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BeerBellyBlunt

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By Capa

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May 7th, 2012 I attempted suicide by an overdose on heroin. I thought I reached the end of trying to live thru the depression, addictions, misery, and a horrible 10yr marriage. I've always battled with mental illness with being a manic depressant. I believed that self medicating was the only way to escape my emotions and feelings. I would just stay numb and bury everything. There was always the guy on the otherside that would try to come thru. Showing me glimpses of what serenity could be. The faces in my nieces and nephews, birds chirping, the wind blowing in the trees, the unconditional love from my animals, hearing music but seeing vivid colors as the notes played on, cardinals appearing out of no where as if my gram was there with me, and the hope that one day I could be happy. The last 8 years I have still struggled with addiction and alcoholism. I would have some stints of sobriety but somehow end up back in the struggle. I met the most wonderful woman and I'm blessed that she is my wife. Finally with the help of true loved ones, recovery, my sponsor, spirituality, music, and finding serenity I'm still here to tell my story. I'm here to help the others that struggle everyday. There is a light on the otherside. Peace and happiness can be achieved but you must be willing to change and see it through. The ups and downs still come and go but I have a way now to handle them. I see the world in a whole different light and the vivid colors never leave now. I take my self will out of the equation and let my higher power work its forces. To those who are on the ledge and think that jumping is the only option, there is a better way. We are all in this together. Please reach out and just tell someone that your struggling. Doesn't even have to be someone you know. It's just the first moment of relief by letting it out. Please, please seek help. The people in suicide prevention and recovery are amazing selfless people. I'm always here and willing to help. Peace and love from a grateful and blessed recovering addict and alcoholic with bipolar disorder. If no one has told you today that you are loved just remember I love you. Life is amazing and beautiful. It's just how you want to live it.

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Nice fish you’ve caught there, be a shame if someone else was to sell it :P

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RIP Derek Jones. One of my favorite rock bands has lost their lead guitarist Derek. Only 35 yrs old. I respect this band so much. Formed in 2008 after the lead singer was released from prison. They share alot of my life story.

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My new vacuum works well 🐹😂

via @sou_ham

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Some of my furbabies enjoying the stay at home order. Lol Dozer my Dane, scarlett the chihuahua, odessa, reuger, and shizzle my cats.

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Today I want to feature some bands from our great state of Pennsylvania. From lancaster Pa comes the huge rising band From Ashes to New. I'm a huge Chester Bennington fan and unfortunately he took his own life a few years back. I've battled with mental illness my entire life and his words always helped me explain and understand I wasn't alone. From Ashes to New has a sound that brings together hiphop and hard rock. Hope u enjoy.

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Even during this pandemic you do what is needed to be there for your fellow addicts and alcoholics. Volunteering at our recovery center. We make sure we are there for the people who need the fellowship. Isolation is one of the worst situation for us. God, grant me the serenity to except the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference

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Crazy how this song was made years ago and fits this situation.

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Where's my bitches.

My grand daddy was a pimp

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Mad love to my hiphop family. Windchill is one of my best friends and this album dropped some heaters. Welcome to my home the North East. The birth of hip hop.

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“Lucifer Rising Meditation Mantra Chant Ritual Drone Music   MLLR “ZED ALIZ ZED” (Lucifer Gnosis Mantra)   Ritual Drone Music made for David MLLR” From Youtube channel David Mllr: MLLR “ZED ALIZ ZED” (Lucifer Gnosis Mantra). Now watch this video and tell me what do you see Enjoy (?) …

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Some of my furbabies.