carpetreveiws - Tumblr blog

[carpetreveiws]

Thoughts on Elden Ring

Okay so I have some thoughts on Elden Ring that I need to write down somewhere.

Basically, the more I think about it, the more I think it might be my least favorite Fromsoft game I’ve played so far. It’s between this and Dark Souls 3.

I started thinking about it because I was playing Bloodborne at my friend’s house. I got to Gascoigne and died like seven times before my weapon broke. Didn’t find Cleric Beast.

First off, unlike the other Fromsoft games, the playtime itself is divided between open world stuff (open world encounters, ruins, caves, catacombs, mines, etc), and Legacy Dungeons/Miniature Legacy Dungeons. 90% of the open world stuff is boring repetitive bullshit, because there’s no interesting encounter design. The wiki lists 20 Legacy Dungeons, and I’ve played through 17 of them, so that’s what I’m gonna talk about here. Basically all of them suffer from the same two problems:

Bonfire Placement. This was done in Sekiro and to a lesser extent Dark Souls 3, where bonfires are just really close to each other for no reason. In Sekiro, this worked because the main point of the game was to fight the bosses, and the rest was basically a stealth game. Elden Ring seems to think that it’s also a boss rush, and wants to make bosses the main focus of the game, which might explain why there’s so many of them. Playing Bloodborne, I remembered that feeling of each bonfire/shortcut being pretty far away, so you got stressed, and each encounter becomes more dramatic, which is fun. This almost never happens in Elden Ring, and the only times it does are in relation to the rest of the game, where you feel that by now you would have reached the next Elden Ring bonfire, but in, say, Dark Souls 1, this is just par for the course in terms of bonfire runs. 

Repeated bosses. This is really weird to say but the experience of bosses can actually be ruined by the fact that they’re repeated, even if it’s your first time fighting them. This is really weird to explain, so instead of falling on the “it ruins the idea of a special one-off encounter,” I’m gonna try to explain it with examples: 

Case 1) The mini-legacy dungeon Caria Manor, which was pretty fun, even if it was small, and even if I know for sure you could have removed every bonfire except the first and added a shortcut and it would’ve been perfect. Basically, it’s a manor kind of hidden in these misty woods. A blacksmith outside of it describes it as being cursed by an “enchanted snare” which basically means it’s haunted. In the first courtyard, you’re ambushed by these creepy hand spiders, and further up, you fight ghosts that spawn out of thin air. The boss of this area is a spectral knight that’s one of my favorite bosses in the game. You fight her again, except in a non-spectral form. The exact same knight. They’re even both named Loretta. Meaning; the ghostly knight boss of the haunted manor level was not even a ghost.

Case 2: In the Shaded Castle, which is like a poison swamp castle, another of my favorite levels, though I definitely would have removed a bonfire and added a shortcut, but even so it has better bonfire runs, encounter design, and general level design than most other levels. Near one of the bonfires, you see a ghost whose dialogue talks about the castle being overtaken by a “guilty cretin” who stole the castle’s “storied sword.” The boss is actually really fun, maybe my favorite in the entire game. He uses a telekinetic sword, so he can punish people who stay at range really easily. Unlike some other bosses, his ranged moves aren’t easily punishable, and instead incentivize you to move in. You fight this boss three more times, meaning the “storied sword” wasn’t even unique. Case 3: There’s a sewer level that’s also great in terms of level design, because all of it is built around one bonfire, and the encounters are fun and gradually increase in intensity. Also the runs are fairly long. I’m naming a lot of levels here and saying I really like them, but honestly these are like the three I remember most fondly and the rest are mid. 

I’ll also mention Castle Morne and Nokron being ones I liked, but suffer from the same problems, with Nokron having this unique issue of being really weirdly structured, where you play for the first part of it and there’s kind of a joke/gimmick boss at the end, and then you enter this really stupid-looking, shitty ass middle area that isn’t even unique in the game, and is really a shame to be placed here considering the rest of Nokron is one of the few legitimately very atmospheric areas, and then you go through the second part of Nokron which doesn’t end with a boss or even a particularly involved encounter. There is a big boss here, though, except it’s from an offshoot of that middle area for some reason, and has some encounters in a more Nokron-like zone in front of it, but the boss itself is really boring. Anyways back to the sewer level, which is fun, except at the end you start going down a giant hole, which looks cool because you’re like, oh I’m gonna fight a boss at the bottom. At the bottom there’s a bonfire, and then you go into a hallway that looks like the Catacombs areas, not the sewers, and fight a boring boss who is actually the first phase of one of the seven main “great rune” bosses. I don’t know why he is repeated, or why he’s down here. It’s a goddamn sewer level, give me a sewer boss. 

And that’s just in reference to level design, not even the combat or anything.

[carpetreveiws]

Helluva Boss Episode 6 Review

It's Saturday, the twenty-first of August. I wake up at ten. This week has been, to say the least, taxing. My morning routine has fallen into a lull lately. I wake up, find something to eat (usually nothing more than a slice of bread). I open my phone, and the rather rigid itinerary continues:

Open discord

Open twitter

Open instagram

Open snapchat

Open youtube

Open any games that give free daily rewards (though I barely play them anymore).

This routine is borne not out of a personal need for structure, but purely out of apathy towards anything I see. I don't care about updates, I don't scroll through social media, I very rarely type in comments sections. I am done in five to ten minutes.

So, I had kind of forgotten about Helluva Boss. As a matter of fact, it didn't even appear in my youtube recommended, which it has unfailingly done for its past 5 episodes. I had said, a few months ago, when I wrote my last review, that I was losing faith in the series. I didn't think Vivenne had the right mindset for writing, visible in the series' basic structure and frankly cringeworthy sense of humour. By this time yesterday, I had no expectations left for Helluva Boss and no concern over what its future was going to look like. About a year ago I bought a funny little Hazbin Hotel merch t-shirt that I am wearing right now (Ironically, I was wearing it before realizing a new episode had been released. I put it on this morning because it was Saturday and I don't have to see anybody. I like the colors).

So fast forward. It's now around five-thirty in the evening, and I am checking my twitter again. There's an image on my feed, captioned by somebody (I can't remember what the caption is). A Helluva Boss screenshot. I close the tab instantly, and go to youtube, typing into the bar "Helluva Boss episode 6". There it is. I look at the timestamp, 22 minutes, and immediately think to myself: Oh shit, it's review day.

And it is. So here's my review. This intro was a joke, and most of it's made up.

Summed up: This episode is a step in the right direction. All these random character points, that felt too simple, or too back-seated in previous episodes get to take center stage (finally). It's focused only on Blitzo and Moxxie, but by the end of it, they actually feel like fairly complete characters. We start in the center of the action, which works perfectly for a show like this. Even though it's been two months, I am pulled back into the show almost instantly. It opens with some clever animation, of the tv screens, but these aren't the best visuals we'll be seeing this episode by any stretch of the word. In a few quick lines, each character is not only placed into their element: Blitzo's vulgar admonishments, Moxxie's sardonic reproach. Millie is aggressive, but we're again reminded how much she cares for Moxxie. She shouts at Loona to open the gate, and Loona refuses, citing her knowledge of Blitzo, and how she knows he's serious. It's perfect. I love it.

From here we have Moxxie and Blitzo restrained in a high security facility, as some agents begin to question them. The next scene is my personal favorite, of possibly the entire series, because we finally get to see Blitzo and Moxxie acting in sync, being friends, I guess, when we've only gotten bits of that before. They've mostly just bounced off of each other, so it's some nice character development. Good job.The rest will come in a bit. Rogers also gets to show off a bit his knack for the snappy dialogue. Though, every silver cloud: the scene ends with a "your mom" "my mom's dead" joke, that would hardly be funny in a reddit thread. It is downright awful here.

Loona and Millie are infiltrating the facility for a violent intermission.

So here's the real meat of the episode: The agents release into the room a "truth gas" that does exactly what the name implies (oddly enough, they never bother to question the imps before the gas dissipates). After realizing what the gas does, both Moxxie and Blitzo enter musical hallucinations, in which they confront each other, and the personal issues in each of them that contribute to their flawed relationship. Before, I continue, I want to note that the music and animation here are stellar, but again, the episode has better visuals still on the way. This number is essentially what all those bits of development between them were leading up to, and it's great. All of it is paying off. The series will change from here on out, hopefully: We'll get to see a healed Blitzo and Moxxie taking on all the villains that were set up. I was going to mention it later, but I guess I'll just awkwardly shoehorn it in now: Each episode has set up a new villain and none have recurred yet and that is not at all a good thing. I have no idea how Vivienne gonna get through all of them in a meaningful way. Back to the scene at hand: We're going through Moxxie's natural submissiveness, and Blitzo's fear of both intimacy and of being alone (does some of the dialogue here feel too imitative of Rick and Morty? I don't know. That's your call). When it's over, Blitz realizes his love for Stolas (romantic) and for Moxxie (platonic) (probably). They agree to be better friends. Congrats. We did it. The payoff is here.

Let's celebrate with a big ol beautifully animated fight scene that's just as edgy as these 2012 deviantart furries (Loona is back as a wolf, thank you). It's fast, bloody, at one point Blitzo pulls out a comically large rocket launcher labeled "MY DICK" and it shoots a missile labeled "PUSSY DESTROYER" and to my absolute shock, I laugh. That's right: This episode made me laugh one time. But honestly, that doesn't matter to me too much, because this isn't trying nearly as hard as the other episodes to be comedic. It's focused on other things, and I can appreciate it for that. As a twist, the original two agents escape, and slam that big red button. They're locked inside, guns pointed at them, and when it seems as though all hope is lost, Stolas arrives, which a demonstration of his power. Yet another piece of this episodes that fills some previously teased aspect. He's possessing people, raising dead in here, and his "true form" is what I mentioned a few times earlier: the most beautiful visual in the series yet. Or maybe I just like owls.

The episode is over, and I close the tab, thinking about how I'm going to write this review. I'm astounded. I had legitimately lost hope for this series. And just when I least expect it, Vivienne comes with an episode on par, maybe even better, than the second. Each character is realized, the animation is stunning, it feels like it's exactly what it wants to be. To put things into perspective though, I still don't think this episode nears the series' hypothetical full potential. It's certainly not on par with the best of some of the shows it recalls. The comedy still suffers, and the character development doesn't have a ton to work off of, and I that age warning at the beginning still feels misplaced. But you know what? Vivenne has made something half-decent here. And I can appreciate that. If the show keeps this up, hopefully even getting better, and minds bringing back one of those six or seven villains that have already been set up, then the future looks bright. It is with pride, joy, and definitely definitely tears in my eyes that I give this episode a 6/10.

[carpetreveiws]

Helluva Boss Episode 5 - Review

The more I think about this episode, the worse it gets.

My thoughts on this might be a bit disorganized, a bit like a nitpick marathon, because I really did not laugh once this episode.

The first thing I noticed is that the dialogue sounds even more fake than usual, and not just because of the voice overacting.

"I mean, war fun,"

What is this, a wojak meme?

"Now, just remember, you're rep with the in-laws is on the line here. So no pressure at all, you totally will not make an ass out of yourself in front of everyone important in your life. Go get 'em tiger."

This might qualify as less of a poorly written line than a joke that falls flat just because of its predictability. It's the kind of thing you've seen hundreds of times before, probably. A few of the gags in this episode are like that.

"This is fucking beautiful."

I should probably explain this one, I think it's a bit more debatable. The problem with it is that while the phrase might occur in our culture, we have no grounds on which to gage the severity or "how embarrassing" is the event. (Imp riding a bucking bronco)? It reminds me that I'm watching a cartoon. It feels off.

As stated above, the jokes are often predictable, unoriginal, or just plain nonsensical, (Example: Stolas babying Blitz. I guess the joke here is that Stolas is more powerful, so he infantilizes the imp? Am I missing something?)

Of course, comedy is subjective, so I'll just move on from that. In terms of character development, this episode felt shallow. Moxxie sticks to the trope of the weak, nerdy, etc. Millie doesn't get much either, aside from her relationship with her parents, which... matters, I suppose. Surprisingly, the best development to come from this episode was of the relationship between Blitz and Stolas. Apparently Blitz has mixed feelings about the other. Interesting.

To add a positive note, I think both Blitz and Stolas were voiced well, aside from a few instances of the aforementioned overacting. And, of course, whenever Stolas does the shitty baby voice gag.

There's this new character, Striker. He's a thirst trap, and that's about it. OKay, he's a new villain, he's deceitful, and he's been hired by Stolas' wife to kill Stolas. I did not like his voice actor at all. He feels both needlessly over-the-top and horribly mundane at once. (I want to add, I feel like there was an attempt at a joke in the overtly sexual fight scenes. Could just be me, though).

[carpetreveiws]

Thoughts on Helluva Boss Episode 4

This new Helluva Boss episode just came out and and I don't have a whole lot to say this time around. I think it's a bit shallow to just run through a list, but even if I did that, I don't think it would be more shallow than the episode itself. The episode centers around IMP coming in conflict with CHERUB, Heaven's version of the IMP, who save lives, and do it free of charge. An old man wants to kill himself, and the IMP has been hired to kill him, so while the CHERUB try to show him the beauty of life, the IMP try to convince him to kill himself by showing him the bad in all the good that the CHERUB presents.

The episode ends with the old man realizing that if beings from beyond earth are fighting over his life, it must be worth living. He adds on that his ridiculous wealth makes it worth living as well. None of this is particularly profound, especially for a touchier subject like depression/suicide, but I don't think profundity should be expected of this show. It is, after all, just a comedy cartoon featuring Vivziepop's brand of sadistic edge. What this episode lacks is character, or character development, that made the second enjoyable and the third at least interesting.

The last big thing I want to talk about are some of the jokes in this episode, because more so than ever they seem to seriously lack self-awareness. I paused the video at one moment, just to try and figure out how they thought it was a good idea to leave this line in:

MOXXIE: Lyle Lipdin, it is our humble opinion that you should continue the process to "commit die".

There's also another joke about furries. Comedy is subjective, of course, so the only true negative to mention is how revealing it is of Spindlehorse's own relation to its fanbase. For a while it's seemed like there's a significant disconnect between the show's target audience and its actual audience, but jokes like these make it harder to believe that Viviziepop doesn't know exactly who she's appealing to. Or is she just innocently trying to "meme?" Does she realize jokes like these have no lasting relevancy? Is she trying to get chummy with her audience? I don't know, I'm not friends with Vivienne Medrano, I'm not friends with Brandon Rogers, and I'm especially not friends with Helluva Boss, because Helluva Boss is not a person, it's a fantasy cartoon.

On a few side notes, Loona looks really out of place in this episode. It's not really a complaint, but it is noticeable and it does look like a completely different style. There's another aspect to the ending that I didn't mention, that the members of the CHERUB were exiled from Heaven for supposedly causing the death of the man. For whatever reason I'm actually incredibly interested in where this plot thread goes next.

Probably the last thing I want to believe is that this is going to be the standard quality for Helluva Boss episodes, but unfortunately, it's kind of looking that way? We're four episodes in and episode 2 is the highest point it's been. It's a show I want to like, because there just aren't many others like it, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't starting to lose it's charisma.