cemeteryfrog

[cemeteryfrog]

being 13 was crazy cuz it's like no one is coming to save you. there's only one option and it's to read about band guys having gay sex

[cemeteryfrog]

the most godforsaken gross thing in my life up to this moment is happening to me and i hate myself for letting it happen

im falling in love with a man. a dick bearing xy chromosome beast.

and i’ve tried everything! i’ve searched for every ick! an fir just gets worse!

fellow radfems, how do i stop this?…..

[cemeteryfrog]

when someone who hurt you kinda glowed down after u left each other’s lives

[cemeteryfrog]

HATE that were calling every recipe Marry Me [Recipe]…. Fucking hate that. How bout Frig My Clit Brownies. Kill Yourself At My Feet Pasta. Shut The Fuck Up And Pay My Grocery Bill Cookies (vegan).

[cemeteryfrog]

long time no see, huh?

so after that last disaster of an exam i went into full bed rot mode for a week ✨because i needed it✨. now i’m okay i saw my therapist and rested. now i’m at our family’s country house that’s still jn construction so no nice rooms (or doors whatsoever), just physical labour accompanied by keeping up with my languages.

i’ve gotten a really nice italian tutor who studies in milan and helps me with it and i’m doing my latin by myself to take the advanced course when school starts.

in 10 days i leave for the archeological excavations that our university makes us do, we’ll be working on an upper-paleolithic culture, kamennobalkovskaya culture to be precise. i’m excited but a bit worried since i’ve never went camping before and we’re gonna be living in tents for 2 weeks there

i finished the bell jar and now halfway through into thin air (it’s about everest)

no aesthetic photos just my very small table

[cemeteryfrog]

at least it’s over. and i don’t have to ever see her

now i can do a slow summer of italian and latin to not loose my shape

and reading

and enjoying life

and walking outside and museums and travel and forests and movies and life.

and maybe not wanting to die.

last exam of this season. it sucked. because the exams here in russia are oral it’s very examination dependent.

i knew my question. i did. to a t. i was answering it. then the professor the previous students said was very nice and easygoing (she isn’t. she murdered every one of us) interrupted me and changed the topic from peter the great to elena glinskaya, mother and regent of ivan the terrible. i answered all her question. she obviously was searching for a topic im weak in. and she found it. coins. fucking coins. the intricacies. the weight and whatnot. in the end she told me a middle schooler knows more than me and gave me a c.

i wouldn’t be crying from anger right now if i didn’t know the topic. but the way she was deliberately searching for topics to fail me (and the rest of my class) just because she was in a bad mood is so infuriating.

[cemeteryfrog]

last exam of this season. it sucked. because the exams here in russia are oral it’s very examination dependent.

i knew my question. i did. to a t. i was answering it. then the professor the previous students said was very nice and easygoing (she isn’t. she murdered every one of us) interrupted me and changed the topic from peter the great to elena glinskaya, mother and regent of ivan the terrible. i answered all her question. she obviously was searching for a topic im weak in. and she found it. coins. fucking coins. the intricacies. the weight and whatnot. in the end she told me a middle schooler knows more than me and gave me a c.

i wouldn’t be crying from anger right now if i didn’t know the topic. but the way she was deliberately searching for topics to fail me (and the rest of my class) just because she was in a bad mood is so infuriating.

[cemeteryfrog]

affirmations i will learn latin and i will get insane . more insane. whatever

[cemeteryfrog]

when I was a kid I read a sci-fi story where some researcher discovers that all crocodiles since prehistory have had the same congenital heart defect, so they set about curing it. when they do, suddenly their research specimen starts getting stronger and healthier and growing rapidly and developing new appendages, and it turns out all crocodilians were actually stunted sickly forms of dragons. that story really stuck with me because it's basically an expression of the "what if I went to the doctor and they discovered I was deficient in one special vitamin and then I took a pill and all my problems and ailments vanished immediately" fantasy.

unrelated, I started taking daily antihistamines this month for the first time in my life,

[cemeteryfrog]

NINA.

📸 jackbootnojump

[cemeteryfrog]

just got out of my ancient greece history exam. i got a B because the professor asked extra questions about Alexander the Great’s generals….. but this is still good, my latin prof said i did well and hugged me!

immediately jumped in preparation for the last exam - russian history 8-19 centuries. i do have only 33 questions and two times more time than i had between the previous exams (that had 50-60 questions). but i really dislike the professor (but she for some reason likes me), so im gonna grind so hard so i can get out of there mentally stable and the fastest way possible cause she is very prone to condescension and slightly humiliating her students.

[cemeteryfrog]

second exam - ancient rome history done! i got a c but with the questions i got and the shitty state i’ve been in the last few days it was already an achievement for me!

[cemeteryfrog]

got am A LETS GOOOOOOOOO

look for the first exam in this season! it’s latin and i’m pretty confident in myself. spent like 8 hours preparing yesterday and i hope i pass!

[cemeteryfrog]

look for the first exam in this season! it’s latin and i’m pretty confident in myself. spent like 8 hours preparing yesterday and i hope i pass!

[cemeteryfrog]

Victor Frankenstein syndrome aka you spent nights over nights crying and bleeding over this work and now that it's finally done you're just like "nvm. it's trash" and go to bed

[cemeteryfrog]

pov you love your fountain pens too much and after changing the ink cartridge (and having butter hands) you end up with an ink hickey

[cemeteryfrog]

academic validation hits hard. after my glorious rotting and skipping classes for 1,5 months today was the first day i went to class (just to ace one of the finals with an automatic pass and easily submit a few little tests in latin so i get advantages on my final and have only to translate half of the exam text instead of it fully)

now the dopamine hit hard and i feel unstoppable enough that i’m sure i can get my 2 term 30 page papers done in 5 days (guess we will see)