carolineisntdeleted

[carolineisntdeleted]

Any upcoming tests with the portal gun? any add-ons?

I think Mr Johnson wanted to attach a real gun to the portal device but I told him the test subjects would try to overthrow him with it, or be too dumb to know how to use it properly. It would cost us a lot of money (and casualties) so we went against it.

I think Greg wanted to put a frog launcher on it! Like.. a gun but it shoots live frogs. I'm not sure what the purpose is, but I do think it would be funny and less dangerous than real bullets.

Sometimes I host art nights for test subjects to paint their portal guns, where the best one gets an extra dollar in their $60 testing prize and they get to test with their bedazzled gun (until they die, in which their gun goes to the next tester in line). Test subject attendance does in fact go up!

[carolineisntdeleted]

Anyone who says no is withholding me from SCIENCE. I am putting that man in a DRESS.

For our next experiment, I will be putting Mr. Johnson in drag.

I had a scientist ask him what his drag name would be and he said "it's get-back-to-work-or-ill-fire-everyone-in-this-room". Further studies will need to be drawn, aka I'm going to draw him in a drag costume and he will like it.

[carolineisntdeleted]

How are you holding up?

I am holding up well! I've been really invested in our recent experiments, in which we moved on from injecting humans with bug DNA to now injecting bugs with human DNA. Flies talk at us now, it's really annoying and nonsensical. They try to reason with us not to swat them, but we weren't going to kill them anyway, not yet at least, as we're still running tests. So they think they've won, and they gloat. They are not good test subjects either, they just fly out of the course without touching any of the elements! At least we don't have to pay them. So that's what has been keeping me busy!

[carolineisntdeleted]

For our next experiment, I will be putting Mr. Johnson in drag.

I had a scientist ask him what his drag name would be and he said "it's get-back-to-work-or-ill-fire-everyone-in-this-room". Further studies will need to be drawn, aka I'm going to draw him in a drag costume and he will like it.

[carolineisntdeleted]

How fascinating, you and I are quite similar. My Cave Johnson, if I may, is much less charismatic. He, Lord Dottore, is quite the dedicated scientist.

@thetruescholar

Hmm, intriguing! I am unaware of who that is, are you from another universe? Mr Johnson was researching parallel universes for quite awhile, something Aperture is rather invested in!

The more scientists the merrier! You should suggest this Dottore person to come by Aperture sometime.

[carolineisntdeleted]

do you know who ate all the donuts?

I think some test subjects snuck up here and took them! That or it was Mr. Johnson. Probably Mr. Johnson. He thinks they're all for him because he's the boss, when in reality they're NOT and the donuts are for everyone...

[carolineisntdeleted]

Yes but sometimes you go a bit overboard, sir... You were a very good shower curtain salesman but showing off the most dangerous products to potential clients, which sometimes can injure them, is very scary for the company because I've had to settle maybe 4 lawsuits now. I think we killed some people with your samples, actually. We need to try something else... and until then it is monkey baby leash for you!

I think I need to put Mr. Johnson on a monkey leash, he keeps wandering off without me to harass strangers about buying Aperture products and it is NOT going well. He was only good at being a salesman for shower curtains, because now he's gotten too confident and just intrudes on random peoples conversations in public, shoving samples (that they can't take) in their faces. He needs to be restrained..

In example:

I think Aperture Investors would invest in that.

[carolineisntdeleted]

I heard Aperture is creating a number between 2 and 4 how is that going

It's been incredibly hard, Mr Johnson has been staring at a whiteboard on the wall with various equations trying to figure out how any whole numbers between 2 and 4 would be possible. He's been at it for hours, I don't know if he can figure it out... very tough work... I think he's called in maybe 7 scientists to help him so far. We aren't getting any closer.

[carolineisntdeleted]

I think I need to put Mr. Johnson on a monkey leash, he keeps wandering off without me to harass strangers about buying Aperture products and it is NOT going well. He was only good at being a salesman for shower curtains, because now he's gotten too confident and just intrudes on random peoples conversations in public, shoving samples (that they can't take) in their faces. He needs to be restrained..

In example:

I think Aperture Investors would invest in that.

[carolineisntdeleted]

Hi Miss Caroline! I was wondering, do you have any favorite fields of science?

Hello there! Hmm, that's a tough one! Well, at Aperture we mainly test physical properties. Such as how we test gels, the Portal gun, or how the human body reacts to our experiments (like when we do surgeries on our subjects or keep them near testing elements for extended periods of time).

I like psychology a lot, too. Human minds are very fascinating! People react to situations in many different ways! I like observing our portal gun testing for that reason, as watching people's reaction to stress or figuring a puzzle out can be really intriguing. Some people wouldn't believe how they can act when flinging through the air into a wall from misplaced repulsion gel, haha!

In my youth, before Aperture, I did find cosmetology interesting too! Such as what people believe is okay to inject into or onto their skin (spoiler alert: it's probably not healthy.. or maybe that's just what we inject into people here?).

But I think any field of science is wonderful! There is so much to be explored! And I want Aperture to do as much of it as possible!

[carolineisntdeleted]

Miku?

A robot built for singing.. how cool! A fancy IBM 7094!! Miku is very cute, and a great suggestion. I wonder if we could use something like her as a mascot here at our facility? Maybe singing machines could boost employee moral ✨️. I'd love to experiment more with technology like her!

[carolineisntdeleted]

what are your thoughts on this caroline...

Wow! I am so concerned and I have many thoughts! Such as how did you tie that cat to a balloon?? The string is coming out of his ear.. Why is the cat so calm? Kitty, get down from there, you're only safe in the sky with Aperture branded rockets... the balloon isn't going to hold you!! Unless you're part balloon?? Have you been experimented on already?? If Black Mesa got to you first..

I think in conclusion you need to send this cat to Aperture right away. I don't think cats are born with strings in their ear holes. I don't think that thing can hear me. I need to inspect it closer..

[carolineisntdeleted]

Hello, this thing on? Goodness, it's been over a year since I last communicated here! I hope you all are doing well. I've felt a sudden motivation to start speaking with you people again so feel free to tell or ask me some things! You can go on up to the ol' Aperture Science Weighted Suggestion Box and throw something in, I'll answer them as soon as I can!! :) ✨️ allrighty, memo over, Mr Johnson wants you back at your desks immediately !

[carolineisntdeleted]

It was Caroline appreciation day on April 22nd! How dare I not say anything for my day?? I am flattered at the people who chose to celebrate it, though. 🫂🎂✨️

[carolineisntdeleted]

I’m not sure if this was asked before but Miss Caroline, what’s your favorite part about the facility?

I love everything! The people, the science, the ideas. It’s all fascinating! I love the science of it all.

[carolineisntdeleted]

Happy new year, be glad that Aperture hasn't stopped the flow of time yet!

[carolineisntdeleted]

are you excited for caroline christmas!

I like Christmas so yes!! It's very fun to decorate Aperture for it. Christmas is very cozy. I don't think Mr Johnson likes how cold it is but I love it.