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Tabula Rasa

2021 has now begun, a new year awaits us, we are already in our first week. But this new year is not the same, the way we celebrate new years eve were not the same as the celebrations we had before the pandemic, given the situation that we are all in, a lot has definitely changed.

Everyone including even the celebrities and some of the most powerful people needed and had to adjust specially for those over seas workers that came home because of the situation. as for celebrating in welcoming a new year, this year it was rather quite, we all had to adjust, in some places like in the province even blowing a “torotot” wasn’t allowed we still can’t properly celebrate with our neighbors and needed to social distance

Since the new year has started a lot of people did not even cared about celebrating because they had nothing to be thankful for. I get where they are coming from I mean a lot of unfortunate things had happened, It seemed that we were living in a black mirror episode, A lot of people grieved this 2020, a lot of people experienced difficulty in maintaining a healthy mental health. The reason I think this happens is because we have nothing else to do that requires going outside, some people are forced to face and endure the thoughts of their traumas that they had been avoiding by going out with friends, partying, and enjoying outdoor activities and such.

This new way of celebrating new years eve and even celebrating a new way of Christmas made me realize and made me opened my eyes to what is really important, it made me think about the true essence of celebrating these types of holidays that we should be more thankful to 2020 because made 2020 made us realize that how great we are living before and how free we are, as the song by passenger goes “well you only need the light when it’s burning low, only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go” we only appreciated going outside and being free when we told to quarantine and lay low.

Maybe this experience is not that peculiar at all, but since it is new to us we are still in the point of our lives where we are being denial and that we can’t do anything about the situation that we are all currently in.

In living this long which is not that long enough compared to other people I know that I have won a lot of battles whether it may be silent or not I have fought them and faced them with my head held high, I had overcome my demons and I became more accepting of new beginnings, I learned to let go and let it be I and not just me I think all of us just need to keep on moving forward because we are Filipinos, fortitude is our talent as well as singing hahaha all jokes aside I know that everything that is happening to me and to everyone is not for nothing, that God is preparing us for the sun and that is why we must first overcome the rain because all plants grow and was made stronger because of it, like our problems, It made us all stronger.

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Constellations like the Dipper: Forever balancing

The experience that pushed me to reflect about this is when Me and my Bestfriend stopped being friends. The reason why we stopped being friends is not the reason what I was expecting, We just drifted apart, This happened I think because we don’t communicate as much anymore, we have been friends since I can remember, I thought that our bond was unbreakable, we overcame a lot of things together like when his family is going through a tough time and me and my family would always offer him our home, I remember us getting ice cream sundaes at 12 am because we felt like the main characters of an indie film, I remember that he was always hyping me up when I talking about my passion for interior designing and I would hype him up for his passion for being a singer, even though his parents wants him to become a doctor, we were invincible together, He was always there for me when I doubt myself, He felt like a brother to me, even though we don’t say it to each other we felt like our friendship drifted apart and I think it was our lack of communication and comprehension to each other, I was mostly busy with school  and he was busy with other things like having fun most of the time, Let’s just say our priorities were different, because of this he started hanging out with different people and I started doing the same, and one day we weren’t just as close anymore, we would still greet each others birthdays and that was about it, we are still friends and we are happy for each other. I think the reason why this experience happened to both of us is for us to learn from each other, I learned from him that Life is indeed short and I should take risks, go out and enjoy my life, I taught him about the importance of setting his goals straight, he is doing well in his class now and I could not be happier,  Overall this experience taught me that friends do drift apart, it does not mean that we hate each other, it means that we grew from each other, I’m happy for him and he is happy for me, I know I can still count on him and he can still count on me, it may not be as last time but that is what growing and maturing is all about. This  experience taught me that it is ok to lose spark in friendships because that’s when you know you are growing, you are maturing and you are changing. This experience opened my eyes about friendship. I can improve my life with this new experience that I have encountered, I won’t force friendships, I won’t try to change myself for a person, I won’t set aside my dreams and aspirations for temporary fun and as cheesy as It may sound friendships are like stars, you can’t always see them but you know they are always there, and that is what I feel about our friendship, like an Orion in an endless oasis.

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The Iridescence Of Innocence

Today I want to reflect about my birthday for 2020 in a middle of a pandemic. My birthday was on November 8th but I just realized that I should make a reflection about my experience because I have changed a lot both physically and mentally my earliest birthday that I can still recall with a full vision is my 6th birthday, I remember just being filled with joy and laughter as if everything was perfect, My mother is a fan of organizing and decorating (something I learned from her) my theme for my 6th birthday was the infamous power rangers. Me being my absolute self and thinking that I was the main character I asked my mom If  I can dress up as the red power ranger and my mom bought me this cake filled with power rangers toys and my eyes were immediately filled with  joy. when I was growing up I decided that I wanted to plan my own birthdays, this very recent one (my 17th birthday) was planned by me and my friends, still with help of my mom of course because she knew all the hook-ups for all party decors, I made up my mind and have Harry Potter as my birthday theme and I had a really great time despite that the situation that we are in, I decided not to throw a party and just have a private dinner with my family because I wanted to be responsible amidst this pandemic. What I’m trying to say is, when we were younger we were so much happier because we didn’t really paid attention to the other things that are happening to us, we were so much grateful, just by having 50 pesos as a kid we felt that we were millionaires but as we grow older we do realize that the world isn’t so perfect that the world doesn’t revolve around us. As children when we cry we make sure everyone knows that we are crying and that we should be given hugs and kisses, Now that we are older and much more matured  when we cry we do it as silently as possible, I just wish that all of us the inner kids within us, that we can still be delighted even with just a piece of candy, I hope that people can experience the kind of fun that they experienced as a child because growing up doesn’t mean that we should feel less emotions, growing up means feeling those emotions and projecting it into the world; honing those emotions so we can make the world a much rather better place.

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hiraeth hallucinations

Do you sometimes feel homesick? not for a place but for a person, homesick for that person that can’t return, how that one person made you see life through a new set of eyes, like how I didn’t care for the color blue but once that person told me that their favorite color is blue you just seem to feel that the color blue has a new meaning, seeing their eyes light up as you buy them their favorite ice cream flavor cookies and cream, it’s funny how some things change in a day or in an hour, how our lives can change or be shaped from passing by a stranger.

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Man’s best friend

while I was walking walking my dog I realized something rather touchy and concerning, I realized that for some people owning and taking caring of dogs are just a small part of their life but for the dog it’s their whole life, their whole life revolves around their owner, and it made me realize that some people who own dogs just use them for Instagram to take cute photos, and how some owners just pot their dogs in cages, it made me sad that some dogs are being mistreated and I can’t do anything about it, for now I will use my voice and social media platform to educate our youth about this and other important topics such as equality amongst all genders and other more.

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Before I fall

I’ve watched this movie movie (before I fall) again, lol, but every time I watch it I still get fascinated by the idea of what a whole twenty four hours can do, how a day can change a persons perspective about life, how a day can change a persons life, how a day can change a person. While watching this movie I realized that I’ve lost a good amount of time in my life focusing on the wrong things, I have waste my time by focusing on superficial things like, checking my Instagram if my photo had lots of likes, or if my crush saw my story, I could have used my time on far more important things like bonding with my family, I could have used my time to do the things I always wanted to do, that is why we should always live the life we want to and not how others want it to be, life is short to have any regrets.