cherriberyl

[cherriberyl]

i'm alive. i'm okay. i'm medicated now. that's the update lol

[cherriberyl]

hey. i was doing good for a while i think. i didn't talk here for a while cause... i was actually doing good.

i don't know what to do though. i've been consistently gaining and gaining and gaining weight and i just. don't know how to cope i've done everything i know how to do. and it won't stop.

i can't even wear some of my clothes anymore. that's fucking stupid. i used to be hot. i used to love looking in the mirror. i was my own thinspo. and ? like what am i now? fuck. and i know that whenever i see my family it is SUCH a trigger for me but i just thought that. idk. maybe i wanted to get worse. i want to be worse.

and if i can't get worse then i just want to die. i really don't want to stay like this any longer. but i took like half of my weapons away lmfao i don't know what i'm supposed to do now. slit my wrists? god what am i a teenager? that doesn't even work half of the time. i just need my gun back. i just need my gun back.

i really don't want to be saved. all i need is my gun.

[cherriberyl]

I'm getting tired of waiting to be saved

I'm getting tired of forcing my life to be perfect

I don't know if I can keep this up

is it so much to ask for a simple life?

I'm sad this is how it has to be

[cherriberyl]

I'm alive

[cherriberyl]

do you really believe in me?

"20 yr old found dead"

do you believe if I had gotten help I'd be better? do you believe that there was a future I could have been happy?

that's what you tell yourself. but you don't need to feel sad for me

you just have to trust that I made the right choice

[cherriberyl]

hey guys. idk what really to say. thanks for being there for me.

I'm sorry I'm insane. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

I know things aren't really the best for any of us. but don't let me be the reason you can't continue to be happy.

I'm sure you're like me. there are things you want to do but it feels hopeless. I don't think that's always true. I think that there is a hope for you. I think you are on the way to doing great things, despite all that's happening.

and if you're reading this and thinking "zris isn't talking to me. this doesn't apply to me." yes I am talking to you!!! I'm serious!!! I've never once thought that any of you were going down the wrong path. I never once doubted you. I truly do believe in you and I believe there is hope for you.

so please keep living. at least just do it because zris believed in you. if that helps.

thank you. I'm sorry

[cherriberyl]

hey. um first of all I'm so sorry I'm insane.

I wasted your time and I'm afraid I made myself someone important to you. I'm sorry. really I know theres nothing I can say to make that easier. but I'm so sorry.

you already know this but you are the best thing in my life. please don't feel like you didn't do enough, or that you didn't love me enough, didn't spent time with me enough, any of that. you were perfect. this was just always going to happen. I don't think there was any way to stop it.

I'm sorry again. I hope that you can keep living. I hope you can continue your dreams and all. I don't really know what that's like. but I'm glad you found something you like. keep doing whatever makes you happy and please do not let me be the reason you stop.

and even if things turn out different I hope you are still doing whatever you like.

I love you I'm so sorry that you have to deal with me. I love you

[cherriberyl]

[cherriberyl]

playing with the blood clots on my leg

[cherriberyl]

it will not stop bleeding and I didn't even go that deep what is wrong

top 10 reasons to not cut yourself

1. I have an exam that requires me to lay on a bed and I don't want to have to deal with the pain on my leg

[cherriberyl]

it's all so scary yknow

I miss you I need I need you I can't fucking live I'm so fucking sick I don't know what to do if you're not here

[cherriberyl]

EXAM OVER, HOME ALONE, WE SLASHING THAT HOE

top 10 reasons to not cut yourself

1. I have an exam that requires me to lay on a bed and I don't want to have to deal with the pain on my leg

[cherriberyl]

my normal has become something so mentally ill that trying to be healthier is the hardest challenge I've ever fucking faced

[cherriberyl]

top 10 reasons to not cut yourself

1. I have an exam that requires me to lay on a bed and I don't want to have to deal with the pain on my leg

[cherriberyl]

Mood: suicidal

Listening to: my gf cumming

Reading: my suicide note from some years ago

Watching: Rango

Playing: huniepop

Drinking: DR PEPPER FLOAT MMMMM

[cherriberyl]

um old link

https://cherriberyl.carrd.co/

i think i've actually posted this before. here's a link to an old carrd that i'm too lazy to edit