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A Tale of Two Chrises and an Alisha

So enter junior year. I start at Westover the shit hole of privileged white assholes in Albany. I have entered the 7th circle of hell. I thought these people I hadn’t seen since elementary/middle school would remain unseen but nooooo. So anyways Chrises. I was 16 the summer before school kicked in and needed a job. So I did what any person would have done: I asked a drunk manager at a 4th of July party. I was hired the same day at the movies. It was by far the shittest job I have ever had, but it was a gateway to many opportunities. I.E. Chris #1. He was this tall, buff, half Puerto Rican god. I wanted him. Needed him. So I got him. It was easy. Way to easy. That should of been red flag numero uno. But I digress. Chris was fun and different. An escape. A monster. Out of my league. Down to Earth. Psychotic. Loving. Controlling. But I knew I'd never find another guy as sexy as him at 16. So I stayed. Eight grueling months. He was more trouble than joy. At one point he took a hammer and my promise ring and smashed it. His mother and I heard him do it. He swore he stepped on it. He was nuts. I started school still dating this animal. A couple of months into school I met Chris #2. A funny, sweet guy with grey hair at 17. He was awesome. Now you're asking yourself: wait aren't you still with Chris #1? The answer is yes. Instead of growing a pair and dumping him I saw him less, ignored texts, and spent days with Chris #2. I skipped school to hang with him and his bff. It was great. Jump to fall. Chris #2 had dropped out and we had grown apart. Chris #1 was still there, unfortunately. Through my father's job I met Alisha. She was shy and cute. My new bff. Halloween was drawing near and she was throwing a huge bash. Naturally I took the douchebag. He took one look at her and needed her. He wanted me to know he knew I had cheated. He bated her. Led us into this lull of a friendship for months. Then it happened. He banged her and forced me watch. It ripped me in two. Needless to say he is out of my life and I keep her at a great arms length.

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A Break

I took one so sue me

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Late Night Tidbit

It's nearly 6am and I find sleep problematic. But in the midst of it all I think of you. I think of wonderful things I want to do for you. But we'll see.

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A Home Coming No One Saw Coming

If you've figured it out and have been paying close attention I'm now 16 and should be a junior in high school. Twords the end of sophomore year I made a mistake. I thought I needed to show off and say I had a car. To prove it I stole one. My mom's. The result being a one way ticket to Ga. I had screwed myself so bad I had to move home. This meant a new school with people I hadn't seen since elementary or middle school. Enter a new me and a new set of problems.

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A Small Rant

You. You shall stay anonymous for now. But you have power. You can ruin my day or make it wonderful in the blink of an eye. Without even trying to do it. It is the absolute most aggravating thing on Earth.

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Evan

(This is by far the hardest one to write. As I write tears are falling) I was 15. We had just moved to Oregon. I had absolutely zero friends but my birthday was soon. (There were a few friends I made before you, a couple of loves as well, but you are what’s most important.) Back to my birthday. I had a boyfriend in time for my birthday and a few of his friends came. It was my not-so-sweet 16. My father flew in for it and a few family members came but just 3 friends, all guys, came. Zane was my very Jewish boyfriend at the time. He was sweet and dumb but a great guy. His friends however were druggy losers. Both of them got high on god knows what. They threw me in a pool but not before trying to molest me. It was absolutely awful. Shortly after that Zane and I split. I moved on to a new group of friends: Brittany, Allison, and Brandon. You were my sweet, innocent friends. But we never were super close. That was due to scheduling. I have at least one small memory of each. Brittany; dancing together at homecoming. Allison; the creepy kid on the bus who asked if you liked Fall Out Boy and tried to hit on you. Brandon; a very short period of dating and techno. But this isn’t their story it’s Evan’s. To get to Evan we have to go through Mez. I met Mez at lunch one day. She was this stand out emo kid. To me she was cool. Through her I met you. This giant teddy bear. You were tall and chubby and instantly lovable. Before I would be with you I’d be with 2 of your awful friends: Bobot and Ryan (A different one). Both were snobbish assholes with one sad motive. I actually lost my virginity to Bobot. Big mistake. You. You poetry writing pottery making bear. It was like Romeo and Juliet minus the murder suicide. Neither of our parents wanted us together but we never cared. We would skip school and go driving and laugh. We used to talk about the future and how much you loved me and would marry me. I told you how wonderful you were and my silly little dreams of becoming a bartender. From that day forward you would play that awful song about loving a bartender and hold me tight. It’s too bad things never worked the way they should have. Out of stupidity I stole my mother’s car, wrecked it, and got myself thrown out. I came back to Georgia and you couldn’t handle the distance. We often kept in touch. You told me about a girl we knew, Paige, and how she had a kid. Some part of you always wanted kids and loved Paige. So regardless of not being the father you took on being one to that kid. A girl. You were by far the most passionate man I had ever met. One day you just stopped. Stopped talking, stopped posting, just stopped. I was confused and a little angry. Until it happened. Your mother. Your poor poor mother. She made a post on your page that would stop my heart. You were gone. Not a gone where I could find you. No. I’d never find you again. You left this world. 20. Gone. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be. I hope not. But who knows. I’ll always miss you and hope that where you are is somewhere worth being.

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Ryan/Nate

Now you might be wondering why Aurora and Ryan were included. They needed to be to bring in Nate. The next person I'd fall victim to loving. But before that a minor step back. Ryan was great friends with Aurora and grew to be my friend. We'd chat sometimes but never enough. I don't remember Ryan that much other than Aurora loved him. She probably still would had he not died... But out of his death came Nate. I tried contacting Ryan one day to find you instead. You answered his yahoo messages. You broke the news. I refused to believe it. It wasn't until we actually talked that I believed you. At first you were kinda creepy. A meat head cocky asshole with one thing in mind. Granted that's not you now as much but still it's there. I never thought I'd fall for you. But like an idiot I did. I'd like to think you still love me. Even though life and kids have changed us you'll always be my baseball jock.

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Aurora

There are plenty of friends I made at Gig Harbor High, but you, you were the most impactful. Aurora was this 5ft nothing blonde with curls and charm. She had a personality that could match mine. Aurora at the time was my absolute best friend. Every day after school I'd go to her house. She would make snacks and play WoW. I'd never been friends with a WoW player before so it was a different experience. Aurora would introduce me to Ryan. He was someone I'd chat with on yahoo but would not be a big enough impact for a story. (You'll understand soon). At some point you and I would get into a fight. It was a stupid fight the kind so stupid I could never remember it. All I know was you felt so bad you gave me a fake diamond ring in a ying yang box that to this day I still have.

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Peter

Long before I left came you. My pen pal. My funny little ostrich. I met you like all the rest. MySpace. You were my number one in that dumb little list. A sweet boy. I never saw your face but heard your voice and that was enough for me. I never laughed more in my life than with you. We would send cute letters actual letters. It was unheard of. I’d call everyday and talk to you. Sometimes Collin answered. You’re dorky little brother. We used to joke he was going to grow up and be gay. Who knew it’d be him and Nick. I never really spoke to her but she seemed nice. We would spend hours on end talking. About life, music, and anime, and ostriches. Idk why the ostrich became the symbol of our friendship but to this day it stands. Regardless to this day we are still friends.

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Merl

This is gonna take a while. Writing down the story of you isn’t something that is gonna be easy. I was never meant for you. I met your sister on MySpace I think. The awful thing, I can’t remember her name or anything about her past you. It had to be spring. Your sister and I were chatting. She casually mentioned you. Said that you were single and that I should absolutely talk to you. So I did. It started so innocently. You were a kind and simple farm boy from Idaho. Sweet, charming, and 17. Perfect. You weren’t meant to be mine. But somehow you made me love you. That silly sweet charm drew me in. Now take head, Merl is going to appear a few more times but at different years and different periods of me. But back to now. The night you pushed me away because of prom killed me. You begged me to give up and go away. But I refused. And it paid off. I loved, love you. We spent hours upon hours talking of life and marriage right down to that silly yellow tux you swore you would wear. My father listened into our conversations and hated you. But I couldn’t let you go. The time came for me to move to Washington and to leave my life online behind. Leave you behind or so I thought.

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Shane

Now mind you none of this is in an order other than what I want it to be. You were everything I wanted at 13. British, tall, into anime, kind, an escape. The only problem, me. I was a liar. You were in your twenties. I was a mere child. But I wanted you. Needed you. My home life at the time consisted of school and an empty home. My father was never around work was far too important. But I had you. You fit neatly into my computer screen. A small blip on my yahoo friends list. For months things were bliss. They were going fine, flawless. But guilt ate at me. I knew I loved you but I couldn't keep lying. I came clean. You were crushed. I was dead inside. I knew deep down I'd lose you. Be it for a day or forever but I just knew. But I didn't. Somehow you found it within you to forgive me. I didn't deserve your friendship. Still to this day I am friends with you and few friends of your's I made along the way.

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Cassandra

The name sounded so sweet. Like my own it rolled off the tongue. From the start she was the most beautiful creature to me. I never knew what she looked like but I didn't care. She was mine. She was also my first girlfriend. We didn't need to meet we had stories we'd create. Stories of love and lust but as if we lived in a completely different world; our world. I loved her, she lied to me. I was honest, she tricked me into love. I would of stopped the world for her. But she pretended to be everything I wanted and needed. I gave a year of my life living in this fake world. Now I'm sure you're wondering why she lied or how rather. Simple. She built this wonderful creature up in my mind. In reality she was the complete opposite. She was everything I hated. (This is where I offend everyone) She was fat and unattractive and mean and just self absorbed. Mind you I was 12, constantly picked on, and shallow. I'm talking 6ft under shallow. I threw her away and never looked back.

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Let's begin

I’d like to think that things began like most kids these days start: the internet. The age was 12 the year was 2002. This was the prime of yahoo and aim. I like many other kids created an idiot account on both with the hope to make friends. By friends of course I mean a string of complete and utter strangers many of which would still be in my life to this day. Now in this mess of friends a select few would grow to be more than just friends. A few were boyfriends, a girlfriend, a pen pal (like an actual person I sent letters to), and friends. The next set of talks will include these people in order of how they impacted me.