changing-into-me

[changing-into-me]

everyone's always like oh chase is house's son. thirteen is house's daughter. well foreman is house's Eldest Daughter and all eldest daughters know exactly what i mean

[changing-into-me]

ive had to spend my life trying to learn social cues (all while having limited contact with people outside of my niche (neurodivergent queers) because i wasn't very good at socialising) and now im a fresh and budding young adult who will need to work with people and network to get a job ! yay !

i'm not too bad at it, i'm very polite which is good for professionalism but kind of sucks when trying to actually make friends with people.

one of the things that helps me with having a conversation with people is literally just remembering the fact that you're supposed to ask people about themselves. humans want to be known ! people crave to be seen and heard and understood ! of course some people despise small talk (why would you ask how i was if you didnt actually care to know T~T) but at the very core of humanity is this continuing need to be known

this is all an elaborate reminder for myself to ask my coworker more questions about himself 😭like bc i like telling my coworkers things about myself, but i feel weird bringing personal stuff up in a workplace. so i need to get more questions for people. need to make a list of questions that gradually get more personal depending on my relationship with them. wait that would lowkey be a fire spreadsheet...

[changing-into-me]

i made up my mind on my decision to change my major just too late by like literally two days, and now i have to stick with this class for the next few weeks and try not to fail 😔

this class is the reason i changed majors... i have an assignment for it due in just under ten hours, and im just about to go to bed 👍 godbless

i dont want to fail the class bc that'd fuck up my gpa (worse than it is) and also bc i dont like failing ! funnily enough ! boys when they are so very average but they still feel the crushing pressure of expectations that literally only they've made for themselves 😁

by boys i do mean me.

im gonna stop bitching so i can sleep and wake up with enough time to bullshit somethjng 🙏 wish me luck great abyss

[changing-into-me]

I need them to do a reboot of House but I want them to just go fucking wild with it. Everyone's gay, everyone's fucking. House, Wilson, and Cuddy are in a toxic polycule, one that definitely violates work ethics, that ends when Cuddy cheats on them with Cameron. I want it to be just as homophobic, just as ableist, just as fucked up, as the original and yet have the characters all be so fucking woke. Same episodes with the same plots but modern. I want Chase to have an onlyfans.

[changing-into-me]

Can u draw mr malpractice( dr house) from House

Party rockers in the WHAT tonight….

[changing-into-me]

ur holy to me

[changing-into-me]

(via (99+) Video reblogged from @dlyn22ref – @weantuniverse on Tumblr)

[changing-into-me]

realised i should do an intro post, although i may need to update it if my spins/hyperfixes change!!

haii!!! im pebbles and this is my blog!! originally when i started it i was going to be edgy and try to be more creative or whatever but house md has taken over my entire life so i need somewhere to go insane about it, there is only so much my loved ones can take 😭

i am 19, i use he/him or she/her pronouns ! im transmasc genderqueer, and a massive queer in general, so i love to be a big gay transsexual and force my faves to be too >:)

if you know me irl. don't be evil and twisted about it. this is my crazy zone. godbless.

other than house i love:

music in general but specifically: weezer, silver sun, wunderhorse, dev lemons, etc.

hot fuzz, baby driver, flash gordon, herbie, etc.

i fuck with retro and vintage cars heavy but i am still learning the lore.... be gentle with me

queer history !!! this is kind of a by extension thing bc my bf LOVES queer history esp in relation to films and art history, i adore it myself but he is the expert

here is a link to my rentry!

feel free to talk with me, i would love to make online friends; esp if you have similar interests ! i am a bit of a nervous guy, and autistic so i may struggle a bit with talking but i will try bc my spirit is willing and the indominable human spirit will come out on top trust 🙏

i am also currently studying accounting (i know 😭everyone zip it on that) which will probably drive me off the deep end sooner or later (changed my major today, slightly impulsively but whatever it's fine)

[changing-into-me]

i want to talk more about wilson and the waterbed! and i don't know how to write concisely so buckle up.

this post hosts an excellent discussion of wilson's toxic people pleasing in relation to his repressed sexuality, and how amber was the closest he came to unlearning that shame. i couldn't agree more, and i think so much of this is textually contingent on the Mattress Debacle (and i'm going off of memory here so go easy lol).

as there is throughout their time together, there's a lot of emphasis on amber as "wearing the pants" in the relationship when she and wilson are mattress shopping. and because wilson (and rsl) contains multitudes, he looks self-conscious, bemused, and impressed all at once when she coerces the store into lowering the price, but i'd say impressed wins out in the end. he's always content with her assertive way in the world and almost relishes in the passive role he can take - the scene where she demands a table comes to mind (wherein house and wilson deduce that wilson is sleeping with a woman version of house!)

amber catches onto wilson's passivity, of course, and rejects it, demanding he stand up and care for himself. she charges him with securing the deal on the mattress after she's called into work and asks that he pick whichever one he likes best. he only complies with half of the request and buys the firmer mattress, which is what amber wanted. all that preamble is building to my main point:

the first we see of the mattress in amber's apartment is the first exceptionally intimate scene we've seen of wilson thus far. he and amber are excitedly about to sleep together, but she cuts this short, frustrated that he capitulated to what she wanted rather than make a choice for himself. that's secondary, though. the mattress' first episodic function is intimacy, which wilson "fails" at because he prioritized amber and her preferences. he sought the passive role. he hit a roadblock in the relationship.

but amber's done so much for him when it comes to deconstructing his toxic people pleasing, so he agrees to go back and buy what he wants...

...and he brings house (who's in the middle of treating a c-list celebrity, mind you). there are interesting visual politics at play here!

"which one are you going to get?" "she told me to get the one i want." "so get it." - this conversation plays out as wilson approaches house lying on a bed, which has been established as a prop for intimacy this episode, and ends with his decision to buy the waterbed as he stands over house. wilson's physicality here implies assertion/domination, too.

this feels like a silly statement, but house is his waterbed - a mode of intimacy that he wants and can only claim when he feels safe and secure, without any watchful, heteronormative eyes around. the mattress store is seemingly empty, btw! we never see the male salesman with whom wilson and amber interacted earlier.

so he buys the waterbed! good for wilson! go agency! but what happens when it arrives at home, with amber?

they (presumably) have sex, since she's seen naked beneath the sheets. she wakes up without wilson, who can't stand the waterbed, can't stand to take the real reason for buying the waterbed (house, agency, shamelessness) out of the equation. it's almost like it doesn't fit in this environment, and wilson and amber agree to take it back. the fact that it's uncomfortable for them both is a loaded statement in and of itself.

in this example, wilson's most definitive attempt at self-assertion seems entirely reliant on house. when the product of the decision, the waterbed, exists without house, that assertion fails. wilson returns to passivity, contentment, and repression.

TLDR: the waterbed represents wilson's attempt not at just self-assertion, but at deconstructing his comphet, however subconsciously/unintentionally, as well. by inviting house into the decision-making process, the episode inherently involves house in wilson's sex life, having established mattresses as a site of physical intimacy in an earlier scene.

[changing-into-me]

just thinking about how good amber really was for wilson.

like, when they first introduce that they're dating, everybody's worried that she'll manipulate him. that she'll hurt him. that she'll take advantage of him. that she'll be bad for him and cause him so much pain.

but she's the opposite.

she forces wilson to choose himself. makes him confront his own wants and desires instead of catering to someone he thinks he has some kind of duty to. she lets him be who he is.

and when she dies, he's so devastated. because this is the one person who truly sees the lengths his people pleasing goes to and does something about it.

she does something when she could've easily taken advantage of him like everyone else. could've used that knowledge and let him dedicate his time and money and resources to her. but she didn't.

she did the exact opposite of what every single person thought she'd do.

[changing-into-me]

Turns out, Wilson thinks he’s gay.

He drops that bomb on a Thursday night, sitting on House’s couch, where they’re splitting a greasy pizza and a large order of onion rings. Wilson’s not nearly drunk enough for it to be a joke, is the thing. His hands and voice are steady when he explains how it’s haunted him since he was a teenager, how he ran from it and into three failed marriages, how he cheated because he liked the thrill of the chase but was always unsatisfied with the outcome. He wants to tell the important people in his life to ask them for support in this new era, and House is the first one to know.

And yeah, it could explain things. A lot of things. Like the haircare routine, the regular mani/pedis, the shoe collection. This wouldn’t surprise many people. But House isn’t sure he believes him.

Still, Wilson is his best friend, so he tries.

He doesn’t interrupt the first time he sees Wilson getting a little too close and smile-y with a male nurse. (He interrupts the second time, because he knows that nurse is a vegetarian, and House can’t have that influencing Wilson’s cooking and takeout habits.)

He doesn’t sabotage Wilson’s first date with another man. (He does steal Wilson’s phone the next morning and delete the guy’s text asking for a second date, because anyone asking so soon is desperate, and Wilson can do better.)

He tells Wilson which shirts, ties, and pants make him look gay, only this time, he means it positively. He starts TiVoing Queer as Folk for them, instead of The L Word. He offers Wilson poppers one weekend, then has to explain what they are, and how he came to find out about them in the first place (he used to rave in the 80’s, so what?).

House is being supportive, really. Even if he still doesn’t totally buy that Wilson is actually gay.

Mostly, he doesn’t think Wilson is gay because nothing changes.

Wilson still comes over most nights to watch trash TV and drink beer. He still dutifully drops his responsibilities at work, albeit briefly, to provide a diagnostics consult, or to assist in some borderline illegal scheme. They still hang out, and argue, and laugh, and bicker, and celebrate wins together, and are there for each other in the quiet aftermath of loss. They’re still the same.

Maybe Wilson is just confused because he expected to have a wife and kids, and to live in the suburbs by now. Maybe he thinks the reason for this heteronormative failure is that he’s been chasing the wrong kind of tail, instead of the fact that he spends half his time at work and the other half with House, leaving no room for anything or anyone else. And maybe House should feel guilty about that, about robbing Wilson of the life he deserves and forcing him into a fake midlife sexuality crisis, but he doesn’t.

He sort of feels bad about that part, though—the fact that he doesn’t feel bad at all.

But he’s forced to acknowledge his faults when Wilson approaches him in his office one night, trembling before he can even get the words out, I can’t hide how I feel anymore, I need to tell you the truth.

House accepts that he’s selfish because he lets Wilson kiss him breathless, knowing Wilson will never be able to kiss anyone else like this again, knowing that when he tells Wilson to take him home, he’ll never be able to leave. Now he gets it all, the early mornings and the late nights, the warm beds and the cold shoulders, the biting words and the gentle apologies, and every jagged edge left will be weathered by time.

He understands that he’s greedy because he drinks up all the praises and pleading, every filthy word Wilson moans into his ear and whispers into his skin. There’s a lifetime of hunger behind it, a cosmic collision of pain and joy and grief and devotion. It’s a wine aged for twenty years between them, bottled want and yearning, poured into an overflowing glass.

He recognizes that he’s possessive, because he knows he’s got him now, and it's for good. There’s no more sharing attention, or waiting his turn, or swallowing the bitter bile of jealousy. Wilson will stray from any map to follow his true north.

So, whatever, maybe Wilson is lying about being gay, but at least House is honest about being worse.

[changing-into-me]

and like the thing is that they are so so right 😭 they're both Worse

I always thought it was a joke but “are they lovers?” “Worse” is unironically one of the most emotional responses in the comments on those TikTok/Reels that ship like House & Wilson or Agent Stone & Dr. Robotnik (and I fully support both of them)

[changing-into-me]

Hey Australians,

Use your vote in the best interest of people with less privilege than you.

Do you research to make an educated and informed decision.

Don’t joke vote.

Don’t donkey vote.

Don’t vote just to avoid copping a fine.

If you don’t vote or don’t vote seriously then go donate $100 to a local community/social service org.

Do your research.

Being informed is easy and it’s how we show compassion to others while voting.

Showing empathy and compassion is easy.

Don’t fuck this up.

Put the effort in.

[changing-into-me]

gonna start calling my hrt 'mouse bites' because i need it to live

[changing-into-me]

house md literally gave us "the female version of me was happy with you, but she had to die to make space for me. now she haunts us both forever" and you expect me not to transsexualize that?

[changing-into-me]

dating masters headcanons!

she leaves you for a woman

[changing-into-me]

Her autism swag and uncompromising sense of ethics have me captivated