chuusanity

[chuusanity]

writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months

[chuusanity]

"Astra's tools can never fall in love"

Twitter

[chuusanity]

Complicated and Beautiful

Another SKK short drabble i wrote that is inspired by the song "Forth of July" by Sufjan Stevens.

Dazai could feel the grass tickling the back of his neck as the bitter cold of the summer night bite at his exposed skin. Laying in the grass for a moment of peace. The quiet city noises were calming after a day of high adrenaline and violent sights. 

Eyes closed, the darkness was overwhelming. He never had liked the darkness, it left his mind to wander to dangerous places. The nights were the worst, alone in bed he had no way to escape from those dangerous thoughts. Plagued by the most inconceivable thoughts that his tainted mind could conjure. 

That is why he refused to close his eyes, and instead looked up at his partner who sat at his side. The softest breeze rustled the loose strands of ginger hair while his eyes gazed upon the city. Chuuya had hugged his knees to his chest while his breathing was rhythmic, calming Dazai as he matched their breathing patterns. 

“Why us?” 

Chuuya nearly missed it, it was the softest whisper and the wind nearly stole those words.

“What do you mean, ‘Why us?”

“Why do we have to be such monsters?”

“What exactly makes you think you're a monster?”

“I am not Human, Chuuya. I don't feel empathy, or remorse, or any emotion that a normal human should feel-” Dazai sat up, he was now able to look into Chuuya’s eyes. The lights of the city reflected in them perfectly. He couldn't look away. 

“Yes you do” Chuuya leaned over, gently cupping dazai’s cheek with his gloved hand. “You feel just as much as anyone else, you just don't understand your own feelings but they are there” 

“No… They’re not-”

“Yes. They are.” 

Chuuya’s voice was firm. Bringing Dazai closer, he rested Dazai’s head on his chest. “You feel anger whenever you see someone you love hurt, you feel sadness whenever you think you caused something, you feel happiness in moments like this. Your emotions are as beautiful as they are complicated” 

Complicated and Beautiful. 

“Don't think for a moment that your faults make you any less Human” and with that, Chuuya gives a soft kiss upon the top of Dazai's head as Dazai listens to the strong and steady heartbeat of his partner.

Also can be found on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54285736

[chuusanity]

Ashes left Behind

A small drabble based on Dazai leaving the PM

The flames erupted before him, engulfing the car that held so many memories. He knew that at some point, in the near future, he would stand here in this exact spot. Those same memories resurfacing, along with the complicated emotions that accompanied those exact memories. The arguments, the jokes, the late night conversations on the way home from jobs that left them without sleep for days on end, and even the confessions. 

Anger. 

That would be the initial emotion.  Chuuya always felt emotions so strongly and they were so beautiful but this time Dazai would not be there to witness it. 

Dazai never would admit it, but he sometimes envied Chuuya for the ability to feel so strongly. Emotions could easily be argued to be both a blessing and a curse, with each side only seeing the blessings that the opposite side was able to secure. It was a quality that once again made them opposites. Another thing that they both understood about the other but also allowed for another subject of tension between them. 

Chuuya would quickly piece everything together. It wouldn't take long and he wished he could tell Chuuya that he was sorry. He was so sorry for what he was about to put him through. 

He knew the Mafia wouldn't take his actions lightly, and there would be consequences as a result even if he himself wasn't there to receive the brunt of it. 

Dazai had wished so desperately that he could have given some sort of explanation to him. He had spent the last week contemplating Ango’s advice on leaving no evidence of the intent to defect. It seemed cruel to leave behind the only person he could trust. 

The only person he could love.

In the end, it was probably for the best. If Chuuya was angry enough, he wouldn't bother looking for him. It hurt to know that Chuuya would truly hate him after this. 

Anger.

Disbelief. 

Pain. 

Betrayal. 

Resentment

A loss of security. 

Dazai would no longer be there to save him. Corruption could easily engulf and steal Chuuya away from him, forever this time. He wouldn't be there to save him, to watch and be mesmerized by the incredible power that he holds within him before relieving him of such a burden. 

“Im so sorry” 

Dazai walked away. The flame roaring behind him, his back slowly getting colder the further he got. 

The warmth left him cold. 

Alone.