cherri--blossom - Tumblr blog

[cherri--blossom]

Vent Post-(5-26-24)

Well, i'm only 12 days SH free. I had a fight with my step dad today about the difference in the things that we support related too Transgender people. I support them, but he has very confusing mixed feelings about them. I feel drained and tired, I cried a lot and couldn't stop shaking. I myself am genderfluid, and the conversation made me realize once again he would never support me. It felt as if he wasn't taking me seriously as I defended what I believed in. I'm just so tired of it all, I feel so tired and numb. I just want a hug from someone right now, but I'm just all alone in my room, with only webtoon or YouTube or this to cheer me up.

[cherri--blossom]

Hey Mom - By Me

When I was little You were the only one I cared for I looked up to you with all that I am I thought daddy was cruel I clung to you like superglue I thought my brothers hated me You were my sancutary

Hey Mom, I loved you Do you love me too? I trusted you I believed in you

I'm in 5th grade now All I hear is fighting and screaming You and dad's voices echo in my brain Making me act out towards my peers Kids started to hate me I had barely any friends Can't you see?

Hey mom I love you Do you love me? I trusted you I believed in you But now what do I do?

I'm in middle school now I'm losing people left and right How do I keep these relationships? Do I yell at them like dad? What do I do? I just want to be loved What can I do?

Hey mom I'm tired of you Why do I still love you? I trusted you But you shattered it I believed you But you lied to me I don't know what to do

8th grade now I'm tired of living Nothing works out anymore I come home form school and your yelling my name I hate my name I hate you

Hey mom I care about you But do you care about me? All you do is scream at me I cant handle it anymore Everything hurts I'm staying for two people only Your not one of them

Highschool now I'm still exhausted But I'm trying Some nights I see you as how you were But them some I see you for who you are I love you and I hate you I don't know how much longer I can keep forgiving you

Hey mother You love me and I know that Dad doesnt love you anymore But you still stay I cant handle your mood swings And I can handle dad's beliefs It hurts, everything hurts I'm scared of myself But I'll keep trying I love you

[cherri--blossom]

Suffocating - By Me

I want to die... but I can't.

I don't know what to do 

Or when I should rant.

Everyone has their own fucking things to deal with.

So why should I bother them with my secrets?

I feel like a bag is covering my face.

Suffocating me in its plastic embrace.

I cant handle it anymore.

I just want to rip my hair out and watch the 

strands fall to the floor.

All my parents do is scream and fight.

All my mother does is drink day and night.

I don't know how much longer i can keep getting through the day.

Everytime I wake up it feels like the world will end when I walk out to the living room. 

I'm so tired and exhausted.

I cant pick a side.

I cant tell what's a lie and what's a truth

What should I do?

Tell me what to do!

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

I get so angry at her

She doesnt think it's fair.

I yell at her and cry

But she doesn't seem to care.

I kick the wall and hit the tables

But it doesn't help my anger.

I get so mad but I don't want to hurt anyone.

The only thing I can do is direct my anger towards myself.

So I go into my room and close the door.

And cry and cry until the tears are no more.

I lay there in my bed 

helpless and numb

Wanting a way out

When will it end?

What did I do to deserve this hell?

Help me, save me, hold me.

I cant breath.

I want to be comforted but I don't want too cry infront of you.

I'm scared what you'll think about me if you know the truth.

I have these thoughts that I'm ashamed of.

And sometimes there too much for me.

I can't breath.

[cherri--blossom]

Vent (TW: mentions Self harm) 5-7-24

I've been 33 days SH clean. I'm struggling so hard right now though, i'm so angry at my mother and I don't know how to release this feeling, I just want to break something. She drinks and drinks and drinks and today she blamed me for ruining dinner just because i wouldn't go with her to go get sour cream because she was too embarrassed to enter the store. Shes a fucking adult. I'm trying to distract myself so I don't do anything stupid, i hope to fall asleep before I can