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Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve been on here.
I sort of just lost my muse. But recently I’ve been really missing Snowbaz so if anyone still wants to RP maybe message me??? I could also make a Baz or turn this account into one if someone wants to be Simon. I’d be fine with being either character.
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Simon felt a swell of warmth in his chest at the feeling of Baz leaning further into the kiss, and one of his hands moving to rest on his shoulder. He loved the fact that he had the ability to make Baz like this now, soft and practically ready to melt in his arms. But in this moment in time, it was especially good. Baz needed to know that he wasn't going to turn his back on him just because he was a vampire. And if he fully realized that, Simon hoped that it could be a step in the right direction towards Baz no longer hating himself.<\p>
When they parted, however, Simon's chest constricted in nervousness as he waited for Baz to process what he said. Maybe he shouldn't have said it yet but...it just felt like the right time. And there was no sense in trying to pretend that he hadn't said it now. Was Baz's blush a good sign?<\p>
Instantly, Simon felt his own cheeks heat up. But he managed a nod. "I do...I do mean it. I wouldn't lie about something like that." Was Baz's self doubt coming into play again? Simon reached forward to take one of Baz's hands into his, giving it a squeeze. "I love you," he repeated, clearing his throat. "I know we've only been together for a few months, but that's how I feel."<\p>
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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“I’m sure that everything will work out. Somehow.” He was saying that mostly for his younger self’s sake though. The truth was, Simon was a bit afraid of what might happen…how this could possibly change the future. And what if Penny messed up the spell again? He shook those thoughts aside. Penny wouldn’t allow herself to make two big mistakes in one day. He had faith in her.
At the mention of scones, Simon couldn’t help but grin. There were some things that would never change. “We do, actually. Ba…Penny actually convinced Cook Pritchard to bake us some to bring home last night." He turned to lead Snow into the kitchen, holding back a wince at how close he had come to letting more information slip.
Seeing Double
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“Okay. All of the time,” Simon replied. And he supposed it was true. Other than those moments where one if them was looking to pick a fight, they usually did do their best to avoid each other at all cost. Well, at least Baz did. Simon had admittedly done a lot of following Baz around, especially this year. He wondered how different their relationship was going to be now that they were��boyfriends. (He was still trying to get used to that word). Would they still have a lot of fights? He hoped not. “I know. That’s why I don’t go in there a lot.” You’d think that a quiet place would be perfect to get homework done but Simon realized that silence actually made him even more distracted. It gave his mind too many opportunities to wander.
One thing that Simon had noticed during the past twenty-four hours was that Baz had a really nice smile. It wasn't something that he hadn't noticed in the past, because Baz had hardly ever smiled, least of all at him. (The first time he had seen it was last night, when Baz smiled at him after they kissed). But it was true. Simon smiled back before clearing his throat, willing himself to stop staring. "So humble," he replied with a roll of his eyes. He glanced down at his own work. His handwriting wasn't terrible but it was nothing compared to Baz's elegant scrawl. "I feel like I've learned more about you just these past few hours than I gave the entire five years we've roomed together," he admitted.
Crashing In
“Well to be fair, we usually did our best to avoid each other all around.” In felt weird to be talking about their old relationship in the last tense like this when in reality, it had only just changed last night. “Most of the time I figured that you were going down there just for the sake of being away from me.” Or plotting. There were actually many times where Simon had secretly followed Baz down to the library put of fear that he was up to something, only to realize that he was only studying or working on homework. He did sort of wonder how often Baz was able to realize that he was being followed but there was no way he was going to actually ask.
“I’ll try not to distract you from now on…in any way,” Simon replied with a grin before going back to work on the cards. He couldn’t help but glance at the cards Baz was working on every so often, noting how nice and almost pretty his handwriting looked. Simon didn’t have terrible handwriting but his looked very plain and mediocre compared to Baz’s. This wasn’t the first time he had noticed it but it seemed even clearer now that they were right next to each other for comparison. A light scowl crossed his features. “Is there anything you aren’t good at?”
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"Okay. So it seems like you still have plenty of time to get back to your own time before your term starts. And I think Penny will be able to send you back at the end of the day at the latest." At least, Simon hoped she would be able to. He wanted to get Snow back to his own time before he found out anything else. He had already reacted badly enough to what he already discovered.
Truthfully, Simon wasn't entirely sure if that was true or not. But nonetheless, he was fairly certain that everything was safe now. There was no Humdrum anymore. Or any of the other dangers that had been directed at him for being the 'chosen one'. He managed a small smile in Snow's direction. "Right. You'll be safe here until we can send you back to your own time."
Seeing Double
“Well, what day was it when you came here? Do you remember?” Unless time moved different between the two time lines, they should be able to get Snow back to his own time before the term started. He shook his head. “Penny already messed up a spell once by accidentally bringing you here. I doubt she’d be willing to risk something like that again. She’ll make sure it’s being done correctly before she uses it on you.”
At Snow’s flinch, Simon immediately moved his hand away from his younger self. He shook his head again, his eyes clouding with both understanding and concern. He remembered the days where he disliked being touched because of his life in the home all too well. “No, i’m sorry. I should have known better.”
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“Well to be fair, we usually did our best to avoid each other all around.” In felt weird to be talking about their old relationship in the last tense like this when in reality, it had only just changed last night. "Most of the time I figured that you were going down there just for the sake of being away from me." Or plotting. There were actually many times where Simon had secretly followed Baz down to the library put of fear that he was up to something, only to realize that he was only studying or working on homework. He did sort of wonder how often Baz was able to realize that he was being followed but there was no way he was going to actually ask.
"I'll try not to distract you from now on...in any way," Simon replied with a grin before going back to work on the cards. He couldn't help but glance at the cards Baz was working on every so often, noting how nice and almost pretty his handwriting looked. Simon didn't have terrible handwriting but his looked very plain and mediocre compared to Baz's. This wasn't the first time he had noticed it but it seemed even clearer now that they were right next to each other for comparison. A light scowl crossed his features. "Is there anything you aren't good at?"
Crashing In
“I…it’s okay,” Simon eventually replied. He wasn’t sure what he was more surprised about. Baz apologizing or admitting that he was jealous of him. Probably the latter. But then again, they weren’t enemies anymore. Wasn’t the first step in being boyfriends admitting and apologizing for past wrongdoings? He was happy about it but it was just going to take a little while for him to get used to the friendliness in their new relationship.
“Yeah. But I also know that you don’t like being distracted from your school work. It used to cause quite a bit of rows between us. Especially during first year,” Simon said with a light grin. Maybe Baz hadn’t ever been distracted by him too much and had just been looking for a fight. Simon wouldn’t put it past him. “But, if you’re sure.” It was true that the weekend was coming up in just a couple days. Simon was already looking forward to it. He took the stack of blank flash cards from Baz with one more nod of thanks before opening up his textbook to copy down definitions.
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Simon had a feeling that at least some of Baz’s determination to help him find his parents stemmed through his issues involving his own family. But he was thankful for it nonetheless. It would be nice to finally get closure on the mystery, even if he felt like it was too late for him to ever really consider them as his parents. “Okay. I’ll go back and ask them again once I can.” He’d be an adult in only a few more years. And maybe until then, he and Baz could do a little digging and searching in their free time.
For a moment, Simon said nothing, only looking at Baz with slight surprise. Not because of the vampire thing (he had already suspected that) but because he hadn't expected him to actually say it. He had been positive that Baz would have jumped at the opportunity to hold off on it. And now...he was trying to figure out what exactly it was that he felt now that his suspicions were finally confirmed. After a moment, Simon realized that he felt shockingly...calm. And maybe relieved and touched that Baz had deemed him worthy enough to know that secret.
"Thank you for telling me," he eventually breathed. "I know it wasn't easy." There were a lot of other questions he wanted to ask now...about Baz's fangs and the catacombs, but all of that could wait. Right now he just wanted to reassure Baz that he didn't have anything to worry about. That this secret would do nothing to change what was between them.
Somewhat cautiously, Simon moved even closer to his boyfriend and leaned his head up a but to plant a soft kiss to his lips, allowing it to linger for a few moments. When he eventually broke it, he placed a hand on the other boy's cheek. "I love you Baz."
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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“How would I even be able to find them though? The home I was left in has no record of them…or at least, they said that they don’t. And like you said, there aren’t any other Snows’ in the magic community. I’m not even sure if it’s my real name.” He was starting to show a bit more vulnerability than he had originally intended to but he couldn’t help it. Talking about his biological parents was making him realize that it bothered him that he didn’t know who they were. More than he originally thought it did.
Simon glanced down at their entwined fingers, smiling a bit at the sight. If someone had told him only last year that he’d one day find himself in this position, dating Baz of all people, he would have believed them to be mental. But now it felt just as natural as breathing, as if their relationship was always meant to be like this. Maybe it was. He allowed another smile to cross his lips at the kiss on the cheek before his expression changed to a more serious one. He gave Baz’s hand a comforting squeeze. “I shouldn’t have pushed you earlier. I…I would like you to tell me eventually, but it doesn’t have to be tonight. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
It was clear that this was going to be something that would be really difficult for Baz. And while Simon wanted him to feel like he could tell him anything, forcing it out of him probably wasn’t the best way to do it. But he wanted to take away at least a couple of the fears that might be plaguing Baz’s mind, if he could. “But Baz…you know that nothing you say will change how I feel about you, right? I’m not going to turn my back on you.”
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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"Well, what day was it when you came here? Do you remember?" Unless time moved different between the two time lines, they should be able to get Snow back to his own time before the term started. He shook his head. "Penny already messed up a spell once by accidentally bringing you here. I doubt she'd be willing to risk something like that again. She'll make sure it's being done correctly before she uses it on you."<\p>
At Snow's flinch, Simon immediately moved his hand away from his younger self. He shook his head again, his eyes clouding with both understanding and concern. He remembered the days where he disliked being touched because of his life in the home all too well. "No, i'm sorry. I should have known better."<\p>
Seeing Double
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“I…it’s okay,” Simon eventually replied. He wasn’t sure what he was more surprised about. Baz apologizing or admitting that he was jealous of him. Probably the latter. But then again, they weren’t enemies anymore. Wasn’t the first step in being boyfriends admitting and apologizing for past wrongdoings? He was happy about it but it was just going to take a little while for him to get used to the friendliness in their new relationship.
"Yeah. But I also know that you don't like being distracted from your school work. It used to cause quite a bit of rows between us. Especially during first year," Simon said with a light grin. Maybe Baz hadn't ever been distracted by him too much and had just been looking for a fight. Simon wouldn't put it past him. "But, if you're sure." It was true that the weekend was coming up in just a couple days. Simon was already looking forward to it. He took the stack of blank flash cards from Baz with one more nod of thanks before opening up his textbook to copy down definitions.
Crashing In
“This is coming from the same person that literally coined the term ‘worst chosen one ever chosen’,” Simon said with a light grin. But really…if he had known that snogging Baz was going to change their relationship this drastically and quickly, he might have done it sooner. Already Baz seemed so much lighter and less guarded. And he was genuinely smiling at him now instead of sneering. It was something that was going to take some time getting used to but Simon liked it. He liked it a lot.
He watched as Baz took out a stack of note cards and hesitantly took it in order to copy some words down. “I appreciate the help but i’m not distracting you from your own work too much, am I?” He didn’t like the idea of being a burden to anyone. It was one of the reasons he didn’t ask Penny for help as much as he probably should. Simon already distracted her from school enough as it was with all of his misadventures as the chosen one. He couldn’t help but distantly wonder if Baz knew what he could possibly be getting himself into by being his boyfriend.
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“I’ll try not to from now on,” Simon replied with a small smile. And he meant it. He’d try to open up a bit more about his past with Baz and Penny. Although, if he was being honest, probably a bit more with Baz. He loved Penny but there were certain things that he didn’t think she’d fully understand like Baz would. Penny grew up with a nearly perfect family. It didn’t mean that he had to think about it all of the time of course but it couldn’t hurt to let it all out once in a while.
“I guess that’s possible,“ he replied with a shrug. For some reason, he had always just assumed that his parents had given him up out of not wanting him, not because they had to for whatever reason. But…maybe Baz had a point. What magical family would willingly give up their son? Granted, he obviously wasn’t the best student around and had trouble with actually casting spells, but he had a lot of power. He wasn’t a Normal. Maybe something had happened to force his family to give him up. Simon was tempted to mention the Mage when Baz brought up parental figures, but held himself back. That was a subject that they would most likely never agree on. “I guess it couldn’t hurt to find them one day. But…I just feel like it might be too late for me to have a real parental figure. I’ll be an adult myself in a few years.” That is, if he survived his final battle with the Humdrum. But he didn’t like letting himself think about that either.
It felt nice to lean against Baz like this, especially since they had been fighting only a few moments before. He was relieved that they were going to work on solving the problems in their relationship. Instinctively, he reached out to take one of Baz’s hands with his. "I’d like that,” he said softly and genuinely. Not just because he didn’t want to go back to the home but also because he would miss Baz. An entire summer was a long time to be away from your boyfriend. "It would be interesting to finally see your house."
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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"Maybe not in the long run. But...it does temporarily." If he didn't think about it constantly, then he'd be less likely to spend his entire time at Watford dreading the upcoming summer. He wanted to enjoy his time in the world of mages as much as he could before he was forced to leave it again. But at the same time, Simon was glad that they were talking about this. Maybe if he showed Baz that he trusted him with his own secrets and insecurities, he'd trust Simon enough to know that he won't be afraid of him if he confesses to being a vampire. Because he really wouldn't be. He had suspected that Baz was a vampire for a while now but he still went ahead and pursued him as a boyfriend. And he'd never regret it.<\p>
"I gave up the idea of finding my biological family a while ago. I figure that...they wouldn't have given me up if they wanted me. So what's the point?" And after realizing that he was beginning to sound a little bit too self pitying, he quickly continued. "I guess it would be kind of nice to find them one day...just to know who they are and get closure, but I survived this long without them. I don't need them." The sensation of Baz rubbing his arm did soothe him a bit, and he found himself leaning into his boyfriend's chest. He could feel a pleasant flutter in his chest and he was once again tempted to tell Baz he loved him. He wasn't entirely sure what was holding him back. Baz's suggestion did surprise him a bit. "But...your family still thinks you hate me, don't they?" The idea of spending the summer with Baz instead of at the home sounded more than nice. But he knew they had to be careful. <\p>
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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"This is coming from the same person that literally coined the term 'worst chosen one ever chosen'," Simon said with a light grin. But really...if he had known that snogging Baz was going to change their relationship this drastically and quickly, he might have done it sooner. Already Baz seemed so much lighter and less guarded. And he was genuinely smiling at him now instead of sneering. It was something that was going to take some time getting used to but Simon liked it. He liked it a lot.<\p>
He watched as Baz took out a stack of note cards and hesitantly took it in order to copy some words down. "I appreciate the help but i'm not distracting you from your own work too much, am I?" He didn't like the idea of being a burden to anyone. It was one of the reasons he didn't ask Penny for help as much as he probably should. Simon already distracted her from school enough as it was with all of his misadventures as the chosen one. He couldn't help but distantly wonder if Baz knew what he could possibly be getting himself into by being his boyfriend.<\p>
Crashing In
Simon was relieved that it didn’t seem like Baz was going to make fun of him (quite the opposite actually), but he still felt a bit frustrated at himself. Really, the world couldn’t have picked a worse person to be the chosen one. He loved Watford but he honestly failed at most things that involved it, other than his sword anyway. The feeling of Baz rubbing his arm was nice though, and it got a small smile out of him. “I hope you’re right. Because i’m currently useless when it comes to Greek.”
Baz suddenly kissing him on the cheek surprised him, but not in a bad way. It was just going to take some getting used to…Baz being his boyfriend instead of his nemesis. But it did make him happy to know that they were already settling into their new roles in each others’ lives. He scoffed lightly. “Some chosen one I am. I can’t even get spells out correctly half the time.” But he nodded in response to Baz’s idea. He reached into his bag and pulled out pen. “Do you have anything we could use as flashcards?”
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Simon was relieved that it didn't seem like Baz was going to make fun of him (quite the opposite actually), but he still felt a bit frustrated at himself. Really, the world couldn't have picked a worse person to be the chosen one. He loved Watford but he honestly failed at most things that involved it, other than his sword anyway. The feeling of Baz rubbing his arm was nice though, and it got a small smile out of him. "I hope you're right. Because i'm currently useless when it comes to Greek."<\p>
Baz suddenly kissing him on the cheek surprised him, but not in a bad way. It was just going to take some getting used to...Baz being his boyfriend instead of his nemesis. But it did make him happy to know that they were already settling into their new roles in each others' lives. He scoffed lightly. "Some chosen one I am. I can't even get spells out correctly half the time." But he nodded in response to Baz's idea. He reached into his bag and pulled out pen. "Do you have anything we could use as flashcards?"<\p>
Crashing In
“I…no, I didn’t,” Simon reluctantly admitted, his cheeks heating up in a red hue. Normally admitting something like that to Baz would make him angry and defensive but now he only felt…bashful? He supposed that the way you reacted to embarrassment around someone changed once you’ve snogged them. But this was why the idea of studying with Baz made him nervous. It was no secret who was more book smart between the two of them.
He hadn’t wanted to take any foreign language classes from the beginning. He had a hard enough time with stumbling with his words in English, let alone with a new language. But the Mage had insisted on him taking it. It was supposedly meant to help him with spell pronunciations. He bit his bottom lip nervously. “I told you I wasn’t good at this stuff…”
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"If Penny can think of a spell to take away your memory of this, that won't happen," Simon said, trying to reassure his younger self. But secretly, that was something he worried about too...that this encounter would somehow end up messing up the time line and changing the future. Because despite the fact that his life wasn't perfect and there were things that he would definitely change if he could, he also knew that things could have ended much worse for him.<\p>
Somewhat hesitantly, he stepped towards his younger self and awkwardly placed a hand on his shoulder. "Everything will be okay Simon."<\p>
Seeing Double
Penny suddenly stood up, shooting the two Simons one last glance before walking in the direction of her room. “I’m going to go look more into the spell before I try to do anything. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Simon watched her leave before returning his gaze to Snow, shrugging sheepishly. Maybe that hadn’t been the best thing to say but he had been growing desperate to give his younger self some sort of good news. It did seem like he was starting to calm down now though, thankfully. He nodded his head in agreement. The boy’s home was one thing that he was thankful to be able to try to forget and move in from. “I’m not saying it’s perfect. But we did get a better ending than I thought we would.”
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"I dunno. I guess it's just something I like to try to ignore while i'm here." Because the less he thought about it, the more he didn't have to dread the idea of going back to it over the summer. Watford had become a real home for him so it eventually became easy to momentary pretend that his life at the home didn't exist. But in hindsight, he knew that provably wasn't healthy. He shouldn't keep so many things bottled up. At the very least, he should be able to talk to his boyfriend about it, especially when Baz had already shared things about himself.<\p>
A smile crossed his lips when Baz wrapped an arm around him, both because of the affection and because it was a sign that Baz wasn't angry with him anymore. "It's okay. I'm sorry for pushing you." He was relieved that their relationship had evolved from not being able to settle arguments easily. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to figure out how to begin, and to calm himself (which was helped by the fact that Baz had called him Simon instead of Snow). He reopened his eyes before he began to speak. "I guess I could start at the beginning. Um...well, for starters, I have no idea who my birth parents were. I lived at the home for as long as I can remember. And the name 'Snow' isn't really unique enough for me to try to search for them. And, there's also a chance that it might not have even been my real name. It was just the name that I was left with."<\p>
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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Simon breathed out a sigh of relief at Baz's nod, taking it as meaning that he was accepting his apology. He really hadn't wanted this to escalate into even more of a fight than it already was. "No, you're not." he replied in admittance. Especially since he had been the one to try to get Baz to open up about his mother. "I guess I just...I've spent most of my time here trying to keep my life at the homes a secret. It's hard to stop being protective over it. But...I'll try to talk about it with you more." For both of their sake. Baz was his boyfriend now, he should know more about his past. And if Simon was being honest, there were some things that he would feel better about if he just let it out to someone.<\p>
After Baz had leaned his head against his shoulder, Simon welcomed it by letting go of his boyfriend's hand to wrap his arm around him in an embrace instead, a sense of peace washing over him. It was strange how...normal things like this had become to him. Holding Baz and being held by him. And how happy it made Simon. He was also pretty sure that he loved Baz. But he wasn't going to say so out loud until the time was fitting. He smiled softly. "Alright, sounds like a deal. Um...I could start. You've already told me so much about your family...and your mum."<\p>
"Don't lie to me."
Angst Starter Masterlist
“I’m not lying to you,” was Baz’s automatic response. He couldn’t tell Snow the truth, even if they were dating now. He couldn’t tell anyone that he was a vampire. Besides, Snow would just tell everyone, dating or not. “What makes you think that I’m a vampire anyway? Where did you get that idea in your head? I’m not one, alright. So stop telling me that I am.” He didn’t have to put up with this and he didn’t have to tell the truth. It was his one unspoken rule, don’t tell anyone. If he told Snow, he would just be scared of him anyway. His family was, they didn’t admit what he was out loud either, so why should he? Everyone was better off not knowing.
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