cigarettesafterkenma

[cigarettesafterkenma]

"do you really love me?" - kenma x reader pt. 1

kenma is new to relationships

// swearing, barely proofread

kenma was caught off guard by the sudden question. the two of you were doing your own things inside of the gamers bedroom. it was a school night — more specifically 2 am — you two had a long day at school, with kenma having after school volleyball practice and having your part-time job. night time was the only time you two got to spend alone together, without needing to be in school.

tiredness was visible on both of you guys. however, being the two stubborn kids you guys are, you guys stayed up. kenma sat on the floor, leaning against the bed to catch up on his games while you laid down on his bed just watching the screen play.

you weren't the brightest person, especially when tired. with school and work, everything just built up. all the stress you hadn't noticed had made your relationship with kenma slowly break more and more.

today might have been the breaking point of how much you were able to hold in.

you wanted to spend time with kenma. you two had barely spent time together like how normal couples do.

you wanted to spend time with him.

not beside him.

"kenmaaaaaaaa" you groaned out. tossing and turning on his bed.

he didn't reply. the only thing heard from him was the tapping of his controller.

you frowned. "kenmaaa" you said a lot quieter. your chest twisted and you felt your vision blur.

again.

no reply.

this went on for a few minutes. witih you trying to get kenma's attention and him just not noticing you.

you couldn't handle it anymore. why couldn't kenma just act like a boyfriend? yeah this is his first relationship, but at least try. at least acknowledge your girlfriend. especially if she's in your house.

feeling too occupied with your thoughts rushing and your mind replaying all the times kenma didn't treat you like his girlfriend, you hadn't realized the tears streaming down your face. glaring at the stupid screen that gets more attention from your boyfriend than you — his girlfriend.

"kenma" you said a bit louder this time.

"hm?" he finally responded. still glued to his game and fingers still tapping away.

"do you even love me?"

"what..?" kenma finally paused his game. while still holidng onto his controller, he turned around to face you.

his eyes widened as he finally noticed you crying. he saw the way you were sunk into his sheets. your hair a mess, the bags under your eyes getting worse and worse along with the tears making them shine.

"w-whats... wrong?" he questioned, his eyebrows pulled together in concern.

"do you love me...? or do you love your game more..?" your voice cracked. all the stress and lack of sleep has caught up. you couldn't hold it in anymore. all you wanted was your boyfried to come in bed with you. give you attention. anything. just anything to comfort you from all the work you had been doing. but kenma couldn't give you any of those things.

"of-"

"stop lying!", you interrupted kenma. causing him to jump from teh sudden outburst.

"all you ever do is focus on your stupid games. even when we walk to school, you couldn't even hold my hands. during lunch, you barely talk to me besides your half-assed one-word replies. its always your psp or phone. its always your games. even now. im tired. i had work right after school. i barely have days to myself. i barely have days alone with you. and when i do have time with you. you would rather spend it fucking playing"

you stopped ranting. you choked on your tears and had trouble catching your breath. your body felt numb. your vision became more narrow and narrow as darkness started making it feel like you were being caved in. you couldn't keep still. your body kept twitching and shaking and your hands insticntly gripping your hair. just wanting to rip it off. just wanting to claw your scalp out. it was too much.

kenma panicked seeing you like this. he froze. what was he supposed to do? he caused this and yet he couldn't fix it.

kenma's lack of response only made it worse. you just wanted him to hug you. you wanted him to just do or say something.

it isn't hard to just comfort your girlfriend

"why... why can't you just act like a boyfriend?" you asked, hitting a nerve on the worried boy.

"you can't hold my hand... you can't have proper conversations with me... you couldn't even introduce me as your girlfriend to your friends..." all your frustrations kept flooding out. while kenma just stood there. silent as always.

"do you really love me? am i even your girlfriend or am i just here for company?"

[cigarettesafterkenma]

"i like you" pt. 1.5 - kozume kenma x reader

"who knew you were such a heartbreaker"

kenma's realization

kenma — along with his childhood friend, kuroo — was currently on the train heading home. even though he was glued to his psp, he couldn't concentrate on his game one bit. sometimes he would even space out while looking at his phone, causing him to die over and over.

realizing how unusually quiet the train ride was — due to kenma not repeatedly tapping at his screen — kuroo turned to see the zoned out boy beside him. wanting to break the weird silence, he decided to lighten up the mood.

"who knew you were such a heartbreaker" the ravenette teased, glancing at the half-blonde boy who now paused his game

kenma looked at him and frowned, "i don't get it... why was she crying?"

kuroo sighs at his friends obliviousness. he realized kenma really didn't understand this sort of love thing. his gaze softened as he explained gently.

"kenma... she confessed to you like a gazillion times and you ignored every single one of them" kuroo exaggerated. kenma on the other hand still seemed a bit confused, causing kuroo to internally face palm — something that kenma usually did to him.

"but i didn't ignore her this time..." kenma replied back, a bit frustrated as he thought finally replying would have the opposite outcome. the scene of you crying replayed in his head, causing him to slowly sink in guilt. he blanked out again, becoming too occupied with his thoughts.

'did i make it seem like i was annoyed at her for confessing..? i didn't really mind... i just didn't know what to say or how to feel'

kenma uncounciously lowered his phone from his face. he couldn't get you out of his head because of what happened earlier. all he asked you was why you kept telling him you liked him. his mind rushed with thoughts.

'i don't stand out'

'i don't do anything special'

'i don't talk to others'

'why does she like me and why is she so persistent about having me respond to her feelings?' kenma asked himself. the more he thought about you, the more your face popped up in his mind — the way your messy hair and skirt flowed with the wind, the warm sunset glare, or how you still maintained eye contact with him despite how much your body shook. the more he thought back to all of your past confessions, the more he realized how much you cared about him.

"ehhhh?" kuroo grinned as he noticed kenma's ears turn pink. wanting to help his friend repair the damage he caused on a sweet underclassman — and potential partner — he spoked,

"kenma...", his tone became gentle as his grin changed to a soft smile. "you've got a girl crying over you and telling you her feelings multiple times... she must really like you. so why not talk to her tomorrow and i don't know... fix things". kuroo suggested while giving kenma a pat on the back.

kenma sighed, the grip on his phone became tighter and tighter. his chest felt like it was caving in — was it guilt? frustration? fear? or was it something warm? something he was all to unfamiliar with — he wanted to patch things up but just didn't have the courage or words to do so.

however — he knew he had to take something.

with that, he looked at kuroo and nodded.

"okay..."

—————————————————————

a/n: life is not feeling fun right now. so expect more delays im sorry :(

[cigarettesafterkenma]

fanfic delay :(

heyyyyy !! part 2 of "i like you" might be posted on the 23rd or 24th not sure. i don't really know how i want it to go to be honest haha.

i also want to maybe make a schedule for when i post. i think once i have a list of ideas of what i want to do, then i might plan out when each would be posted :>

im honestly surprised y'all actually liked my stuff // // it makes me happy ><

[cigarettesafterkenma]

"i like you" pt. 1 - kozume kenma x reader

"why do you keep telling me that?"

kenma ignores all of readers confessions until he finally spoke up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the evening wind gently brushed against the two students' skins, their hair blowing along with its directions. they stood there silently in front of the school gates, the street lights slowly turning on as the sun set.

kenma had just finished volleyball practice and was heading home along with his team. it wasn't until a familiar girl had waited for him that the team gave them some alone time, choosing to wait by a nearby bike rack.

the team didn't exactly know who the girl was. they did however see her face a few times before when she would wait for their introverted setter. because of how often she had waited and asked for kenma, the team had thought their pudding head has made a new friend by himself — or even a girlfriend. but sadly, that was not the case.

according to kenma, she was just a classmate of his. and being the way kenma is, he vaguely explained that she liked him.

and each time she waited for him, she would keep telling him that.

this shocked the rest of the volleyball team. their quiet setter somehow managed to get a girls attention — and love — without any of their help. despite finally getting the chance to pursue a relationship, kenma dropped a bomb by saying he didn't return her feelings. in fact, he didn't really tell her how he felt. he lowered his head in shame, admitting that he just walked away from each of her confessions. not saying a single word.

the team's eyebrows pulled together in concern. sure kenma wasn't the type to be open about his feelings or even jump into a relationship when he couldn't even build connections with others outside of the team. they felt a bit bad for the girl. they knew kenma meant no harm, but having your confessions — a moment where you're vulnerable with your feelings — ignored multiple times just sounded draining.

so when they saw the same familiar girl who waited hours for them to finish, ask for kenma again, they all agreed and headed to the nearby bike rack to allow them to talk alone — knowing what they were going to talk about.

"k-kozume kun..." the girl spoke softly. no matter how many times she told him, she still felt too shy to say it.

kenma on the other hand already knew what she had to say. although he didn't hate the girl, he didn't really like her either. his feelings were mutual. he was flattered a girl actually took interest in him and he didn't mind trying to get to know the girl a bit — but a huge part of him was nervous. he rarely talked to girls in general, so what is he supposed to do? jump into a relationship with a girl he didn't even know? sure her already liking him would probably make things easier, but kenma wouldn't even know what to do. he would feel too uncomfortable initiating anything and opening up.

so — not wanting to give up the chance to know a potential partner, but also having anxiety eat at him and prevent him from voicing out how he really felt — kenma just ignored the situation entirely. hoping it would somehow sort itself.

he looked up, observing the girl that stood in front of him. the girl was currently fidgeting with the bottom hem of her uniform, her hands were shaking. his eyes widened as he realized that she had been waiting in the cold for hours just so that she could speak to him. he didn't understand why she was so persistent with him.

finally being able to get her words out, the girl continued "k-kozume kun" she looked up. despite her eyes watering, her throat feeling dry, and her body trembling, she confessed again.

"i like you... and i-i just w-want to keep l-l-letting you k-know that..." she looked down, being vulnerable in front of the boy she liked yet again. after all her past confessions, she assumed that kenma would just walk away and ignore her feelings once more. it has gotten to the point where it doesn't really hurt her anymore. she could just confess again another day in hope he'd give her a proper answer.

but today.

today was different.

feeling sick of the the constant thoughts in his head after each and every one of her confessions, kenma finally spoke up.

"why... do you keep telling me that?" he asked.

his cat eyes felt like they were shooting daggers at her. she didn't expect him to finally respond her feelings — especially not with such a cold question.

"i-i-..." she stuttered. she couldn't get any words out and started shaking. her chest ached and without realizing it, tears streamed down her face. her vision blurred and without a word, she looked down in shame and speed-walked away.

the team noticed the crying girl quickly pass them. they looked over to kenma who just stood there at the gate.

confused.

'wait what?' he thought to himself.

[cigarettesafterkenma]

ᓚ₍⑅^..^₎♡ Greetings - Kozume Kenma x reader pt. 2

its been a few days since Kenma has heard your soft 'good mornings' and 'goodlucks'.

he hates to admit it. but...

he misses it.

a lot.

and he still hasn't figured out why.

every day after morning practice, he unconsciously speed walks to class — even leaving his ravenette friend behind — in hopes you'll greet him this time.

however, today was different. he had arrived before you.

he frowned. 'were you not coming to class today?', he thought to himself as he set his things down and took a seat.

he felt distracted. he wasn't sure why you occupied his thoughts so much. how did the end of your small greetings leave him feeling this empty? poor little pudding head couldn't even bring himself to concentrate on his games — something he never had a problem with before.

until now.

as his fingers tapped away, he heard the sound of the classroom door being dragged open. feeling curious, he glanced up from his game and froze.

his fingers hovered over the 'you died' screen.

his golden, cat-like eyes met yours.

you hadn't made proper eye contact with kenma before. when you would used to greet him, he was always focused on something else like his phone, psp, or he would just look to the side to avoid you.

but this time, both of you were locked into each others gaze.

kenma couldn't handle the sudden eye contact. he quickly looked down back on his phone. playing it off as a regular glance, he internally shook with slight excitement as you showed up today. 'why do i care?' kenma thought, refusing to accept the fact that he is actually relieved that you showed up.

you on the other hand had felt all the feelings and admiration you had for him come rushing back. the way his soft hair nicely shaped his face. the way his golden eyes glimmered from the sun out the window, it was like you just saw an angel who have restored your hope again. hope that maybe he does know you exist.

you slowly made your way to your desk, hands shaking as you suddenly felt shy being the one walking towards kenma's direction. you couldn't help but overthink. were you're walking weird? did you smell? did you just look weird up close? keeping your head down, you started to gather up your courage and speak.

but before you could even mutter a noise out, you were interrupted.

"morning..." a voice you rarely ever get to hear spoke.

your eyes widened as you slowly looked up to see the source of that voice. the shy pudding boy who was once busy on his phone was now looking at you. it was obvious that he was uncomfortable and wanted to look away. but, despite that, he kept his eyes on yours. you couldn't help but notice the slight tint of pink on his ears and the fidgeting of his fingers.

it was adorable.

a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips.

"good morning kozume-kun", you said. more confidently this time.

[cigarettesafterkenma]

𐙚 ˚ ⋆｡˚ Greetings - Kozume Kenma x reader pt. 1

You always wonder if it was stupid — saying 'good morning' to someone who never says it back. All Kenma did was pause and blink at you. But you continued to do it anyway.

Every morning, when you see the pudding-haired boy walk past you to his seat, a quiet 'good morning' slipped from your lips. And when the final bell rang afterschool, you'd offer him a soft 'goodluck' as he grabbed his belongings and met the waiting ravenette boy at the door.

This went on for a few weeks — which ended up with him not responding to each and every one of them. Sometimes he'd just pause a little longer. Sometimes he would glance at you, his gaze silently asking, 'why do you keep trying?'.

You weren't sure why. But you kept doing it anyway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a new morning and you sat quietly in your seat.

The classroom door slid open, catching your attention as you saw the pretty pudding boy walk past you to his seat. Everything felt the same — his quiet footsteps, the rustling of his gym and school bag — until the boy finally reached his seat.

Kenma reached his seat.

Silently.

His eyebrows pulled together, a slight frown made its way to his face as he realized something was missing.

You didn't say 'good morning'.

He wasn't sure why but... it felt strange. And he didn't like it

Maybe you were tired. Maybe even stressed out, distracted, or just completely gave up on him because why would someone even bother to greet another if all they did was ignore them? Kenma couldn't help but silently think about reasons as to why you didn't greet him.

He hadn't realized how much he started to look forward to hearing the softness of your voice every morning.

The voice of someone who even cared enough to notice him.