anxiouspandastories

[anxiouspandastories]

Panda has been told that you should give compliments. Yes but to a stranger? Wouldn't it be strange? But it'll be nice to receive one so why not give, right? Idk.

About the person that panda has been seeing, there are always things that she's been wanting to say but never did. Like on the fourth date, the guy dressed up nicely and made his hair. On first date, panda really appreciated that they'd spend almost half the day together. And maybe she's overthinking it, but it seemed that he made effort a bit, by really taking notes of the things she said.

[anxiouspandastories]

Panda has been seeing someone for about three months now. It feels complicated because panda doesn't know where or what things are. Panda hopes that it's a proper relationship cuz she doesn't wanna do shitty relationships now like open relationships, flings, FWB, etc etc. But panda is very heartbroken because it seems like the guy is still active on Tinder.

Panda feels like she wanna get some clarification.

Why does a simple thing like this have to be so complicated? Panda is very tired. And so badly hurt from previous relationship that she's always afraid that this guy will just disappear just like that.

[anxiouspandastories]

Someone told me that I'd just get better in managing my fears but it won't totally go away.

I wish they will.

Or that's just me overthinking.

[anxiouspandastories]

Have you ever dates someone and wondering where it is going but you're so scared to ask because you don't wanna lose what you have?

What's all these with girls shouldn't be the first one who asks, guys don't like to be pressured, etc etc? Why is everything so complicated?

[anxiouspandastories]

Anyone out there who's on levothyroxine? Going through hypo hyper phases cuz the docs changes the doses so that you reach the 'optimum' level?

I was told that I should take high doses of levo. Which makes me hyper. I get palpitations. Anyone knows how it feels to get palpitations in addition to having anxiety? It sucks!!!! My doctor asked coldly," Well you want the cancer or palpitations?"

I don't want any of that!

[anxiouspandastories]

Anxiety.

When you do the same thing everyday but you still get anxious.

I don't know why.

[anxiouspandastories]

Reaching out to those who feels lonely even when surrounded by people all around you

I hope your day goes well

[anxiouspandastories]

Dating Someone with Anxiety

When dating someone with Anxiety you need to be prepared for a list of things.

Them being nervous for seemingly simple tasks.

Answering the same question several times a day.

Directions never being truly clear.

Never being late.

Always being early or on time.

Them being indecisive and always changing their mind.

Constant reassuring.

Sweaty palms.

Texts to keep them from worrying.

Repeating directions to the point where you just go with them.

Making stressful phone calls for them.

Ordering for them when they don’t know what they want.

Promising them everything is okay.

Them constantly apologizing for things.

Them making excuses to not go somewhere.

Giving them hugs and kisses for reassurement.

Possible Panic Attacks

Note: I found something very similar to this on a photo and thought I would just share it with you all.

[anxiouspandastories]

“I think we end up liking people because of their good traits. Sometimes we end up loving them because of their flaws.”

— Michael Landsberg

[anxiouspandastories]

When you're new at work and it's so difficult to blend in. Especially when it feels like everyone's so cold. The office is cold, literally.

Have you ever been in the situation where you get out of the office to get food with your new colleagues and they all left for the office after they've bought their food to be eaten in the office? And you're standing all alone at the designated gathering place before heading back to the office together to have lunch?

A few texted saying they're heading back first and you're wondering whether the ones who haven't sent that text is waiting for you nearby. You look around wondering you should head back or stay a moment longer just in case they're waiting for you.

Yes you're a grown up and you don't have time going back to the office on your own so stop complaining. Right? Well I don't know. Honestly.

[anxiouspandastories]

The last time this anxious panda posted was about a month ago.

Since then she has (how weird it is to refer to yourself as a third person lol) relocated to another country. It's just 2 hours flight from home.

Everything still feels like a dream. This new place that she calls 'home' now is so different from her home. So many people.

So how's she coping? Still has anxiety. Always trying to calm down before it gets full blown. Everyday she's feeling she won't be able to cope but here she is. 4 weeks. One day after another.

Culture shock at work. You know how they say, in cities you don't have the warmth of a small town. That's really really true. Sometimes it's so sad to see what is happening around you. When there's no kindness. Everybody just kidding their own business. Looking into their phones all day long never lifting their heads up to look around.

This anxious panda was thinking to only spend about a year here. And go back home. Feeling the warmth of bring part of a community, having a sense of belonging.

[anxiouspandastories]

She has anxiety problems. She has just been recently offered a job in another country. About 2 hours by flight from her current place. She feels excited. But more fear than excitement. Overwhelmed by the thought of being all alone in a new place. Should she go? Or not?

[anxiouspandastories]

https://anxietynetwork.com/content/what-you-fear-most-cannot-happen

This is something that I really needed to read. You know how you read something and believing it to be true? It's like I didn't know much about hyperventilation. And how someone could pass out from that. Or how someone who has had a panic attack suddenly faints. And that was all it took. I started to be scared. Just even slight fatigue. Or not getting ebough sleep. I'd feel breathless sometimes. Then I start spiralling. What if I suddenly have trouble breathing? What if I faint? What if I never wake up?

It's absurd how all these are holding me back. One, nobody is ever going to just stand and watch if I faint. I hope not. My doctor told me, "you don't have major health issues. What are you worrying about?" Yeah tell that to my brain.

I didn't even bother to look up the facts in this article. I just wanted to keep it in my head that according to this article it's impossible to pass out when you're having a panic attack.

Don't tell me otherwise. Please.

[anxiouspandastories]

People around her, especially her family, knows her 'fears'. But most of the time, they pretend it's not there. Maybe it does help, just a little, to turn a blind eye to it and do things normally. What others call behavioural therapy.

During one of this 'most of the time' they force her to do things she cannot do. She's trying so hard. To go out like normal people would. Why can't they understand that these things take time? Why do they force her so much? She can't drive alone. Why does her mom ALWAYS say, ' Why can't you drive alone like you used to?'. SHE DOESN'T KNOW!! She doesn't wish to be like this too!

Not that she can't totally drive alone. She drives to work. But when she does something out of the norm, she gets one of her panic attacks. Like driving alone on the weekends. It's the same route she takes everyday on weekdays to and back from work. But somehow, it's terrifying on the weekends. Her mom (and dad) gets so angry for her wanting to stay home. She stays home cuz she want to avoid driving back alone.

There was once when she had no choice but to drive back alone. She tried. But she was frozen in fear halfway home. She drove for 5 minutes and it took her just another 5 minutes to get home. She couldn't. She sat in her car. Who to call for help, she wondered desperately. She couldn't call her parents. She thought to give it a few minutes and it'll go away. But it didn't. By the roadside, her indicator was on, but it didn't even bother her. Her mind was in a rush. A u-turn ahead and she's going to be on her way home. Go straight past the lights and she'll be on her way to the hospital. She can't even put the car in drive. She texted her friend. Usually chatting helps. But it didn't go away. In the end, she called up her cousin who lives next door to fetch her. No, actually to escort her driving back home. Because she couldn't just leave her car by the roadside. Another half an hour wait, because her cousin was still sleeping, and she was driving. Her friend said, "Look, your cousin is driving behind you, you're actually still alone. Does it make any difference?" Yes it actually does. She was still shaky when she reached home so she talked to her aunt next door. Somehow she is more understanding than her own mom.

Now she's all alone in her room. Her parents had left the house about 10 minutes ago, in silent anger. She wishes they're not like this. She wishes that they know what she's going through. But this is a war which she has to face alone. No one is going to listen. People around would say, "it's OK you can talk to me, I'll be here." No that's just a wish. Because every time before you even start to talk about yet another bout of attack they change the subject. Or just nod and pretend to be interested. Or some who are more frank, they'd just say, "What, again? You're just think too much." They'd go from listening to hearing and then not even caring. Truth be told, I don't even know what I expect people to say to me when I talk to them about that 'another case of panic attack'.

She wonders how many out there are just like me. She knows she's not all ALONE but it sure feels like it. Whenever she heard someone says they know someone else who has panic attacks she gets interested. But it's not often to hear people claiming that because society tends to label them 'crazy'.

[anxiouspandastories]

What people think works for anxious thoughts: think of good times

Does it work for you? Cuz it ain't so for me.

I get pulled back to millions of negative thoughts in seconds. I told myself countless of times I've been through this before. I can do it. There's always a but.

*shrugs*

Maybe I just need that pill.

Still tryna avoid that anti-depressants though.

[anxiouspandastories]

Good days are rare to come by. Cherish them. Enjoy them to the fullest. Because for us, it's the storm after the calm that we need to overcome. At the end of that long long storm which seems to last forever, are the good days.

[anxiouspandastories]

She cried while watching what was supposedly a funny scene in the movie. Alone at home. Wondering what she was doing with her life. It's a Sunday afternoon in a peaceful small town. Her mom told her earlier, "Go out and meet your friends."

Friends? What friends? When people were living their teenage lives, she was told to stay home. Be a good girl. Girls who go out are wild.

Some years later she tried to rebel. She went out with her friends. At 11 her mom would text, "can't you tell what time it is now?" Translation: you should be home by now. She drove home in a rush.

She could never do anything she wanted. Then. Now. Nothing has changed. She feels trapped. Now she's living in a mental prison. ANXIETY keeps her where she is. All alone at home. She can't go anywhere.

She wished she was the same girl 9 years ago. Fearless. Confident. Nothing could stop her.

Now? She's afraid of everything. A trip to the mall. The cinema. Flying. Road trips.

It's a wonder she can still go to work. Even that sometimes is such a huge challenge.

You know how death is seen as a release some people choose? She felt that too. But the funny thing now is: it's death that scares her. The root of her anxiety. She knows it's ridiculous. The thing she's most afraid of: difficulty breathing and fainting and never wake up. Her friend told her, "well that's a good way to die."

Is it? What is there to be afraid of? She's worried she's gonna faint somewhere and no one can save her. But she's scaring herself half to death.

She tried to save herself. She went to see a psychiatrist hoping to get proper treatment. Probably nowadays majority of those who are in medical field are just people who are looking to make quick bucks. Her consultation ended in less than half and hour. She left the room with nothing but pills. Anti-depressants.

It has been two years since then. She never took one of the pills. She's scared. That once she starts on those pills, there'd be no way back.