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Everyone thinks Barty is mean because he's always narrowing his eyes at people. But in reality he's squinting because he's fucking blind and never wears his glasses.

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headcanon that Barty has the most illegible batshit crazy handwriting ever

Regulus: *finds a sticky note stuck to Barty’s bed*

Regulus: Evan I think your boyfriend had a seizure

Evan: *concerned* what- how does a sticky note that says *insert whatever it says bc I can’t think of anything here* indicate he had a seizure??

Regulus: YOU CAN READ THAT??

Evan: YOU CAN’T??

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Excuse me but how do rangers train their apprentices to sleep lightly? To wake up to the slightest suspicious noise? And to immediately go into fight mode too.

Was Halt Will’s living sleep paralysis demon during his apprenticeship is what I’m asking

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One of the saddest parts about being completely and utterly obsessed with Half is that I, a very very musically oriented person and proud theatre kid, constantly want to headcanon him sing or dancing or just anything musical at all but then I have to remind myself that he monst likely would never do that ever.

Like he comes from fucking fantasy Ireland what do you mean he hate when people so much as hum a tune or whistle???

He should be singing Gaelic songs beautifully or doing the most amazing rendition of an Irish war song anyone has ever heard!

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have we all overlooked the fact that lord morgarath canonically struts around in thigh-highs??

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New headcanon based on a video I saw:

Crowley will take time to learn and research about Hibernian culture and will learn some of the language to surprise Halt next time he sees him. He'll just go up to him and say a Hibernian greeting or give him a nickname in Hibernian. And sometimes he'll just casually bring up some Hibernian customs or traditions and surprise Halt by either doing something that relates to that or by simply brining it up and talking to him about it

Halt acts like it's not a big thing for him but he mentally screaming on the inside the same way people do when they see something they really love

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NO ONE can convince me that 'Sailor Song' by Gigi Perez isn't Stig singing about how hopelessly in love he is with Hal.

It's canon. It's real. Change my mind.

(yes I am writing a fic about this as we speak)

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Imagine Gilan babbling about the Herons during the gathering and mindlessly dropping the bomb that one of them beat him - one of the best swordsmen of the kingdom - in a training duel and then he has to explain that he actually consideres it a good thing because it was so great to finally spar with someone who can still teach him something new

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Hello brother and fandom, I come here with a matter of utmost importance...

How the FUCK do you say Stig's name???

I personally have always pronounced it as Steeg, but I was talking with a freind the other day and they were very adamant about it being Stig ( like how you would say twig or big ).

Neither of us are Scandinavian nor do we have any knowledge about the language so if anyone would be willing to share their knowledge it would be greatly appreciated.

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I'm just a girl reading about gay wizards between matches at a Netball Carnival.

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Here's a fun little Gilan headcanon I'd like to share with you all.

While I don't think Gilan's parents were bad parents I do feel like they would have been very strict. Obviously he was raised as a knight and taught to uphold honor and chivalry or whatever. His parents were also nobility and David was friends with both Arald and Duncan so there was definitely some pressure there.

As a consequence of this I feel like Gilan would have to be a very good liar and that was how he learned the basics of sneaking around. I feel like that makes sense with the fact that Gilan is one of the best unseen movers in the corp.

The really fun part of this though is him being a good liar, I like to think that this particular skill of his gave Gilan a somewhat big head so once he figured out that he couldn't sneak out without Halt noticing he was very keen to try out lying. Now because Halt is 'fae kissed' (read autistic) he already had some trouble distinguishing what people mean when they are telling the truth so it was pretty much impossible for him to tell when Gilan was lying.

It probably started out with just small white lies like eating leftover food not feigning obliviousness when he over heard something he shouldn't have. Now obviously Halt isn't an idiot so he knew something was up but because he thought that Gilan was more respectful than that he never really caught him out.

Then one day wen Crowley comes over for a visit, Gilan says he's going out to get food for dinner from the market or something but while he's there he actually meets up with some friends and when he returns and Halt ass what took him so long he makes up a lie about not being able to find potatoes or smth Crowley sees straight though him.

So he catches Gilan out and he's obviously a little put out and in plenty of trouble ad Crowley is just like "kid, I am the oldest of like seven siblings. I know when someone is lying".

As with most things I strongly believe that this becomes a popular gathering campfire story.

I'll probably add more to this later but could talk about Gilan for hours so no surprises there.

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"not my circus, not my monkeys" = not your problem

"not my circus, but those are my monkeys" = it's only your problem as far as figuring out how to retrieve them without being caught

"my circus, but those aren't my monkeys" = it's your problem until you figure out whose monkeys those are, and after that you make it their problem

"my circus, my monkeys" = this is 100% on you. On the bright side, if you decide you're chill with the shitshow currently happening, nobody can walk in and make you do anything about it.

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Hal: You have to apologize to them Stig. Stig: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

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Hal: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Stig: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

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Stig: Two bros! Hal: Chillin' in a hot tub! Stig and Hal, in unison: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

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Yeah Flanny's maths is fucked and so is the series timeline.

I figured it out assuming he was 19 in TBOHH and Will was 15 in TROG. 19 + 15 = 34 and all that.

Random little Halt headcanon I had for you guys.

So we all know how in Ruins of Gorlan Will's first impression of Halt is that is is 'old, scary and might kill me' right?

Another well known fact is that if you do the math for this series (which I 100% recommend you don't and instead spend all of your time ignoring both the timeline and character's ages) that Halt can't be older than 35.

Well this got me thinking how on earth does he have salt and pepper hair while being 35? And while yes I do know of people who start greying in their early 20's because of genes and stuff but like that is to boring for my hyperactive brain.

What you may or may not know is that vitamin B12 affects hair greying and pigmentation (at least I think this is in no way a total fact) so what if Halt was just really deficient in vitamin B12?

I don't know how they would've figured this out in medieval times and with their limited knowledge of medicine and stuff but just roll with me here.

Being deficient in B12 also can lead to mood swings and chronic tiredness so i like to think that during his childhood in Dun Kilty Halt was just always grumpy and tired but then he met Pritchard and Crowley and they were like 'you do realise this is because of a vitamin deficiency right?'

Obviously they helped him get sorted out or whatever and I for the first time in his live he felt what it was like to not be extremely tired ALL THE TIME and it was the most comical thing ever! Like his whole face probably lit up and he was like "I feel alive!?"

I love the idea that this was a really popular campfire story for several years and also the story the renegade rangers told Gilan and Will when they first became apprentices mainly to explain that no, halt is not old just vitamin deficient.

It was a whole thing when Will became an apprentice because Gilan kept telling him that all of Halt's grey hairs were because Gilan stressed him out so much during his apprenticeship (Something he would've been VERY proud of were it true) but Crowley stepped in and told him the truth.

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Can we just take a moment to aprciate how the peple Edvin is shown to be closest with in the books is not actually Lydia and Ingvar but Stefan and Jesper.

like they had so many cute / funny / crackhead moments together that I feel get overlooked a lot. Like that one scene in return of the Temujai where the three of them are sitting in the same cart together and Edvin shows of his sassy side to thorn when Stephan gets them in trouble.

Like Hello!!??

That shit was Gold man!!