centipedesandstuff

[centipedesandstuff]

Gh just realized how much gross stuff is on this page. I’m feeling abit better now. It makes me kinda sad since this whole account was created to try and get better but I just kinda complained the whole time. Anyways I’m gonna try to reach out to some friends today and get to answering some comments on my other accounts

[centipedesandstuff]

Im a dirty faggot that needs to kill themselves

[centipedesandstuff]

God I feel kinda gross, I’ll go clean after this. I just need it just one more time

[centipedesandstuff]

Sometimes I have a difficult time distinguishing my dreams from reality so you can only imagine how confused I was when I woke up and realized that your birthday was indeed a month away and not a few days. I really don’t know why my brain always ends up going back to you, it’s been 3 years but for some reason you still haunt me L. Well, I guess a part of me still thinks that you’ll come back to me some day, which is odd since I don’t really think of you when I’m awake. It’ll be better for the both of us if we never meet again, hopefully my brain can someday find someone else to become infatuated with. You really were the only one to see right through me L, huh?

[centipedesandstuff]

I feel like if I don’t get high tonight I might cut myself again

[centipedesandstuff]

I know this sounds crazy but I just want to pine over someone but not have them like me back. Idk, I just want to feel some sort of romantic infatuation again. Haha this is probably all because I don’t want to actually do anything about my feelings. Liking someone? Fuck yeah! Them liking me? I know I’d just be a nervous wreck and probably end up hurting them

[centipedesandstuff]

Am I still good, even though I did it? 3 years and a half, almost 20. I feel like I deserved a little cheat day, gonna keep cutting . I feel a lot better though, it’s almost meditative

[centipedesandstuff]

Haven’t used this account in a while. Yesterday was absolutely dog doo, it felt like the universe was mocking me. Even so, todays a lot better. Shark week started yesterday too and that never helps with my dysphoria but I have been planning on bringing up to my doctor that I want to go on hrt. Gonna see what I have to do and get all of that out of the way even though ik I probably won’t be able to actually start it this year or the next, I just want to make everything go as smoothly as possibly when I’m able to start taking T. Despite knowing that I will eventually get on testosterone it doesn’t make me feel any better about almost being 20 and not having control over what I can do with my body and having other friends years younger that’s me who have started hrt, whatevs though I think I’m tired of sitting around and feeling bad, I’m gonna try to be more proactive and actually do shit about how I feel

[centipedesandstuff]

God I feel awful. I’m gonna be 20 soon, ik that comparing yourself to others never does any good. I’m not even sure when I’d be able to go on testosterone, I feel so stuck. I’ve never been with anyone before and practically everyone that I know have dated multiple people before. I don’t know. Just feeling so pathetic. I feel like there’s no one else there, I’m so lonely, I just wish I had a companion who understood. I don’t think there’s any hope

[centipedesandstuff]

Huh, it really isn’t cold enough to regularly wear a sweater. Spring is probably gonna be cold then, I’ll start cutting once winter is over. I just need a break

[centipedesandstuff]

I think that’s why I hated you. I tried to hide myself, I didn’t want to be looked at but you bent down and poked your head to look at my face. There was no use trying to hide from you, I was disgusted when you smiled, looking at me. In that moment everything changed, unlike other people who would prefer to not witness me you went out of your way to. You weren’t scared or disgusted. I hated the way that you fondly looked at me, that’s why I despised you so

I’ll never make that mistake again

[centipedesandstuff]

God I miss him so much, my headache isn’t making this any better

[centipedesandstuff]

OMFG, COVERING MY FACE OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT. I was looking through some old messages with a friend that I don’t really talk to anymore and I just realized how obviously flirtatious our combos were, and a lot of them were on a PUBLIC server. Gosh, I only now realized that I probably did have a bit of a crush on them. I repressed it so bad that I didn’t even realize it till a year later. It’s so awesome when I’m so scared of expressing my genuine feelings with someone that my brain just kind of hides things from plain sight

[centipedesandstuff]

Just realized that every person that I’ve liked has always been younger than me, like I was thinking back a bit and they’ve all been a few months to a year younger. Just thought that was an odd pattern

[centipedesandstuff]

I love him so much that I cry sometimes thinking about him

[centipedesandstuff]

Chat, is it normal to think about platonically kissing your friend on the lips

[centipedesandstuff]

Man, I’ve been in denial about this for a long time but I should really bring up to my therapist about my past ed. It didn’t last long and I didn’t lose much weight but today I got hit in the face with it. For the past week or so I thought that I gained enough weight that I hit 180 or at least like high 170’s but I weighed myself today and it was 15 pounds less than I anticipated, it was a pretty good reminder that I still haven’t dealt with this whole body dysmorphia and ed thing yet. But man I need to stop looking at old pics of myself, I wasn’t skinny by any means I was still overweight in fact lol, but even still I was so weak and hungry all the times no matter how much water I drank I still had constant headaches all the time, and I still wasn’t satisfied even though that was my lowest in like 3-4(??) years. Anyways I don’t ever want to feel like that again, I still want to lose weight sure, but I wanna do it in a better way where I’d feel healthy and strong