weighs more than air.

The boy, a kid who couldn't have been more than eight years old, was huddled between the washing machines in the building. He didn't want to come out at first, terrified that everything was filling up with smoke too fast.

But somehow Carlos managed to gain his trust, get him to accept his hand and follow him out of the building.

Carlos coughed as he reached outside, suddenly the clean air outside bothered his throat and lungs. But it felt good to see the paramedics take the boy away and bring him to safety. He was sure that in no time, the little boy was with his parents and that alone was worth it.

"Kings! Carlos!" Mitchell swept her hand in front of Carlos' face to get his attention. "Are you alright? You need to let them take a look at you?"

"I'm fine, I've only been in there a few minutes, I haven't breathed enough smoke."

"Carlos..."

"I'm serious. I'm fine and I live with a paramedic, if anything happens I'm going straight to the ER."

Mitchell murdered him with a glare, but again she knew there wasn't much more she could do to hold him back. She knew that if TK was there, if Captain Strand or any of his buddies were there, they would manage to hold him off or even make him go straight to the hospital.

But she got nowhere.

"You tell TK as soon as you see him."

"Okay, okay. Relax, it's all under control, I've only been in there five minutes and barely breathed any smoke."

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Can you link the ao3 for the Ed fic please

sorry! Done!

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F - Faint

On the hottest day of the year, Carlos goes for a run, ignoring TK's advice. It's not a good idea, TK knows that and is prepared for whatever may happen, although it's never nice to see his boyfriend faint in his arms from a damn heat stroke.

TK finished making the coffee and put one in front of Carlos when he saw him come out of the bedroom. He sighedñ apparently he hadn't wanted to listen to the weatherman who had been saying for three days that the heat wave was going to peak and would do so just that morning.

"Why don't you stay home today and go for a run tomorrow? I don't think much will change if you don't burn a few calories this morning."

Carlos gave him a kiss on the cheek and accepted the coffee.

He drank it almost in one gulp and kissed him again, on the lips this time.

"It'll only be two hours, I'm sure the heat won't be too bad yet."

"Can't you make it in one?"

"TK, I'm going for a run in the park. I'll be back at..." He looked at the clock. "At nine-thirty I'm back. If I'm five minutes late, I'll let you open the app to locate my watch and come get me."

TK laughed; many times he had told him that if he could he would put a chip in him, and Carlos had told him he didn't like it when he was compared to a dog. "Then what would I have to put in you, my love? I’ll remind you that you are a magnet for danger."

"Back at nine thirty, and please drink water, get some shade, and be careful."

"Yes, Dad."

TK glared at his boyfriend, but said nothing more as he watched him go.

He felt something bad was going to happen, he knew it, he was sure the day wasn't going to end well, but he couldn't demand that he stay home either just because it was hot.

He decided to wait for him to come back, to prepare him a second breakfast, even though Carlos never wanted to eat anything after running; he was always talking about taking care of his weight, of being responsible with his food and not getting carried away by the weekend breakfasts that TK prepared.

He got on with it, he knew it would take him a good while to prepare and cook a good breakfast, and he wanted it to be perfect. Their anniversary was coming up, one year since they had resumed their relationship. It had been like starting from scratch, because things were very different from how they were before, more serious and intense.

He wanted to make it clear to him that he was ready to take the next step as soon as Carlos wanted to. Not that a special breakfast was the best way to tell him, but he wanted it to be a start.

It had been a long time since he had felt so nervous and excited.

He hadn't realized that his life was perfectñ he had everything he wanted. Being a paramedic had become his life's work, and his relationship with Carlos, with some ups and downs, had been almost perfect. He had hardly had a single thought about his addictions for some time and getting married now seemed like the next logical step.

Then he saw it, the damn bottle his boyfriend hadn't taken. The bottle of water he had begged him to take with him, even if he didn’t need it.

If TK thought the day was going to be bad before, now he knew it was going to be more like a nightmare.

He glanced at the clock on his phone, almost happy to see no messages from Carlos. It was half past eight; he still had nothing to worry about, so he decided to concentrate on the breakfast he was preparing and not on the fact that, without the bottle at hand and with the heat already hitting hard for such an early hour, Carlos could get heat exhaustion, heat stroke or end up dehydrated...maybe all at the same time.

By nine o'clock, he hoped that Carlos had shortened his run, that he would have realized that it was too hot. By nine twenty-five, he started to get nervous—he knew the feeling well and he didn't like it.

He had promised Carlos not to worry until half past nine, but he couldn't help but pick up his phone and look up Carlos's location. Obviously he wasn't near home, he wouldn't make it on time, and apparently he had done the same route as every time he went out for a run.

But apparently that morning he was going slower than usual.

TK decided not to wait any longer; he grabbed the bottle and went in search of him.

As soon as he stepped on the street he felt the slap of heat. He promised himself not to say anything to Carlos, not to act as a father and tell him "I told you it would be too hot and you would feel sick."

He didn't want to think that Carlos was going to be sick, but he couldn't help but assume that the only reason his boyfriend was late was because he wasn't feeling well.

He barely had to walk a few feet to see him appear. Carlos smiled and raised his hand to greet him. As soon as he got closer, TK saw that he was drenched in sweat. "What are you doing here? I'm not late, am I?" Carlos looked at the clock and burst out laughing between choked groans. "Okay, a minute late, but you didn’t need to come out. I'd be right there."

He found it hard to breathe and leaned against his boyfriend's shoulder. He blew TK a kiss. No matter what happened, going for a run, sweating, and watching the sun come up always made him feel good.

"Let's get you home. You need to hydrate, change clothes, and get something to eat."

"Tell me you haven't made one of your breakfasts. I don't spend two hours running only to then eat like it's Christmas Day."

Once upstairs, TK moved quickly, going to the kitchen and grabbing the bottle Carlos had forgotten, but not before giving him orders not to take one of the bottles from the fridge. "You might get nauseous if you drink cold water."

"It's not that hot... Well, it is now, but the truth is that it was really nice out there, one day you have to come, tiger. Running around the park at this hour makes you feel extremely good."

TK had gone after him and left the toaster on. It was already smoking and the last thing he wanted was to scare Carlos with a possible new fire.

Carlos groaned and when TK turned around, he saw his boyfriend doubled over and reaching out to one of the dining room chairs so he wouldn't lose his balance.

"I don't know what's going on, but I think I'm going to throw up." Carlos groaned again and closed his eyes for a moment as he realized that the loft was spinning in front of his eyes. "I'm going to the bathroom for a moment."

TK moved closer to him.

"Let me help you."

"No need, I'm fine, don't worry." Carlos held up his hands and smiled.

TK hated that gesture, because he knew what it meant and it wasn't pretty. He had used it with the pain in his back assembling the last two pieces of furniture in the living room. He had tried to put them up by himself, because TK had just recently gotten out of the hospital and he didn't want him to tire himself out.

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E - Eating disorder

Those who know Carlos think that in many ways he is a perfect guy, with no flaws, fears or traumas. But the real Carlos is very different and it has taken him a long time to lock deep in his soul those months struggling with anxiety and an eating disorder that one night, with friends, in the safety of home, the barrier that keeps him away, breaks into pieces and the demons return to him.

That night it only took three comments for Carlos' worst memories to come back to his head, three comments to make him collapse, for the person he had worked so hard to form after that summer of 2011 to break into a thousand pieces.

It was an ordinary Thursday night, a night off for the entire 126 team and for Carlos. It wasn't easy for their schedules to fit in with TK's lately so they wanted to make it a game night to remember.

Carlos had cooked all afternoon, he had the day off for a reason, because of the sprained ankle that had kept him home for a week, and he wanted to enjoy it. TK had polled his friends to find out what games they preferred, what music to play and what drinks to buy.

Nothing could go wrong, least of all when it was the first game night they'd done at the loft. They had called it the opening, although they had already gone to dinner once and had drinks some night before going out dancing.

But game night was sacred.

After three games of Catan, which Mateo managed to win and which made the others not want to play with him anymore, it was time for dinner.

Carlos had prepared canapés, something that could be eaten on the sofa or sitting on the floor. He had made everything, with meat and vegetarian, some fish and finally the sweets.

"Holy cow, Carlos, you've gone all out today, do you want to make us put a couple of kilos on us?" asked Paul and although he managed not to let it show, the comment had caught him off guard and he took a moment to realize he wasn't talking about him.

"Hey, and cooking like this, how do you keep the weight off yourself?" Mateo question did go straight to him, but it was a positive thing, he told himself. He was telling him that he hadn't put on weight, it was a positive comment, but it still made him nervous.

Any comment related to food made his hair stand on end, although in the ten years since then he had learned to control it thanks to a couple of very good psychologists and nutritionists who had helped him.

"Carlos is the best cook in the world," TK said coming back from the kitchen with drinks for everyone and circled his body from behind. "I'm the one who has to worry about not getting fat from what he puts on my plate. With all the exercise he gets, he burns it off fast."

Carlos smiled reached back and stroked TK's head to which his boyfriend responded by giving him a kiss. He adored this man, he was going to marry him when he found a way to ask him to. Though that night certainly wasn't going to be the time.

"Oops, be careful, Carlos, with these days that you're off work because of the sprain, let's see if you're going to put on weight."

He choked on the morsel of meat in his mouth when he heard what Marjan had just said and at which everyone laughed.

To the others it was a joke, to the others it was no problem to talk about food, about getting fat.

He swallowed the morsel as if it were a stone and continued listening to the conversation about the most fattening things, about the many or few calories in the bread that Carlos had used in the meal, as well as the kilos you could gain with meat or fish.

Carlos had never said he was nervous about talking about food but avoided doing so. Only TK had been surprised when they had first started together that he liked cooking so much but not talking about food in general.

"Hey, Carlos, have you ever had any weight problems?" asked Mateo again looking directly at him.

Carlos couldn't hide the look and the only way he found to keep from looking nervous was to clench his hands.

"Ehm, well I guess like everyone else, when you reach adolescence and your body changes."

"I'm sure you were one of those kids with cheeks to pinch," Nancy said rather shockingly. "But hey, look, I was a little overweight when I was sixteen, then my body changed and it stopped being a problem."

"Exactly," Paul replied. "I don't understand those who make fun of overweight kids. If it's a problem they go see a nutritionist, and other times, the kid doesn't feel comfortable with his own body. It's not always about what they eat. How many of you felt comfortable with your body as a teenager?"

"Let's just say my problems at that time were starting to be other problems," TK said, trying to take the heat off the fact that he had already had more than enough to drink by then.

"I never really thought about that," Marjan replied next.

Mateo said more or less the same thing. "What about you, Carlos, were you comfortable with your body as a kid? Although if I had to give my opinion looking at you now, you must have broken a lot of hearts."

"Careful you don't get caught up in the good married life and put on a couple of extra kilos." Marjan's joke was perfectly accepted by everyone except Carlos himself who was about to spit out the French fry he had put in his mouth.

He recognized right away the feeling that was taking over him like a tsunami that comes, sweeps everything away and there is no way to stop it. In his case he could call it a panic attack and he didn't want anyone to see him suffering from it.

Without saying anything, he ran out to the bedroom and for a moment there was silence in the living room, they looked at each other to try to understand what had happened and if anyone had said anything inappropriate.

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D - Ditch

While in pursuit of a suspect, Carlos' car gets stuck in a ditch. He is injured but manages to contact TK, who, as fate would have it, is not far away.

"I am in pursuit of the suspect. He’s driving a 2014 Prius."

"Be careful, Officer Reyes. Suspect is armed and dangerous."

"Copy that. I have him in front of me."

"Keep us updated."

Carlos continued driving without taking his eyes off the vehicle in front of him. He had been chasing him for almost ten minutes, ever since he had been notified that this guy had just robbed a bank with two accomplices.

But he wasn't going to let him get away. He was a good cop and many were expecting that he would soon become a detective. He knew that solving this case and arresting one of the robbers would be of great help to him.

They were driving out of town. The man in the car in front sped up, wanting to lose sight of him, but Carlos wasn't going to let him.

He followed him closely, not losing sight of him as he turned right, then left. When they finally entered a now abandoned old factory complex, they left him behind, just as they were leaving the city behind.

The suspect began to jerk the steering wheel side to side and slowed down a bit, thus risking causing an accident between them, but Carlos saw him coming and pulled over to the side.

He gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to get him off his back, he was going to put that guy in jail. He could be after him all day, he didn't care.

Carlos wondered where the guy was planning to go and when he intended to stop, and then, when they came across a completely straight road, the other man accelerated as much as he could. Carlos did the same; he put the patrol car on full throttle and stuck to the other man's car.

Then he understood, too late. All of this had been planned, from the robbery itself to their escape. That man was just pushing a policeman away, he was taking him where he wanted to go; he wasn't turning around, he wasn't running away.

It was a trap and, the next thing Carlos knew, the man turned the vehicle at the last moment. Carlos was not prepared and, terrified, he found a ditch in front of him, into which the patrol car fell.

*

"Come on, the top isn't far," Cooper said, turning around, hands on hips and looking at TK who was struggling to keep up.

"Are you serious? The top is up there," TK replied, pointing to the mountain, which looked bigger and bigger to him, ahead of them.

When Cooper had proposed they go out trekking in the mountains, in the fresh air, taking advantage of his day off to free his mind, not to think about how bad he felt about the drug issue, TK had accepted without much thought.

He dreamed about it and knew that, since Sadie's attack, things with Carlos had been complicated. Getting some fresh air and taking advantage of one of the few days when Carlos was working and he wasn't to relax would do him good.

However, apparently he and Cooper had a very different idea of what a day outdoors was. Cooper was a lover of walking, he would get excited when his watch told him he had walked another thousand steps. He wanted to get to twenty thousand a day. But it hadn't occurred to him to tell TK.

"Come on, TK, tell me you don't feel free and relaxed out here."

"I feel fine, but I'd like to be able to breathe. I'm not used to these walks, have I ever told you I'm a city boy?"

"A few times, but I assure you that when you come home this afternoon and meet Carlos, everything will be better between you. I hope you'll name your first child Cooper."

TK smacked him on the shoulder and continued walking up the mountain. He smiled as he heard his sponsor burst out laughing.

His phone started ringing and Cooper ran towards him.

"Didn't we agree that you wouldn’t bring your phone?"

"Sorry, but I don't like to be unavailable when Carlos is working."

Cooper nodded, he had long since understood that TK and Carlos were a whole. TK had told him how badly Carlos was having it those days for not knowing how to help him; other times he had told him about his own feelings, the fear he had that Carlos would get tired and leave him.

Seeing that it was precisely Carlos who was calling him made him smile.

"Carlos, babe, can you believe we were just talking about you?"

For a moment he heard nothing on the other end, nothing but heavy breathing and that he was in trouble.

"Carlos, is that you, babe?"

Carlos coughed, he recognized his voice, but he was only coughing and groaning painfully.

"Babe, you're scaring me. Is that you, can you say something?"

"TK."

"Yes, I'm here. What's wrong?"

"It hurts so much."

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C - Crucifixion 2

Summary: Carlos is recovering in the hospital. The trauma has been enormous for both him and TK and the road ahead of them both physically and mentally is enormous.

Notes:

This chapter was really long so I put it in two parts.

Same notes, same triggers

Owen threw over TK a blanket the nurse on duty had given him. He bent down in front of his son and stroked his cheek. He sighed, and was sorry he had to go through all that.

Just when he thought things were finally calming down for TK and Carlos, this happened. A normal case, complicated because all cases could be difficult, and even more so when it involved a criminal and dangerous group, extremist in every way.

They kidnapped people, people who thought they were infidels and who had to pay for the sins they had committed. When they had found Carlos, his sins were many and he deserved to pay for them.

The day Carlos had disappeared, TK was working and they hadn't been able to talk all day. Owen remembered perfectly when his son had come home and received the first message, the first video.

"How's TK?"

Owen turned around, ran into Andrea. The in-laws hadn't had much time to get to know each other privately, but there they both were, protecting and caring for their children.

"It's not worth me lying to you. He's not well. He'll be having nightmares for a long time. He Wakes up screaming; I don't know if he would ever be able to sleep without remembering that moment."

"I don't imagine anyone could forget that vision." Andrea walked over to the bed. Thanks to the painkillers, Carlos slept for hours, at least his body was recovering; his mind was something else. "I wasn't there and I shudder to imagine that vision. My boy, Carlos." Andrea turned to Owen and as the captain stood up, he took his hands and squeezed them. "Ever since this happened the other day I've been wanting to know..."

"Andrea, no."

"I'm sorry, but I need to know, I need to know what those people have done to my son. Gabriel won't tell me...please, Owen."

The captain said nothing and stared at Andrea, then turned back to his sleeping son and again looked at Carlos' mother. "No mother should hear these things." Silence was Andrea's response. "I assure you there's not much to say. They had left him there...on the cross, with all the details...just like the Bible says." Owen was so uncomfortable saying that, but Andrea stared at him. "In the video TK received on the last day, they tortured your son in ways that no human being should suffer. They knew what they were doing, they nailed his hands to the cross, just like in the Bible, they had stripped him naked, beaten him, could have killed him without going to the extreme of the cross, but they wanted to make their message clear."

"My poor boy." Andrea took one of Carlos' hands between hers and kissed them over the bandages. "And when you found him..."

"Andrea." Silence again. "He wasn't breathing, he hadn't been breathing for several minutes. It was terrible that sight of my team taking Carlos down from the cross. It was almost impossible to comfort TK, I was convinced he was going to have a heart attack, but when Carlos finally started breathing, TK calmed down a bit."

TK stirred on the couch, the nightmares returning, he sobbed and shuddered. Every time he slept, the few times he was able to, he would find Carlos in front of him, up on the cross, his chin resting on his chest. In the nightmares, Carlos was not breathing and his body was bloody, full of wounds, blows, victim of the worst possible tortures.

"It will be a long time before either of them recover," Owen said stroking his son's hair again.

"We'll be there for them," Andrea replied and sat on the edge of the bed as she heard Carlos sobbing too, his hands shaking. "They are our children and they deserve to be happy and serene."

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C - Crucificxion 1

Summary:

So many times Carlos has had to face the idea that TK might die and suddenly, TK finds himself facing it, in the form of a cross, where some heartless people have placed Carlos, after torturing him.

He looks dead, for a couple of minutes, Carlos looks dead and that is something that neither of them will be able to shake off any time soon.

Notes:

The name of the chapter says it all. I don't need to tell you to be careful with the triggers it may bring. I admit that I have not been very graphic as far as the Hurt and torture are concerned, because my brain has not allowed me to do so.

The story unfolds after the crucifixion and the memories appear in the form of dreams and nightmares of both Carlos and TK.

In no case my intention is to hurt sensitivities, nor to bother with religious questions, a subject that I hardly touch in this story.

Carlos' screams filled the hallway and TK heard them as soon as the elevator doors opened. He ran to his boyfriend's room and had to fight his way through the four nurses and two doctors who were surrounding the bed and doing their best to avoid Carlos' punches and kicks.

"Don't touch me!"

"We're going to have to administer a strong dose of tranquilizer," one of the doctors said.

But as the nurse next to Carlos was about to give him the injection, the policeman let out a punch that almost hit his face, but she managed to pull away.

TK was paralyzed at the sight of the grotesque spectacle, the blood flowing from the open wounds on Carlos' hands, the blood staining the sheet around his feet and of course the wound on his side.

"I said don't touch me! No!"

Almost the entire sheet was covered in blood and there was no way to get Carlos to stop hurting himself or to stop him from ever hurting anyone.

TK walked over to the bed, sat on the edge and grabbed his boyfriend's wrists even though he knew he would probably be hurting him, but, at least, he managed to get his attention.

"Hey, Carlos, my love."

"TK? Tell them to stay away, please. They want to hurt me."

"No one wants to hurt you, I promise." TK stroked his boyfriend's cheek and, like a wounded animal, made him keep his gaze locked on his. "You're in the hospital. You don't remember because you got there so badly."

"No...no...they left me...they put me...they hurt me...they wanted to kill me and for everyone to see."

It was hard for him to speak and TK noticed how hard his boyfriend's hands were shaking; his hands, his lips, his whole body was trembling and he was struggling not to fall headlong into a panic attack, which he had been living in for several days now.

"I know and I assure you the police are looking for them."

"Don't let them come near me, please." Carlos looked at all the people around him in terror, like someone who thinks someone is going to pull out a knife and jump in and try to kill him. "I woke up and you weren't there... There were people... strangers."

"They're doctors and nurses, you're in the hospital, safe."

Carlos looked at his hands, both bandaged, but both covered in blood and squeezed them tightly until he groaned from the excruciating pain. Blood began to flood everything again.

"Carlos, stop... stop, my love, you're going to hurt yourself a lot more. You're going to open up your wounds."

But Carlos just stood there, staring at the red stain growing bigger in front of his eyes. The pain of the memory of the moment when the metal pierced his skin made him close his eyes, squeeze them shut and moan.

It hurt so much again. One blow tore his skin, another one pierced all the flesh to the wood and the third one... the third one was for pleasure, he had seen it in the eyes of those people. They wanted to put him through the worst pain imaginable.

The same in the other hand. The same pain, the same desperation, and tears began to run down his cheeks, at the same time that his lungs closed and he stopped breathing because of the most terrifying fear.

"Carlos, Carlos, my love, look at me." TK cupped his cheeks between his two hands and waited until he met Carlos' eyes again and stopped looking at his hands. "You need to calm down and breathe."

Carlos shook his head.

"I can't." He tried to pull away from TK, but he wasn't able to move. "They'll know I'm alive by now, they'll come for me."

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B - (Temporary) Blind

Summary: Carlos is blinded by a terrible explosion. The doctors say it will be temporary, they say it will pass, but Carlos is afraid he will be like this forever and he is also afraid that TK will no longer feel the same way about him.

TK listened to the sound of his own heart, a heartbeat at times accelerated, at times so slow that it seemed to stop. Everything was gray, black and white in front of him, there were shadows moving, people talking, talking to him, he felt the touch of a hand on his shoulder and the image of someone... someone he knew, he was almost sure, in front of him.

And they insisted on talking to him, surely someone was telling him that everything was going to be all right, that Carlos was going to be all right. But it didn't matter what they told him or who told him. Carlos was far away, in one of the hospital wards; they were doing tests on him, they had been doing them for hours, maybe, and no one was telling TK anything.

If he thought about it he didn't know what had happened before, maybe the phone call or maybe he had seen the news on the Internet ... no, he had been watching TV, he had put the TV on while he was preparing something to eat, because he didn't like to be in silence at home.

The tune that they were going to give a last hour made him look up from the plate of salad in which he was entertained. He was struck by the explosion, but as a firefighter and paramedic he was used to that sort of thing, but seeing such a thing even if it was through the television was always shocking.

"We have received information that there are several injured, including at least one police officer."

It didn't have to be Carlos, there were plenty of cops in Austin, it didn't have to be her boyfriend who was the injured cop.

"Yes, excuse me," the reporter continued, cutting off his partner who was speaking from the studio. "We have a few more facts about the injured and I assume our viewers will want to know the status of the injured officer. His name is..."

TK stopped breathing and listened to the sound of the plate in his hand as he heard Carlos' name. Carlos was injured, Carlos had been injured in an explosion that had almost taken out two buildings.

Sitting in the hospital waiting room, TK remembered that on the news they had said the injured officer was in bad shape, they said his life was in danger before they had even gotten the call from the hospital.

"TK." He looked up, though he could barely see anything but the mental image he had made of Carlos when the explosion had thrown him to the ground, when the paramedics had attended to him. "TK, son." He imagined him, injured, covered in blood, with some broken bone. "TK."

Owen knelt down in front of his son and rested his hands on his son's knees and repeated his name a couple more times to get his attention. He smiled as he saw TK looking up at him and stroked his cheek.

"The doctor said they'll tell us something in a few minutes. But Andrea and Gabriel have just arrived."

TK looked up again, were there always this many people moving around a hospital? Why did they keep moving? They were making him nervous and barely allowing TK to concentrate.

But then he saw them. It had been a few days since they had seen each other because they were all tied up with work. None of them expected that the next time they would meet would be at the hospital, under the uncertainty of not knowing how Carlos was doing.

Andrea sat down next to him and held his hand.

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A for Anaemia

This alphabet, Carlos Whump A-Z I have collected a few oneshots about situations that happen to Carlos and that in one way or another put his life in danger. Sometimes it's a simple cold that happens in bed and sometimes TK has to come to terms with the idea that he might lose the love of his life.

I promise that they will all have happy endings and that Carlos and TK will always love each other very much no matter how difficult things get for them at some point.

Carlos looked out the window, it was the first day in two weeks that the sun was out, the first time in days that he had seen such a beautiful day and he had to exercise at home with the punching bag because he had promised TK that he would not go for a run, or at least that he would not do it alone.

"It's just been..."

"Don't you dare say that out loud." TK murdered him with his eyes the night before. "Don't you dare say it's just been a couple of dizzy spells, because when I get a call from the precinct and they tell me you almost passed out at the end of the day and we get a 911 call saying an officer, my boyfriend, can't breathe and needs medical assistance, I assure you that's not a couple of dizzy spells."

His captain had told him to take a couple of days off and it certainly couldn't hurt. It had been a long time since he'd taken a vacation. After working with Detective Washington, he'd poured himself into the idea of getting that promotion. Maybe too much, and the days off had all but disappeared.

The bad thing about having a paramedic boyfriend was that he was always ready to check his blood pressure, which was a little out of control those days. His temperature was rising almost every night, and making sure he ate right, even if Carlos wasn't hungry.

Of course, TK was not at ease and had forbidden him to go for a run without him, unless he agreed to a medical check-up or at least a personal visit from Tommy to make sure everything was okay.

"I'm not going to waste any doctor's time, let alone Tommy's on his day off to tell me I'm fine."

"But you're not, babe.You're really pale and you have days off because you almost fell down twice at work."

TK stopped paying attention to the movie they were watching on TV; all in all, Willow had seen it many times, he knew it by heart and his boyfriend's health was more important.

"Okay, I train at home, but you go to work tomorrow, I don't want you to take a single day off to babysit me. I assure you I can survive by myself at home for one day."

TK reluctantly agreed, but forced Carlos to promise to text or call him every couple of hours. Carlos had refused to do so every hour.

TK: Don't make me worry. You should have said something by now. You know I can turn up with the ambulance and fire truck at home.

Carlos laughed at the message. He wasn't sure if he thought TK was charming or a bit of a psychopath... he ended up accepting that his boyfriend was the most charming creature in the world when he worried about him and he couldn't blame him either, he had rarely seen him sick. TK didn't want to say it out loud, but he was a little scared that something serious could happen to him.

Carlos: It slipped my mind.

TK: I'm sorry. I was training a little.

TK: Tell me you haven't been training all morning. You need to rest. Remember?

Carlos: Just fifteen more minutes.

TK: ...

Carlos: Don't get mad, tiger. I need to stay in shape and you can see that nothing has happened to me. A little exercise won't kill me.

TK: Don't say it so loud, at least not until I get home.

Carlos: I'll be fine.

Carlos was sure that TK would text him again in a while, half an hour later at the most, and if he didn't answer he would show up at home fifteen minutes later. So he left the phone ringing to keep his ears open and went on with his training.

Those days he got tired earlier than usual, that was true. He was used to doing a couple of hours of more or less intense exercise, but, that week, the strength disappeared earlier and now he had only been doing it for an hour and he already felt short of breath.

His body needed to stop but his brain was telling him that it was not the time, he could hold on a little longer, he had to hold on because he was a young man and capable of running for more than an hour straight. He had done races and small marathons. Stopping was not an option.

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I’m a little bit unraveled. But I’m ready.

Happy Birthday, Rae💙@iboatedhere

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